The Heiress Part 5

_Sir C._ Upon my word an interesting story, and told with pathetic effect.--Emily, you look grave, child.

_Lady E._ [_Aside._] I shall not own it however. [_To him._] For once, my dear uncle, you want your spectacles. My thoughts are on a diverting subject--My first visit to Miss Alscrip; to take a near view of that collection of charms destined to my happy brother.

_Sir C._ You need not go out of the room for that purpose. The schedule of an heiress's fortune is a compendium of her merits, and the true security for marriage happiness.

_Lady E._ I am sure I guess at your system--That union must be most wise, which has wealth to support it, and no affections to disturb it.

_Sir C._ Right.

_Lady E._ That makes a divorce the first promise of wedlock; and widowhood the best blessing of life; that separates the interest of husband, wife, and child----

_Sir C._ To establish the independent comfort of all----

_Lady E._ Upon the broad basis of family hatred. Excellent, my dear uncle, excellent indeed; and upon that principle, though the lady is likely to be your niece, and my sister, I am sure you will have no objection to my laughing at her a little.

_Sir C._ You'll be puzzled to make her more ridiculous than I think her. What is your plan?

_Lady E._ Why, though her pride is to be thought a leader in fashions, she is sometimes a servile copyist. Blandish tells me I am her princ.i.p.al model; and what is most provoking, she is intent upon catching my manner as well as my dress, which she exaggerates to an excess that vexes me. Now if she will take me in shade, I'll give her a new outline, I am resolved; and if I do not make her a caricature for a printshop----

_Cliff._ Will all this be strictly consistent with your goodnature, Lady Emily?

_Lady E._ No, nor I don't know when I shall do any thing consistent with it again, except leaving you two critics to a better subject than your humble servant.

[_Courtesies, and exit with a lively air._

_Sir C._ Well, Clifford! What do you think of her?

_Cliff._ That when she professes ill-temper, she is a very awkward counterfeit.

_Sir C._ But her beauty, her wit, her improvement since you went abroad? I expected from a man of your age and taste, something more than a cold compliment upon her temper. Could not you, compatibly with the immaculate sincerity you profess, venture as far as admiration?

_Cliff._ I admire her, sir, as I do a bright star in the firmament, and consider the distance of both as equally immeasurable.

_Sir C._ [_Aside._] Specious rogue! [_To him._] Well, leave Emily then to be winked at through telescopes; and now to a matter of nearer observation----What is Gayville doing?

_Cliff._ Every thing you desire, sir, I trust; but you know I have been at home only three days, and have hardly seen him since I came.

_Sir C._ Nor I neither; but I find he has profited wonderfully by foreign experience. After rambling half the world over without harm, he is caught, like a travelled woodc.o.c.k, at his landing.

_Cliff._ If you suspect Lord Gayville of indiscretion, why do you not put him candidly to the test? I'll be bound for his ingenuousness not to withold any confession you may require.

_Sir C._ You may be right, but he'll confess more to you in an hour, than to me in a month, for all that; come, Clifford, look as you ought to do at your interest--Sift him--Watch him--You cannot guess how much you will make me your friend, and how grateful I may be if you will discover----

_Cliff._ Sir, you mistake the footing upon which Lord Gayville and I live----I am often the partner of his thoughts, but never a spy upon his actions.

[_Bows and exit._

_Sir C._ [_Alone._] Well played Clifford! Good air and emphasis, and well suited to the trick of the scene.--He would do, if the practical part of deceit were as easy at his age, as discernment of it is at mine. Gayville and Emily, if they had not a vigilant guard, would be his sure prey; for they are examples of the generous affections coming to maturity with their stature; while suspicion, art, and interest are still dormant in the seed. I must employ Blandish in this business--A rascal of a different cast--Below Clifford in hypocrisy, but greatly above him in the scale of impudence. They shall both forward my ends, while they think they are pursuing their own. I shall ever be sure of a man's endeavours to serve me, while I hold out a lure to his knavery and interest.

[_Exit._

SCENE II.

_An Antichamber._

_Alscrip._ [_Without._] Dinner not ordered till seven o'clock--Bid the kitchen-maid get me some eggs and bacon. Plague, what with the time of dining and the French cookery, I am in the land of starvation, with half St. James's-Market upon my weekly bills.

_Enter [while speaking the last Sentence.]_

What a change have I made to please my unpleaseable daughter? Instead of my regular meal at Furnival's Inn, here am I transported to Berkeley-Square, to fast at Alscrip House, till my fine company come from their morning ride two hours after dark----Nay, it's worse, if I am carried among my great neighbours in Miss Alscrip's suite, as she calls it. My lady looks over me; my lord walks over me; and sets me in a little tottering cane chair, at the cold corner of the table--Though I have a mortgage upon the house and furniture, and arrears due of the whole interest. It's a pleasure though to be well dressed. My daughter maintains all fashions are founded in sense----Icod the tightness of my wig, and the stiffness of my cape, give me the sense of the pillory--Plaguy scanty about the hips too--And the breast something of a merrythought reversed--But there is some sense in that, for if one s.e.x pares away in proportion where the other swells, we shall take up no more room in the world than we did before.

_Enter a SERVANT._

_Serv._ Sir, Miss Alscrip wishes to see you.

_Alscrip._ Who is with her?

_Serv._ Only Mrs. Blandish, sir.

_Alscrip._ She must content herself with that company, till I have had my whet----Order up the eggs and bacon.

[_Exit._

SCENE III.

_MISS ALSCRIP discovered at her Toilet. CHIGNON, [her Valet de Chambre,] dressing her Head. MRS. BLANDISH sitting by, and holding a Box of Diamond Pins._

_Miss Als._ And so, Blandish, you really think that the introduction of Otahaite feathers in my tr.i.m.m.i.n.g succeeded?

_Mrs. Blandish._ Oh, with the mixture of those charming Italian flowers, and the knots of pearl that gathered up the festoons, never any thing had so happy an effect----It put the whole ball-room out of humour. Monsieur Chignon, that pin a little more to the front.

_Miss Als._ And what did they say?

_Mrs. Blandish._ You know it is the first solicitude of my life to see the friend of my heart treated with justice. So when you stood up to dance, I got into the thick of the circle----Monsieur, don't you think this large diamond would be well placed just in the middle?

_Chignon._ Eh! non, madame; ce ne releve pas----Dat give no relief to de weight of de curl----Full in de front un gros bouton, von great n.o.b of diamond! pardie ce seroit un accommodage a la Polypheme; de big eye of de geant in de centre of de forehead.

_Miss Als._ Chignon is right in point of taste, though not quite so happy in his allusions as he is sometimes.

_Chignon._ Ah! Madame, you have done von grande injure to my contree: You go for von monthe, and bring avay all de good taste----At Paris----all von side----de diamond--de cap--de glance--de bon mot meme--All von side, nothing direct a Paris.

_Miss Als._ [_Smiling at CHIGNON, and then turning to MRS. BLANDISH._]

Well!----And so----

_Mrs. Blandish._ So it was all admiration! Elegant, says Lady Spite--it may do very well for Miss Alscrip, who never looks at expense. The dress of a bridal princess! cries Mrs. Scanty, and for one night's wear too!