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"I am not old enough--or young enough--to be enamoured of Mrs.
Gareth-Lawless' little daughter," he said. "YOU need not be told that. But you have heard that there are those who amuse themselves by choosing to believe that I am."
"A few light and not too clean-minded fools," she admitted without flinching.
"No man can do worse for himself than to explain and deny," he responded with a smile at once hard and fine. "Let them continue to believe it."
CHAPTER XX
Sixteen pa.s.sed by with many other things much more disturbing and important to the world than a girl's birthday; seventeen was gone, with pa.s.sing events more complicated still and increasingly significant, but even the owners of the hands hovering over the Chessboard, which was the Map of Europe, did not keep a watch on all of them as close as might have been kept with advantage. Girls in their teens are seldom interested in political and diplomatic conditions, and Robin was not fond of newspapers. She worked well and steadily under Mademoiselle's guidance, and her governess realized that she was not losing sight of her plans for self support. She was made aware of this by an occasional word or so, and also by a certain telepathic union between them. Little as she cared for the papers, the child had a habit of closely examining the advertis.e.m.e.nts every day. She read faithfully the columns devoted to those who "Want" employment or are "Wanted" by employers.
"I look at all the paragraphs which begin 'Wanted, a young lady'
or a 'young woman' or a 'young person,' and those which say that 'A young person' or 'a young woman' or 'a young lady' desires a position. I want to find out what is oftenest needed."
She had ceased to be disturbed by the eyes which followed her, or opened a little as she pa.s.sed. She knew that nothing had come undone or was crooked and that untidiness had nothing to do with the matter. She accepted being looked at as a part of everyday life. A certain friendliness and pleasure in most of the glances she liked and was glad of. Sometimes men of the flushed, middle-aged or elderly type displeased her by a sort of boldness of manner and gaze, bet she thought that they were only silly, giddy, old things who ought to go home to their families and stay with them.
Mademoiselle or Dowie was nearly always with her, but, as she was not a French jemme fille, this was not because it was supposed that she could not be trusted out alone, but because she enjoyed their affectionate companionship.
There was one man, however, whom she greatly disliked, as young girls will occasionally dislike a member of the opposite s.e.x for no special reason they can wholly explain to themselves.
He was an occasional visitor of her mother's--a personable young Prussian officer of high rank and t.i.tle. He was blonde and military and good-looking; he brought his bearing and manner from the Court at Berlin, and the click of his heels as he brought them smartly together, when he made his perfect automatic bow, was one of the things Robin knew she was reasonless in feeling she detested in him.
"It makes me feel as if he was not merely bowing as a a man who is a gentleman does," she confided to Mademoiselle Valle, "but as if he had been taught to do it and to call attention to it as if no one had ever known how to do it properly before. It is so flourishing in its stiff way that it's rather vulgar."
"That is only personal fancy on your part," commented Mademoiselle.
"I know it is," admitted Robin. "But--" uneasily, "--but that isn't what I dislike in him most. It's his eyes, I suppose they are handsome eyes. They are blue and full--rather too full. They have a queer, swift stare--as if they plunged into other people's eyes and tried to hold them and say something secret, all in one second. You find yourself getting red and trying to look away."
"I don't," said Mademoiselle astutely--because she wanted to hear the rest, without asking too many questions.
Robin laughed just a little.
"You have not seen him do it. I have not seen him do it myself very often. He comes to call on--Mamma"--she never said "Mother"--"when he is in London. He has been coming for two or three seasons. The first time I saw him I was going out with Dowie and he was just going upstairs. Because the hall is so small, we almost knocked against each other, and he jumped back and made his bow, and he stared so that I felt silly and half frightened. I was only fifteen then."
"And since then?" Mademoiselle Valle inquired.
"When he is here it seems as if I always meet him somewhere. Twice, when Fraulein Hirsch was with me in the Square Gardens, he came and spoke to us. I think he must know her. He was very grand and condescendingly polite to her, as if he did not forget she was only a German teacher and I was only a little girl whose mamma he knew. But he kept looking at me until I began to hate him."
"You must not dislike people without reason. You dislike Lord Coombe."
"They both make me creep. Lord Coombe doesn't plunge his eyes into mine, but he makes me creep with his fishy coldness. I feel as if he were like Satan in his still way."
"That is childish prejudice and nonsense."
"Perhaps the other is, too," said Robin. "But they both make me creep, nevertheless. I would rather DIE than be obliged to let one of them touch me. That was why I would never shake hands with Lord Coombe when I was a little child."
"You think Fraulein Hirsch knows the Baron?" Mademoiselle inquired further.
"I am sure she does. Several times, when she has gone out to walk with me, we have met him. Sometimes he only pa.s.ses us and salutes, but sometimes he stops and says a few words in a stiff, magnificent way. But he always bores his eyes into mine, as if he were finding out things about me which I don't know myself. He has pa.s.sed several times when you have been with me, but you may not remember."
Mademoiselle Valle chanced, however, to recall having observed the salute of a somewhat haughty, masculine person, whose military bearing in itself was sufficient to attract attention, so markedly did it suggest the clanking of spurs and accoutrements, and the high lift of a breast bearing orders.
"He is Count von Hillern, and I wish he would stay in Germany,"
said Robin.
Fraulein Hirsch had not been one of those who returned hastily to her own country, giving no warning of her intention to her employers.
She had remained in London and given her lessons faithfully. She was a plain young woman with a large nose and pimpled, colourless face and shy eyes and manner. Robin had felt sure that she stood in awe of the rank and military grandeur of her fellow countryman.
She looked shyer than ever when he condescended to halt and address her and her charge--so shy, indeed, that her glances seemed furtive.
Robin guessed that she admired him but was too humble to be at ease when he was near her. More than once she had started and turned red and pale when she saw him approaching, which had caused Robin to wonder if she herself would feel as timid and overpowered by her superiors, if she became a governess. Clearly, a man like Count von Hillern would then be counted among her superiors, and she must conduct herself becomingly, even if it led to her looking almost stealthy. She had, on several occasions, asked Fraulein certain questions about governesses. She had inquired as to the age at which one could apply for a place as instructress to children or young girls. Fraulein Hirsch had begun her career in Germany at the age of eighteen. She had lived a serious life, full of responsibilities at home as one of a large family, and she had perhaps been rather mature for her age. In England young women who wished for situations answered advertis.e.m.e.nts and went to see the people who had inserted them in the newspapers, she explained.
Sometimes, the results were very satisfactory. Fraulein Hirsch was very amiable in her readiness to supply information. Robin did not tell her of her intention to find work of some sort--probably governessing--but the young German woman was possessed of a mind "made in Germany" and was quite well aware of innumerable things her charge did not suspect her of knowing. One of the things she knew best was that the girl was a child. She was not a child herself, and she was an abjectly bitter and wretched creature who had no reason for hope. She lived in small lodgings in a street off Abbey Road, and, in a drawer in her dressing table, she kept hidden a photograph of a Prussian officer with cropped blond head, and handsome prominent blue eyes, arrogantly gazing from beneath heavy lids which drooped. He was of the type the German woman, young and slim, or mature and stout, privately worships as a G.o.d whose relation to any woman can only be that of a modern Jove stooping to command service. In his teens he had become accustomed to the female eye which lifts itself adoringly or casts the furtively excited glance of admiration or appeal. It was the way of mere nature that it should be so--the wise provision of a masculine G.o.d, whose world was created for the supply and pleasure of males, especially males of the Prussian Army, whose fixed intention it was to dominate the world and teach it obedience.
To such a man, so thoroughly well trained in the comprehension of the power of his own rank and values, a young woman such as Fraulein Hirsch--subservient and without beauty--was an unconsidered object to be as little regarded as the pavement upon which one walks. The pavement had its uses, and such women had theirs. They could, at least, obey the orders of those Heaven had placed above them, and, if they showed docility and intelligence, might be re warded by a certain degree of approval.
A presumption, which would have dared to acknowledge to the existence of the hidden photograph, could not have been encompa.s.sed by the being of Fraulein Hirsch. She was, in truth, secretly enslaved by a burning, secret, heart-wringing pa.s.sion which, sometimes, as she lay on her hard bed at night, forced from her thin chest hopeless sobs which she smothered under the bedclothes.
Figuratively, she would have licked the boots of her conquering G.o.d, if he would have looked at her--just looked-as if she were human. But such a thing could not have occurred to him. He did not even think of her as she thought of herself, torturingly--as not young, not in any degree good-looking, not geboren, not even female. He did not think of her at all, except as one of those born to serve in such manner as their superiors commanded. She was in England under orders, because she was un.o.btrusive looking enough to be a safe person to carry on the work she had been given to do. She was cleverer than she looked and could accomplish certain things without attracting any attention whatsoever.
Von Hillern had given her instructions now and then, which had made it necessary for him to see and talk to her in various places.
The fact that she had before her the remote chance of seeing him by some chance, gave her an object in life. It was enough to be allowed to stand or sit for a short time near enough to have been able to touch his sleeve, if she had had the mad audacity to do it; to quail before his magnificent glance, to hear his voice, to ALMOST touch his strong, white hand when she gave him papers, to see that he deigned, sometimes, to approve of what she had done, to a.s.sure him of her continued obedience, with servile politeness.
She was not a nice woman, or a good one, and she had, from her birth, accepted her place in her world with such finality that her desires could not, at any time, have been of an elevated nature.
If he had raised a haughty hand and beckoned to her, she would have followed him like a dog under any conditions he chose to impose.
But he did not raise his hand, and never would, because she had no attractions whatsoever. And this she knew, so smothered her sobs in her bed at night or lay awake, fevered with antic.i.p.ation when there was a vague chance that he might need her for some reason and command her presence in some deserted park or country road or cheap hotel, where she could take rooms for the night as if she were a pa.s.sing visitor to London.
One night--she had taken cheap lodgings for a week in a side street, in obedience to orders--he came in about nine o'clock dressed in a manner whose object was to dull the effect of his grandeur and cause him to look as much like an ordinary Englishman as possible.
But, when the door was closed and he stood alone in the room with her, she saw, with the blissful pangs of an abjectly adoring woman, that he automatically resumed his magnificence of bearing.
His badly fitting overcoat removed, he stood erect and drawn to his full height, so dominating the small place and her idolatrously cringing being that her heart quaked within her. Oh! to dare to cast her unloveliness at his feet, if it were only to be trampled upon and die there! No small sense of humour existed in her brain to save her from her pathetic idiocy. Romantic humility and touching sacrifice to the worshipped one were the ideals she had read of in verse and song all her life. Only through such servitude and sacrifice could woman gain man's love--and even then only if she had beauty and the gifts worthy of her idol's acceptance.
It was really his unmitigated arrogance she worshipped and crawled upon her poor, large-jointed knees to adore. Her education, her very religion itself had taught that it was the sign of his n.o.bility and martial high breeding. Even the women of his own cla.s.s believed something of the same sort--the more romantic and sentimental of them rather enjoying being mastered by it. To Fraulein Hirsch's mental vision, he was a sublimated and more dazzling German Rochester, and she herself a more worthy, because more submissive, Jane Eyre. Ach Gott! His high-held, cropped head--his so beautiful white hands--his proud eyes which deigned to look at her from their drooping lids! His presence filled the shabby room with the atmosphere of a Palace.
He asked her a few questions; he required from her certain notes she had made; without wasting a word or glance he gave her in detail certain further orders.
He stood by the table, and it was, therefore, necessary that she should approach him--should even stand quite near that she might see clearly a sketch he made hastily--immediately afterwards tearing it into fragments and burning it with a match. She was obliged to stand so near him that her skirt brushed his trouser leg. His nearness, and a vague scent of cigar smoke, mingled with the suggestion of some masculine soap or essence, were so poignant in their effect that she trembled and water rose in her eyes. In fact--and despite her terrified effort to control it, a miserable tear fell on her cheek and stood there because she dared not wipe it away.
Because he realized, with annoyance, that she was trembling, he cast a cold, inquiring glance at her and saw the tear. Then he turned away and resumed his examination of her notes. He was not here to make inquiries as to whether a sheep of a woman was crying or had merely a cold in her head. "Ach!" grovelled poor Hirsch in her secret soul,--his patrician control of outward expression and his indifference to all small and paltry things! It was part, not only of his aristocratic breeding, but of the splendour of his military training.
It was his usual custom to leave her at once, when the necessary formula had been gone through. Tonight--she scarcely dared to believe it--he seemed to have some reason for slight delay. He did not sit down or ask Fraulein Hirsch to do so--but he did not at once leave the room. He lighted a quite marvellous cigar--deigning a slight wave of the admired hand which held it, designating that he asked permission. Oh! if she dared have darted to him with a match! He stood upon the hearth and asked a casual-sounding question or so regarding her employer, her household, her acquaintances, her habits.
The sole link between them was the asking of questions and the giving of private information, and, therefore, the matter of taste in such matters did not count as a factor. He might ask anything and she must answer. Perhaps it was necessary for her to seek some special knowledge among the guests Mrs. Gareth-Lawless received.
But training, having developed in her alertness of mind, led her presently to see that it was not Mrs. Gareth-Lawless he was chiefly interested in--but a member of her family--the very small family which consisted of herself and her daughter.