The Great Christmas Breakup Part 8

My only hope now for a reprieve now was Hammertro and his mates holding up Flindes and rendering Dan Phillit comatose a at least until Christmas was over.

Either that, or I would have to provide s.e.xual favors to the most disgusting human on the planet.

After Cecily 2, that was.

Dinner was late and burnt thanks to the malfunctioning stove. The kids knew better than to comment because I was in what J called *a Moody Blues' so they ate as much of the charred chicken thighs as they could stomach and hotfooted it to the living room to watch some serial about vampires.

*Shame, it would've been very tasty without the black bits,' Carson said, smiling.

Smiling!

He dared to grin inanely at me after treating us so badly.

My anger at the world at large consolidated itself into one huge ball of fury directed towards Carson.

*How dare you leave the kids alone?' I hissed, trying to keep the trauma between us.

Someone turned the sound up in the living room.

*What?'

*Last night.'

*Technically, you did that, Scarlet, not me. I had plans, you didn't. And you just ran out, like a child.'

*This is a marriage, Carson, not a dictatorship. We aren't p.a.w.ns obliged to do your bidding. You should check with me before you go out, especially if you expect me to do the same. Otherwise, the default position should be that when you come home from work, you look after the kids, because it's my turn for some freedom.'

A faint sign of moisture appeared on his forehead. *That's a ridiculous notion, and you know it. I have to work, Scarlet. Work! Remember, that thing that keeps the roof over our heads, and the food in our stomachs? Occasionally, my work spills over into home life. I can't control it.'

I was completely and utterly over my life, which was why I finally let him have it.

*You think you're a big man because you've got a job that means we're holed up in this pit, barely able to afford food? In fact, the only reason we can afford the food we do have is thanks to my staff discount at Flindes. Harvard b.l.o.o.d.y graduate indeed. If I could sue you for misrepresentation, I would.'

He looked me up and down, sky blue eyes blistering with disdain. *I think I would probably counterclaim.'

Was he actually alluding to my weight?

The b.a.s.t.a.r.d!

*Right, you can sleep on the sofa from now on,' I told him, trying to control the urge to thump him with the frying pan I was sc.r.a.ping charcoal from.

*Scarlet, come on, I didn't mean to upset you. You don't understanda*

*I understand perfectly, Carson. That's the problem.'

*What is it with you? You think you're so above me that I don't even have an opinion anymore? I know you a.s.sume my family is below you, but I didn't think you viewed me in the same way.'

I was trembling with rage. *Your family has treated me like garbage since I supposedly stole you away from them. How dare you imply otherwise?'

Dare, dare, dare. I kept saying it, but it had no impact. He dared, because he didn't care one jot for me.

Shaking his head as if he was incredulous at the turn of events, my darling husband predictably gathered up his various folders and tattered briefcase, and told me not to wait up for him.

*Oh, don't worry. I won't.'

A few moments later, Carson slammed the door as hard as he could.

It waited a minute or so, then fell out into the hall after him.

The toad didn't bother turning back to help me fix it.

Eyes full of tears, I wondered if Hammertro's uncle was available again.

Taking the broom I used as a primitive communication tool, I banged on the ceiling.

The gorgeous young man appeared moments later. *What sa emergency, s.e.xy momma?'

*You're standing on it.'

Frowning, Hammertro moved off the door and picked it up. The hinges and the wood they had been attached to remained on the floor. *You gotta to get a new door now, dudette. This can't be replaced.'

Great.

Terrific.

*How much is that going to cost, do you think?'

*Uncle Rabbit will do you a deal. Fifty should cover it.' Hammertro's eyes shifted seedily from side to side. *I'll call him now.'

I had to wonder whether the whole uncle-helping-gig was a scam. They'd probably had a free door from a skip that they wanted to sell on or something.

Less than two hours later, Uncle Rabbit and his nephew were hammering a new door into place in defiance of angry neighbors a it had gla.s.s panels and stickers of naked woman on the inside, but I figured fifty dollars was nevertheless a relative bargain, when the labor, such as it was, was factored in.

A pinch of the industrial strength spirits we used to clean down the meat counter at Flindes would remove the x-rated stickers in minutes.

Uncle Rabbit was one of those workers who came prepared. As ugly as his nephew was handsome, he was tiny and squat, and his toolbox contained a mix of foodstuffs, a battered paint-splattered radio, and a tin flask that I suspected did not contain tea or coffee.

Uncle Rabbit's sobriety aside, it was all going remarkably well, and then a large crashing at the communal entry door below stopped work.

*Not another ram-raid?' Hammertro looked upwards, a worried expression on his face.

What on earth did he have worth s.n.a.t.c.hing, I wondered.

The men held their tools aloft as the clunking footsteps made their way determinately up the stone steps towards us.

*Maybe it's the cops. Might have been a complaint about the noise we're making?' I said.

Hammertro told me to stay back, in case of blood sprays.

A shoot out. With the police. Brilliant way to end a s.h.i.tty day.

*Yeah, right,' I told him. *Wouldn't want to destroy this vintage, Taiwanese-made cotton singlet dress, would I?'

We held our breath as the sound of footsteps increased again.

Stump, stump, stump.

They were now on the corridor of our floor.

I began to feel more than a little uncomfortable, until I smelled the familiar smell of cigarettes mixed with fake perfume made from illegal carcinogens.

Surely not?

Hammertro's uncle put a hand to his nose. *They trying to gas us, son.'

*Believe me,' I said, *in a moment that will seem like a brilliant option.'

On cue, Cecily 2 appeared, preceded by a stream of curse words that left Hammertro enthralled.

*Here I f.u.c.kin' am,' she yelled, appearing on the landing, yanking down her micro mini.

Cecily 2.

A whole day and a half day early.

Uncle Rabbit dropped his hammer and broke his toe at the shock of it all.

And when Cecily 2 offered to kiss it better, he began clutching at his heart.

I offered to call an ambulance, and resisted the temptation to ask if he could manage to finish the door before it arrived.

CHAPTER FIVE.

Sunday, November 26 *The way to a man's heart is physical; to a woman's it is emotional.

Luckily, these two are eminently compatible.'

Jocelyn Priestly.

WAS THE WOMAN ON crack? Carson couldn't care less about the physical or the emotional. The last time we'd had s.e.x, I caught him reading some work stuff he'd discarded on the bed next to us.

Wasn't watching telly or staring at the ceiling a woman's prerogative?

Anyway, Carson's banishment to the sofa was short-lived thanks to the arrival of Cecily 2.

It was two a.m. when he came crashing through the door. In the end, J had helped me finish securing the apartment. Having worked out that longer screws might force the d.a.m.n thing into the doorframe and make it more stable, mother and son were proud of their joint achievement.

*What is she doing here?' Carson had whispered, seeing his sister snoring on the couch.

*Enjoying a few days before her work begins. That's how she put it.'

Technically, she'd said: *Got two days to mooch and enjoy doing nothin'. Howie and Rufus are enough to make a woman wanna get sterilized and go live in a gondolier.'

*Live in a gondolier?' I'd asked.

*Oops,' she'd corrected. *The other way around, I guess.'

Disgusting creature.

It didn't seem the time to reveal this to Carson, given that I wasn't talking to him.

*So where am I supposed to sleep now?'

*Carson, we've got bigger problems than you and your slumber status. For example, what am I supposed to feed her? Hammertro kindly took her out so I didn't need to worry tonight, but the relief is going to be short-lived.'

Unless a and it was almost too exquisite to hope for a Hammertro got Cecily 2 involved in his nocturnal activities and they both ended up in a police cell for a week or so.

*Well, what were you going to feed us?'

*Home brand cornflakes without milk because we'd run out, sandwiches and tinned soup and day old bread from the supermarket.'

*Oh.'

The matriarch of the Teesons, the original Cecily, would surely hear about it if her only daughter was fed on such substandard fare.

Never mind that she fed her own grandchildren sweets of undeterminable origin. What was good for Cecily wasn't what she expected of others. In other words, her standards were high, except in relation to herself.

*Maybe we can get takeaway? Or do a stir-fry? Get some icecream in and bake a pie.'

Who did he think he was conversing with, Nigella flippin' Lawson?

*With what? I had to use the grocery money to pay for the new door.'

Carson flinched. *You paid money for that? Next you'll be telling me the nudie stickers were an optional extra.'

The urge to go mental and tell him I was leaving was so tempting that I turned away to calm down. There was Jessie and J to think of.

*So we've got no food, I've got nowhere to sleep and Mom is going to pester me about our treatment of Cecily2?'

*You got it.'