The Gods Themselves Part 13

"Alone?"

"Yes, Hard-sir."

"How often?"

"Once."

Dua was annoyed. Poor Tritt was in such a panic over nothing. It was she herself who had done it and she was ready for a confrontation. "Leave him alone," she said. "I'm the one you want."

The Hard One turned slowly toward her. "For what?" he said.

"For whatever it is." And faced with it directly, she couldn't bring herself to describe what she had done after all. Not in front of Odeen; "Well, we'll get to you. First, the right. . . . Your name is Tritt, isn't it? Why did you go to the lower caverns alone?"

"To speak to Hard-One-Estwald, Hard-sir."

At which again Dua interrupted, eagerly, "Are you you Estwald?" Estwald?"

The Hard One said briefly, "No."

Odeen looked annoyed, as though it embarra.s.sed him that Dua didn't recognize the Hard One. Dua didn't care.

The Hard One said to Tritt, "What did you take from the lower caverns?"

Tritt was silent.

The Hard One said, without emotion, "We know you took something. We want to know if you know what it was. It could be very dangerous."

Tritt was still silent, and Losten interposed, saying more kindly, "Please tell us, Tritt. We know now it was you and we don't want to have to be harsh."

Tritt mumbled. "I took a food-ball."

"Ah." It was the first Hard One speaking. "What did you do with it?"

And Tritt burst out. "It was for Dua. She wouldn't eat It was for Dua."

Dua jumped and coalesced in astonishment.

The Hard One turned on her at once. "You did not know about it?"

"No!"

"Nor you?"- to Odeen.

Odeen, so motionless as to seem frozen, said, "No, Hard-sir."

For a moment the air was full of unpleasant vibration as the Hard Ones spoke to each other, ignoring the triad.

Whether her sessions at rock-rubbing had made her more sensitive, or whether it was her recent storm of emotions, Dua couldn't tell, and wouldn't have dreamed of trying to a.n.a.lyze; she simply knew she was catching whiffs --not of words-but of understanding- They had detected the loss some time ago. They had been searching quietly. They had turned to the Soft Ones as possible culprits with reluctance. They had investigated and then turned to Odeen's triad with even greater reluctance. (Why? Dua missed that.) They did not see how Odeen could have had the foolishness to take it, or Dua the inclination. They did not think of Tritt at all.

Then the Hard One who had so far not said a word to the Soft Ones recalled seeing Tritt in the Hard-caverns. (Of course, thought Dua. It was the day she had first entered the rock. She had sensed him then. She had forgotten.) It had seemed unlikely in the extreme, but finally, with all else impossible and with the time lapse having grown intolerably dangerous, they came. They would have liked to consult Estwald, but by the time the possibility of Tritt arose, he was unavailable.

All this Dua sensed in a gasp and now she turned toward Tritt, with a feeling of mingled wonder and outrage.

Losten was anxiously vibrating that no harm had been done, that Dua looked well, that it was a useful experiment actually. The Hard One to whom Tritt had spoken was agreeing; the other still exuded concern.

Dua was not paying attention to them only. She was looking at Tritt.

The first Hard One said, "Where is the food-ball now, Tritt?"

Tritt showed them.

It was hidden effectively and the connections were clumsy but serviceable.

The Hard One said," Did you do this yourself, Tritt?" you do this yourself, Tritt?"

"Yes, Hard-sir."

"How did you know how?"

"I looked at how it was done in the Hard-caverns. I did it exactly the way I saw it done there."

"Didn't you know you might have harmed your mid-mate?"

"I didn't. didn't. I I wouldn't. wouldn't. I-" Tritt seemed unable to speak for a moment. Then he said, "It was not to hurt her. It was to feed her. I let it pour into her feeder and I decorated her feeder. I wanted her to try it and she did. She ate! For the first time in a long while she ate well. We melted." He paused, then said in a huge, tumultuous cry. "She had enough energy at last to initiate a baby-Emotional. She took Odeen's seed and pa.s.sed it to me. I have it growing inside me. A baby-Emotional is growing inside me." I-" Tritt seemed unable to speak for a moment. Then he said, "It was not to hurt her. It was to feed her. I let it pour into her feeder and I decorated her feeder. I wanted her to try it and she did. She ate! For the first time in a long while she ate well. We melted." He paused, then said in a huge, tumultuous cry. "She had enough energy at last to initiate a baby-Emotional. She took Odeen's seed and pa.s.sed it to me. I have it growing inside me. A baby-Emotional is growing inside me."

Dua could not speak. She stumbled back and then rushed for the door in so pell-mell a fashion that the Hard Ones could not get out of the way in time. She struck the appendage of the one in front, pa.s.sing deep into it, and then pulled free with a harsh sound.

The Hard One's appendage fell limp and his expression seemed contorted with pain. Odeen tried to dodge around him to follow Dua, but the Hard One said, with apparent difficulty. "Let her go for now. There is enough harm done. We will take care."

4b Odeen found himself living through a nightmare. Dua was gone. The Hard Ones were gone. Only Tritt was still there; silent How could it have happened, Odeen thought in tortured fashion. How could Tritt have found his way alone to the Hard-caverns? How could he have taken a storage battery charged at the Positron Pump and designed to yield radiation in much more concentrated form than Sunlight and dared- Odeen would not have had the courage to chance it. How could Tritt; stumbling, ignorant Tritt? Or was he unusual, too? Odeen, the clever Rational; Dua, the curious Emotional; and Tritt, the daring Parental?

He said, "How could you do it, Tritt?"

Tritt retorted hotly. "What did I do? I fed her. I fed her better than she had ever been fed before. Now we have a baby-Emotional initiated at last. Haven't we waited long enough? We would have waited forever, if we had waited for Dua."

"But don't you understand, Tritt? You might have hurt her. It wasn't ordinary Sunlight. It was an experimental radiational source that could have been too concentrated to be safe."

"I don't understand what you're saying, Odeen. How could it do harm? I tasted the kind of food the Hard Ones made before. It tasted bad. You've tasted it, too. It tasted just awful and it never hurt us. It tasted so bad, Dua wouldn't touch it. Then I came on the food-ball. It tasted good. good. I ate some and it was delicious. How can anything delicious hurt. You see, Dua ate it. She liked it. And it started the baby-Emotional. How can I have done wrong?" I ate some and it was delicious. How can anything delicious hurt. You see, Dua ate it. She liked it. And it started the baby-Emotional. How can I have done wrong?"

Odeen despaired of explaining. He said, "Dua is going to be very angry."

"She'll get over it"

"I wonder. Tritt, she's not like ordinary Emotionals. That's what makes her so hard to live with, but so wonderful when we can can live with her. She may never want to melt with us again." live with her. She may never want to melt with us again."

Tritt's outline was st.u.r.dily plane-surfaced. Then he said, "Well, what of it?"

"What of of it? it? You You ask. Do you want to give up melting?" ask. Do you want to give up melting?"

"No, but if she won't she won't. I have my third baby and I don't care any more. I know all about the Soft Ones in the old days. They used to have two triad-births sometimes. But I don't care. One is plenty."

"But, Tritt, babies aren't all there is to melting."

"What else? I heard you say once you learned faster after you melted. Then learn slower. I don't care. I have my third baby."

Odeen turned away, trembling, and flowed jerkily out of the chamber. What was the use of scolding Tritt? Tritt wouldn't understand. He wasn't sure he understood himself.

Once the third baby was born, and grown a little, surely there would come a time to pa.s.s on. It would be he, Odeen, who would have to give the signal, who would have to say when, and it would have to be done without fear. Anything else would be disgrace, or worse, and yet he could not face it without melting, even now that all three children would have been formed.

Melting, somehow, would eliminate the fear.... Maybe it was because melting was like pa.s.sing on. There was a period of time when you were not conscious, yet it did not hurt. It was like not existing and yet it was desirable. With enough melting, he could gain the courage to pa.s.s on without fear and without- Oh, Sun and all the stars, it wasn't "pa.s.sing on." Why use that phrase so solemnly? He knew the other word that was never used except by children who wanted to shock their elders somehow. It was dying. dying. He had to get ready to die without fear, and to have Dua and Tritt die with him. He had to get ready to die without fear, and to have Dua and Tritt die with him.

And he didn't know how.... Not without melting...

4c Tritt remained alone in the room, frightened, frightened, but st.u.r.dily resolved to remain unmoved. He had his third baby. He could feel it within.

That was what counted.

That was all that counted.

Yet why, then, deep inside, did he have a stubborn faint feeling that it wasn't wasn't all that counted? all that counted?

5a Dua was ashamed almost beyond endurance. It took a long time for her to battle down that shame; battle it down enough to give herself room to think. She had hastened- hastened-moving blindly out and away from the horror of the home-cavern; scarcely caring that she did not know where she was going or even where she was, It was night, when no decent Soft One would be on the surface, not even the most frivolous Emotional. And it would be a considerable time before the Sun rose. Dua was glad. The Sun was food and at the moment, she hated hated food and what had been done to her. food and what had been done to her.

It was cold, too, but Dua was only distantly aware of it Why should she care about cold, she thought, when she had been fattened in order that she might do her duty- fattened, mind and body. After that, cold and starvation were almost her friends.

She saw through Tritt. Poor thing; he was so easy to see through; his actions were pure instinct and he was to be praised that he had followed them so bravely. He had come back so daringly from the Hard-caverns with the food-ball (and she-she herself had sensed him and would have known what was happening if Tritt hadn't been so paralyzed at what he was doing that he had dared not think of it, and if she she had not been so paralyzed at what had not been so paralyzed at what she she was doing and at the new depth of sensation it brought her that she would not take care to sense what most she needed to). was doing and at the new depth of sensation it brought her that she would not take care to sense what most she needed to).

Tritt brought it back undetected and had arranged the pitiful b.o.o.by trap, decorating her feeder to entice her. And she had come back, flushed with awareness of her rock-probing thinness, filled with the shame of it and with pity for Tritt. With all that shame and pity, she ate, and helped initiate birth.

Since then she had eaten but sparingly as was her custom and never at the feeder, but then there had been no impulse to. Tritt had not driven her. He had looked contented (of course) so there was nothing to reactivate the shame. And Tritt left the food-ball in place. He didn't dare risk taking it back; he had what he wanted; it was best and easiest to leave it there and think of it no more.

-Till he was caught.

But clever Odeen must have seen through Tritt's plan, must have spied the new connections to the electrodes, must have understood Tritt's purpose. Undoubtedly, he said nothing to Tritt; that would have embarra.s.sed and frightened the poor right-ling and Odeen always watched over Tritt with loving care.

Of course, Odeen didn't have to say anything. He needed only to fill in the gaps in Tritt's clumsy plan and make it work.

Dua was under no illusions now. She would have detected the taste of the food-ball; noticed its extraordinary tang; caught the way in which it began to fill her while giving her no sensations of fullness-had it not been that Odeen had occupied her with talk.

It had been a conspiracy between the two of them, whether Tritt was consciously part of it or not. How could she have believed that Odeen was suddenly a careful, painstaking teacher? How could she have failed to see the ulterior motive? Their concern for her was their concern for the completion of the new triad, and that in itself was an indication of how little they thought of her.

Well- She paused long enough to feel her own weariness and she worked herself into a crevice in the rock that would shield her from the thin, cold wind. Two of the seven stars were in her field of vision and she watched them absently, occupying her outer senses in trivia so that she might concentrate the more in internal thought.

She was disillusioned.

"Betrayed," she muttered to herself. "Betrayed!" Could they see no further than themselves? That Tritt would be willing to see all destroyed if he were but secure in his babies was to be taken for granted. But he was a creature of instinct. What of Odeen?

Odeen reasoned, and did that mean that for the purpose of exercising his reason, he would sacrifice all else? Was everything produced by reason its own excuse for being- at any cost? Because Estwald had devised the Positron Pump, did it have to be used in order that the whole world, Hard and Soft alike, be placed at its mercy, and at the mercy of the people of the other Universe? What if the other people stopped and if the world was left without a Positron Pump and with a dangerously cooled Sun?

No, they wouldn't stop, those other people; for they had been persuaded to start and they would be persuaded to keep going until they were destroyed-and then they would be needed no longer by the Rationals, Hard or Soft -just as she, Dua, would have to pa.s.s on (be destroyed) destroyed) now that she was needed no longer. now that she was needed no longer.

She and the other people, both being betrayed. Almost without being aware of it, she was cushioning deeper and deeper into the rock. She buried herself, out of sight of the stars, out of touch with the wind, unaware of the world. She was pure thought.

It was Estwald whom she hated. He was the personification of all that was selfish and hard. He had devised the Positron Pump and would destroy a whole world of perhaps tens of thousands without conscience. He was so withdrawn that he never made his appearance and so powerful that even the other Hard Ones seemed afraid of him. Well, then, she would fight him. She would stop him. The people of the other Universe had helped set up the Positron Pump through communications of some sort. Odeen had mentioned those. Where would such communications be kept? What would they be like? How could they be used for further communication?

It was remarkable how clearly she could think. Remarkable. There was fierce enjoyment in this, that she would use reason to overcome the cruel reasoners.

They wouldn't be able to stop her, for she could go where no Hard One could go, where no Rational or Parental could-and where no other Emotional would.

She might be caught eventually, but at the moment she didn't care. She was going to fight to have her way-at any price-at any price-though to do it meant she would have to go through rock, live in rock, skirt the Hard-caverns, steal food from their stored energy batteries when she had to, flock with the other Emotionals and feed on Sunlight when she could.

But in the end she would teach them all a lesson and after that they could do as they wished. She would even be ready to pa.s.s on then-but only then- 5b Odeen was present when the new baby-Emotional was born, perfect in every way, but he had not been able to feel enthusiasm over it. Even Tritt, who cared for it perfectly, as a Parental must, seemed subdued in his ecstasies.

A long time had pa.s.sed and it was as though Dua had vanished. She had not pa.s.sed on. A Soft One could not pa.s.s on except when the whole triad did; but she was not with them, either. It was as though she had pa.s.sed on, without pa.s.sing on.

Odeen had seen her once, only once, not very long after her wild fight on the news that she had initiated the new baby.

He had pa.s.sed a cl.u.s.ter of Emotionals, sunning themselves, when he was moving over the surface on some foolish notion that he might find her. They had t.i.ttered at the rare sight of a Rational moving in the vicinity of an Emotional cl.u.s.ter and had thinned in ma.s.s-provocation, with no thought among the foolish lot of them but to advertise the fact that they were Emotionals.

Odeen felt only contempt for them and there was no answering stir along his own smooth curves at all. He thought of Dua instead and of how different she was from all of them. Dua never thinned for any reason other than her own inner needs. She had never tried to attract anyone and was the more attractive for that. If she could have brought herself to join the flock of empty-heads she would be easily recognized (he felt sure) by the fact that she alone would not not thin, but would probably thicken, precisely because the others thinned. thin, but would probably thicken, precisely because the others thinned.

And as he thought that, Odeen scanned the sunning Emotionals and noted that one indeed had not.

He stopped and then hastened toward her, oblivious to the Emotionals in his way, oblivious to their wild screeching as they flicked smokily out of his path and chattered desperately in their attempts to avoid coalescing one with the other-at least not in the open, and with a Rational watching.

It was was Dua. She did not try to leave. She kept her ground and said nothing. Dua. She did not try to leave. She kept her ground and said nothing.

"Dua," he said, humbly, "aren't you coming home?"

"I have no home, Odeen," she said. Not angrily, not in hate-and all the more dreadfully for that reason.

^"How can you blame Tritt for what he did, Dua? You know the poor fellow can't reason."

"But you can, Odeen. And you occupied my mind while he arranged to feed my body, didn't you? Your reason told you that I was much more likely to be trapped by you than by him."

"Dua, no!" no!"

"No, what? Didn't you make a big show of teaching me, of educating me?"

"I did, but it wasn't a show, it was real. And it was not because of what Tritt had done. I didn't know know what Tritt had done." what Tritt had done."

"I can't believe that" She flowed away without haste. He followed after. They were alone now, the Sun shining redly down upon them.

She turned to him. "Let me ask you one question, Odeen? Why did you want to teach me?"

Odeen said, "Because I-wanted to. Because I to. Because I enjoy enjoy teaching and because I would rather teach than do anything else-but learn." teaching and because I would rather teach than do anything else-but learn."

"And melt, of course. . . . Never mind," she added to ward him off. "Don't explain that you are talking of reason and not of instinct If you really mean what you say about enjoying teaching; if I can really ever believe what you say; then perhaps you can understand something I'm going to tell you.