The Girl with the Green Eyes Part 24

JINNY. You daren't tell me, and you haven't even the face to tell another lie about it!

AUSTIN. If you say another word, I shall _hate_ you! If you _won't_ control _yourself_, I must make you, as well as keep my own sane balance. You have insulted my love for you to-night as you've never done before; you've struck at my own ideal of _you_; you've almost done, in a word, what I warned you you might do--_kill_ the love I have for you!

JINNY. [_Frightened._] Jack!

AUSTIN. I mean what I say!

JINNY. [_In tears._] That--that you--you don't love me?

AUSTIN. That is not what I said, but I tell you now that since I first began to care for you, never have I loved you so little as I do to-night.

JINNY. [_With an effort at angry justification._] And suppose I tell you it is your own fault, because you haven't treated me--

AUSTIN. [_Interrupting her._] Like a _child_, instead of a _woman_!

JINNY. No, because you've kept part of yourself from me, and that part you've given--

AUSTIN. For G.o.d's sake, stop! [_A pause--JINNY is now thoroughly frightened; slowly she comes to her senses._] Do you _want_ a rupture for good between us? [_No answer._] Can't you see what I tell you is true? That I can't bear any more to-night? That if you keep on you will rob _me_ of every bit of love I have for you, just as you've already robbed me of the woman I thought you were?

JINNY. "Already!" No, no, Jack, don't say that. Oh, what have I done!

[_She cries._

AUSTIN. You've done something very serious, and before you do more-- [_Speaking hardly._] --I think we'd better not stay in this evening; it would be wiser for both of us if we went out somewhere.

JINNY. No, I couldn't go out feeling this way! I've hurt you, hurt you terribly! Oh, why do I do it? Why can't I help myself?

AUSTIN. I think one more scene to-night would finish things for us. I _warn_ you of that, Jinny--

[_He goes to the desk and sits at it, looking blankly before him. She comes slowly, almost timidly, behind his chair._

JINNY. No, don't say it! don't say it! Try to forgive me--oh, Jack, I hate myself, and I'm so ashamed of myself! I know I've disappointed you awfully, awfully! You _did_ idealize me; I knew it when you married me, but I told you then I wasn't worth your loving me, didn't I? I never pretended to be worthy of you. I always knew I wasn't.

AUSTIN. Hush!

JINNY. It's true! it's only too awfully true. But do you remember how you answered me then when I told you I wasn't worth your loving me?

AUSTIN. [_Coldly and without looking at her._] No.

JINNY. You took me in your arms and held me so I couldn't have got away if I'd wanted to--which I didn't--and stopped the words on my lips with your _kisses_. [_Her throat fills. He makes no reply. She goes on very pathetically._] _How I wish_ you'd answer me that way now!

AUSTIN. Whose fault is it?

JINNY. Oh, mine! _mine_! I know it. _You_ don't know it one-half so well as I! I love you better than anything in the world, love everything of you--the turn of your head, the blessed touch of your hand, the smallest word that comes from your dear lips--the thoughts that your forehead hides, but which my heart guesses when I'm sane! And yet, try as hard as I can, these mad fits take hold of me, and although I'd willingly _die_ to save you _pain_, still _I_, _I_ myself, hurt and wound you past all bearing! It doesn't make any difference that _I_ suffer too! _I ought_ to! I deserve to--you _don't_! Oh, no! I know I'm a disappointment and a failure!

[_Her eyes fill up with tears and her voice breaks._

AUSTIN. [_He turns to her._] No, Jinny, not so bad as that, only I thought you were _big_--and you're _so little_, oh, _so small_!

JINNY. Yes, it's true; I'm small--I'm _small_! Oh, I'd like to be big, too! I want to be n.o.ble and strong, but I'm not--I'm as weak as water--only it's _boiling_ water! I want to be Brunhilde, and I'm only Frou Frou! Yes, I'm little; but I _love_ you--_I love you!_

[_She sinks on to a stool beside him. A moment's pause._

[_With a trembling voice._

You don't mind my sitting here?

AUSTIN. No--

[_Very quietly, he places his arm about her neck, his hand on her shoulder. She quickly steals up her hand to take his, and leaning her head over it, kisses his hand. He draws it away and kisses her hair._

JINNY. [_Timidly, very softly._] You forgive me?

AUSTIN. [_With a long sigh._] Yes.

JINNY. [_Bursting into tears and burying her face upon his knees._]

Thank you--thank you--I know I don't deserve it--I don't deserve it--I don't deserve it!

AUSTIN. [_Softly._] Sh!--

[_JINNY half turns and looks up at him._

JINNY. [_Very, very quietly._] You forgive me--but still--yes, I see it in your face, you don't love me the same. You look so tired, dear.

AUSTIN. [_Also very quietly._] I am, Jinny.

JINNY. And--happy?

AUSTIN. I'm _not_ quite happy.

JINNY. I wish I could make you so--make you love me the old way. You used to smile a little when you looked at me--Jack, you don't any more.

But I mean to make you to-night, if I can, and to make you love me as much as ever you did.

AUSTIN. Good luck, dear.

JINNY. [_Brightening._] What time is it?

AUSTIN. [_Looking at his watch._] Nearly nine.

JINNY. I suppose it is too late for me to dress and for us to go to the theatre?

AUSTIN. Oh, yes,--and I'm too tired.

JINNY. [_Triumphantly._] Well, then, you shall have your theatre at home! If Mahomet won't go to the mountain, the mountain must go to your lordship!

AUSTIN. I don't understand!

JINNY. Well, just wait-- [_She blows her nose._] --till I bathe my face and eyes a little; I feel rather bleary! [_Starting to go, she stops and turns._] Good-by?