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GEOFFREY. You're right. But I was only twenty--and you--led me on--
MAGGIE. [_Interrupting him._] Me! led you on! _me_, as decent and nice a girl as there was in New Haven if I do do housework, and that's my wedding ring and you put it there, and mother's got the certificate locked up good and safe in her box with my dead baby sister's hair and the silver plate off my father's coffin!
GEOFFREY. We mustn't talk here any more!
MAGGIE. You look out! If I wasn't so fond of your sister Miss Jinny, and if the old people weren't so good to me, I'd just show you right up _here_--_now_!
GEOFFREY. I'll _buy_ you off if I can't divorce you!
MAGGIE. _You!_ Poof!
[_GIRLS' voices are heard from the ballroom._
GEOFFREY. Look out--some one's coming!
MAGGIE. [_Going._] You haven't got a red cent; my cheque's always one of your _father's_!
[_She goes out Right._
GEOFFREY. Good G.o.d! what am I going to do--shoot myself, if I don't get out of this soon--I must get some air!
[_He goes out Left._
[_JINNY opens the double doors, looks in, and then enters. She is an adorable little human being, pretty, high-strung, temperamental, full of certain feminine fascination that defies a.n.a.lysis, which is partly due to the few faults she possesses. She is, of course, dressed in the conventional wedding-dress, a tulle veil thrown over her face._
JINNY. Not a soul! Come on!
[_She is followed in by the four BRIDESMAIDS--nice girls every one of them--and also, very slyly, by SUSIE, a very modern spoiled child, who sits un.o.bserved out of the way at the back._
Now, my dears, I wish to say good-by all by ourselves so I can make you a little speech! [_All laugh gently._] In the first place I want to tell you that there's nothing like marriage! And you must every one of you try it! Really, I was never so happy in my life!
GRACE. Must we stand, or may we sit down?
JINNY. Oh, stand; it won't be long and you'll only crush your lovely frocks. In fact, I advise you not to lose any time sitting down again until you've got the happy day fixed!
RUTH. You know, Jinny darling, that there is no one so glad for your happiness as your four bridesmaids are--isn't that so, girls?
ALL. Yes!
[_And they all together embrace JINNY, saying, "Dear old Jinny,"
"Darling Jinny," "We'll miss you dreadfully," etc., ad lib., till they get tearful._
JINNY. Good gracious, girls, we mustn't cry. I'll get red eyes, and Jack'll think what an awful difference just the marriage service makes in a woman.
[_The doors at the back open, and AUSTIN appears in the doorway._
[_AUSTIN is a typical New Yorker in appearance, thirty-two years old, good-looking, manly, self-poised, and somewhat phlegmatic in temperament._
AUSTIN. h.e.l.lo! May a mere man come in to this delectable tea party?
JINNY. _No_, Jack! But _wait_--by the door till I call you!
AUSTIN. [_Amused._] Thank you!
[_He goes out, closing the door._
GERTRUDE. We'll miss you so awfully, Jinny.
JINNY. Just what I say! Get a man to keep you company, and then you won't miss any one.
BELLE. Yes, but attractive men with lots of money don't come into the Grand Central Station by every train!
JINNY. [_Putting her arm about her._] You want too much, my dear Belle!
And you aren't watching the Grand Central Station either half so much as you are the steamer docks for a suitable person. Now don't be angry; you know you want a good big t.i.tle, and you've got the money to pay, but, my dear Belle, it's those ideas of yours that have kept you single till--twenty-six!--now _that_ you must confess was nice of me, to take off _three_ years!
BELLE. [_Laughing._] Jinny, you're horrid!
JINNY. No, I'm not! You know I'm _really_ fond of you, or you wouldn't be my bridesmaid to-day; it's only that I want _your wedding_ to be as happy as _mine_--that's all, and here's a little gift for you to remember your disagreeable but loving friend by!
[_Giving her a small jewelry box._
BELLE. Thank you, Jinny! Thank you!
[_A little moved._
GRACE. Mercy! I hope you're not going to take each one of us!
JINNY. I am, and come here, _you're_ next!
GRACE. I'll swear I don't want to get married at all!
JINNY. Don't be silly, you _icicle_! Of course you don't; you freeze all the men away, so that you've no idea how nice and comfy they can be! My advice to you, Grace darling,--and I _love_ you, or I wouldn't bother,--is to _thaw_! [_Laughs._] I used to be awfully jealous of you--
GRACE. [_Interrupting._] Oh!
JINNY. Yes, I was! You're lots prettier than I am.
GRACE. Jinny!
JINNY. You _are_! But I got over it because I soon saw you were so cold, there was no danger of any conflagration near you! Oh, I've watched your _eyes_ often to see if any man had lighted the fires in them yet. And now I'm determined they shall be lighted. You're too _cold_! Thaw, dear,--not to _everybody_,--that would be like slushy weather, but don't keep yourself so continually so far below zero that you won't have time to strike--well--say eighty-five in _the shade_, when the right bit of masculine sunshine _does_ come along! Here--with my best love!
[_Giving her a small jewelry box._
[_GRACE kisses JINNY._
GERTRUDE. I am the next _victim_, I believe!
JINNY. All I've got to say to _you_, Miss, is, that if you don't decide pretty soon on _one_ of the half dozen men you are flirting with _disgracefully_ at present, they'll every one find you out and you'll have to go in for widowers.