The German Classics of the Nineteenth and Twentieth Centuries Volume Xii Part 9

Let us have it!

[_Reads in the newspaper._]

"Washing stolen from the yard"--"Triplets born"--"Concert"--"Concert"--"Meeting of an a.s.sociation"--"Theatre"--all in order--"Newly invented engine"--"The great sea-serpent spied."

[_Jumping up._]

What the deuce is this? Is he bringing up the old sea-serpent again?

It ought to be cooked into a jelly for him, and he be made to eat it cold.

[_Hurries to the door on the right._]

Bellmaus, monster, come out!

_Enter_ BELLMAUS.

BELLMAUS (_from the right, pen in hand_).

What is the matter! Why all this noise?

BOLZ (_solemnly_).

Bellmaus, when we did you the honor of intrusting you with the odds and ends for this newspaper, we never expected you to bring the everlasting great sea-serpent writhing through the columns of our journal!--How could you put in that worn-out old lie?

BELLMAUS.

It just fitted. There were exactly six lines left.

BOLZ.

That is an excuse, but not a good one. Invent your own stories. What are you a journalist for? Make a little "Communication," an observation, for instance, on human life in general, or something about dogs running around loose in the streets; or choose a bloodcurdling story such as a murder out of politeness, or how a woodchuck bit seven sleeping children, or something of that kind. So infinitely much happens, and so infinitely much does not happen, that an honest newspaper man ought never to be without news.

BELLMAUS.

Give it here, I will change it.

[_Goes to the table, looks into a printed sheet, cuts a clipping from it with large shears, and pastes it on the copy of the newspaper._]

BOLZ.

That's right, my son, so do, and mend thy ways.

[_Opening the door on the right._]

Kampe, can you come in a moment? (_To_ MILLER, _who is waiting at the door._) Take that proof straight to the press!

[MILLER _takes the sheet from_ BELLMAUS _and hurries off._]

_Enter_ KaMPE.

KaMPE.

But I can't write anything decent while you are making such a noise.

BOLZ.

You can't? What have you just written, then? At most, I imagine, a letter to a ballet-dancer or an order to your tailor.

BELLMAUS.

No, he writes tender letters. He is seriously in love, for he took me walking in the moonlight yesterday and scorned the idea of a drink.

KaMPE (_who has seated himself comfortably_).

Gentlemen, it is unfair to call a man away from his work for the sake of making such poor jokes.

BOLZ.

Yes, yes, he evidently slanders you when he maintains that you love anything else but your new boots and to some small degree your own person. You yourself are a love-spurting nature, little Bellmaus. You glow like a fusee whenever you see a young lady. Spluttering and smoky you hover around her, and yet don't dare even to address her. But we must be lenient with him; his shyness is to blame. He blushes in woman's presence, and is still capable of lovely emotions, for he started out to be a lyric poet.

BELLMAUS.

I don't care to be continually reproached with my poems. Did I ever read them to you?

BOLZ.

No, thank Heaven, that audacity you never had. (_Seriously._) But, now, gentlemen, to business. Today's number is ready. Oldendorf is not yet here, but meanwhile, let us hold a confidential session. Oldendorf _must_ be chosen deputy from this town to the next Parliament; our party and the _Union must_ put that through. How does our stock stand today?

KaMPE.

Remarkably high. Our opponents agree that no other candidate would be so dangerous for them, and our friends everywhere are most hopeful.

But you know how little that may signify. Here is the list of the voters. Our election committee sends word to you that our calculations were correct. Of the hundred voters from our town, forty surely ours.

About an equal number are pledged to the other party; the remnant of some twenty votes are undecided. It is clear that the election will be determined by a very small majority.

BOLZ.

Of course we shall have that majority--a majority of from eight to ten votes. Just say that, everywhere, with the greatest a.s.suredness. Many a one who is still undecided will come over to us on hearing that we are the stronger. Where is the list of our uncertain voters? [_Looks it over._]

KaMPE.

I have placed a mark wherever our friends think some influence might be exerted.

BOLZ.

I see two crosses opposite one name; what do they signify?

KaMPE.

That is Piepenbrink, the wine-dealer Piepenbrink. He has a large following in his district, is a well-to-do man, and, they say, can command five or six votes among his adherents.