The Funny Side of Physic Part 50

This jolly doctor was employed by Louis XI., and was said to have sponged immense sums from his royal master, beyond a regular salary.

"He wrung favor upon favor from the king, and if he resisted the modest demands of his physician, the latter threatened him with speedy dissolution. On this menace, the king, succ.u.mbing to the fear of death, which weakness characterized his family, would at once surrender at discretion."

Finally, to rid himself of such despotic demands, the king ordered the executioner to behead the physician.

The requisite officer waited on Coythier, and in a courteous and considerate manner, as became the occasion, said to him,--

"I deeply regret, my dear sir, the circ.u.mstance, but I must kill you. The king can stand you no longer, and here are my orders."

"All right," replied the doctor, with surprising unconcern; "I am ready whenever you are. What time would you find it most convenient to perform the little operation?"

While the officer was trying to decide, Coythier continued,--

"But I am very sorry to leave his majesty only for a few days; for I have ascertained by occult science that he can't survive me more than four days."

The officer stood struck with amazement, but finally returned and imparted the astounding information to the king.

"O, liberate him instantly. Hurt not a hair of his head," exclaimed the terrified monarch.

Coythier was of course speedily restored to his place in the king's confidence--and treasury.

A LONG FEE.

Here is what may be called a _long fee_:--

An English surgeon, named Broughton, had the good fortune to open the commerce of the East Indies to his countrymen through a medical fee.

Having been sent from Surat to Agra, in the year 1636, to treat a daughter of the emperor Shah Jehan, he had the great fortune to restore the princess.

Beyond the present reward to the physician for his great services, the emperor gave him the privilege of a free commerce throughout the whole extent of his domains. Scarcely had Broughton returned than the favorite nabob of the province--Bengal--sent for the doctor to treat him for a very dangerous disease. Having fortunately restored this patient also, the nabob settled a pension upon the physician, and confirmed the privilege of the emperor, extending it to all Englishmen who should come to Bengal.

Broughton at once communicated this important treaty, as it was, to the English governor at Surat, and, by the advice of the latter, the company sent from England, in 1640, the first ship to trade at Bengal. Such was the origin of the great Indian commerce, which has been continued to the present day,--the longest continued doctor's fee ever given.

Another long fee was that given to Dr. Th. Dinsdale, who travelled from England to St. Petersburg by order of Catharine of Russia, to inoculate her son, the baron of the empire. The empress presented him with a fee of twelve thousand pounds, and a life pension of five hundred pounds. This is the largest sum ever paid to any physician since the world began, for a single operation, and I know of no physician who ever made a longer journey to attend a patient.

A SHORT FEE.

This is how a physician fell short of his fee. Charles II. was taken suddenly and dangerously ill with apoplexy. The court physician being out of town, Dr. King, who only being present, with one attendant, instantly bled his majesty, to which "breach of court etiquette" John Evelyn attributes his salvation for the time; for he would certainly have died, had Dr. King staid the coming of the regular physician--for which act he must have a regular pardon!

The privy council ordered a handsome fee to be paid Dr. King for his great presence of mind and prompt action, but it never was paid. Charles died soon afterwards, and poor King fell short of a fat fee.

ODD FEES.

Amongst the many funny things told about Sir Astley Cooper, the eminent English surgeon, none is better authenticated than that respecting the "night-cap fee."

In his earlier practice, he had to pa.s.s through all the trials and tribulations, "anxious and ill-rewarded waitings," that lesser stars have before and since, and ever will, before he became "established." In his first year's practice in London, his profits were but five guineas; his second reached the encouraging sum of twenty-five pounds, and increased in this ratio till the ninth year, when it was one thousand pounds. In one year he made twenty-one thousand guineas. It is said that one merchant of London paid him annually six hundred pounds. It wouldn't require but a few such lucrative patients to keep a doctor in pocket money even at this day.

A West India millionnaire, named Hyatt, had been to London, and undergone a severe and dangerous surgical operation at the hands of Sir Astley, a.s.sisted by Drs. Lettsom and Nelson. The operation proved a success, and the grateful patient only waited till he could sit up in bed a little while at a time before expressing in some measure his grat.i.tude to the physicians. All three being present one day, Hyatt arose in bed and presented the two physicians with a fee of three hundred gold guineas, and, turning to Sir Astley, who seemed for a moment to have been slighted, the millionnaire said,--

"And as for you, Sir Astley, you shall have nothing better than that,"

catching off his night-cap, and flinging it almost into Sir Astley's handsome face--he was said to be the handsomest man in England; "there, take it, sir."

"Sir," exclaimed the surgeon, with a smile, "I pocket the affront."

On reaching home, and examining the night-cap, he found it contained one thousand guineas--nearly five thousand dollars.

AN OLD SHOE.

Quite as odd a fee was that presented to a celebrated New York surgeon about the year 1845. An eccentric old merchant, a descendant of one of the early Dutch families of Manhattan Island, was sick at his summer residence on the Hudson, where his family physician attended him. The doctor gave him no encouragement that he ever would recover. A most celebrated surgeon, since deceased, was called as counsel, who, after careful examination of the case, and considering the merchant's age, coincided with the opinion of the family physician, and so expressed himself to the patient.

"Well, if that is all the good you can do, you may return to New York,"

said the doomed man. But as the astonished surgeon was going out of the house, the invalid sent a servant after him, in haste, saying,--

"Here, throw this old shoe after him, telling him that I wish him better luck on the next patient;" and drawing off his embroidered slipper, he gave it to the servant, who, well used to his master's whims, as well as confident of his generosity, ran after the doctor, flinging the shoe, and giving the message, as directed. The surgeon felt sure of his fee, well knowing the ability of the eccentric merchant; but he picked up the shoe, and placing it in his coat pocket, said to his brother physician, who accompanied him, "I'll keep it, and I may get something, to _boot_."

[Ill.u.s.tration: A SLIPPER-Y FEE.]

It contained, stuffed into the toe, a draft for five hundred dollars.

A BLACK FEE.

Dr. Robert Glynn, of Cambridge, England, who died nearly eighty years ago, was a most benevolent man, as well as a successful medical pract.i.tioner, with a large revenue. Mr. Jeaffreson tells the following amusing story about him:--

"On one occasion a poor peasant woman, the widowed mother of an only son, trudged from the heart of the fens (ten miles) into Cambridge, to consult the good doctor about her boy, who was very sick with the ague. Her manner so interested the doctor that, though it was during an inclement winter, and the roads almost impa.s.sable by carriages, he ordered horses harnessed, and taking in the old lady, went to see the sick lad.

"After a tedious attendance, and the exhibition of much port wine and bark, bought at the physician's expense, the patient recovered. A few days after the doctor had taken his discharge, without fees, the poor woman presented herself at the consulting-room, bearing in her hands a large basket.

"'I hope, my good woman, your son is not ill again,' said the doctor.

"'O, no, sir; he was never better,' replied the woman, her face beaming with grat.i.tude; 'but he can't rest quiet for thinking of all the trouble you have had, and so he resolved this morning to send you this;' and she began undoing the cover of the large wicker basket which she had set on the floor. The doctor stood overlooking the transaction in no little concern. Egress being afforded, out hopped an enormous magpie, that strutted around the room, chattering away as independent as a lord.

"'There, doctor, it is his favorite magpie he has sent you,' exclaimed the woman, looking proudly upon the piece of chattering ebony. It was a fee to be proud of."

A HEART'S OFFERING.

The grat.i.tude of the poor country lad for his recovery did not exceed, probably, that of a young girl, as related in the Montpelier papers, from one of which I cut the following:--

"A young girl, fourteen years of age, named Celia ----, called at the hotel to-day where Dr. C., with his family, is stopping, and presenting him with a bouquet of Mayflowers, said, 'I have no money to pay you for curing my head of scrofula, and I thought these flowers might please you.'

This was truly the offering of a grateful heart; for her head _had been entirely covered by sores, from her birth_, and the doctor had cured it.

Another journal said, in commenting upon it, 'This heart's offering deeply affected the doctor, to whom it was a greater reward than any money recompense could have been.' The doctor has the withered and blackened flowers and leaves pressed, and hung in a frame in his office, but the memory of the touching scene of their presentation will remain fresh within his heart forever."

[Ill.u.s.tration: A LIVING FEE.]