The Funny Side of Physic Part 43

I acknowledge I was a great coward; but I had heard the old women affirm more than once that it was a sign of ill luck or death to hear one of these cat-faced, cat-seeing, mousing creatures cry by day; so I fled from the barn, while the old owl turned his head sidewise, as he sat on a beam, trying to penetrate the light, repeating, "Who--a'--yoo?" It was a sign of death, for my uncle shot the owl.

Magpies are made the subject of superst.i.tion. To see a single one strutting across your path is a sad mishap. There is luck in three, or more, however.

_Holy Water._--Church superst.i.tions and rites are not within our province, unless they are objectionable in a sanitary point of view. If the holy water is clean, it is just as good as any other pure water; but I have seen it poured upon my Irish patients--years ago in Hartford and elsewhere--when there were "wrigglers" in it from long exposure in an unstopped bottle or tea-cup. I approve of holy water, therefore, in large quant.i.ties, with other rites, tending to a sanitary object. Have plenty of water--with soap.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE PROPER USE OF "HOLY WATER."]

_Bells._--Few useful articles have been held in greater reverence and superst.i.tion. Their origin is of great antiquity. The first Jewish priests adorned their blue tunics with golden bells, as also did the Persian kings. The Greeks put bells upon criminals going to execution, as a warning, as it was an ill omen to see a criminal and his executioner walking. The superst.i.tion respecting bells began more particularly with the tenth century, when the priests exorcised and blessed them, giving them the names of saints, making the rabble believe that when they were rung for those ceremonies they had the power to drive devils out of the air, making them quake and tremble; also to restrain the power of the devil over a corpse; hence bell-ringing at funerals.

There are many legends wherein the evil spirits' dislike to bells is promulgated.

As "the devil hates holy water," so he does bell-ringing.

Dr. Warner, a clergyman of the Church of England, in his "Hampshire,"

enumerates the virtues of a bell, by translating some lines from the "Helpe to Discourse."

"Men's deaths I tell by doleful knell; Lightning and thunder I break asunder; On Sabbath all to church I call; The sleepy head I raise from bed; The winds so fierce I doe disperse; Men's cruel rage I do a.s.swage."

I think the beautiful music discoursed by a chime of bells would be more effectual "men's cruel rage" to tranquillize, than a battery of seven cannons. Aside from all superst.i.tious notions, there is an irresistible charm about the music of bells, and I rejoice that they are gradually being redeemed from the superst.i.tion and monopoly of one ignorant denomination, as the sacred cross may be, to the use and blessing of all mankind.

_Fear of Thunder and Lightning._--These have ever been sources of superst.i.tious terror. The ancients considered thunder and lightning as direct manifestations of divine wrath; hence whatever the lightning struck was accursed. The corpses of persons so killed were allowed to remain where they fell, to the great inconvenience, often, of the living.

The electricity which plays about high poles and spires was formerly attributed to spirits. "Fiery spirits or devils," says old Burton, "are such as commonly work by blazing stars, fire-drakes," etc. "Likewise they counterfeit suns and moons ofttimes, and sit on ships' masts." The electric sparks upon the metal points of soldiers' spears were regarded as omens of no small importance.

In some parts of Europe, up to the last century, it was a custom to ring bells during a thunder-storm, to drive away evil spirits; but this act often was the cause of death, by the exposure of persons to the points of attraction, and the conducting power of moist ropes and metallic wires. On the night of April 15, 1718, the lightning struck twenty-four steeples while the bells were ringing. In July of the following year, while the bells were tolling at a funeral celebration in the Chateau Vieux, lightning struck the steeple, killing nine persons and injuring twenty-two. Statistics show that numerous deaths were caused by bell-ringing in England and France, during the last century, to drive away imaginary spirits.

The saint usually invoked on these occasions was St. Barnabas.

The houseleek and bay tree were supposed to afford protection from lightning.

"The thunder has soured the beer," or the milk, is a common saying; and I once saw a piece of iron lying across the beer-barrel to keep away thunder. A heavy atmosphere may suddenly sour beer or milk.

Creeping three times under the communion table while the chimes were striking, at midnight, was believed to cure fits, as late as 1835.

Gla.s.s, stone, and feathers are non-conductors to electricity. Persons very susceptible to electric currents need give themselves no fear, and no more caution need be taken than we take to protect ourselves against other objects of danger. Lightning will not strike one out of doors, unless he is near a point of high attraction,--under a tree, or pole,--or has about him, exposed, some metallic substance, or some very wet article. Houses under or near tall trees, or with suitable lightning-rods, are safe enough. A feather bed, particularly one insulated by gla.s.s-rollers, or plates, under the posts, and not touching the wall, is a perfectly safe place for invalids and nervous people who are susceptible to electricity.

The pulse of such is often increased in frequency before a thunder-storm.

Let such first have no fear. See G.o.d in the storm and lightning as only a saving power. I know a girl who "tears around like mad" for a man at the approach of a thunder-storm. When finding one, she feels perfectly safe.

If not, she hides in the cellar till the storm abates.

_Unlucky Days._--The superst.i.tion respecting unlucky Friday is well known.

Some cynical bachelors say it is unlucky because named for a woman. Monday was also so named. I can find no account of this superst.i.tion until after the first century A. D. It is said that our Saviour was crucified on Friday--a day of fear and trembling, of earthquakes and divers remarkable phenomena; but that day is now as uncertain as the day of his birth, in the various changes of the calendar, heathen naming of the days to suit their notions, and the great uncertainty of chronology. No doubt Christ arose from the dead on the then first day of the week, and was crucified the third day before the resurrection; but what day of our present week who can tell? If on Friday, it should be counted far from an unlucky day.

Sailors are particularly superst.i.tious as to sailing on Friday, notwithstanding Columbus sailed on Friday, and discovered America on that day.

The French believe in unlucky Friday. Lord Byron, Dr. Johnson, and other authors and poets, are said to have so believed. Shakspeare, Scott, Goldsmith, Bacon, Sir Francis Drake, Napoleon, and many other great men, were pretty thoroughly tinged with superst.i.tion; the latter, it is said, believed in "luck," or destiny.

The future of children is yet believed to depend much upon the day of the week on which they are born.

"Monday's child is fair in face; Tuesday's child is full of grace; Wednesday's child is full of woe; Thursday's child has far to go; Friday's child works hard for its living; Sat.u.r.day's child is loving and giving; And a child that's born on Christmas day Is fair, and wise, and good, and gay."[7]

This, of course, is all nonsense--or rather the belief in such signs--and one day is equally as good as another for nature's work, or in which to fulfil the requirements of G.o.d and nature. Let no mother, or her who is about to become a mother, put faith in old nurses' whims. Their brains are full of all such fantastic notions, which are too often revealed in the sick room, and the effect is often detrimental to the peace and happiness of the mother, and at times dangerous to the life of the invalid.

SUPERSt.i.tION OF A KISS.

The monks of the middle ages--great theorists--divided the kiss into fifteen distinct and separate orders.

1. The decorous or modest kiss.

2. The diplomatic, or kiss of policy.

3. The spying kiss, to ascertain if a woman had drank wine.

4. The slave kiss.

5. The kiss infamous--a church penance.

6. The slipper kiss, practised towards tyrants.

7. The judicial kiss.

8. The feudal kiss.

9. The religious kiss (kissing the cross).

10. The academical kiss (on joining a solemn brotherhood).

11. The hand kiss.

12. The Judas kiss.

13. The medical kiss--for the purpose of healing some sickness.

14. The kiss of etiquette.

15. The kiss of love--the only real kiss. But this was also to be variously considered; viz., given by ardent enthusiasm, as by lovers; by matrimonial affection; or, lastly, between two men--an awful kiss, tasting like sandwiches without b.u.t.ter or meat.

[Ill.u.s.tration: THE MODEST KISS.]

THE END IS NOT YET.

The reign of superst.i.tion is not yet ended.

It is impossible for any great catastrophe, involving loss of property or life, to occur without a certain superst.i.tious cla.s.s harping upon the event as a judgment of G.o.d upon the wickedness of the victims. If a great city is swept away by the devouring elements, we hear the cry that "an offended Deity has visited the 'Babylon of the West' with his vengeance for her wickedness." Some penurious wretch takes it up, and says, "I'll give nothing, then, to the victims of the fire. It is G.o.d's judgment; I won't interfere." A rich man is murdered in cold blood, and the same howl goes up, "It is the judgment of G.o.d upon him for heaping up riches." The fact of his riches going to thousands of poor artisans, actors, musicians, widows, orphans, and "western Babylonian sufferers," goes for nothing with such people. These same superst.i.tious wretches have not yet done a.s.serting that the a.s.sa.s.sination of President Lincoln was in judgment for his attending a theatre.

Twenty-five persons were killed in a church at Bologna, recently, while kneeling in prayer. Was this an expression of G.o.d's wrath upon church-goers?

"The laws by which G.o.d governs the universe are inexorable. The frost will blight, the fire destroy, the storms will ravage, disease and death will do their appointed work, though narrow-mindedness and bigotry misconstrue their intent. All things are for good. If natural laws are violated, the known and inevitable result follows."