The Funny Side of Physic Part 103

If, then, we would retain youthful looks, we must do nothing that will make us _feel old_.

O, the folly of parents in some things! The nonsense of sixty is the sweetest kind of sense to sixteen; and the father and mother who renew their own youths in that of their children may be said to experience a second blossoming of their lives. Teach them to talk to you of their friends and companions. Let the girls chat freely about gentlemen if they wish. It is far better to control the subject than to forbid it. Don't make fun of your boy's shamefaced first love, but help him to judge the article properly. You would hardly send him by himself to select a coat or a hat--has he not equal need of your counsel and a.s.sistance in selecting that much more uncertain piece of goods, a sweetheart?

There is a great deal of popular nonsense talked and written about the folly of our girls contracting early marriages. It is not the early marriage that is in fault, it is the premature choice of a husband. Only take time enough about selecting the proper person, and it is not of much consequence how soon the minister is called in. Keep him on trial a little while, girls; look at him from every possible point of view, domestic or foreign. Don't be deluded by the hollow glitter of handsome features and prepossessing manners. A Greek nose or a graceful brow will not insure conjugal happiness by any means. A husband ought to be like a watertight roof, equally serviceable in sunny or rainy weather.

ACTION AND IDLENESS.

While action is surely essential to our physical and moral being, all extremes should be avoided. Excessive labor, even out of door, in the air and sunshine, may be injurious. On this point I quote the _Scientific American_:--

"It has oftentimes been a.s.serted that those exposed to severe labor in the open atmosphere were the least subject to sickness. This has been proven a fallacy. Of persons engaged at heavy labor in outdoor exposure, the percentage of sickness in the year is 28.05. Of those engaged at heavy labor in-doors, such as blacksmiths, etc., the percentage of sickness is 26.54--not much to be sure; but of those engaged at light occupations in-doors and out, the percentage of sickness is only 20.80-21.58. For every three cases of sickness in those engaged in light labor, there are four cases among those whose lot is heavy labor. The mortality, however, is greater among those engaged in light toil, and in-door labor is less favorable to longevity than laboring in the open atmosphere. It is established clearly that the quantum of sickness annually falling to the lot of man is in direct proportion to demands on his muscular power.

"How true this makes the a.s.sertion,--'Every inventor who abridges labor, and relieves man from the drudgery of severe toil, is a benefactor of his race.' There were many who looked upon labor-saving machines as great evils, because they supplanted the hand toil of many operatives. We have helped to cure the laboring and toiling cla.s.ses of such absurd notions. A more enlightened spirit is now abroad, for all experience proves that labor-saving machines do not destroy the occupations of men, but merely change them."

IDLENESS INDUCES CRIME.

This fact cannot be too strongly or repeatedly impressed upon parents and children.

Warden Haynes, of the Ma.s.sachusetts State Prison, lately uttered these emphatic and significant words, which are worthy to be written in letters of gold: "Eight out of every ten come here by liquor; and a great curse is, not learning a trade. Young men get the notion that it is not genteel to learn a trade; they idle away their time, get into saloons, acquire the habits of drinking, and then gambling, and then they are ready for any crime." How many young men we see every day who are in the pathway to this end. Fathers and mothers who hold the dangerous view that it is not genteel for their children to learn a trade, can see where such ideas lead. The words of wisdom quoted above are full of weighty import for both parents and children.

BEAUTY AND DEVELOPMENT.

Activity of body and mind are conducive to health.

Everybody ought to know that moderate exercise develops the muscular and nervous power, hence the vitality of all creatures. Is the active, prancing steed, or the inactive, sluggish swine, the better representative of beauty, strength, and long life?

"The horse," answers everybody. Then avoid the habits of the other, and you will be very unlike that indolent, unclean, and gluttonous animal.

When you see a man who reminds you of a hog, be a.s.sured he has swinish habits.

Mental activity, unless it is excessive, is conducive to beauty, to strength, and health. A writer in the American Odd Fellow has some good ideas ill.u.s.trative of my argument, that I may be pardoned for quoting him:--

"We were speaking of handsome men the other evening, and I was wondering why K. had so lost the beauty for which five years ago he was so famous.

'O, it's because he never did anything,' said B.; 'he never worked, thought, or suffered. You must have the mind chiselling away at the features, if you want handsome middle-aged men.' Since hearing that remark, I have been on the watch to see whether it is generally true--and it is. A handsome man who does nothing but eat and drink grows flabby, and the fine lines of his features are lost; but the hard thinker has an admirable sculptor at work, keeping his fine lines in repair, and constantly going over his face to improve, if possible, the original design."

Therefore, we infer that this moderate (outdoor) exercise is conducive to beauty, health, and longevity. Moderate activity of the mind the same.

Idleness begets licentious thoughts and deeds. Activity of body and mind in honorable pursuits calls away the nervous power from the lower to the higher organs. A lively, cheerful, clean man or woman, is seldom wicked or licentious.

SLEEP.

By the a.s.sistance of John G. Saxe, we have already given those

"Early to bed, and early to rise, Makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise,"

fellows a touch of our opinion on too early rising. I base my judgment upon careful and continued observation during many years.

The Scriptures teach that the day is for work, and night for sleep. This turning day into night, sitting up till near midnight, is all wrong. It is ruinous to health and beauty. This other extreme, of rising at four or five o'clock and pitching into hard labor, is wearing and tearing to the const.i.tution; and though nature for a while adapts herself to the necessity, by browning and unnaturally developing the exposed parts of such deluded or unfortunate persons, _it does it at the expense of his length of days_. He will not live so long for his over-doing.

Begin by retiring earlier, at the first indication after nightfall of fatigue and sleepiness. If sweaty, wash the skin quickly, as previously directed, with warm water, _rubbing dry and warm_, and cover up. Lie on one side. Do not sleep on your back. You are more liable to dream laborious or frightful dreams, snore, or have nightmare. Do not sleep in clothes worn during the day.

Unfortunate is the man or woman, who, from necessity, arises before six or seven in winter, or five to seven in summer.

Literary persons require more sleep than laborers. Children require more than adults. Do not lie in bed long after awaking at morning. Open your window wide as soon as you arise--it is supposed to be partially open at the top all night.

In inhaling air at night or morning, do it only through the nostrils.

Night air is _not_ injurious any more than day air if so inhaled. Sleep when sleepy--this is a good rule, unless disease induces unnatural sleep.

WHAT SHALL WE EAT?

_Eat what relishes well, and agrees with you afterwards._ This is the best general rule I have been able to adopt for eating.

There has been so much ridiculous stuff written upon "diet" that most sensible people have given up trying to follow the prescribed rules of writers, if not their physician's directions on that score.

Take the following, by one celebrated Dr. Brown, of England, for an example, although we may find others quite as ridiculous nearer home:--

"For breakfast, toast and rich soup made on a slow fire, a walk before breakfast, and a good deal after it; a gla.s.s of wine in the forenoon, _from time to time_; good broth or soup to dinner, with meat of any kind he likes, but always the most nourishing; several gla.s.ses of port or punch to be taken after dinner, till some enlivening effect is perceived from them, and a dram after everything heavy; one hour and a half after dinner another walk; between tea-time and supper a game with cheerful company at cards or any other play, never too prolonged; a little light reading; jocose, humorous company, avoiding that of popular Presbyterian ministers and their admirers, and all hypocrites and thieves of every description.... Lastly, the company of amiable, handsome, and delightful young women and an enlivening gla.s.s."

Dr. Russell, to whom we are indebted for the quotation, might well say that "John Brown's prescriptions seem a caricature of his system."

A "STOMACH-MILL" AND A "STEWING-POT."

There have been many speculations about the nature of the digestive process, and in relation to them the celebrated Hunter remarked, playfully, "To account for digestion, some have made the stomach a mill; some would have it to be a stewing-pot, and some a brewing-trough; yet all the while one would have thought that it must have been very evident that the stomach was neither a mill, nor a stewing-pot, nor a brewing-trough, nor anything but a _stomach_." All that can be said is, that digestion is a chemical process, the mechanical agency spoken of being of service only in thoroughly mixing the gastric juice with the food.

"FIVE MINUTES FOR REFRESHMENTS."

"Murder! murder!" the conductor might as well cry to pa.s.sengers, as "Five minutes for refreshments."

Now it makes less difference what we eat than how we eat. Cold hash, eaten slowly, therefore, well masticated, and mixed with the saliva, is more likely to "set well" than a light cake or a cracker, though it be "Bond's best," if hurried down the throat.

What the English call the "blarsted Yankee style" of gulping down the food half masticated, washing it down with drinks, will ruin anything but a sheet-iron stomach in a cast-iron const.i.tution. Talk about "mills." Why, that most excellently contrived mill in the mouth is not suffered to perform its duty. The hopper is too crammed; it clogs the whole machinery.

Eating between meals destroys the regular periods naturally established by the stomach for digestion. Three meals should be sufficient for twenty-four hours.

"Much has been said about exercising after eating, and the truth has been often over-stated. The famous experiment with the two dogs is cited to show that exercise after eating interferes with the process of digestion.

Observe just how much was proved by the experiment. Two dogs were fed to the full, and while one was left to lie still, the other was made to run about very briskly. In an hour or two both dogs were killed, and it was found that the food was well digested in the dog that remained quiet, but not in the other. (I have seen it stated the reverse.) This proves simply that _violent_ exercise, taken _immediately_ after eating, interferes with digestion. Other facts show that light exercise rather promotes than impedes the process, and that even very strong exercise does not interfere with it if a short interval of rest be allowed, so that the process may be fairly commenced.

"The same is to some extent true of exercise of mind. It seems to be necessary that there should be some measure of concentration of energy in the stomach for the due performance of digestion, and any very decided exercise, bodily or mental, tends to prevent this. In the dyspeptic, even a slight amount of effort, either of body or mind, often suffices to do it.

"It is very commonly said that it is wrong to eat just before going to bed. Is this true? Cattle are apt to go to sleep after eating fully. Do sleep and digestion agree well in their case, and not so in the case of man? In some seasons of the year the farmer takes his heartiest meal at the close of the labors of the day, and soon retires. Is this a bad custom? Our opinion is that food may be taken properly at a late hour, provided, first, that the individual has not already eaten enough for the twenty-four hours,--that he has done so being true, probably, in most cases; and provided, secondly, that he is in such a state of health that digestion will not so act upon his nerves as to disturb his sleep. If it will thus act, it is clear that he had better be disturbed when awake, for he can bear the disturbance then with less of injury to his system."

ANCIENT DIET.