The Funny Philosophers Part 56

"Look yonder!"

"What is it?" said Pate, pointing to an enormous creature sailing through the air and coming towards the ship.

"It is one of the Clouds of Magellan riding on the back of Old Boreas,"

said the Professor.

"No," cried Tom Seddon, "it is the gigantic ghost of the poor b.o.o.by coming to haunt Moses for the deep d.a.m.nation of his taking off."

The optical orbs of Moses expanded wider and wider, as the form of the winged monster loomed larger and larger, until, with a flap of its tremendous pinions, it came alongside, and, after several times sweeping around the ship, finally settled down on the water in the wake.

The Professor having ascertained that this object, on which Moses was gazing with wonder and awe, was an albatross, attached a piece of pork to a line and threw it overboard, with an invitation to the stranger to lay hold, so that he might hoist him on board. The gigantic bird eagerly accepted the invitation, and s.n.a.t.c.hing the delicious morsel in his beak, held on with a pertinacity which indicated his appreciation of the prize. And now he was seen to stretch out his neck with an extraordinary projection, and his huge body following it at a run, beating the water with two enormous wings, over the p.o.o.p he came, with a tremendous fluttering, and down on the deck, where he stood like a prodigious goose, wholly unable to define his position.

The creature walked the deck with a curious stare, until coming in proximity to M. T. Pate, it stopped and gazed in his face, when some wicked wag cried out,--

"Put a saddle and bridle on him, Mr. Pate."

"By all means," cried another pa.s.senger; "and if the Brazilian man-of-war should overhaul the vessel, you can ride away on the back of your winged courser and easily effect your escape."

These suggestions so irritated Pate that he suddenly seized a handspike and dealt the albatross a blow, the lethal effects of which laid it a lifeless corpse at his feet. There was a loud hurrah for the n.o.ble Grand Gander, and Pate, boiling with indignation, walked forward and leaned against the forecastle.

He was now sternly denounced by Old Nick, who told him, in emphatic terms, that he would never have any more good luck as long as he lived; and Peter and Paul coincided with him in the prediction. Not many moments elapsed before these vaticinations of ill fortune began to be verified. Neptune, with indignation, had beheld the murderous deed, and prepared a fitting punishment. He sent a huge wave, which broke over the bow with a crash. The sailors saw it coming and sprang into the rigging; while the a.s.sa.s.sin of the albatross was knocked off his feet and went wallowing into the scupper. Amidst loud and boisterous laughter, M. T.

Pate hurried into the cabin with a stream of salt-water flowing from the tail of his coat; while a number of voices commenced singing,--

"A life on the ocean wave, A home on the rolling deep," etc.

A few days subsequent to these events, they came in sight of Tierra del Fuego; and as the ship ran down within a league of the sh.o.r.e, there was a suggestion that the officers had determined to leave the slayer of the albatross on this desolate coast; being afraid to venture round the Horn with such a Jonah on board. The Professor told Pate to pay no attention to these remarks, as the captain had a cousin who had emigrated to this part of the world and opened a hotel, and he was going to take the pa.s.sengers on sh.o.r.e and give a "general treat." But the ship stood away to the south, and, followed by clouds of Cape pigeons and albatrosses, went rolling around the Horn, and after a rough controversy with old ocean, which lasted for several weeks, eventually came in sight of the Island of Juan Fernandez.

Several of the pa.s.sengers expressed an opinion that the captain would now put Pate on sh.o.r.e, and said that he would have to live here in solitude and clad in goats' skins like Alexander Selkirk. But the vessel sailed on, and the peaks of the famous island were soon hid behind the horizon; and this was their last sight of _terra firma_ until they beheld the tops of the Andes, and soon afterwards entered the harbor of Callao.

"There was a scene of revelry by night" in the cabin, like that which had preceded their landing on Brazilian soil. The Professor, with Toney and Tom, remained on deck until the sounds of conviviality had ceased, and then proceeded to "turn in."

"What is this?" said Tom Seddon, coming in contact with a huge head hanging over the side of a hammock.

"It is a remarkable case of suspended animation," said the Professor.

"Hercules has again become wonderfully elevated," said Toney.

"And has turned Wiggins out of his hammock," said Tom.

"Old Grizzly and M. T. Pate seem to prefer the floor," said Toney, pointing to the two individuals named, who were lying supinely on their backs by the side of a sea-chest under the hammock.

"Hercules seems to be hovering over them like a benignant spirit with the most benevolent intentions," said the Professor; and he and his two friends pa.s.sed on, and, stowing themselves away in their bunks, were awaiting the approach of "tired nature's sweet restorer," when a hideous howl, like the outcry of a wounded dragon, rang through the cabin. A score of startled pa.s.sengers leaped hurriedly up, and rushing forward beheld the catastrophe. Hercules had pitched headforemost from his hammock, and precipitating himself first on the sea-chest, had rolled over, and covered with his huge body the prostrated forms of Old Grizzly and M. T. Pate.

Unable to account for his sudden descent, and wholly confounded by his fall, he was giving utterance to his emotions in a succession of diabolical howls.

Old Grizzly slowly arose, and a.s.suming a sitting posture, growled out his decided disapprobation of such proceedings, while M. T. Pate was writhing and wriggling under his heavy burden, and uttering piteous groans.

"Pate is like old John Bunyan's poor pilgrim," said Tom Seddon.

"Groaning under his load of sin," said Toney.

"Let us shrive him," said the Professor. And he and Toney seized Pate by the legs, and, pulling vigorously, succeeded in relieving him from the immense load of iniquity which rested upon him.

CHAPTER XLII.

After spending a day in Callao, and visiting the site of the ancient town, which had been destroyed by an earthquake, the band of gold-hunters proceeded to the city of Lima. This splendid capital presents many objects of interest to the stranger. The Professor and his companions were astonished at the number and magnificence of the churches; and as he was going through a gallery in one of these sacred edifices, Wiggins discovered three holy men playing at monte, and was only prevented from taking a hand by his ignorance of the Castilian language. Moses was shocked at seeing the countrywomen riding astraddle on donkeys when they entered the town on their way to the market; and he was inexpressibly alarmed when a young female stopped him on the street, and, producing a cigar, politely asked him for a light. So great was his agitation that, instead of complying with her request, he dropped his own cigar in the gutter and hastily retreated behind Botts, whose ugly visage frightened the woman away. Hercules, having const.i.tuted himself an inspector of the pale brandies of the country, on a certain night went up on the flat roof of the hotel and fell through a gla.s.s door among some Spaniards engaged in a quiet game below; and the Dons, supposing, from his novel mode of entrance, that he came with burglarious intent, fled from the apartment, leaving him lying in the middle of the floor, and uttering the most terrific yells.

Toney and the Professor rushed into the room, and with some difficulty lifting the giant on his feet, discovered that he had sustained no injury from his sudden descent. As Hercules staggered out of the room, the Professor pointed towards him, and gravely remarked,--

"I am now convinced of the utter falsity of what has been so long received as an axiom in natural philosophy."

"What is that?" asked Toney.

"That confined fluids press equally in all directions," said the Professor.

"That only holds good in hydrostatics," said Toney.

"Where water is concerned, the principle may be correct," said the Professor, "but it is not applicable to the juice of the grape. But where is Tom Seddon? I haven't seen him during the whole day."

"He and M. T. Pate have just returned from a visit to the tomb of Pizarro," said Toney; "and Pate has been much shocked at a discovery which he there made."

"What is that?" asked the Professor.

"Most of the bones of that celebrated conqueror have been stolen," said Toney.

"By whom?" asked the Professor.

"By visitors to the tomb," said Toney.

"_Sic transit gloria mundi!_" said the Professor. "Pizarro stole the Inca's possessions, and now his own bones have been carried off by pilfering hands, and, perhaps, manufactured into knife-handles. I hope I never may be a great man; a General, or a President, or anything of that sort."

"Why not?"

"The very idea is horrible!"

"How so?"

"To see one's name in large letters over the picture of a horse on a hand-bill posted against the door of a blacksmith's shop; or to have a mangy hound for your namesake!"

"Here comes Tom," said Toney, as Seddon entered the apartment and commenced telling them about the bull-fight which was to take place on the next day, which would be Sunday.

"We will all go," said the Professor; "but I am hungry. Let us go into the eating-room and order three plates of lizards."