The Funny Philosophers Part 46

They looked like little bridegrooms going to be married.

"Good-morning, Mr. Love," said Gideon, blandly.

"I am glad to see you, Mr. Foot," said Love. And he and his two companions shook hands with Gideon and Hercules.

"You seem to be in a hurry," said Gideon.

"The ship sails to-day, and we must be aboard," said Love.

"Going to California?" said Gideon.

"Yes; going to dig gold," said Love. And he and Dove tapped the toes of their boots with their little canes, while Bliss pulled off his new silk hat and smoothed his odoriferous locks.

"Hercules is going," said Gideon.

"Are you, indeed?" asked Love, looking up at Hercules.

"Yes," said Hercules, "as soon as I have bid my mother good-by."

"Is Mrs. Foot in town?" inquired Love.

"She is, and would be so glad to see you," said Gideon. "Come with us and bid Mrs. Foot good-by, and Hercules will go with you to the ship."

"Let us go and bid Mrs. Foot good-by," said Love, looking at his two companions.

"We will go," said Dove.

"Let us go," said Bliss.

"Come," said Gideon. And the three little men accompanied the gigantic father and son to the residence of Mrs. Sampson. They entered the house, and were conducted by Gideon, through a large front apartment, to a back parlor, which communicated, by a door, with a room in the rear.

"Take seats, gentlemen," said Gideon. "Mrs. Foot will be with you in a moment."

Gideon returned to the hall where Hercules was waiting.

"Go fetch the parson," said Gideon. "Make haste!"

Hercules hurried away, and Gideon returned to the back parlor and locked both doors. He then stood in the middle of the floor and elevated himself to his full height, so that his head almost seemed to touch the low ceiling, as he gazed sternly at Love, Dove, and Bliss, who sat on a sofa, and who now began to tremble.

"Look here!" said Gideon, "I am a man of few words. Do you know what you have got to do?"

"What?" said Love, looking dreadfully frightened.

"You three fellows have been hanging around my daughters for the last six months," said Gideon. "You have come to the house in the morning; you have come in the afternoon; you have come at all hours, and the girls have had no time to do any household work on account of you. Even at night, when they were in bed, you would be under their windows making more noise than so many tomcats with your serenades. Now, what do you intend to do?"

"Nothing," said little Love, very meekly.

"Nothing!" exclaimed the gigantic Gideon Foot. "Nothing! Just say that again and I will wring your neck! Come! I'll have no fooling! You have got to marry my three daughters!"

The eyes of the three little men widely dilated, and were fixed on Gideon's towering form, but their tongues were silent; they were dumb with terror.

"You have got just ten minutes to make up your minds. If you don't agree to marry my daughters, I will come back in ten minutes and wring your necks."

Gideon left the room and locked the door.

"What shall we do?" said Love.

"He has locked the door," said Dove.

"He'll murder us!" said Bliss.

"We had better marry the young ladies," said Love.

"You will take Cleopatra," said Dove.

"And you will take Theodosia," said Love.

"And Bliss will marry Sophonisba," said Dove.

The three little men now held a hurried consultation, and were unanimously in favor of matrimony, when Gideon opened the door.

"Your ten minutes are out," said Gideon.

"We have agreed to be married," said Love.

"Very good," said Gideon. "The parson is waiting in the front room, and I have the three licenses in my pocket. Which one do you marry?"

"Cleopatra," said Love.

Gideon went to the door opening into the back room, and unlocking it, put his head through and uttered a few words. Cleopatra came forth, blushing.

"Stand up!" said Gideon to Love.

Love arose from his seat trembling from head to foot.

"Take her arm," said Gideon. "That's right. Now, come along!"

Gideon opened the door, and Love walked with Cleopatra into the front room, where stood the parson with his book open ready to make them man and wife. In a very brief s.p.a.ce of time Love and Cleopatra were united in the holy bands of matrimony. The parson looked as if he expected to see the happy man salute his bride; but Love was unable to reach up, and Cleopatra did not bend down, and so this formality was not observed. The wedded pair walked into the back parlor, followed by Gideon, who turned to Dove and said,--

"Whom do you marry?"

"Theodosia, if you please," said Dove, with meek resignation.

At the summons of Gideon, Theodosia appeared and was united to Dove, and then Sophonisba was married to Bliss. Mrs. Foot then rushed from the back room and fondly embraced her daughters, and also her three little sons.

"There, now," said Gideon, "we are through with the business. Are the carriages at the door?" asked he of Hercules, who went out to ascertain if they had arrived.

"We will go home in the next train," said Gideon.