The Fourth Sunrise Part 10

"*That's too young.'

"*I know it is. That is why I stayed longer than I planned. Plus, I had no idea you would run off and marry your ex-boyfriend in the Army if I didn't come back in time. It didn't even dawn on me when I bought my bus ticket that that could even be an option.'

"*Benjamin came home after boot camp. We didn't get back together until October. I waited for you as long as I could. I was so heartbroken that you never came back for me. I don't know. I guess I just decided to settle. It was too painful thinking that you rejected me.'

"*I never rejected you. I thought about you every moment until I came for you.'

"*Every moment?' Christine asked in a way that broke my heart. She was basically implying she wished she would have known.

"*You were even in my dreams.' I looked at Christine and couldn't believe how fast we got into real serious, honest issues with one another. There was more I needed to say. *I tried to come back for you. I really did,' I repeated. She needed to know that I did all I could to come for her as quickly as I humanly could.

"Christine looked at me and sighed. *Is this for real? Are you telling me the truth? That you seriously came back for me? I wasn't just another girl in another town? You really rode a bus out to see me?'

"*I did. I even was walking around with a bouquet of flowers. I expected to find you that day and give you this romantic bouquet and propose to you.'

"*Really?'

"*Yep. I found out quick you were married. The two of you were the pride of the town.'

"Christine sat down and took a deep breath. *This is a lot for me to handle. That you were here and that I had already married Benjamin.'

"*Me, too,' I agreed. I wanted to talk to her so long that this machine-gun questioning was overwhelming from both ends. *Do you want to slow down a little bit?' I asked.

*"I don't think we know how to,' Christine answered.

"*I recall us having a similar problem, last time,' I said. A part of me felt as if I was dreaming. I had imagined running into her many times, but somehow the concept of her working at the nurse's station at Deltarado Days wasn't a possibility that I had ever considered. *Did your family come with you? Would it be okay if I stayed in here with you and talked for you a bit?'

"*No and yes. No, my family didn't come with me tonight. I am here all alone at Deltarado Days. I'm staying with my parents. And yes, I would love for you to stay and talk with me.'

"*Are your parents still staying on the farm?' I asked.

"*It's a ranch,' Christine corrected me.

"*I'm from Southern California. I don't know the difference.'

"*You should. You lived in New Mexico for a while. I'm sure there are ranches out there.' Christine looked up at me and smiled. *You look a little flushed. Have a seat, Joel. I'll check your vitals.'

*"You are the one sitting down,' I said, pointing out that she had taken the available seat.

*"Well, it's time for me to act professional.'

*"Professionalism is always a good thing in the nurse's profession,' I teased.

*"So, why did you come in the nurse's station?' Christine asked me as she stood up to compose herself.

"*I think I have what is called a rock *n roll headache. I'm not a big fan of the new stuff.'

"*Not a huge Van Halen and Black Sabbath fan, I take it?'

"*What happened to the Beatles and the Beach Boys?' I pleaded. *Even The Monkees were a lot better than the c.r.a.p that is out there now. I don't know why new rock 'n rollers don't understand that noise doesn't necessarily equate to music. But, I am obviously alone because I'm the only one in here with a headache.'

"*Joel Murphy. You know, I have followed your career the last few years,' Christine said, completely changed the subject.

"*Or my lack of one,' I laughed.

"This is where I wondered if her husband brought me up. I wasn't in the Army long, and once we got close, I told him that Murphy really wasn't my last name, that it was Morgan. I did that in hopes if he did bring me up later to Christine, he'd refer to me as Joel Morgan. The way Christine was acting, apparently, she had no idea I had served with her husband.

"Christine continued as I got up and sat in the chair she had been sitting in. Christine got up and began doing her nurse thing. Checking my ears, mouth, and nose. It was kind of embarra.s.sing. I would hate to have a booger. I was pretty sure I was good. She said, *I would get minor league box scores in my town and followed you until you retired.'

"*No, I quit. More like I didn't have a choice. I blew out my leg in the war.'

"*I hated that war so much. Thank G.o.d they ended it. My husband has never been the same.'

"I was curious about how he was doing, but I gather I didn't have to ask specific details and she would probably tell me as it came up in natural conversation.

"Christine was continuing about her feeling on the war, *My husband spent a lot of time over there. And for what? Tell me one good thing this stupid war did!'

"I smiled at Christine. *It didn't do much good, that is for sure. It might have employed a few more soldiers; that was about it.' I really didn't want to talk about the war. By this point, the only thing I actually wanted to know is if I impacted her life as much as she had impacted mine.

Chapter Sixteen.

"Christine gave me a clean bill of health and just said for me to take two aspirin. She gave some to me with a gla.s.s of water. Eventually, we both sat in the two stools that were in front of the portable building. We put them right outside, which gave it a patio feel. We were lounging in front of the nurse's station. I didn't think most people even knew there was a nurse's station at the fair, but maybe seeing a cute girl like Christine sitting out front, wearing her cute nurse's uniform might at least allow others to know there was an option to visit a nurse at the fair.

"*Anyway, other than baseball, what have you been up to?' Christine's question was a little too cheerful and there was a lack of endors.e.m.e.nt. I could tell her life had been hard. Her personality seemed a bit reined-inashe was a little colder, a little less optimistic than what I remembered from years before.

"*I traveled across the West and Mideast since the war. I picked up odd jobs here and there being a carpenter.'

"*A carpenter?'

"*I've always been pretty good with my hands,' I said as humbly as a statement like that could sound.

"Christine took a long look at me and reflected, *You mentioned that you haven't had too many girlfriends. Is that by choice?'

"*Yes.'

"*Didn't want to settle down?' Christine asked.

"*I did at one time.'

"*What happened?'

"I smiled. I didn't want to be a downer, but I also knew that I might not have much time with her and I didn't want to leave any stone unturned. *I don't think you want to know what soured me on marriage.'

"*Why not?'

"*You might have had something to do with it.'

"*Me? I waited for you.'

"*For what? Two months?'

"*I had no idea if you were ever going to come back to see me. I just didn't know and Benjamin definitely knew he wanted to marry me. Boot camp changed him and he wanted to start a family with me. He made it seem urgent. I think he was scared of the war, but having a family back home allowed him to not think about it so much.'

"I knew better than she did to what extent her husband separated the war from his family. He had people call him a completely different name so he could escape. I just nodded my head and stared intensely at Christine.

"*I understand why you made him your husband. It doesn't make it any easier for me to stomach.' I was quiet and I kept staring into Christine's eyes. It wasn't a romantic stare. It was a definite one. But it was impossible to stare at her and not have it eventually turn into a loving gaze.

"*That look you're giving me is what I have always remembered about you,' Christine said.

"*What exactly is it that you remember?'

"*You looked at me with certainty.'

"*Certainty?' I asked.

"*Yeah, you look at me with purpose. You are the first and last person to look at me that way.'

"*What about your husband?' I asked.

"*He looks through me and over me. Maybe there was a time he took the time to see me as I am, but it's been a long time since I felt that way.' Christine paused and reflected. She then looked at me and said, *I can't believe you came back for me.'

"*I can't believe you were already married.'

"*He pressured me.'

"*It's marriage. It wouldn't matter how much someone pressured me, I wouldn't marry someone I wasn't certain about.' That statement might have come out harshly to her ears, but this was what I felt.

"*What you need to understand, Joel, is that I love my husband. He put in the time, and where I am from, you reward that.'

"*Reward him? He sounds like a Labrador. You're rewarding him with your entire life?' I stated coa.r.s.ely.

"Christine looked out toward the street where people were now packing up from another successful Deltarado Days. I had struck a nerve with Christine. The last thing I wanted was for her to be upset with something I said. *I'm sorry. That was not my place to say anything. I mean, you're still married, so there must be a lot of good going on in your relationship.'

"*There's a lot of routine that goes into a relationship. Our daily lives are mapped out in itineraries. Everything we do is predictable. Even our s.e.x life is planned. My son is one of the few kids whose parents know exactly the night he was conceived.'

"*I don't think I want to hear any more,' I said. I couldn't handle hearing about her and Captain Jack's s.e.x life. It was enough to make me ill. I decided to change the subject. *How old is your son now?'

"*Twelve. He's back in Virginia with his dad.'

*"Why didn't they make the trip?'

"*He really doesn't like to do much of anything. The war changed him. He was already distant, but when he came back, it was a whole other story. There's no warmth left in him. He shuts me out, emotionally. That is a little bit of why I decided to take this trip alone.'

"*Okay, I wasn't trying to insinuate...'

*"Insinuate all you want. Your a.s.sumptions aren't far off from the truth.'

"*The truth being what?' I asked.

"*That I'm in an emotionless marriage. There is love there, but not the kind of lovea'

"*Kind of love that what?'

"*That two people should have. The kind I used to dream about when I was a little girl.' Christine paused and sighed. She started to laugh and said, *I am so sorry to unload on you so fast.'

"*It's okay. I've waited many years to hear these words. I'm not saying that I'm happy that your marriage is struggling. What I am saying is, I'm sure you made a mistake.'

"*I can't call my son a mistake.'

"*Parts of it shouldn't have happened. At least in my heart, I would like to think that to be true.'

"Christine smiled at me and said, *I don't know what it is about you that makes me so comfortable. Again, I go back to your eyes.'

"*What did my eyes do this time?'

"*They allow me to feel safe. Just like that night. I don't think I ever felt safer in a man's arms.'

"*That was an amazing night. It was a blessing and a curse.'

"*A curse?' Christine laughed. *Wow, now you sound like my husband.'

"*Please don't ever say that again."

"*Say what again?'

"*The words "my husband." What's his name again?' I knew his name, but she didn't know that I spent six months with him in Vietnam.

"*His name is Benjamin.'

"*Well, let's call him Benjamin if you don't mind. Each time you say the word husband, I cringe."

Present Day a" Delta, Colorado - Deltarado Days stage, 2:30 a.m.

"Why did it bother you that she referred to the man as her husband?" Sharee asked.

"It shouldn't have. I mean, I met the man and he was a good person. I guess I just felt like I wanted to play make-believe with her and her saying words like *husband' didn't allow me to do that."

"How much make-believe did you two end up doing?"

"My make-believe became my reality soon enough, which was probably not a good thing because I went there for closure. I needed closure, so that I could move on with my life."

"You must have known seeing her would ignite something in you."