The Foolish Almanak - novelonlinefull.com
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_To the poet_: May you have many more verses than reverses.
[Sidenote: _Health Hint_: Many are cold, but few are frozen.
[Ill.u.s.tration]
[Ill.u.s.tration]
SUNDAY A GREAT JAG
A man may think he's a terror to drink When he really is nothing to brag on, For it's true, we infer, that a big chestnut burr Gets the awfullest, all-around jag on.
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY (6,99,950 B.C.) Eve appears in a peek-a-boo waist.
THURSDAY
FRIDAY (1509) Henry VIII began to get married.
SAt.u.r.dAY
AUGUST
A man admires a woman for what he thinks she is; a woman admires a man for what she thinks he has.
HELPFUL HINT FOR SEPTEMBER
Excuse us, but we will not suggest any method for removing a coat of tan. We are a.s.sured on the best authority that Alice blue, radium gray, and fluorescent green will be the popular shades this summer. However, if yours is a tan coat, unb.u.t.ton it and pull your arms out first; it will then come off easily enough.
IS THE SUN INHABITED?
An astronomer from Indiana claims to have discovered that the Sun is inhabited.
The Public will probably hoot at this just as it hooted at Columbus when he said the Earth was round.
The Public also hooted at wireless telegraphy in its early stages.
The Public is now hooting at the idea of airships ever becoming common carriers.
The Sun may be inhabited, who knows?
This astronomer from Indiana may not be as buggy as he really appears at first blush.
The Sun is hot, 'tis true, but h.e.l.l is also hot.
And h.e.l.l is inhabited.
[Sidenote: _Financial Note_: When in doubt, do the first one you come across.]
[Sidenote: _Marine Note_: High rollers don't always come in from the sea.]
[Ill.u.s.tration: Those stars hold the stage. Take yer hat off.]
SUNDAY IT HEADS THE LIST
In a book showing all Of the gowns great and small Wives have worn since this old world begun, That first dress of Eve's, Which she fashioned of leaves, Should be, properly, labeled "Fig. 1."
MONDAY
TUESDAY
WEDNESDAY
THURSDAY (1848) Patent issued for converting fine coal into solid lumps.
(1906) Patent sought for converting fine poetry into filthy lucre.
