The First of April Part 2

Regardless of her Children's growing years, Deaf to their prattle, heedless of their tears; Tir'd of her native land, and pleasant home, On foreign sh.o.r.es she languishes to roam; In foreign Courts to play coquettish arts, And dart her lightnings into foreign hearts.

Yours is the Court where she would wish to shine; And where's the heart so soon inflam'd as thine?"

She spoke.--They heard their Mistress with delight; When, in a cloud, she veil'd them from my sight.

The painted A----, who appear'd once more, To do what she'd so often done before, Approach'd the Altar, to deposite there Each thought, each action of the finish'd year.

Alone the Lady came,--alone return'd; None joy'd her presence,--none her absence mourn'd.

Next M---- came, whose pleasing looks disclose Charms which must soften her severest foes.

Plac'd by her hand upon the Altar, lie Each _single Item of Oeconomy_; While her good, easy Lord the rite survey'd, And ratified the sacrifice she made.

Tho' small the Offering seem'd, in truth, 'twas great; It was the Fragment of his vast Estate.

E'en FOLLY saw their gay career must end, But, for their duties past, now prov'd their friend; And gave a Book that teaches the repair Of ruin'd Fortunes _in a foreign Air_.

But now advanc'd a melancholy Train:-- In plaintive notes the breathing flutes complain.

And lo! the sorrowing D---- then succeeds, In all the mournful pomp of Widows' weeds.

I heard her loud lament and bitter moan, Not for a Husband, but a t.i.tle gone.

Close by her side I saw the _ill.u.s.trious_ Dame Whom Wits the _Modern Messalina_ name; Who whisper'd comfort to the mourning Fair, And told of joys which blooming Widows share; Whose easy life no haughty ruler knows; Who, when th' awaken'd pa.s.sion wanton grows, May, where her fancy leads, allay the flame, Nor fear a husband's threats or ruin'd fame.

'Twas thus the BELDAME counsel'd; nor in vain Did she pour forth th' admonitory strain.

The weeping Fair before the Altar stood, In all the dignity of Widowhood.

First, from her eyes she wip'd away the tears; And then the solemn offering prepares.

--Connubial love,--the Altar's sacred tie,-- } Pure thoughts, chaste words, and many a tender sigh } Which issued from the breast of virtuous A----ry; } With golden prospects, and a future claim To the fair glories of a t.i.tled name; All these, in order plac'd, bedeck the shrine.

--Ill-fated D---- for they once were thine!

Of all this precious treasure nought remains, But the sad remnant of a Mother's pains.

Then spoke the Queen.--"Fair Dame, dispel your fears, And stop the fruitless current of your tears!

Tho' Friends may prove unkind, all are not gone; Still there remains the _virtuous H----ton_: Nor shall the wedded H---- faithless prove, Or quite forget the proofs of _former Love_.

Ne'er shall you more lament the name of Wife; The Widow's joys will crown your future life."

Next filly _V----rs_, who once had by heart Each _golden rule_ her _Mother_ could impart; But since, escap'd from the Maternal School, Soon learn'd to break through every _golden rule_,[c]

With her the weeping, whining D---- came, And the _repentant_ L----'s tasteless Dame.

To these an idle, giggling Train succeed, Of various figure and as various breed-- Whose mingled faces I had never seen-- Eager to pay their duties to the Queen.

And now before the Shrine, promiscuous, lie The Morning Blame, the Evening Flattery; Sonnets, and Sighs, and Garlands from the Grove, With all the soft Artillery of Love; Lampoons and Ballads, Jealousies, Alarms, And all the shafts which blast a Rival's charms; Volumes of false Reports the Altar load, Brought up from squint-eyed _Scandal_'s dark abode: And having yielded their accustom'd sport, Are duly register'd in FOLLY'S COURT.

Now shoals of Damsels to the place repair, To sacrifice their reputations there; While others, careful of their own good name, Give to the gaping crowd a neighbour's fame.

FOLLY, well-pleas'd, the varied heap survey'd Of _Female Offerings_ before her laid, And wav'd her wand:--The Altar disappears; But strait, at her command, another rears Its _silver_ base, whose firm, compacted mould Beam'd with the splendor of contrasted gold; And many a beauty shew'd, with strength to bear The _weighty_ tributes to be offer'd there.

Before it stood a modest, blooming Peer, Who bow'd with easy grace, and offer'd there Some fine-spun Verses which he never wrote, Some worthy Speeches which he spoke by rote: For thus I heard surrounding tongues rehea.r.s.e, "H---- wrote the Speeches, H---- composed the Verse."

And soon amid the mingled heap there lay The blasted wishes for _Hibernian_ sway.

And here he sigh'd, and, as I thought, a tear Rose in his sullen eye, but linger'd there; When FOLLY, pointing to the splendid show Of _Star_ and _Ribbon_ that bedeck'd the Beau, "For shame, my Lord, she cried, your doubtings cease!

With such a wish and such a power to please, As you possess--Oh think not of the strife And labours of the Politician's life!

Let _heavy Carlo_ feel the toilsome fate That doth on fruitless Opposition wait!

Let _clumsy_ NORTH, unenvied, still preside O'er Britain's welfare, and her Counsels guide!

Let _purblind_ GRANTHAM strive, in soothing strain, To calm the fury of revengeful SPAIN!

Let _gentle_ STORMONT threat intriguing FRANCE!

You shine, my Lord, _unrival'd in the dance_.

'Tis yours, with nimble step and graceful air, In measur'd mazes, to delight the Fair.

Of all the various arts, how few are known To gain an excellence in more than one.

What real praises then become your due!

For who can DRESS and DANCE so well as you!"

She ceas'd:--In minuet step my Lord retired; To higher _Entre-Chats_ he now aspir'd: Then, capering as he went, he hasten'd home, To plan with St----r Triumphs yet to come.

Now h.o.a.ry S---- near the Throne appears, Bent with the follies of full three-score years.

These, heap on heap, the solid Altar grace: When FOLLY, sighing, mourn'd his wrinkled face; And thus in words of consolation spoke:-- "Fear not, my aged Child, the impending stroke Of loit'ring Fate, which soon may cut in twain } Thy cable's dwindled strength, and feeble chain, } And set thy bark afloat upon th' Eternal Main! } Fear not; but still indulge thy wanton hours, And strew thy wint'ry path with vernal flowers.

How long thine hours may last, I cannot say; FOLLY ne'er sees beyond _the present day_.

And should Old Time, with subtle art, delude Thy feebled Age into decrepitude; Still on thy crutches sing, and dance, and play, And gild the close of Life's short Holiday!

No _second Childhood_ can my S---- wear; The _first_ yet boasts an incomplete career.

Amid the duties of maturer age, The playful Child was blended with the Sage; And e'en th' important labours of the State, The secret Councils, and the deep Debate, Have oft been left unfinished, to enjoy Some childish pastime, or some fangled toy, Then fear not,--tho' thy years are almost past, _My friendly Ray_ shall chear you to the last."

Now on the Altar, reeling, W---- lays The expectations of his early days; And talents which, improv'd by GRANVILLE'S care, Promis'd a ripe and plenteous crop to bear Of golden Virtues. But his care was vain: With these were mingled the accursed bane Of n.o.ble deeds, fell instruments of Vice, The treacherous Cards and desolating Dice, Which forc'd the n.o.ble Gamester, for support, To claim the mercies of a pitying Court.

The flatter'd Queen beheld, with laughing eye, The Offerings of her faithful Votary; And, in return, she gave a Scroll, which bore On its smooth face the _trusty_ name of H----, And other monied Wights, who boast to reign O'er L----'s flow'ry lawns and proud domain: Which when he saw, for WINE he call'd aloud, And stagger'd onward through the yielding Croud.

But, as I look'd, methought, beneath the gate, Counting her dropping tears, REPENTANCE sat: And as the giddy Votaries return'd, They caught her sorrows, and their follies mourn'd.

Bold M---- offer'd up his patriot zeal, And flaming Harangues for BRITANNIA'S weal; And _Oaths_[d] by which he swore to stem the tide Of Courtly Sway and Ministerial Pride; Which thro' the ecchoing Isle were frequent heard, When he a _Northern Candidate appear'd_.

But FOLLY gave him, with satiric look, A _Dispensation_ from the Oaths he took; Suspicious that, the patriot frenzy o'er, These pious _Swearings_ had been _broke before_.

Smiles that ne'er pleas'd, and words as light as air, Which scarce could claim regard from FOLLY'S ear; O'er-weening arts, which, tho' in smiles array'd, By base-born fears have ever been betray'd; A few fair deeds, whose merit has been lost In _selfish_ ends, or _Pharisaic_ boast; Soft, gentle Phrases, and meek, smiling Lies, Which could not veil his bare hypocrisies; Dull hours of _Courtship_ with the _unwilling_ Fair, Who wonder'd _rosy Love was never there_; Curses pour'd forth upon the nuptial hour, Which sadly _fail'd him of the expected Dower_[e]; All these and more the splendid Shrine display'd, By B----'s trembling hand with caution laid.

Now FOLLY frown'd, _who had not frown'd before_; And, as I thought, in her right hand she bore A Parchment Scroll, which strait she downward threw, For the pale, timorous Lordling to review.

A Will it seem'd;--and soon, with weeping eye, He told aloud _th' omitted Legacy_[f].

_Then_ FOLLY _t.i.tter'd_[g], and the joyful Croud Burst forth in laughing shouts so shrill and loud, The affrighted vision fled in haste away, And my glad eyes beheld the chearful day.

[Footnote a: [_His S----r's Fate._]--If the Reader should think I have strayed beyond the line of propriety in introducing a Family so _profitably_ employed as this, into the _Temple of Folly_,--I shall beg leave to refer him to a _sacred Book_ which this Family pretend to read with great care and attention; wherein he will perceive that the _wisdom of this world_, with which this Family so much abounds, is accounted _foolishness_.--Tho', if he should object to _Scripture_ authority, he will find, in the _laugh_ and _contempt_ of Mankind, the real folly of those who, in the midst of affluence, by the most bare-fac'd and indelicate proceedings, obtain and continue to grasp at every means of _domestic emolument_.]

[Footnote b: [And the _flow L----_.]--I do not allude to this n.o.ble person's capacity,--but to his _great and well-known Indispositions to this Connection_.]

[Footnote c: [_to break through every golden-rule_.] This woman, as an example of the good effects of _a prudential_ and _parsimonious_ education, the moment she was let loose, run into the extreme of Folly and expensive Fashions.--It has been said of one of her sisters, that she never spoke before her marriage, and was never silent afterwards.--This is the true art of managing Daughters--To prevent a discovery of their real dispositions 'till the end of the hypocrisy is answer'd,--and the _Settlement for Life_ irrevocable.]

[Footnote d: [_And Oaths by which he swore_.] At the last General Election, it was consider'd as a certain road to success by the Patriotic Candidates for the Senatorial Dignity, to propose and take oaths to support certain _wise_ measures, and to endeavour at the Repeal of certain _dangerous_ Laws. This person was among the outrageous Partisans of Opposition, who, at that time, look the propos'd oaths with great noise and clamour in various parts of the Kingdom: But his success was not then equal to that which he has since found, without any _public engagements_, beneath the smile of Ministerial favour.--But I do not mean, indeed I have no right to express myself with severity at this change of Party;--I will not add _Sentiments_;--for they are in the secret recesses of his own breast.--Nor shall I endeavour, at present, to develope the turnings and windings of that course which many of our Modern Patriots have taken.--These things will, in due time, explain themselves.--The Right Honourable Captain fought and found an empty Renown among the Frozen Seas of the _North_.--Some more substantial Honours seem to await him here.--I do not despair of seeing him _a Lord of the Admiralty_.--The n.o.ble Relation to whom he owes the rudiments of naval wisdom, may also have communicated to him that subtle Spirit, which, in spite of Private Connections, Family Dissentions, Public Engagements, and Ministerial Confusion, looks alone to, and will maintain its own Interests.]

[Footnote e: [_th' expected Dower._]--The Anecdote to which this relates is known to every one.--It contains the picture of a _sordid Man in the extreme_, who was capable of seeking for emolument in the Injustice of a Parent to his Children;--and, being repulsed in this hope, made the basest resolutions, but possess'd not sufficient courage to put them in execution.--And his reward is _Disappointment for Life_.

It is very extraordinary,--but the polite _Clubs_ and _Circles_ were alive at this event.--What then must that Man be, whose Miseries furnish delight to his Fellow-Creatures!--But when a _money-loving spirit_ alone _leads_ a man to the Altar,--the World will rejoice if a _cowardly spirit_ should _drive him thither_.]

[Footnote f: [_th' omitted Legacy._] About three or four months ago, the following Paragraph, or something like it, appear'd in the Morning Papers.--"Yesterday Lord ----, who had been called into the country by the sudden Illness of a n.o.ble Lady not twenty miles from _Windsor_, return'd to Town with an account of her Death and his Disappointment, to an anxious Family in _Lower Grosvenor Street_."--This Article of Intelligence would, probably, have been unnotic'd by me, had not a Person without any previous notice, exclaim'd aloud in a Coffee-House where I happened to be,--_I am glad of it, by G----d_.--Upon being ask'd by some of the Company, what might occasion such a _joyful a.s.severation_,--he read the above paragraph,--and the _whole room_ express'd an almost equal satisfaction.]

[Footnote g: [_Then Folly t.i.tter'd._] Mankind, who are accustomed to have their attention awaken'd to acts of daring Vice, or pre-eminent Virtue, may think the mean, base, cowardly, hypocritical Character not sufficiently interesting to claim their particular notice;--and that the exposing to the general knowledge of the World, those miserable, sneaking qualities which have not courage to rise into general notice, and are too mean to be long the topics of any conversion, is drawing aside the veil where it ought to be covered with thicker folds.--But when the mean Character, conscious of the universal contempt of those in his own rank, endeavours, by occasional smiles, and a silky demeanour, to acquire some degree of respect from the subordinate stations, his hopes, surely, ought to be dash'd;--and he deserves well of Society and of Virtue who performs the office.--Tho', I believe, in the _Character before me_, the _gentle_ semblance of Virtue will not pa.s.s current with those who possess the least suspicion, or the most ordinary penetration.--_But more of this hereafter._]

FINIS.