The Feng Shui Detective's Casebook Part 28

From 'Some Gleanings of Oriental Wisdom'

by CF Wong, part 33.

CF Wong sat at his desk and flicked through his invoice book. It had been a busy month, and he had not had time to sit down and go through his accounts for several weeks. Things were looking bad. He phoned his patron, Pun Chi-kin.

'Wah, Pun-saang, so much properties this month, in so many different country. I think three trip in one month too much, cannot do good job, always too much hurry-hurry, no time for my other work, aiyeeah, big problem.'

'I have every confidence that you can cope, Wong.' The property developer's voice was smooth and velvety on the surface, but was there just a hint of iron underneath?

'Also, some job very difficult. Not easy. Take many days.' The feng shui feng shui master tried to avoid a note of pleading, but it was difficult. 'Maybe we look again at my retainer, Mr Pun, see what is suitable fee, can-or-not?' master tried to avoid a note of pleading, but it was difficult. 'Maybe we look again at my retainer, Mr Pun, see what is suitable fee, can-or-not?'

Mr Pun gave a low growl in response. After a few seconds, he continued: 'I realised you had a lot of work this month, visiting the board members, Mr Wong, but I thought you would be grateful. I know you never miss a chance to hit clients with extra fees for extra services. No doubt you lined your pockets, as you normally do.' There was was metal in his tone-not iron, but something harder and more dangerous: tempered steel. metal in his tone-not iron, but something harder and more dangerous: tempered steel.

'Oh no, sir, no-no-no. Your board members get free service, everything included. Only sometime they force me to take extra money, I say no-no-no, don't want. But they force me. Bad face for them if I say no.'

'Ye-es.' Pun was sceptical. 'Whatever. Anyway, I have certain concerns about the way you carried out some of the a.s.signments this month.'

Wong froze. 'Oh. I do something wrong, boss?'

'Mr Wong: One of my board members is dead and another is out on bail on charges of fish-theft. This makes things awkward. I accept that you had no direct involvement in the death of Ms Del Rosario, but I cannot say the same for your role in the arrest of Mr Tik.'

'Ah. Mr Tik.'

'Yes, Mr Tik.' Pun gave a long sigh. 'If, in future, you discover business people related to my company are engaged in wrongful acts, it would be wise to quietly forget what you see, do you understand? Or at least, tell me about them before you tell the police. I'm a conservative man, and I like things to go on exactly as they have for many, many years. Arrests of board members are awkward and unpleasant for me. Understand?'

'Yes, Mr Pun.'

'I am deducting a certain sum of money from your monthly retainer this month to help you learn that important lesson.'

The words were like a knife in Wong's stomach. He sat down heavily.

'Still there?'

'Yes, Mr Pun.'

'Now, you say you want a review of the overall level of your retainer?'

'Yes, Mr Pun.'

There was silence on the other end of the phone. It seemed to go on for a long time. When Wong had begun to wonder if the line had gone dead, the businessman came back. 'I'm glad you asked. I've been thinking about reviewing the costs of your operation. After all, this is a period of heavy deflation, as you know. Deflation should be applied uniformly, I've always believed.'

The feng shui feng shui master was suddenly alert. Deflation? What means deflation? Was this good news or bad? Must check, quick. Wong, with his free hand, quickly plucked his English dictionary from the bookshelf and started flicking through it. 'Sorry, Pun-saang. Please wait. Urgent call on other line.' He pressed the hold b.u.t.ton, inflicting a monophonic version of master was suddenly alert. Deflation? What means deflation? Was this good news or bad? Must check, quick. Wong, with his free hand, quickly plucked his English dictionary from the bookshelf and started flicking through it. 'Sorry, Pun-saang. Please wait. Urgent call on other line.' He pressed the hold b.u.t.ton, inflicting a monophonic version of Greensleeves Greensleeves on his chief paymaster. on his chief paymaster.

Finding the page, he read it carefully, his lips moving: 'DEFLATION: Lessening of monetary value; economic condition in which money loses spending power resulting in a reduction of costs; the opposite of inflation.'

Wong considered this, the s.p.a.ce between his eyebrows s.c.r.e.w.i.n.g itself into a tight grid. Did this mean what he thought it meant? Money going down down?

Must act fast. He pressed the hold b.u.t.ton again. 'Maybe no need for review of cost jus' yet,' he said as pleasantly as he could. 'Can manage okay jus' now. Three-four trip oversea in one month no problem. Sorry about Mr Tik.'

'Well, Wong, glad to hear it,' said Pun, his voice dry and unamused. He rang off.

Aiyeeah. The feng shui feng shui master crossed his arms and slumped forwards across his desk. After a minute, he jerked himself upright and reached for the bag of curried fishb.a.l.l.s he had purchased as a late-afternoon snack. master crossed his arms and slumped forwards across his desk. After a minute, he jerked himself upright and reached for the bag of curried fishb.a.l.l.s he had purchased as a late-afternoon snack.

But Winnie Lim was wiping her lips with a tissue, having scoffed the lot.

An hour later, the geomancer was sitting at his favourite table at the night market. He had brought two books with him to provide cheerful reading: his invoice book and his receipts book. There was nothing more comforting than flicking through payment stubs.

He smiled as he reached a group of stubs stamped with the word paid paid. He had seen three separately billed extra clients on the Australia trip-little old ladies from Perth who had wanted their homes feng shui feng shui-ed. There had actually been a fourth offer from that Mrs Lavender, but he had reluctantly turned her down because she kept brushing her pendulous b.r.e.a.s.t.s against him and giving him lascivious looks. Not safe to go to her house. It occurred to him that he could have agreed to it, collected the money and then sent Joyce to do the work. Ah well, too late.

The biggest disaster was the Manila trip. First, the client had died, so there was going to be no hope of follow-up visits. Second, Wong had spent the best part of three days working long hours in the offices of the Philippine Daily Sun Philippine Daily Sun and been paid nothing at all for it. He should have insisted on full payment in advance. and been paid nothing at all for it. He should have insisted on full payment in advance.

As he compared his earnings with the days spent working, he found that the disappointing Manila trip was partly compensated for by extra profits earned in Thailand. He had received a fat tip after finishing his official a.s.signment of redoing the dressing room, and another one after the unofficial job-solving the mystery of the missing actors.

The India trip had produced no extra fees, but had been worth it for another reason. His visit to the home of Mag-Auntie outside Pallakiri had powerfully brought home to him the similarities between feng shui feng shui and and vaastu. vaastu. Until then, he had always been slightly disdainful of Indian geomantic arts, considering them to be more superst.i.tion than science. Until then, he had always been slightly disdainful of Indian geomantic arts, considering them to be more superst.i.tion than science.

But that glade! It was so perfect, so paradisiacal, so much the archetype of the original Pure Land of Zen. Truly it proved that the human mind all over the world was programmed to react positively to a home with ideal geomantic conditions. Mag-Auntie had given him the address of her vaastu vaastu master, a man called Mistry, and he was already planning another trip to India for the purposes of visiting him. master, a man called Mistry, and he was already planning another trip to India for the purposes of visiting him.

But how to finance it? India was far away and airline trips there were expensive. And if he did not want to eat street food, he would have to stay in a fancy hotel, preferably one with Chinese food. It would cost money. He needed a client there to finance his visit.

As dusk fell, the night market became busy. The chefs started work.

Dilip Kenneth Sinha and Madam Xu arrived moments later, as if the venue's cooks and diners had shared a bus.

'Go easy on the garlic and spice tonight,' said Madam Xu. 'I am meeting a client after dinner at 7:30.'

Sinha shook his head. 'I'm afraid, dear lady, that we shall have to order for you separately. Wong and myself can no longer taste food that has not been spiced. Years of ill usage have damaged our palates beyond the reach of subtle flavourings.'

The fortune-teller took out a small flannel and wiped down the surface of the table in front of her. 'Well, we don't have to have Indian. We could have Chinese-Szechuan for you and Cantonese for me. You could have your chilli crab.'

'Correct. Or we could go for Malay. We haven't done that for a while.'

Wong nodded: Lontong,' he said. 'Need lontong tonight.'

'Good choice,' said Sinha. 'There are few things as comforting after a long day's work as rice cakes and eggs swamped in a spicy cream sauce. I suggest that we have, on the side, a plate of otak-otak. There's something about the pleasing stink of fish paste that sets the world to rights.'

'I fancy a roti john,' said Madam Xu.

'Panggang,' said Wong.

The lengthy discussion of what to order was an important part of the ritual. Despite the delay it caused to the actual meal, the meal tasted far better if its various components had been carefully compared, a.n.a.lysed and matched.

The consensus was to go for Malay cuisine. Its Thai influences of shrimp paste and chilli would satisfy Wong and Sinha's macho cravings for burned tongues, while the more subtle flavours of lemongra.s.s and coconut milk would be suitable for Madam Xu's delicate palate.

Once ordered, the food started to arrive quickly. Barely eight minutes later, Wong was holding a bowl of lontong and shovelling soaked rice-cakes into his mouth. Sauce dribbled down his chin.

The three members of the investigative advisory committee of the Union of Industrial Mystics ate in silence. As one of the great sages said: To he who has been made to wait, dinner is Heaven and Heaven is dinner. For a moment, the three-legged stool made up of Heaven, Earth and Man was at peace. Wong was a happy man.

Then Joyce McQuinnie slipped on to the stool next to him. 'Yo, boss man.'

Shh-chka-shh-chka-shh-chka-shh.

'You looked a bit blue in the office,' she said. She was talking unnaturally loudly, as she often did when she was wearing headphones and having a conversation at the same time.

'Blue?' Wong looked down at the back of his hands peering at his veins, which were sometimes bluish. They were the same brown as usual, although one was stained with lontong sauce.

'I mean like, you know, down. down.'

He glanced down at his feet. His ankles, a sliver of which showed between his sheer Shanghainese socks and his trouser legs, were also the usual shade of brown.

'I meant down in the dumps.'

Wong looked at her. 'Which dumps?'

'No dumps. I meant-never mind. I bought these. Thought they might cheer you up. Winnie forgot to empty the letter box this morning and I found them sticking out.' She handed him two envelopes. 'One of them is from Nevis Au Yeung. The other's from -'

The feng shui feng shui master grabbed the first envelope and tore it open in one swift movement. Au Yeung the billionaire! Number 39 on the master grabbed the first envelope and tore it open in one swift movement. Au Yeung the billionaire! Number 39 on the Forbes Forbes rich list for Asia. A billionaire had written to him. What sort of tip might a billionaire give to someone who had performed a good service for him? It could be millions. It could be a spare apartment or house or car. It could be a yacht. How much could he sell the yacht for? rich list for Asia. A billionaire had written to him. What sort of tip might a billionaire give to someone who had performed a good service for him? It could be millions. It could be a spare apartment or house or car. It could be a yacht. How much could he sell the yacht for?

Inside the courier packet was a small, white envelope bearing the name-no, it must be a mistake. He narrowed his eyes and glared closely at the handwriting on the front again. No mistake. The envelope was addressed to 'Joice, c/o Mister Wong'.

'For you,' said Wong crossly, handing it over.

'Oh. Really? Well this one's definitely for you, anyway.' She tossed him another envelope.

The young woman laughed to find that her letter was from Foo-Foo Au Yeung. It was a note inviting her to lunch. She read it out loud for Wong's benefit. '"Nevis has given me $100,000 to go and find a Chitty. He has always wanted a flying car. Would you like to meet for lunch? We can spend some of the money on lunch, and the rest on shopping. He'll never notice.'''

Joyce was thrilled. 'Cool. Shopping with someone else's money. I could put up with that for an afternoon, no sweat.'

Wong tore open the other envelope and squinted at it.

It was a letter on lilac scented paper from Mrs Jackie Lavender of Perth. Dear CF Dear CF, it said. I never really got a chance to say goodbye. And you did, quite possibly, save my life. I owe you a debt of grat.i.tude and I always pay my debts. I've decided I'm going to visit Singapore to express my grat.i.tude in a personal way. See you soon, my dear little man. Perhaps we could do some light exercise together? I never really got a chance to say goodbye. And you did, quite possibly, save my life. I owe you a debt of grat.i.tude and I always pay my debts. I've decided I'm going to visit Singapore to express my grat.i.tude in a personal way. See you soon, my dear little man. Perhaps we could do some light exercise together?

The feng shui feng shui master closed his eyes. He remembered the ancient Chinese proverb: From a hungry tiger and an affectionate woman there is no escape. But that in turn reminded him of his encounter in the Sing Woo supermarket. After fifty-six years of life on earth, he was still being showered with trials and tribulations. master closed his eyes. He remembered the ancient Chinese proverb: From a hungry tiger and an affectionate woman there is no escape. But that in turn reminded him of his encounter in the Sing Woo supermarket. After fifty-six years of life on earth, he was still being showered with trials and tribulations.

Why did the G.o.ds hate him so?

More than a thousand years ago, a scholar went to see a great master of a school in a city called Chang'an.

The scholar said: 'Master, I come to you to be led to a state of enlightenment. I believe only you can deliver me to such a state. I need transcendence.'

The teacher looked at him and said: 'I need to s.h.i.t.'

The scholar was confused. He said: 'Why do you say this to me?'

The master said: 'I don't want to move. So I wonder if you can go to the toilet and s.h.i.t for me, please?'

The scholar: 'But I cannot do it for you. You have to do it for yourself.'

The master said: 'Yes.'

And the scholar understood.

Blade of Gra.s.s, every student must undertake his own personal journey. There is only room on The Way for one person at a time.

When does the journey end?

The Zen masters tell the story of the famous poet Bai Juyi.

He went to see the Monk Niaowo and asked him how he could become One with Heaven. Monk Niaowo said: 'Do good. Do not do bad.'

The poet Bai Juyi said: 'That is so simple. A child of three knows it.'

Monk Niaowo said: 'A child of three knows it. But a man of one hundred cannot do it. Enjoy the journey, for the journey is the end and the end is the journey.'

From 'Some Gleanings of Oriental Wisdom'

by CF Wong, part 34.

NURY VITTACHI did not win the Vogel for his first novel, was not shortlisted for the Man Booker Prize with his subsequent books, and has never been nominated for a n.o.bel Prize for Literature. 'I hope to make it a clean sweep by not winning the Pulitzer next year,' the Hong Kong-based novelist said.