The English Spy Part 61

AND CHARACTERS, IN 1825.

BY AN HONEST REVIEWER,

ALIAS "The spirit in the clouds."{1}

"All hail, great master! grave sir, hail! I come To answer thy best pleasure; be't to fly, To swim, to dive into the fire, to ride On the curl'd clouds; to thy strong bidding, task Ariel, and all his quality.

Prospero. Why, that's my spirit!

Shakspeare--Tempest.

"Good morrow to my worthy masters; and a merry Christmas to you all!"--The Bellman.

"Mendiei, mimi, balatrones."--Hor.

"Mimics, beggars, and characters of all sorts and sizes."

--Free Translation.

My Good Mr. Spy,

Will you not exclaim, Mercy upon us! here is a text and t.i.tle as long and as voluminous as a modern publication, or the sermon of the fox-hunting parson, who, when compelled to

1 See last number of the Spy, Part XXI. p. 273.

~271~~preach on a saint's day, mounted the pulpit in his sporting toggery, using his gown as "a cloak of maliciousness?" But have patience, sweet Spy; be kindly-minded, dear Bernard: like John of Magna Charta memory, "I have a thing to say;" and do now be a good attentive Hubert to hear me out.

"Indeed, since you have inspirited, if not inspired me, by the 'immortal honour' of dubbing me your 'a.s.sociate,' I were wanting in common grat.i.tude not to attempt, by the return of moon, for I believe that luminary, like your numbers, comes out new every fourth week, to convey to you the swellings-over of my grat.i.tude for the kind and fine things you have been pleased to cheer me with; although even yet, though the time will come, I can neither withdraw my vizor, nor disclose my 'family cognomen.'

[Ill.u.s.tration: page271]

It was true, and joy it was 'twas true, that we were at rowings, sailings, feastings, and dancings together, but how comes it we were not at the great racings together? that neither you, nor your ministers, they who,

"----correspondent to command, Perform thy spiriting gently----"

were at the grand muster of the North, the Doncaster meeting? Bernard, I tell thee all the world was there; from royalty and loyalty down to the dustman and democracy. Then such "sayings and doings," a million of hooks could hardly have had an eye to all. You have read of the confusion of tongues, of "Babel broke loose," of the crusaders'

contributory encampment peopled by dozens of nations; you have seen the inside of a patent theatre on the first night of a Christmas pantomime, or mingled in an Opera-house masquerade; have listened to a Covent-garden squabble, a Billingsgate commotion, or a watch-house row; but in the whole course of your life, varied as ~272~~it has been, active as it has proved, you never have, never could have experienced any thing at all to eclipse or even to equal the "hey, fellow, well met" congregatory musters, and the "beautiful and elegant confusions"

of Doncaster town in the race week of (September) eighteen hundred and twenty-five!

I am not, however, about to inflict upon you a "list of the horses,"

nor "the names, weights, and colours of the riders;" but I cannot help thinking that the English Spy will not have quite completed his admirable gallery of portraits, and his unique museum of curiosities for the benefit and delight of posterity, if he omit placing in their already splendid precincts two or three heads and sketches, which the genius of notoriety is ready to contribute as her own, and which to pa.s.s over would be as grievous to miss, as Mrs. Waylett's breeches,{2} characters at the Haymarket Theatre, or a solution of Euclid by one of Dr. Birkbeck's "operatives."

Allow me, then, who am not indeed "without vanity," once more to "stand by your side," or rather for you, and to attempt, albeit I have not your magic pencil, another taste of my quality, by dashing off _con amore_ the lions of the North.

2 There frequently occur circ.u.mstances in a younker's life which lie never, in all his after career, forgets. I remember a very worthy and a very handsome old gentlewoman, the wife of an eminent physician, once being exceedingly wroth, it was almost the only time I ever knew her seriously angry, because a nephew of hers a.s.serted all women were, what in the vulgate is called "knock-knee'd," and almost threatened to prove the contrary. Had she lived in our days, the truth, almost on any evening on our stage, might be ascertained, and I fear not at all to the satisfaction of the defender of her s.e.x's shape. Nature never intended women to wear the breeches, and the invention of petticoats was the triumph of art. Why will Eve's daughters publicly convince us they are not from top to toe perfect?

~273~~As, however, some that attend my sitting are quite as difficult to manage as the conspirators of Prospero's isle, it may be as well if, like Ariel, I sing to them as I lay on the colours of identification.

Bear in mind still, that I am a "spirit in the clouds," and, therefore, there can be nothing of "_michin malachi_" in my melody.

I love a race-course, that I do; But then, good folks, it is as true, Only don't blab, I tell it you, I can't love all its people;

For though I'm somewhat down and fly, Is slang gone out, sweet Mister Spy?

Of trade with them I am as shy As jumping from a steeple.

Yet what with fashion's feather'd band, And pawing steeds, and crowded stand; Its sights are really very grand, Which to deny were sin.

But then, though fast the horses run, Few gain by "clone," and "done," and "done,"

For what a damper to the fun!

Those "only laugh who win."

Oh! what a mixture must we greet In rooms, at inns, on turf, in street; Be "hand and glove" with all we meet, Old files, and new-bronzed faces!

With marquis, lord, and duke, and squire, We now keep up the betting fire; And then the guard of the "Highflyer"

We book at Northern races.{3}

3 A song would be no song at all without notes; I must there-fore try a few. I can a.s.sure you they are not mere humming ones. _Allons_--"all is not gold that glitters,"

neither is it all "prunella" that blows a horn upon the stern of a coach. The "York Highflyer" I really am not to go down gratis "next jour-ney" for puffing it is a good coach, and the guard is a good guard, and he ventured a "good bit"

of money on the Leger, and was "floored," for "Cleveland"

was a slow one. However, it didn't balk his three days'

holiday, nor spoil his new coat, nor blight his nosegay. I saw him after his defeat, looking as rosy as Pistol, and heard him making as much noise as one; "nor malice domestic nor foreign levy" could hurt him.

~274~~

Look in that room,{4} judge for yourself; See what a struggle's made for wealth, What crushings, bawlings for the pelf, 'Twixt high heads and low legs.

That is Lord K----,{5} and that Lord D-----,{5} That's Gully{6}; yon's fishmonger C;{5} A octree-man that; that, Harry Lee,{5} Who stirr'd Mendoza's pegs.

Or walk up stairs; behold yon board, Rich with its thrown-down paper h.o.a.rd, But oh! abused, beset, adored By wine-warm'd folks o' nights.

The playing cog, the paying peer, Pigeon and Greek alike are here; And some are clear'd, and others clear; Ask Bayner,{6} and such wights.

4 The new subscription room; where down stairs more than the "confusion of tongues" prevails, and above a man's character, if in-sured, would go under the column of "trebly hazardous." It is really a pity that hone-racing should appear so close a neighbour to gambling as it does at Doncastor.

5 My men of letters are not merely alphabet men, but bona fide characters of consideration upon the turf. I confess Lord Kennedy is a bit of a favourite of mine, ever since I saw him so good-natured at the pigeon-shooting matches at Battersea; and greatly rejoiced was I to find him unplucked at the more desperate wagerings of the North. He really is clever in the main, and no subject for St. Luke's, though he depends much on a bedlamite. Gulley, Crock-ford, and Bland, need no character; and every body knows Harry Lee fought a pluck battle with old Dan. But it is "box Harry" with fighters now.

6 Poor Rayner of C. G. T.--hundreds at one fell swoop! all his morning's winnings gone in one evening's misfortune. Let him think on't when next he plays "the School of Reform."

~275~~

Nay, thick as plagues of Egypt swarm These emblems of the devil's charm, When the fall'n angel works a harm To Eve's demented brood;

Worse than of famish'd shark the maw, Worse than snake's tooth, or tiger's claw, The gambler's fish{7} spits from its maw h.e.l.l's poison-filled food!

But, halt! Who're they so deep in port, Who jostle thus the dons of sport, With all th' a.s.sumed airs of court, From which indeed they are?

But not from court of Carlton, Nor James's Court, nor any one; But where "the fancy" used to run To see the creatures spar.

The one's a diamond, that you see, But yet a black one I agree, And in the way of chancery A smart Ward in his time;