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There's the whole world for them to play in. The fields and the cliffs and the sea.
But looking after them . . . the washing and the ironing, and the cooking. And there's no refrigerator, and how would I heat the water?
I thought that all that mattered was getting the children to yourself away from London.
They're better in London, with Nanny, than living in a house like this.
That wasn't what you thought yesterday.
I can't bring them here. I wouldn't know where to begin. Not on my own like that.
Then what are you going to do?
I don't know. Talk to Alice, perhaps I should have talked to her before now. She hasn't children of her own, but she'll understand. Maybe she'll know about some other little house. She'll understand. She'll help. She has to help.
So much, said her own cool and scathing voice, for all those strong resolutions.
Angrily, Virginia stubbed out the half-smoked cigarette, ground it under her heel and got up and went downstairs and took out the keys and locked the door behind her. She went back up the path to the gate, stepped through and shut it. The house watched her the small bedroom windows like derisive eyes. She tore herself from their gaze and got back into the safety of her car. It was a quarter past twelve. She needed cigarettes and she was not expected back at Wheal House for lunch, so, when she had turned the car, and was driving back up on to the main road again, she took not the road to Porthkerris, but the other way, and she drove the short mile to Lanyon village, up the narrow main street, and finally came to a halt in the cobbled square that was flanked on one side by the porch of the square-towered church and on the other by a small whitewashed pub called The Mermaid's Arms.
Because of the fine weather, there were tables and chairs set up outside the pub, along with brightly coloured sun-umbrellas and tubs of orange nasturtiums. A man and a woman in holiday clothes sat and drank their beer, their little boy played with a puppy. As Virginia approached, they looked up to smile good morning, and she smiled back and went past them in through the door, instinctively ducking her head beneath the blackened lintel.
Inside it was dark-panelled, low-ceilinged, dimly illuminated by tiny windows veiled in lace curtains; there was a pleasant smell, cool and musty. A few figures, scarcely visible in the gloom, sat along the wall, or around small wobbly tables, and behind the bar, framed by rows of hanging beer-mugs, the barman, in shirtsleeves and a checkered pullover, was polishing gla.s.ses with a dishcloth.
"... I don't know ow it is, William," he was saying to a customer who sat at the other end of the bar, perched disconsolately on a tall stool, with a long cigarette ash and hall a pint of bitter, "... but you put the litter bins up and n.o.body puts nothing into them ..."
"Ur ..." said William, nodding in sad agreement and sprinkling cigarette ash into the beer.
"Stuff blows all over the road, and the County Council don't even come and empty them. Ugly old things they are, too, we'd be better without them. Managed all right without them before, we did . . ." He finished polishing the gla.s.s, set it down with a thump and turned to attend to Virginia.
"Yes, madam?"
He was very Cornish, in voice, in looks, in colouring. A red and wind-burned face, blue eyes, black hair.
Virginia asked for cigarettes.
"Only got packets of twenty. That all right?" He turned to take them from the shelf and slit the wrapper with a practised thumbnail. "Lovely day, isn't it? On holiday, are you?"
"Yes." It was years since she had been into a pub. In Scotland women were never taken into pubs. She had forgotten the atmosphere, the snug companionship. She said, "Do you have any c.o.ke?"
He looked surprised. "Yes, I've got c.o.ke. Keep it for the children. Want some, do you?"
"Please."
He reached for a bottle, opened it neatly, poured it into a gla.s.s and pushed it across the counter towards her.
"I was just saying to William, here, that road to Porthkerris is a disgrace . . Virginia pulled up a stool and settled down to listen. ". . . All that rubbish lying around. Visitors don't seem to know what to do with their litter. You'd think coming to a lovely part like this they'd have the sense they was born with and take all them old bits of paper home with them, in the car, not leave them lying around on the roadside. They talk about conservation and ecology, but, my G.o.d . . ."
He was off on what was obviously his favourite hobby-horse, judging by the well-timed grunts of a.s.sent that came from all corners of the room. Virginia lit a cigarette. Outside, in the sunny square, a car drew up, the engine stopped, a door slammed. She heard a man's voice say good morning, and then footsteps came through the doorway and into the bar behind her.
"... I wrote to the MP about it, said who was going to get the place cleaned up, he said it was the responsibility of the County Council, but I said ..." Over Virginia's head he caught sight of the new customer. " 'Allo, there! You're a stranger."
"Still at the litter bins, Joe?"
"You know me, boy, worry a subject to death, like a terrier killing a rat. What 11 you have?"
"A pint of bitter."
Joe turned to draw the beer, and the newcomer moved in to stand between Virginia and lugubrious William, and she had recognized his voice at once, as soon as he spoke, just as she had known his footfall, stepping in over the flagged threshold of The Mermaid's Arms.
She took a mouthful of c.o.ke, laid down the gla.s.s. All at once her cigarette tasted bitter; she stubbed it out and turned her head to look at him, and she saw the blue shirt, with the sleeves rolled back from his brown forearms, and the eyes very blue and the short, rough, brown hair cut like a pelt, close to the shape of his head. And because there was nothing else to be done she said, "Hallo, Eustace."
Startled, his head swung round and his expression was that of a man who had suddenly been hit in the stomach, bemused and incapable. She said, quickly, "It really is me," and his smile came, incredulous, rueful, as though he knew he had been made to look a fool.
"Virginia."
She said again, stupidly, "Hallo."
"What in the name of heaven are you doing here?"
She was aware that every ear in the place was waiting for her to reply. She made it very light and casual. "Buying cigarettes. Having a drink."
"I didn't mean that. I mean in Cornwall. Here, in Lanyon."
"I'm on holiday. Staying with the Lingards in Porthkerris."
"How long have you been here?"
"About a week ..."
"And what are you doing out here?"
But before she had time to tell him, the barman had pushed Eustace's tankard of beer across the counter, and Eustace was diverted by trying to find the right money in his trouser pocket.
"Old friends, are you?" asked Joe, looking at Virginia with new interest, and she said, "Yes, I suppose you could say that."
"I haven't seen her for ten years," Eustace told him, pushing the coins across the counter. He looked at Virginia's gla.s.s. "What are you drinking?"
"c.o.ke."
"Bring it outside, we may as well sit in the sun."
She followed him, aware of the unblinking stares which followed them; the insatiable curiosity. Outside in the sunshine he put their gla.s.ses down on to a wooden table and they settled, side by side on a bench, with the sun on their heads and their backs against the whitewashed wall of the pub.
"You don't mind being brought out here, do you? Otherwise we couldn't say a word without it being received and transmitted all over the county within half an hour."
"I'd rather be outside."
Half turned towards her, he sat so close that Virginia could see the rough, weather-beaten texture of his skin, the network of tiny lines around his eyes, the first frosting of white in that thick brown hair. She thought, I'm with him again.
He said, "Tell me."
"Tell you what?"
"What happened to you." And then quickly: "I know you got married."
"Yes. Almost at once."
"Well, that would have put paid to the London Season you were dreading so much."
"Yes, it did."
"And the coming-out dance."
"I had a wedding instead."
"Mrs. Anthony Keile. I saw the announcement in the paper." Virginia said nothing. "Where do you live now?"
"In Scotland. There's a house in Scotland . . ."
"And children?"
"Yes. Two. A boy and a girl."
"How old are they?" He was really interested, and she remembered how the Cornish loved children, how Mrs. Jilkes was for ever going dewy-eyed over some lovely little great-nephew or niece.
"The girl's eight and the boy's six."
"Are they with you now?"
"No. They're in London. With their grandmother."
"And your husband? Is he down? What's he doing this morning? Playing golf?"
She stared at him, accepting for the first time the fact that personal tragedy is just that. Personal. Your own existence could fall to pieces but that did not mean that the rest of the world necessarily knew about it, or even bothered. There was no reason for Eustace to know.
She laid her hands on the edge of the table, aligning them as though their arrangement were of the utmost importance. She said, "Anthony's dead." Her hands seemed all at once insubstantial, almost transparent, the wrists too thin, the long almond-shaped nails, painted coral pink, as fragile as petals. She wished suddenly, fervently, that they were not like that, but strong and brown and capable, with dirt engrained, and fingernails worn from gardening and peeling potatoes and sc.r.a.ping carrots. She could feel Eustace's eyes upon her. She could not bear him to be sorry for her.
He said, "What happened?"
"He was killed in a car accident. He was drowned."
"Drowned?"
"We have this river, you see, at Kirkton . . . that's where we live in Scotland. The river runs between the house and the road, you have to go over the bridge. And he was coming home and he skidded, or misjudged the turn, and the car went through the wooden railings and into the river. We'd had a lot of rain, a wet month, and the river was in spate and the car went to the bottom. A diver had to go down . . . with a cable. And the police eventually winched it out ..." Her voice trailed off.
He said gently, "When?"
"Three months ago."
"Not long."
"No. But there was so much to do, so much to see to. I don't know what's happened to the time. And then I caught this bug-a sort of 'flu, and I couldn't throw it off, so my mother-in-law said that she'd have the children in London and I came down here to stay with Alice."
"When are you going away again?"
"I don't know."
He was silent. After a little he picked up his gla.s.s and drained his beer. As he set it down he said, "Have you got a car here?"
"Yes." She pointed. "The blue Triumph."
"Then finish that drink and we'll go back to Penfolda." Virginia turned her head and stared at him. "Well, what's so extraordinary about that? It's dinner time. There are pasties in the oven. Do you want to come back and eat one with me?"
". . . Yes."
"Then come. I've got my Land-Rover. You can follow me."
"All right."
He stood up. "Come along, then."
Chapter 3.
She had been to Penfolda once before, only once, and then in the cool half-light of a spring evening ten years before.
"We've been invited to a party," Alice had announced over lunch that day.
Virginia's mother was immediately intrigued. She was immensely social and with a seventeen-year-old daughter to launch into society one only had to mention a party to capture her attention.
"How very nice! Where? Who with?"
Alice laughed at her. Alice was one of the few people who could laugh at Rowena Parsons and get away with it, but then Alice had known her for years.
"Don't get too excited. It's not really your sort of thing."
"My dear Alice, I don't know what you mean. Explain!"
"Well, it's a couple called Barnet. Amos and Fenella Barnet. You may have heard of him. He's a sculptor, very modern, very avant-garde. They've taken one of the old studios in Porthkerris, and they have a great number of rather unconventional children."
Without waiting to hear more Virginia said. "Why don't we go?" They sounded exactly the sort of people she was always longing to meet.