The Easiest Way Part 22

ANNIE. Ya.s.sum.

LAURA. Do you remember in the boarding-house--when we finally packed up--what you did with everything?

ANNIE. Ya.s.sum.

LAURA. You remember that I used to keep a pistol?

ANNIE. Yo' all mean dat one yo' say dat gemman out West gave yuh once?

LAURA. Yes.

ANNIE. Ya.s.sum, Ah 'membuh it.

LAURA. Where is it now?

ANNIE. [_Crosses to writing-desk._] Last Ah saw of it was in dis heah draw' in de writin'-desk. [_This speech takes her across to desk; she opens the drawer, fumbles among a lot of old papers, letters, &c., and finally produces a small thirty-two calibre, and gingerly crosses to_ LAURA.] Is dis it?

LAURA. [_Slowly turns around and looks at it._] Yes. Put it back. I thought perhaps it was lost. [ANNIE _complies, when the bell rings._ LAURA _starts suddenly, involuntarily gathering her negligee gown closer to her figure, and at once she is under a great stress of emotion, and sways upon her feet to such an extent that she is obliged to put one hand out on to the table to maintain her balance. When she speaks, it is with a certain difficulty of articulation._]

See--who--that is--and let me know.

ANNIE. [_Turning._] Ya.s.sum. [_Crosses, opens the first door, and afterwards opens the second door._

ELFIE'S VOICE. [_Off stage._] h.e.l.lo, Annie,--folks home?

ANNIE. Ya.s.sum, she's in.

LAURA _immediately evinces her tremendous relief, and_ ELFIE, _without waiting for a reply, has shoved_ ANNIE _aside and enters,_ ANNIE _following and closing the door._ ELFIE _is beautifully gowned in a morning dress with an overabundance of fur tr.i.m.m.i.n.gs and all the furbelows that would accompany the extravagant raiment generally affected by a woman of that type._ ELFIE _approaching effusively._

ELFIE. h.e.l.lo, dearie.

LAURA. h.e.l.lo, Elfie.

LAURA _crosses and sits on sofa._ ELFIE _puts m.u.f.f, &c., on table._

ELFIE. It's a bully day out. [_Crossing to bureau, looking in mirror._] I've been shopping all morning long; just blew myself until I'm broke, that's all. My goodness, don't you ever get dressed?

Listen. [_Crosses left of table to centre._] Talk about cinches. I copped out a gown, all ready made, and fits me like the paper on the wall, for $37.80. Looks like it might have cost $200. Anyway I had them charge $200 on the bill, and I kept the change. There are two or three more down town there, and I want you to go down and look them over. Models, you know, being sold out. I don't blame you for not getting up earlier. [_She sits at the table, not noticing_ LAURA.]

That was some party last night. I know you didn't drink a great deal, but gee! what an awful tide Will had on. How do you feel? [_Looks at her critically._] What's the matter, are you sick? You look all in.

What you want to do is this--put on your duds and go out for an hour.

It's a perfectly grand day out. My Gaud! how the sun does shine! Clear and cold. [_A pause._] Well, much obliged for the conversation. Don't I get a "Good-morning," or a "How-dy-do," or a something of that sort?

LAURA. I'm tired, Elfie, and blue--terribly blue.

ELFIE. [_Rises; crosses to_ LAURA.] Well now, you just brace up and cut out all that emotional stuff. I came down to take you for a drive.

You'd like it; just through the park. Will you go?

LAURA. [_Going up stage._] Not this morning, dear; I'm expecting somebody.

ELFIE. A man?

LAURA. [_Finding it almost impossible to suppress a smile._] No, a gentleman.

ELFIE. Same thing. Do I know him?

LAURA. You've heard of him. [_At desk, looking at clock._

ELFIE. Well, don't be so mysterious. Who is he?

LAURA. What is your time, Elfie?

ELFIE. [_Looks at her watch._] Five minutes past eleven.

LAURA. Oh, I'm slow. I didn't know it was so late. Just excuse me, won't you, while I get some clothes on. He may be here any moment.

Annie!

[_She goes up stage towards portieres._

ELFIE. Who?

LAURA. I'll tell you when I get dressed. Make yourself at home, won't you, dear?

ELFIE. I'd sooner hear. What is the scandal anyway?

LAURA. [_As she goes out._] I'll tell you in a moment. Just as soon as Annie gets through with me. [_Exit._

ELFIE. [_Gets candy-box off desk, crosses, sits on arm of sofa, selecting candy. In a louder voice._] Do you know, Laura, I think I'll go back on the stage.

LAURA. [_Off stage._] Yes?

ELFIE. Yes, I'm afraid I'll have to. I think I need a sort of a boost to my popularity.

LAURA. How a boost, Elfie?

ELFIE. I think Jerry is getting cold feet. He's seeing a little too much of me [_Places candy-box on sofa._] nowadays.

LAURA. What makes you think that?

ELFIE. I think he is getting a relapse of that front-row habit.

There's no use in talking, Laura, it's a great thing for a girl's credit when a man like Jerry can take two or three friends to the theatre, and when you make your entrance delicately point to you with his forefinger and say, "The third one from the front on the left belongs to muh." The old fool's hanging around some of these musical comedies lately, and I'm getting a little nervous every time rent day comes.

LAURA. Oh, I guess you'll get along all right, Elfie.

ELFIE. [_With serene self-satisfaction._] Oh, that's a cinch [_Rises; crosses to table, looking in dresser mirror at herself, and giving her hat and hair little touches._], but I like to leave well enough alone, and if I had to make a change right now it would require a whole lot of thought and attention, to say nothing of the inconvenience, and I'm so nicely settled in my flat. [_She sees the pianola._] Say, dearie, when did you get the piano-player? I got one of them phonographs [_Crosses to pianola, tries the levers, &c._], but this has got that beat a city block. How does it work? What did it cost?

LAURA. I don't know.

ELFIE. Well, Jerry's got to stake me to one of these. [_Looks over the rolls on top. Mumbles to herself._] "Tannhauser, William Tell, Chopin." [_Then louder._] Listen, dear. Ain't you got anything else except all this high-brow stuff?

LAURA. What do you want?