The Deipnosophists, or Banquet of the Learned of Athenaeus Part 48

Then you at early dawn bear round a cruet, Seeking for oil, so that a man must think You have an hour-gla.s.s with you, not a bottle.)

56. However, Archestratus, as I was saying before this long digression, whom you praise as equal to Homer, because of his praises of the stomach--though your friend Timon says of the stomach,

Than which no part more shameless can be found--

when speaking of the Sea-dog, writes as follows:--

There are but few so happy as to know This G.o.dlike food, nor do men covet it Who have the silly souls of common mortals.

They fear because it is an animal Which living preys on man. But every fish Loves human flesh, if it can meet with it.

So that 'tis fit that all who talk such nonsense Should be confined to herbs, and should be sent To Diodorus the philosopher And starve, and so pythagorize with him.

But this Diodorus was by birth an Aspendian; but desiring to be thought a Pythagorean, he lived after the fashion of you Cynics, letting his hair grow, being dirty, and going barefoot. On which account some people fancied that it was an article of the Pythagorean creed to let the hair grow, which was in reality a fashion introduced by Diodorus, as Hermippus a.s.serts. But Timaeus of Tauromenium, in the ninth book of his Histories, writes thus concerning him--"Diodorus, who was by birth an Aspendian, introduced a novel fashion of dress, and pretended to resemble the Pythagoreans. Stratonicus wrote and sent a messenger to him, desiring him who carried the message to seek out a disciple of Pythagoras who kept the portico crowded by his insane vagaries about dress, and his insolence. And Sosicrates, in the third book of the Succession of Philosophers, relates that Diodorus used to wear a long beard, and a worn-out cloak, and to keep his hair long, indulging in these fashions out of a vain ostentation. For that the Pythagoreans before him wore very handsome clothes, and used baths, and perfumes, and hair of the ordinary length.

57. And if you in reality, O philosopher, do admire contentment and moderation in your feasts, why is it that you have come hither without being invited? Did you come as to a house of intemperance, in order to learn to make a catalogue of a cook's instruments? or in order to spout some verses of Cepholion the Athenian? For according to the Cedalion of Sophocles, you are

A branded lot, all knaves and parasites.

And he says that you philosophers always have your minds set upon banquets; and that you think it constantly necessary to ask for something to eat or to devour some Cynic food. For there is no need for our picking our phrases. And all this is plain from what Alexis relates in his book which is ent.i.tled Linus: and in that he supposes Hercules to have been educated by Linus, and to have been ordered by him to select any one out of a number of books that were at hand to read. And he having taken a cookery-book in his hand, retained it with great eagerness. And Linus then speaks to him in the following terms--

_Lin._ Come here, and take whatever book you please, And read it carefully, when you have scann'd The t.i.tles, and the subject well consider'd.

There's Orpheus here, and Hesiod, and plays, Chrilus, Homer, Epicharmus too, All sorts of works. For thus your choice will show me Your nature, and your favourite pursuit.

_Her._ I will take this.

_Lin._ First show me what it is.

_Her._ A cookery book, as says the t.i.tle-page.

_Lin._ You're a philosopher, that's very plain, Who pa.s.sing over all these useful books, Choose out the art of Simus.

_Her._ Who is Simus?

_Lin._ A very clever man; now he has turn'd To tragic studies; and of all the actors Is the most skilful cook, as those who eat His dishes do declare. And of all cooks By far the cleverest actor.

_Her._ He's a man Of n.o.ble appet.i.te; say what you wish; For be of this a.s.sured, that I am hungry.

58. When Magnus had run through these quotations, Cynulcus, looking at the philosophers who were present, said--

Have you seen the Thasian brine,[264:1] and heard how he does bark?

How speedily the fellow did revenge himself, and thoroughly; It does not seem a case of one blind speaking to a deaf man:

as Cratinus says, in his Archilochi. For he, forgetting before what a tribunal he was making an exhibition of his fine iambics, read his colabri with his natural greediness, and at the same time with his usual elegance of expression, and

Melodies out of time, and tuneless cymbals:

and after all this fine ignorant stupidity, he goes round to people's houses, seeking out where any handsome banquet is prepared, carrying his conduct to a length even beyond the Athenian Chaerephon, of whom Alexis says in his Fugitive--

That Chaerephon has always got some trick, And now he's looking for some feast to share Where he himself will not be call'd upon For any contribution. For wheresoever A pot, such as is let to cooks, does stand, Thither he goeth at the earliest dawn; And if he sees one come to hire it For any feast, he asks the cook the name Of him who gives the feast, and then as soon As the door opens, in he walks the first.

But this man has no hesitation, like the excellent Magnus, even to make excursions quite beyond the boundaries for the sake of his stomach, as Alexis said in his Men who Died together--

Chaerephon comes to Corinth for a supper, Though he has never had an invitation; But still he flies across the sea, so sweet It is to eat of what another pays for.

And Theopompus, in his Ulysses, says--

Well said Euripides, "It is not bad For a rich man to dine at other's cost."

59. And when all laughed at this, Ulpian said, Whence do the voluptuaries who talk so loosely get all their elegance of expression?

And Cynulcus replied, But, O you well-seasoned little pig, Phrynichus the Cynic poet, in his Ephialtes, mentions "the elegant speaker" in these terms:--

It is the hardest work of all to guard against such men; For they do carry always at their finger's end a sting, The misanthropic flower of youth; and then they fawn on all With carefully selected sweetness of expression, Always the forum haunting when the citizens are seated; And then they lacerate with wounds severe and unexpected Those whom they have been fawning on, and hide themselves and laugh.

And the word ?a??t????sse?? (to speak so as to please) is used by aeschylus in the Prometheus Vinctus--

You shall know this for true; nor is it mine ?a??t????sse??.

And when Ulpian said again, But what, my friends, is meant by cooks'

instruments? for these things were mentioned, and were thought worthy of being enumerated in the Arcadian banquets: and also where is the word ?s?t??? (abode of luxury) to be found? For I know that the adjective ?s?t?? is common enough. And Alexis speaks of a luxurious extravagant man in his Cnidia, saying--

Diodorus, most extravagant of men, In two brief years did make his patrimony Into a football, with such headlong speed Did he devour everything.

And again, in the Phaedrus, he says--

You tell me of a very slow proceeding; For in five days the little Epicharides Made ducks and drakes of all his father's property, So quickly and entirely did he swallow it.

60. And Ctesippus the son of Chabrias carried his extravagance and intemperance to such a height, that he sold even the stones of his father's tomb, on which the Athenians had spent a thousand drachmae, to furnish means for his luxury. And accordingly Diphilus says in his Men offering Sacrifices to the Dead--

If Chabrias's son, the young Ctesippus, Had not become a friend of Phaedimus, I should have brought a wholesome law forward To cause his father's monument to be finished.

That each of all the citizens should give A stone of size to fill a waggon, and I say that that would not be much for him.

And Timocles, in his Demosatyri, says--

Ctesippus, the fine son of Chabrias, Has ceased to shave himself three times a-day.

A great man among women, not with men.

And Menander, in his "Anger," says this of him--

And I too once was a young man, O woman, Nor did I then five several times a-day Bathe, as I now do bathe; nor at that time Had I a soft cloak, such as now I have, Nor such perfumes as now; now I will paint myself, And pluck my hair, by Jove. Aye, I will be Ctesippus, not a man; and in brief time I too, like him, will eat up all the stones, For I'll not be content with earth alone.

And perhaps it was on account of this extravagant luxury and debauchery that Demosthenes has handed down his name in his treatise on Immunities.

But those who have devoured their patrimony ought to be punished in such a way as this, like the Nauclerus of Menander. For Menander says--

O dearest mother of all mortals, Earth, How kind you are to all possess'd of sense; How worthy of all honour! Sure that man Who like a spendthrift eats his patrimony, Should be condemn'd to sail about for ever And never reach the sh.o.r.e; that he might feel To what great good he'd been insensible.

61. And Axionicus speaks of a certain Pythodelus as a very intemperate man, in his Etrurian, saying--

Here Pythodelus comes, who is surnamed Isoballion, greediest of men, And on his steps does follow that wise woman Ischas, bearing a drum, and very drunk.

And Anaxandrides attacks Polyeuctus, turning him into ridicule in the comedy called Tereus--