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I met his gaze. I knew I should have been wondering what kissing him would feel like. But my heart wasn't in it.
Kane must have seen the unease in my eyes, because he turned forward and began playing with the fire again, shoving the brush around with his stick.
Here he was, the most popular, best-looking guy at school, happy to be spending time with me. My heart should have been all fluttery. Why was I holding back when any other girl would have been doing backflips of joy?
I knew why. Because I wasn't completely there. My mind kept returning to Donovan. I thought about his eyes, his rare smile. The way he'd cleaned up his look for my party. I wanted to check my phone to see if he'd texted me, but knew that would be rude to do in this moment with Kane. But I couldn't stop wondering where Donovan was and what he was doing at that moment.
I didn't have to wonder for long.
A dark figure pa.s.sed through the trees and into the light. His eyes scanned the crowd and stopped on me. My heart skipped a beat as Donovan began walking right toward us. I tensed up, not knowing what to expect. I felt like a girlfriend caught cheating. But why? Donovan and I weren't dating. Kane and I weren't dating. I had no reason to feel guilty.
"Hey, Jade," he said, stepping up next to us. He reached his hands out above the fire and rubbed them together.
"Hi, Donovan." My voice sounded small. I wished Kane and I were standing. I wished Donovan hadn't seen us sitting next to each other on the ground.
He looked down at Kane and nodded. "Woodward."
Kane pointed his stick toward Donovan in acknowledgment. "O'Mara."
They were only saying each other's last names, but for some reason it came out sounding like the filthiest insults.
What's that smell? Oh yeah, testosterone.
"O'Mara!" Someone actually happy to see Donovan called out from the crowd. I recognized him as a fellow gamer dude he sat with at lunch.
Donovan waved and wandered over without even a look back at Kane and me. My first thought, when I'd seen him appear from the woods, was that he had come for me. The gossip vine had reached him and he came to see if I truly was here with Kane Woodward. But now I saw that he was meeting a friend. He probably didn't mind who I was here with.
I picked up a stick that still had one leaf attached and held it in the flame, watching the leaf curl up, wilt, and disappear into ash.
Word about the Ouija incident got around school. To most of the uppercla.s.smen, anyway. Reactions varied. Some thought we were making the whole thing up, like a senior prank. Others thought we'd all suffered from some ma.s.s hysteria. A few believed. You could tell who they were from their slanted, apprehensive looks. One thing was sure. No one wanted to use me for a party anymore. Even Faye was keeping her distance. Which, for once, was unfortunate because I had an important question for her.
At lunchtime, I snagged a slice of pizza and carried the tray toward my usual spot next to Alexa.
"Jade!"
Kane was waving me over. I felt a bit of apprehension approaching the popular table, but it couldn't hurt to say hi. I scanned the faces for Faye, but she wasn't there. It was like she was hiding from me.
"How's it going?" I said. Everyone at the table stopped chatting and stared at me.
"Not bad for a Monday," Kane replied. "Hey, why don't you sit and have lunch with us?"
"Sure," I said with a smile. "Let me go get Alexa."
Two guys laughed and one of Faye's girls muttered something about the nerd patrol.
"The thing is," Kane said, "there's only room for one more."
"Oh." I stood for a long awkward moment. "No problem."
Kane smiled and moved his tray to make room for mine, not realizing until I turned away that I had chosen Alexa over him. I'm sure things like that didn't happen to him often.
"What was all that about?" Alexa asked as I sat opposite her. "I thought you were ditching me."
"Of course not. Just saying hi." There was no need for me to tell her the truth and hurt her feelings.
I scarfed down my pizza as Alexa dutifully cut her chicken patty into small, equally sized bites.
"How was the rest of your party?" she asked.
I opened my mouth to say with surprise, "You haven't heard?" But stopped myself. Of course she hadn't heard.
"It was ... interesting. Someone brought a Ouija board and we contacted Kayla's ghost. She wants me to find her murderer."
Alexa didn't even look up. She frowned at a piece of chicken that was bigger than the others, halved it, and stabbed it with her fork. "So who pushed the pointer thing? You?"
Well, that wasn't exactly a guilty reaction. As usual, she had nearly no discernable reaction at all. I ignored her question and asked my own. "Why did you leave the party, anyway?"
She put her finger up for me to wait until she finished chewing. "You know that's not my scene. I came because you asked me to. And then when you got busy I left. You're not mad, are you?"
"Do I look mad?"
She considered me for a moment, then brought her eyes back to her chicken. "I don't know."
"No, I'm not mad."
I wanted to steer the conversation to Kayla and their history together, but it would seem too forced. By the way, I heard you had every reason to want Kayla dead. And you and emotions don't seem to be in lockstep. Are you, by any chance, a sociopathic killer?
"So do you want to hang out together after school?" I asked instead.
"Sure!" The hint of a smile appeared at the corners of her mouth.
"Today?"
"No, I'm much too busy today. Tomorrow after school will work better. You can come to my house."
"Deal." I smiled and looked down at my tray. My pizza was long gone. I wanted another slice, but a quick look at the wall clock told me it was too late. I also spied someone standing in the doorway to the cafeteria. Faye.
"I'm going to get a head start to my next cla.s.s," I told Alexa. She nodded, probably thinking that was a great idea.
Faye saw me walking purposefully toward her. Her eyes widened and she bolted out the doors and into the main hall. I sprinted to catch up and put my hand on her shoulder.
She shrugged it off. "Jade, I'm in a hurry."
"Are you avoiding me?"
"I'm not." But she didn't slow her "had to be uncomfortable in those heels" pace.
Small talk wasn't going to get me anywhere but brushed off. I had to get direct. "Faye, did you bring the Ouija board?"
She stopped and stared down at her chipped nail polish. "Yes," she admitted in a quiet voice. "I brought it. But I didn't expect anything real to happen. I was just messing around." She looked up at me with frightened eyes. "It was real, wasn't it?"
"Yes. That was Kayla."
"Is she ... haunting your house?"
I nodded. "She won't rest until she knows who killed her."
Faye's eyes scanned the hall, back and forth, and came back to rest on mine. "Are you going to try to find out?"
My first instinct was to lie. Faye would spread whatever I said across the whole school within twenty minutes. But then I reconsidered. If word got around that I was trying to figure out what happened to Kayla, the killer might get spooked enough to make a mistake or get smoked out of hiding.
I straightened my shoulders and said confidently, "Yes. I am. I want my house back."
Faye wrinkled her small, upturned nose. "Well, leave me out of it."
The bell rang and students poured from the cafeteria into the hallway as Faye clomped away.
"Faye's upset, huh?" Kane said, stopping beside me.
"Is she ever not?" I joked.
Kane chuckled. "Hey, I'm sorry about lunch. The table was just too crowded."
He seemed sincere, though I'm sure he would've made room for someone other than Robot Girl. But I wasn't about to abandon her for more popular friends. She'd been the first one to talk to me at school, to show any interest that didn't involve my house or Kayla.
"No problem," I said. Figuring the conversation was over, I started walking slowly toward my locker, but he stayed with me.
"Did you have a good time Sat.u.r.day night?"
"Yeah, it was fun. Thanks for showing me around."
"Maybe we could do it again this weekend."
I was taken aback. I tried to make my mind work, to come up with the answer I wanted, but it was like the spinning wheels on an upside-down car. Kane could get me closer to Kayla's friends, to getting the truth. And he'd been a complete gentleman Sat.u.r.day night. I had no reason to say no. But there was something there, just under the surface, that made me not want to trust him. Sometimes he looked at me in a not-friends way. Sometimes he looked at me like I was someone else.
At that moment, Donovan walked by, in seemingly slow motion. Like he needed to talk to me, but didn't want to interrupt. Our eyes met and then he moved on.
"What do you think?" Kane prodded.
"Um, I have to check with my parents. Can I let you know later in the week?"
Kane either couldn't or didn't bother hiding his disappointment. "Sure."
I watched his blond hair disappear in a sea of people, then made my way upstairs and to my locker. Donovan was standing there, waiting for me.
"Hey," I said. My instinct was right. He had wanted to talk to me. "What's up?"
"If you're not busy, can you meet me after school?"
My neck burned. I forced myself to dial down the enthusiasm that suddenly rushed through me. "Sure. Is there something you need to tell me?"
He hitched his black bookbag up higher on his shoulder. "I haven't been able to stop thinking about -"
A bunch of kids walked by, pushing themselves in between us.
He couldn't stop thinking about what ... me? Wanting to be with me? That he'd hated seeing me with Kane? That it had made him realize he was over Kayla and ready to move on?
"Sorry," he said when the kids were past and we could talk again. We were only a foot apart now. His intense eyes bored into me.
"You were saying?" I said.
"Yeah. Since your party and everything that happened, I haven't been able to stop thinking about what Kayla said."
To say my heart sank would be an understatement. More like it sank in a puddle of quicksand and was then covered with cement.
Donovan would never get over his ex. And I just couldn't compete with a dead girl. Especially one who was prettier than me, smarter than me, more popular than me. More everything. There wasn't any use in even trying.
"So can we talk after school?"
"Yeah," I said with a catch in my voice. "Sure."
I drowned my sorrows in a chocolate milk and three peanut b.u.t.ter cookies during free period. It didn't make me feel better. I felt drawn to Donovan. And there were moments when I wondered if he felt the same way, but they were fleeting. He was broken. Maybe beyond repair. I had to accept it and move on.
I had to trash any romantic thoughts about Donovan and focus on finding Kayla's killer.
I caught up with Kane after last period. He and Ellie were walking out together. Always the gentleman, I thought. Walking his sister home.
"Kane!" I called out.
He and Ellie stopped and waited for me to catch up to them by the exit.
"About this weekend," I said.
"Yeah?" He braced for my answer.
"I texted my dad and he's fine with me going out. I don't have to, um, babysit or anything."
His eyes lit up. "Great! We'll figure out what to do later, okay?"
"Sounds good."
I watched him and Ellie stroll away and waited for my heart to feel better.
In Math last week, the top three high scorers on the test were posted on the board. (d.a.m.n, this school knows how to create an atmosphere of compet.i.tiveness!) Anyway, I came in number two. One guess as to who came in on top: 11, natch. And that's fine and dandy except when 11 found out, she turned around and looked right at me with this smirk on her face.
Big. Mistake.
But this is why I'm one of the great ones. The simpleminded will lash out immediately with whatever unplanned, hasty hate-bomb they can sc.r.a.pe up at the moment. I'm patient. I bide my time. I wait until the moment is right and then unleash my revenge.