The Day Watch Part 16

My knees struck against the ground and I even had the stupid thought that I would stain my skirt, although no dirt from the Twilight ever stays with us in the real world.

An instant later Igor hurled a charge of energy at me.

No, not to finish me off. To save me.

It was alien, Light Power. But it pa.s.sed through him and then was given to me.

And Power is always Power.

I stood up, breathing heavily, as exhausted as during that night of our senseless, impossible love. Igor had helped me to hold out in the Twilight, but he didn't reach out his hand.

He was crying now. He was in a bad way too. "How could you do it?" he whispered.

"It was an accident, Igor!" I took a step toward him and held out my arms, as if I could hope for something. "Igor, it was an accident!"

He jumped away from me as if I were a leper, with the light, elegant movement of a magician who is used to working in the Twilight.

Fighting in the Twilight. Killing in the Twilight.

"Accidents like that don't happen," he said, spitting the words out. "You're... you're filthy sc.u.m... you witch...

You..."

He froze as he absorbed the remaining traces of my magic. "You take Power from children!"

I couldn't stop myself from answering. "And you, what are you doing here, Light One?" My tongue almost refused to obey me. It was impossible, unthinkable to call him that, but he really was a Light One, and the abuse had become a simple statement of fact. "What are you doing here if not grazing on little human children?"

"Light cannot be removed." He shook his head. "What is taken returns a hundredfold. You take Darkness, and the Darkness grows. I take Light and it comes again."

"Tell that to the boy Alyoshka, who'll be miserable the whole evening!" I shouted. "Make him feel better by saying his joy will return!"

"I shall have other things to do, witch! Saving the children you have driven into the Darkness!"

"Console them," I said indifferently. Everything in the world seemed to be covered with a crust of i.e. "That's your job... my darling."

What am I doing?

He'll only be convinced that I knew everything in advance, that the Day Watch planned a cunning operation, that he has been cruelly mocked and deceived, that everything that has happened between us was only a cunning pretense...

"Witch..." Igor said contemptuously. "You will leave this place. Do you understand?"

I very nearly answered him: "Gladly!" After all, what joy was there left for me in this summer, this sea, this abundance of Power? I could restore myself little by little; the important part of the work was already done.

"You can leave," I said. "I have permission for a vacation and the use of human energy. You can ask your own organization... But do you have permission... darling?"

What are you doing, you fool? What are you doing, my love? What am I doing?

What am I doing? I am a Dark One. I am a witch. I am beyond human morality, and I have no intention of playing petty childish games with those primitive organisms known as people. I came here to rest, and that's what I'm doing! And you, what are you doing? If you really do love me? And you do, I know! I can see it right now, and you can see it too... if you want to ...

Because love stands above Darkness and Light.

Because love is not s.e.x or a shared faith, or "the joint maintenance of a household and the upbringing of children."

Because love is also Power.

And Light and Darkness, people and Others, morality and law, the Ten Commandments and the Great Treaty have d.a.m.n all to do with it.

And I love you anyway, you b.a.s.t.a.r.d, you skunk, you Light son of a b.i.t.c.h, you good-hearted blockhead, you reliable cretin! I love you anyway! Even though only three days ago we stood against each other and dreamed of only one thing: destroying the enemy. Even though we are separated by an abyss that n.o.body can ever bridge!

Don't you understand, I love you!

And everything I say is only to protect myself, my words are my tears, but you don't see them, you don't want to see them...

Oh, come to me, it doesn't matter where-in the Twilight, where no one can see us, or in front of the astonished boys. Take me in your arm: and we will cry together, and there'll be no need for words, and I'll clear out and go back to Zabulon in Moscow, back to Lemesheva's smug tutelage... or do you want me to leave the Day Watch?

Do you? I wouldn't stop being a Dark One. That's not in my power, and I don't want to do it, but I will withdraw from the endless war between Darkness and Light. I will simply live and not even take anything from the ordinary, little people, even if you don't want to be with me. I don't even ask that, only leave me the memory of our love for each other!

Simply come to me.

No, do not reply to my words!

I am a Dark One!

I cannot be any different!

I love only myself in this world!

But now you are a part of me. The greatest part. The most important part. And if I have to-/ will kill part of myself, and that means I will kill all of myself.

But don't do this!

You are a Light One!

You sacrifice your entire lives, you protect people and stand up for each other... oh, try to look at me in the same way, even if I am a witch, even if I am your enemy! You know that sometimes you can... understand. The way Anton Gorodetsky understood... when he gathered such immense Power for one purpose-and never made use of it. I can only admire Anton as a worthy enemy, but I love you, I love you, I love you! Oh, why won't you understand what I'm saying and take a step toward me, you sc.u.m that I love, my darling rat, my only enemy, my beloved idiot!

"Idiot," I shouted.

And Igor's face contorted in such monstrous torment that I understood everything.

Light and Darkness.

Good and Evil.

They're nothing but words.

Only we speak different languages and we just can't understand each other-even if we're trying to say the same thing.

"Leave, or I'll destroy you."

And with those words he left the Twilight. His body became blurred and indistinct and immediately reappeared in the human world, beside the two boys on vacation at Artek. And I rushed after him, tearing myself out of my shadow-if only it were as simple as that to escape from myself, from my nature, from my fate!

I was even in time to see what Igor did as he emerged from the Twilight: He caught the guitar that had almost touched the floor, threw a paranjah-I don't know what the Light Ones call it-over his face that was contorted in pain, and brought the boys out of their trance. He must have put them into a stupor when he entered the Twilight so that they wouldn't be frightened by the camp leaders' sudden disappearance...

What was that you said, little Natasha?

Reliable?

Yes, he's reliable.

"It's time for you to go, Alisa," Igor said. "What do we say, boys?"

Only I could see his real face now. Full of grief, nothing but grief...

"Goodbye," said the fat boy.

"Ciao," said Alyoshka.

My legs felt like cotton wool. I tore myself away from the railings of the veranda that I was leaning on... and took a step.

"Goodbye now," said Igor.

It was dark.

It was good that it was dark.

I didn't have to waste any energy on a paranjah. I didn't have to pretend to be happy. I just had to be careful with my voice. The weak light coming from the window didn't matter.

"And then they divided into Light Ones and Dark Ones," I said. "And the Light Ones believed that they should teach others to tear their lives to pieces. That the most important thing was to give, even if those who took were not worthy of it. But the Dark Ones believed that they should simply live. That everyone deserves what he has taken from life, and nothing more."

They didn't say anything, my stupid little girls... these human children-I hadn't found a single Other among them, Dark or Light. Not a single enchantress, or witch, or even vampire...

"Good night, girls," I said. "Sweet dreams, or even better-no dreams at all..."

"Good night, Alisa..."

So many voices. I was rather surprised. It wasn't even a fairy story, it was a fable that every Other knew, Dark Ones and Light Ones. But they hadn't gone to sleep... they had listened.

I was already halfway out of the door when Natasha's voice asked, "When the eclipse happens-will it be frightening?"

"No," I said. "It's not frightening at all. Just a little bit sad."

In my room I picked up my cell phone yet again and dialed Zabulon's number.

"The number you have dialed is temporarily unavailable..."

Where can you be, Zabulon, if your famous Iridium isn't receiving my call? Where are you, where?

I don't love you, Zabulon. And I probably never did love you. I think I've only just realized what love is. But you do love me! We were together and we were happy. You gave me this whole world and... please answer! You're my chief, you're my teacher, you're my lover, so tell me-what should I do now? When I'm left face-to-face with my enemy... and my beloved? Run? Fight? Die? What should I do, Zabulon?

I entered the Twilight.

The shadows of the children's dreams flickered all around me. A banquet... those streams of energy. Light and dark. Fears and sorrows, misery and resentment. I could see right through the whole Azure section. There was the boy, Dimka, feeling offended in his sleep because his friends hadn't called him to drink some of their lemonade. There was the tireless little girl, Irochka, who was nicknamed the Energizer, whining quietly into her pillow because someone had stolen her inflatable ring for swimming... And there was my faithful energy donor Natasha-she'd lost her little brother in the strange, dark back alleys of a dream and now she was running, crying as she tried to find him...

I don't want to gather Power. I don't want to prepare for battle. I don't want anything.

"Zabulon!" I shouted into the shimmering gray gloom. "I call to you! Zabulon..."

No answer.

It was easier for Aunt Polly to get an answer from Tom Sawyer with his hand stuck in the jar of jam than for me to get through to Zabulon...

"Zabulon..." I repeated.

This isn't the way I imagined this night... nothing like it.

Igor...Igor...

What are you doing now? Gathering Power? Consulting with the all-wise Gesar? Or are you sitting staring dully into the mirror... like me...

Mirror, mirror... can you tell my fortune?

I'm not very good at fortune-telling, hut sometimes I have managed to see the future ...

No.

I don't want to.

I know there's nothing good there.

They reached the beach when the eclipse had already begun. My girls were squealing and grabbing the pieces of dark gla.s.s from each other. They couldn't understand why I didn't ask for a piece. Oh girls, girls... what difference does the blinding light of the sun make to me? I can look the sun full in the face and not blink.

The boys of the fourth brigade were jumping around Igor, hurrying him on. They couldn't understand why their beloved camp leader wasn't going faster. They couldn't understand why he'd led them to the beach by such a long, roundabout route.

But I understood.

Through the Twilight I could see the faint flashes of Power being gathered.

What are you doing, Igor ... my beloved enemy...

At each step the smile faded on one more face. Now a ten-year-old fidgety nuisance was no longer feeling happy about making up with his friend. Now an eleven-year-old fidget had forgotten about the black sh.e.l.l he found on the seash.o.r.e. Now the serious man of fifteen years had stopped thinking about the date he was promised this evening.

Igor was walking through Artek in the same way that Anton Gorodetsky had once walked through the streets of Moscow.

And I, who was his primordial enemy, wanted to shout out, "What are you doing?"

Anton didn't outwit Zabulon because he gathered more Power than everybody else. Zabulon was still more powerful.

Anton knew how to use it properly...