The Covent Garden Theatre Part 4

Hyd: This, Mr. Pasquin is Sir Eternal Grin. He is what is call'd a good natured Man & extremely well bred-- So Polite he never frownd in his Life.

Grin.

No, never in my Life I a.s.sure you Mr. Pasquin.

Hyd: He is an uncommon Favourite with the Ladies, And is never so happy as when they employ him.

Grin.

No never Sir. ha, ha.

Hyd: His whole Life is spent in their Service, ev'ry Morning you may See him running from Play House to Play House, regulating the Box Book in Consequence of the Commissions he recieved over night for Places. that done he hurrys away to mill their Chocolate, toast their m.u.f.fins, make their Tea, and wait on them to the Mercers-- In the Evening you may See him in every part of the Play-House, handing then in and Out, and between every Act, whisking from Box to Box; whispering News and Appointments. thence to half a dozen, Drums and Routs; where, after loosing to them at Cards 'till two in the Morning, he has the happiness of seeing the dear Creatures to their Chairs, and then goes home as happy, as an Author after a Successfull first Night.

Grin.

'Tis true Mr. Pasquin as Mr. Hydra says my whole Life is devoted to the Service of the Fair. therefore I hope there is no Indelicacy, no severity, Satyr, or Ridicule against them in your Piece. if there be you must not take it Ill if I head a Party to d.a.m.n it. ha, ha, ha.

Pas.

Sir, I never Pollute my Productions with Invectives against the Fair.

I am to the best of my poor Abilities, their constant Advocate. he, he, he, he. (#laughing & Mimicking him#).

Grin.

Why then I am your Friend to perpetuity: as to other Characters you may take what Liberty you please with them. there is Hydra an Admiral Character-- he pretends to Taste-- but he is ignorant as-- dear Sir I can furnish you with a thousand such ridiculous Wretches so that you need not have recourse to the Ladies.

Pas: Sir I shall take particular Notice of Your Advice, and follow it implicitly. and shall be Obliged to you for a few Characters.

Grin.

I'll send them to you depend upon it, your Servant (#turns to the Company#) this Pasquin is a very Sensible Fellow, and I believe will Please the Public-- for he minds what the Iudicious say to him.

Enter Sir Roger Ringwood.

Sr. Rog: Haux, haux, haux! hido, hido. Iack Hydra, yours.-- What is this ancient Chorus begun yet? this Farce after the manner of Aristotle and all the Heathen G.o.ds.-- Zounds I am come twenty Miles, from a red-hot-Fox Chace, on purpose to see it. What the Devil is this Hotch-Potch? a Pantomime, or a Tragedy? I believe I shall Salute it with a Seranade-- tip it dead Hollow Haux, haux, dead, dead, dead & d.a.m.ned-- but who is this Pasquin?

Hyd: If you please I'll introduce you to him.

Sr. Rog: With all my heart.

Hyd: Sir this is the famous Sr. Roger Ringwood. a five bottle Man I a.s.sure you; remarkable for his Taste in dramatic Performances, & the loudest Voice that ever d.a.m.n'd a Play.

Sr. Rog: Hem (#Hems very loud#) yes I have pretty good Lungs. hido, hido!

Hyd.

Sr: I have known him fright a whole Box of Ladies into Fits with One blast of his Voice; drive the whole Party of an Author's Friends out of the Pit, with the tremendous Courage of a few Oaths; and have frequently heard him harangue an Audience on a first night with as much Applause as every Tully did the Romans-- Sir Roger this is ye Celebrated Seignior Pasquin.

Sr. Rog: Hum! dam me he looks like Mahomet Charratha going to dance the Rope.

harkee Seignior-- what is this Medley of yours? this Covent Garden Theatre? Is it in Italian?

Pas: No, Sir.

Sr. Rog: In French?

Pas: Neither Sir.

Sr. Rog: Neither-- Why what the Devil Language is it in then?

Pas: English Sir.

Sr. Rog: English! Zounds I never heard of any English Farce with Greek Chorus's before. I reckon it is d.a.m.n'd low Stuff.

Q Scrib: That it is I'll answer for it before I see it.

Sr. Rog: Harkee, Seignor, be it Tragedy or Farce I don't Care a Hare's Scut, so there is but Fun in it. but none of your French Frica.s.sies according to Rule! haux, haux, my honies; give us a fair Burst of Fun, my dear, & we'll follow you for fifty nights end-ways, haux, haux, something of the Antients now-- Something of a-- a-- old Shakespear, or Horace, or Homer, or Ben Johnson, as they have at Drury Lane. do you hear-- Something that way & I'll engage it takes. but if it is any of your New Moral Stuff, according to Rule, I shall Tip it a dead Hollow, (#Hollows#) think of that and be dull if you dare.

Pas: Certainly such a Iudicious Patron as Sr. Roger Ringwood, must inspire both an Author and an Actor.

Enter Miss Diana Single-Life.

Hyd: This is Miss Diana Single-Life, a maiden Lady of Youth, Beauty, Chast.i.ty, & Erudition: who has read more Romances, Novels, Poems & Plays, than there are Acts of Parliament in ye English Language.

Diana: Yes, Mr. Pasquin I may venture to say, with the Strictest Propriety, that I have read as much as any Lady that has Existed in the Circle of Literature.-- not the great Daicer excepted: but I hope Mr. Pasquin you have nothing in your Exhibition that is Shocking to Chast.i.ty, no double Entendres in your Examinations; If you have I shall certainly explode them. You must know I was once perswaded to go to hear a Tryal for a Rape-- I vow I blush at the bare mention of the Word-- what wou'd you have of it-- in short I went;-- but I thought I shou'd have Swoon'd away upon the Spot, the Tryal was so full of double Entendres, and what the filthy Lawyers call-- Rems in Re-- --

Omn: Ha, ha, ha, ha.

Pas: Madam, you may a.s.sure your self that the Virgin Particles of Your Modesty shall never be Agitated by the Amorous Transparancy of Pasquin's Obscenity. (#Mimicking her#)

Hyd: Look, look, if the impudent Rogue is not taking the Old Maid Off to her face, & she does not See it.

Omn: Ha, ha, ha.

Dia.

Sir, I am your humble--

Pas.

Your devoted--

Dia.

And immense Admirer.

Pas.

And superlatively honour'd humble Servant.

(#She is going to the Company but turns short to Pasquin#)

Dia.

O Mr. Pasquin I had like to have forgot, I must give you a hint, as you intend to Satyrize the vicious & the ridiculous, that may be useful to you. that Lady You See there is the greatest Coquet in Town. She is the Noted Miss Brilliant that is Supposed to be well with his Grace, and the Old General-- there are several others talk'd of, but the World you know is censorious-- Upon my Honour I don't believe any Body but his Grace and the General ever had any Connexion with her.

Pas.

Your Ladyship is very tender in thinking so-- but it is certain Sir Harry and she were least together in a Bagnio one Masquerade Night.

Dia.

Why, that I knew to be true, Mr. Pasquin, but I did not care to say all I know, because I wou'd not be thought Censorious-- that Young Lady with her, Miss Bashful, has a very fine Boy at Nurse, above half a year Old.

but very few Knew any thing of it.-- And she is now going to be marry'd to the North Country Knight-- It wou'd be pity to speak of it-- She will pa.s.s upon him-- he's a very great Blockhead and She is good enough for him-- For he was not born in Wedlock himself.