The Clothes Have No Emperor Part 23

Donald Regan gets a $1 million advance from Harcourt Brace Jovanovich for his White House memoir, which his agent says will be "very s.e.xy."

4/24/87.

Jim Bakker's rehabilitation suffers a setback when rival TV preacher John Ankerberg accuses him of engaging in s.e.x with prost.i.tutes and h.o.m.os.e.xuals, condoning wife-swapping among his employees, and misappropriating millions of dollars in ministry funds.

4/25/87.

Gary Hart is asked if rumors of womanizing will hurt him in the Bible Belt. "Not at all," he says, "because they're not true."

4/27/87.

"He implied that I made some kind of deal with him, which I did not, to give it back to him."

--Jerry Falwell countering Jim Bakker's claim that his surrender of PTL was intended to be temporary 4/29/87.

It is reported that Michael Deaver may cite his previously unrevealed "serious alcohol problem" as an excuse in his perjury trial.

4/29/87.

Ma.s.sachusetts governor Michael Dukakis declares his candidacy for the Democratic presidential nomination, mentioning five times in his 13-minute speech that he is the son of immigrants. "DUKAKIS FOR WHAT WHAT?" b.u.mper stickers begin appearing on Boston cars.

4/30/87.

Penthouse reveals that, according to his book outline, Michael Reagan was repeatedly molested as a child by an older man he sought out as a father figure after being ignored by his own adoptive parents so ignored, he writes, that until he was 10 he believed the family's black cook was his mother. reveals that, according to his book outline, Michael Reagan was repeatedly molested as a child by an older man he sought out as a father figure after being ignored by his own adoptive parents so ignored, he writes, that until he was 10 he believed the family's black cook was his mother.

MAY 1987.

5/1/87.

With his wife weeping at his side, Jim Bakker emerges from his Palm Springs estate to deny charges of s.e.xual indiscretions. "I have never been involved with wife-swapping," he says.

"Never!" says Tammy.

"I am not a h.o.m.os.e.xual," he says.

"Right!" says Tammy.

"And I've never been to a prost.i.tute."

As for their future, Tammy says, "We have to get a job," adding that she'd "love to work in a doctor's office."

5/3/87.

In a New York Times Magazine New York Times Magazine profile, Gary Hart dismisses the womanizing issue. "Follow me around. I don't care," he says defiantly. "I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored." Meanwhile, profile, Gary Hart dismisses the womanizing issue. "Follow me around. I don't care," he says defiantly. "I'm serious. If anybody wants to put a tail on me, go ahead. They'd be very bored." Meanwhile, The Miami Herald The Miami Herald which staked out his Washington townhouse after receiving an anonymous tip was anything but bored to find that the candidate spent "Friday night and most of Sat.u.r.day" with a young blonde from Miami. A jittery Hart told reporters on the scene that he had "no personal relationship" with the woman. which staked out his Washington townhouse after receiving an anonymous tip was anything but bored to find that the candidate spent "Friday night and most of Sat.u.r.day" with a young blonde from Miami. A jittery Hart told reporters on the scene that he had "no personal relationship" with the woman.

5/4/87.

With the Hart story on front pages around the world except for The New York Times The New York Times, which plays it on page 16, under the snooze-inducing headline, "Paper and Hart in Dispute Over Article" actress/model Donna Rice, 29, is identified as the mystery woman. Rice who says the candidate frequently called her from the campaign trail to complain about his image as a "womanizer" claims to have stayed with her friend Lynn Armandt at the home of Hart's pal Bill Broadhurst, denies having slept with Hart, and explains that when reporters saw her at his house, she was merely stopping by to pick up a book. Oh, and the four of them recently took an overnight cruise to Bimini.

5/4/87.

"This morning I had planned to clear up US-Soviet differences on intermediate-range nuclear missiles ... but I decided to clean out Ronnie's sock drawer instead."

--Nancy Reagan attempting to defuse her power-behind-the-throne image 5/5/87.

Appearing before a convention of newspaper publishers, Gary Hart accuses The Miami Herald The Miami Herald of running a "misleading and false" story about his relationship with Donna Rice, whom he refers to as "the woman in question." Though he acknowledges putting himself in "circ.u.mstances that could be misconstrued," he "absolutely" denies doing "anything immoral." As for that trip to Bimini aboard a chartered yacht called the Monkey Business well, they hadn't meant to stay overnight but Customs closed, and anyway the men and women slept on separate boats. of running a "misleading and false" story about his relationship with Donna Rice, whom he refers to as "the woman in question." Though he acknowledges putting himself in "circ.u.mstances that could be misconstrued," he "absolutely" denies doing "anything immoral." As for that trip to Bimini aboard a chartered yacht called the Monkey Business well, they hadn't meant to stay overnight but Customs closed, and anyway the men and women slept on separate boats.

5/5/87.

The Iran-contra hearings get underway in Washington, with the Brobdingnagian 26-man panel unleashing hours of self-serving introductory speeches. The first witness, arms profiteer Gen. Richard Secord, claims the administration approved his pro-contra activities with Oliver North who, he reveals, stood at attention while talking to the President on the phone. Says Reagan of the hearings, "I hope I'm finally going to hear some of the things I'm still waiting to learn."

5/6/87.

Less than 24 hours after Richard Secord implicates him in the Iran-contra scandal, William Casey, 74, dies of pneumonia. His funeral is notable for the anti-contra eulogy given in the presence of the Reagans by Bishop John McGann, who, it is said, "came to bury, not praise" Casey.

5/6/87.

After three days of silence, Lee Hart joins her husband in New Hampshire. Though she claims to believe him, she does observe, "If I could have been planning his weekend schedule, I think I would have scheduled it differently." Asked directly if he has "ever committed adultery" the first time this query has been posed to a candidate Hart says, "I do not have to answer that question."

5/7/87.

Amid reports that The Washington Post The Washington Post is about to break the story of another extra-marital affair, Gary Hart suspends his campaign and heads home to Troublesome Gulch, Colorado. Hours later, CBS airs recent footage of the candidate relaxing on the Monkey Business with a contestant (not Donna Rice) in a "Miss Hot Bod" beauty pageant. is about to break the story of another extra-marital affair, Gary Hart suspends his campaign and heads home to Troublesome Gulch, Colorado. Hours later, CBS airs recent footage of the candidate relaxing on the Monkey Business with a contestant (not Donna Rice) in a "Miss Hot Bod" beauty pageant.

5/8/87.

Shifting the blame for his downfall from his own rampant libido to those who reported on it, an "angry and defiant" Gary Hart ends his candidacy with a bitter diatribe against the press that offers no apology to his betrayed supporters. So ill-considered is this attack eerily reminiscent of Richard M. Nixon's famous "Last Press Conference" of 1962 that it earns him a congratulatory letter from the former President, who tells Hart he "handled a very difficult situation uncommonly well."

5/11/87.

Ed Meese examined in 1984 by Jacob Stein and currently a target of Lawrence Walsh's Iran-contra probe comes under the bailiwick of Wedtech independent counsel James Mc-Kay, making him the first man to be investigated by three special prosecutors. Says President Reagan of his embattled aide, "I have always known him to be a man of honesty and integrity."

5/11/87.

Senate counsel Arthur Liman questions Robert McFarlane about Oliver North's destruction of doc.u.ments as the scandal unraveled. "What did he tell you about a 'shredding party'?" Liman asks.

"Well," says McFarlane, "just that there had to be one."

5/12/87.

Investigators discover that the $10 million solicited for the contras by Elliott Abrams from the Sultan of Brunei which had been missing for nine months was mistakenly deposited to the account of a Swiss businessman after Oliver North transposed two digits in his arms network's secret account.

5/14/87.

Robert McFarlane is asked why he failed to protest foolhardy administration policy. "If I'd done that," he explains, "Bill Casey, Jeane Kirkpatrick and Cap Weinberger would have said I was some kind of Commie."

5/15/87.

President Reagan says he was "very definitely involved in the decisions about support to the freedom fighters. It was my idea to begin with." Asked about the conflict between this statement and previous claims of abject ignorance, Marlin Fitzwater says, "They're going to stay in conflict."

5/15/87.

Sen. Howell Heflin (D-AL) claims that Fawn Hall smuggled papers out of the White House in her underwear. "She had stuffed doc.u.ments in her bra.s.siere," he says. "I think that's been in the papers, hasn't it? ... I thought I'd seen this. Hasn't this been in the papers or something?" Now it has.

5/16/87.

New York Post: PANTYSCAM FUROR! / ANGRY FAWN: 'I NEVER SMUGGLED SECRETS IN MY UNDIES FOR OLLIE'

5/17/87.

37 sailors are killed aboard the USS Stark when the ship in the Persian Gulf to protect Iraq's ally Kuwait's oil tankers from Iranian attack is. .h.i.t by an Exocet missile idiotically fired by an Iraqi fighter jet. President Reagan later refers to the Stark as "the plane."

5/17/87.

Jim Bakker asks Jerry Falwell if he can have his ministry back. Falwell says no, Bakker has done some very bad things and he can't come back. Observes Jimmy Swaggart, who now fears Falwell and is publicly lobbying for the Bakkers' return, "If I tell you I'm going to keep your truck for five days and then I'm going to give it back to you, and then someone finds out you're a h.o.m.os.e.xual, I still owe you your truck."

5/19/87.

Oliver North's courier, Rob Owen code name "TC" (The Courier) tells the Iran-contra committee about traveling to a Chinese market in New York and meeting a man who rolled up his pant leg and handed over a wad of 95 $100 bills after Owen uttered the code phrase, "Mooey sent me." He concludes his testimony with an ode to North, who he loves "like a brother."

5/20/87.

Contra leader Adolfo Calero tells the committee he had "developed an affection" for William Casey and "used to refer to him as 'Uncle Bill.'"

5/22/87.

"There were birthday bonuses, Christmas bonuses, Valentine's Day bonuses, Sat.u.r.day morning bonuses ... Usually you get bonuses for success, but at the time they took the bonuses, this ministry was going down $1 million to $4 million per month."

--Jerry Nims, new CEO of PTL, revealing that the Bakkers received an extra $1.9 million in the past year 5/23/87.

With $12 million in PTL funds unaccounted for, auctioneers begin selling off various Bakker possessions, among them an air-conditioned doghouse.

5/25/87.

The National Enquirer National Enquirer publishes photographs reportedly obtained for a sizable fee from her "friend" Lynn Armandt of Donna Rice cavorting with Gary Hart in the Bahamas. publishes photographs reportedly obtained for a sizable fee from her "friend" Lynn Armandt of Donna Rice cavorting with Gary Hart in the Bahamas.

5/25/87.

"Which office do I go to to get my reputation back?"

--Raymond Donovan on being acquitted of charges brought against him 32 months earlier, though his reputation had its unsavory side even before his indictment 5/27/87.

CIA operative Felix Rodriguez (alias Max Gomez) testifies that Oliver North once said of a Congressional investigating committee, "These people want me, but they cannot touch me because the old man loves my a.s.s." Though the precise nature of President Reagan's fondness for the North posterior is unclear, The New York Times The New York Times protects its readers from the rawness of the quote. "Colonel North pointed to the Congressional debate on television," reports the protects its readers from the rawness of the quote. "Colonel North pointed to the Congressional debate on television," reports the Times Times, "and remarked that 'those people want me, but they can't touch me' because he was in favor with 'the old man.'"

5/27/87.

Jim and Tammy Faye Bakker appear on Nightline Nightline. "I've been married to this man for 26 years, and I can tell you one thing," Tammy Faye says to host Ted Koppel. "He's not h.o.m.os.e.xual, or is he bis.e.xual. He's a wonderful, loving husband."

As the show ends, she says, "Ted, can I say something? I just want to say, remember, G.o.d loves you. He really, really does."

"I want to say that, too," Jim adds. "G.o.d loves you, He really does." Adds Tammy Faye, "He really, really does."

5/29/87.

Interior Secretary Donald Hodel is reported to be backing away from strict controls on fluorocarbons to protect the ozone layer. The new plan calls for a PR campaign to encourage people to protect themselves themselves by wearing sungla.s.ses, hats and sun-screen lotion. How the planet's lotionless creatures are to avoid skin cancer is not addressed. by wearing sungla.s.ses, hats and sun-screen lotion. How the planet's lotionless creatures are to avoid skin cancer is not addressed.

5/29/87.

The National Archives releases more Nixon doc.u.ments, including a list of songs he wanted played at his state funeral if he died in office (culminating in "California Here I Come"), and a list of "goals for '71-'72." Among them: "1. End War," "8. Hard Work" and, last on the list, "11. Family."

5/29/87.

The London Hospital Medical College rejects a $500,000 offer by Michael Jackson to buy the remains of John Merrick, the Elephant Man. The increasingly bizarre Jackson doubles his bid, but the bones, it turns out, are simply not for sale.

JUNE 1987.

6/1/87.

Washington police don large yellow rubber gloves to arrest 64 demonstrators protesting Reagan AIDS policies, while at an international AIDS conference, Vice President Bush is booed by several scientists when he endorses increased AIDS testing. "Who was that?" he asks, thinking his mike is off. "Some gay group out there?"

6/2/87.

Hatchet-faced a.s.sistant Secretary of State Elliott Abrams acknowledges to the Iran-contra committee that it was "a mistake" for him to have misled Congress in earlier testimony. He explains that he answered "No" when asked if he'd discussed contra fund-raising because he had been involved in fund-raising for for the contras, not the contras, not by by them. Rep. Jack Brooks (D-TX) observes that Abrams is a "lying son of a b.i.t.c.h." them. Rep. Jack Brooks (D-TX) observes that Abrams is a "lying son of a b.i.t.c.h."

6/3/87.

Rep. Jack Brooks tells Elliott Abrams he takes "more pride in not knowing anything than anybody I ever saw." Replies Abrams, "I never said I had no idea about most of the things you said I said I had no idea about."

6/8/87.

In Venice for the economic summit, President Reagan is asked why he's using a side entrance rather than the front entrance used by other world leaders. "I just wait until somebody points me in the direction I'm supposed to go," says the President, "and I don't ask any questions about it."

6/8/87.

Lynn Armandt makes some more money off Donna Rice, telling People People for a reported $200,000 that her friend indeed spent the night with Gary Hart in Washington, as well as on the Monkey Business. for a reported $200,000 that her friend indeed spent the night with Gary Hart in Washington, as well as on the Monkey Business.

6/9/87.

Describing Oliver North as "every secretary's dream of a boss," Fawn Hall defends him against charges of illegality. "Sometimes," she observes, "you have to go above the written law, I believe."

6/11/87.

At a press conference following the Venice economic summit, President Reagan says "there could still be some lowering" of the dollar, a comment that causes a brief fluctuation in world currency markets before it's corrected. He is also unable to recall the name of the UN body taking up a resolution on the Persian Gulf the hardly obscure "UN Security Council."

6/12/87.

"Mr. Gorbachev, open this gate! Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall!"

--President Reagan, seeking to dispel his growing aura of irrelevance by staging a macho photo op at the Berlin Wall 6/16/87.