The Clothes Have No Emperor Part 17

2/17/86.

Press secretary Elaine Crispen reports that Nancy Reagan has so far had no time to read her daughter Patti's novel, Home Front Home Front, about a cold mother and a distant father who just happen to be the First Family. Key scene: the new First Lady touring the White House while burbling, "There's just so much history here! Imagine all the people who have been within these walls. But, good grief, I just can't wait to redecorate."

2/18/86.

"As I've said before, you can't fight attack helicopters piloted by Cubans with Band-Aids and mosquito nets."

--President Reagan campaigning for military, not just humanitarian, contra aid 2/20/86.

President Reagan stages a five-hour visit to Grenada, where he is serenaded in a calypso song as "Uncle Reagan." Caspar Weinberger snaps photos without removing his lens cap.

2/21/86.

The Wall Street Journal unmasks Vice President Bush as a user of the phrase "deep doo-doo." unmasks Vice President Bush as a user of the phrase "deep doo-doo."

2/24/86.

Michael Deaver who claims to be "making far more than I ever thought I would" from his new lobbying firm appears on the cover of Time Time in his black Jaguar talking on a car phone. The cover line reads "Who Is This Man Calling?" Soon after the magazine hits the stands, Nancy Reagan calls. "Mike, you made a big mistake," she says of this flaunting of success. "I think you're going to regret it." And, sure enough, he does. in his black Jaguar talking on a car phone. The cover line reads "Who Is This Man Calling?" Soon after the magazine hits the stands, Nancy Reagan calls. "Mike, you made a big mistake," she says of this flaunting of success. "I think you're going to regret it." And, sure enough, he does.

2/25/86.

Corazon Aquino is sworn in as the new Philippine president in the wake of a citizen's revolt following Ferdinand Marcos' stealing of the election. At Malacanang Palace, Marcos is also sworn in but, having lost control of the military, he and Imelda accept the US offer of sanctuary. They flee to Hawaii with as much money as they can escape with, though they are forced to leave most possessions behind. Among them: 3,000 pairs of Imelda's shoes, hundreds of matching handbags, thousands of dresses and 500 black bras. Says Women's Wear Daily Women's Wear Daily publisher John Fairchild, "She spent all this money, but she was never attractively dressed." publisher John Fairchild, "She spent all this money, but she was never attractively dressed."

2/26/86.

"I don't expect you'll hear me writing any poems to the greater glory of Ronald and Nancy Reagan. Why should I?"

--Robert Penn Warren on the occasion of being named the first US poet laureate 2/28/86.

Though the comment exists on tape, President Reagan denies that he called reporters "sons of b.i.t.c.hes" for asking questions at a photo op. Larry Speakes claims Reagan said, "It's sunny and you're rich," though he offers no clue as to what that inane comment would have meant.

2/28/86.

After failing to spin a basketball on her finger, Nancy Reagan resumes her tradition of kissing the bald heads of large black men by bussing Harlem Globetrotter Curly Neal.

MARCH 1986.

3/1/86.

"Some of his statements are almost more than a human being can bear."

--Jimmy Carter on President Reagan's habitual lying about the nation's military preparedness when he took office 3/3/86.

President Reagan reveals his ignorance of the condition of Central American roads by claiming that victory for the Sandinistas would create "a privileged sanctuary for terrorists and subversives just two days' driving time from Harlingen, Texas."

3/3/86.

"They hope Patti finds writing satisfying."

--Spokesperson Elaine Crispen on the First Couple's reaction to their daughter's literary career 3/5/86.

President Reagan renews his campaign for another $100 million in contra aid. "If we don't want to see the map of Central America covered in a sea of red, eventually lapping at our own borders," he warns, "we must act now." The House votes no.

3/5/86.

New York Times: MEESE BACKS DRUG TESTS FOR EMPLOYEES 3/5/86.

After watching Bruce Springsteen sign autographs on a flight to Los Angeles, Richard M. Nixon introduces himself to the singer. "I notice that you sign your full name," he says. "And it's such a very long name. When I was vice president, I remember going in to see President Eisenhower while he was signing a stack of letters. He looked at me and said, 'd.i.c.k, you're lucky to have a short name.'"

3/6/86.

Two hours before she is scheduled to appear on The Tonight Show The Tonight Show, Patti Davis who earlier in her publicity tour had been dropped from her mother's friend Merv Griffin's show is told that her appearance has been cancelled by the show's guest host, her mother's friend Joan Rivers.

3/12/86.

"I hope she makes a lot of money. I thought it was interesting fiction."

--President Reagan's reaction to his daughter Patti's novel 3/13/86.

Federal district judge nominee Jefferson B. Sessions is questioned by the Senate Judiciary Committee about his statement that the Klan was "okay until I found out they smoked pot," and about some derogatory comments about the NAACP. "I may have said something about the NAACP being un-American or Communist," he admits, "but I meant no harm by it." He is the first of President Reagan's judicial appointments to be denied confirmation.

3/14/86.

"I guess in a way they are counter-revolutionary and G.o.d bless them for being that. And I guess that makes them contras and so it makes me a contra, too."

--President Reagan campaigning for contra aid 3/17/86.

New York Times correction: "A Miami dispatch yesterday ... described Federal District Judge John J. Sirica incorrectly. He is alive." correction: "A Miami dispatch yesterday ... described Federal District Judge John J. Sirica incorrectly. He is alive."

3/18/86.

Thanks to disorganization among Illinois Democrats and the vaguely foreign-sounding names of their opponents Mark Fairchild and Janice Hart, two disciples of extremist Lyndon LaRouche, win the party's nominations for lieutenant governor and secretary of state. "We're going to roll our tanks down State Street," declares Hart at their victory press conference, promising "Nuremberg tribunals" for drug dealers and mandatory AIDS testing. They are not elected.

3/21/86.

Four years after it was first discredited, President Reagan resurrects his fable about British gun laws in an interview with The New York Times The New York Times. Do any of the three veteran reporters challenge him? To ask the question is to answer it.

3/22/86.

President Reagan invites Nancy on stage at the Gridiron Dinner to say something nice about the press. She stands silently. "Don't you have just a few kind words?" he asks. "Won't you say something?" Another pause. "I'm thinking," says the First Lady. "I'm thinking." Everyone laughs and laughs.

3/24/86.

In an interview broadcast on Oscar night, Barbara Walters talks to the Reagans about their favorite subject: the movies. Discussing fleeting romantic involvements between stars, the President says, "I coined a term for it. Leading lady-itis, leading man-itis ... I came here and the first picture, June Travis was the leading lady ... And I could see where it did did happen. The picture ended and " happen. The picture ended and "

"And you said, 'bye-bye,'" says Nancy.

"And, yeah, I said, 'bye-bye,'" says the President, whose wife pats his knee and says, "Good boy!"

And which films made the greatest impression on him as a youth? "Dracula," he says, "and, oh the man that's built by the doctor."

Frankenstein? The President nods. "Frankenstein."

3/27/86.

"I don't see why anyone should put me down for my job. I'm bright. I'm intelligent. I turn letters so what so what? I also talk. I talk on the show! People know my name on the show!"

--Vanna White defending her role on Wheel of Fortune Wheel of Fortune APRIL 1986.

4/1/86.

The Los Angeles County Board of Supervisors votes to lobby Congress to rename the Angeles National Forest the "Reagan National Forest." Says Sierra Club spokesman Bob Hattoy, "Naming a national forest after Ronald Reagan is like naming a day care center after W.C. Fields."

4/2/86.

After stopping for a snack at a New Jersey Burger King, Richard M. Nixon leaves a note. "Best Wishes to Burger King, home of the Whopper," he writes. "Love, Richard Nixon."

4/3/86.

Michael Reagan makes his TV acting debut as a politician on the daytime soap opera Capitol Capitol.

4/4/86.

"I wonder what people thought I was going to do when I left the White House. Be a brain surgeon?"

--Michael Deaver defending himself against charges that he has cashed in on his White House connections with unseemly speed and greed 4/6/86.

Oliver Sacks' The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat The Man Who Mistook His Wife for a Hat, an examination of bizarre neurological disorders, begins a 26-week run on the New York Times New York Times best-seller list. One highlight is an account of oppositely impaired patients aphasiacs, who can't understand spoken words but do take in information from extra-verbal cues, and tonal agnosiacs, who understand the actual words but miss their emotional content watching a speech by President Reagan. best-seller list. One highlight is an account of oppositely impaired patients aphasiacs, who can't understand spoken words but do take in information from extra-verbal cues, and tonal agnosiacs, who understand the actual words but miss their emotional content watching a speech by President Reagan.

"It was the grimaces, the histrionisms, the false gestures and, above all, the false tones and cadences of the voice," writes Sacks, which caused the word-deaf aphasiacs to laugh hysterically at the Great Communicator, while one agnosiac, relying entirely on the actual words, sat in stony silence, concluding that "he is not cogent ... his word-use is improper" and suspecting that "he has something to conceal."

"Here then," writes Sacks, "was the paradox of the President's speech. We normals aided, doubtless, by our wish to be fooled, were indeed well and truly fooled ... And so cunningly was deceptive word-use combined with deceptive tone, that only the brain-damaged remained intact, undeceived."

4/8/86.

Clint Eastwood is elected mayor of Carmel, California by a 72-27 margin over the inc.u.mbent, who is not a famous movie star.

4/9/86.

President Reagan says he rarely quotes William F. Buckley Jr. "because he uses too big a words."

4/9/86.

Defending Michael Deaver against charges of influence peddling, President Reagan says of his friend, "I have to tell you, Mike has never put the arm on me."

4/10/86.

USA Today: $1M OR DATE WITH JOAN COLLINS? MOST TAKE MONEY 4/12/86.

Excerpts from David Stockman's memoir, The Triumph of Politics: Why the Reagan Revolution Failed The Triumph of Politics: Why the Reagan Revolution Failed, appear in Newsweek Newsweek. Recalling having to sit through an "embarra.s.sing" 20-minute lecture by Reagan, who knew little about the relationship between taxes and budget deficits, Stockman writes, "What do you do when your President ignores all the palpable, relevant facts and wanders in circles?"

Though the book is rife with devastating anecdotes one of the best features Caspar Weinberger defending his swollen military budget by showing Reagan cartoon drawings of three soldiers in varying states of preparedness, prompting Stockman to write, "Did he think the White House was on Sesame Street?" the media focuses instead on the author's alleged betrayal of the President.

4/14/86.

Refuting the popular myth that she spent too much money on herself, Imelda Marcos explains that she was "too busy thinking about electrical power, education, roads, bridges and transportation to shop."

4/14/86.

Claiming to be retaliating against Libya for its alleged involvement in the bombing of a Berlin disco that killed a US serviceman, President Reagan orders a series of air strikes against what the White House calls "terrorist centers." It is later revealed that the real intent of the bombing was to a.s.sa.s.sinate Qaddafi, who is not injured, though his infant daughter is killed. In any event, Frank Sinatra must be pleased, since he sends a telegram that reads, "Encore, encore, encore. Francis Albert."

4/16/86.

A gloating Donald Regan says an old Marine Corps buddy called to suggest that the lyrics to the Marine Hymn be changed to "From the halls of Montezuma to what's left of Tripoli."

The President is reported to have told Michael Deaver whose questionable ethics have been getting a lot of media attention "Well, Mike, I bombed Libya for you."

4/17/86.

"I don't have too much time for fiction."

--President Reagan claiming, quite believably, not to have read David Stockman's book 4/18/86.

"When you meet the President you ask yourself, 'How did it ever occur to anybody that he should be governor, much less President?'"

--Henry Kissinger addressing a small group of scholars at the Library of Congress, unaware of the presence of a reporter 4/21/86.

"I have yet to see one shred of evidence that supports this patently ridiculous and Orwellian contention."

--Rep. Edward Markey (D-MA) dismissing the administration's claim that a ban on underground testing might somehow encourage other nations to develop their own nuclear weapons 4/21/86.

Addressing a group of newspaper publishers, Richard M. Nixon is asked what he thinks were the lessons of Watergate. "Just destroy all the tapes," he says. So convivial is the spirit that the former President even shares a laugh with Washington Post Washington Post publisher Katharine Graham. publisher Katharine Graham.

4/21/86.

Geraldo Rivera hosts a live broadcast during which Al Capone's "secret underground vault" is opened for the first time in 50 years. "This is an adventure you and I will take together!" he pants. After almost two hours of wallowing in mob lore, he detonates a charge and knocks down a wall, revealing ... dirt and an empty bottle.

4/26/86.

Austrian-born right-winger Arnold Schwarzenegger marries Kennedy niece Maria Shriver at the family compound in Ma.s.sachusetts.

4/28/86.

Abnormally high radiation levels are recorded across Scandinavia, forcing the reluctant Soviets to announce that the world's worst nuclear accident is underway in the Ukraine, where a reactor at the Chern.o.byl power station is experiencing meltdown. Though a disaster on a holocaust scale is averted, 31 people are killed, 135,000 evacuated and six million Kiev residents are faced with tainted water and milk. Long-term damage to health and the environment is impossible to guess at. Initial Soviet refusal to give out any information about casualties fuels tabloid speculation about thousands buried in ma.s.s graves.

4/28/86.

Lobbyist Michael Deaver, under investigation by several congressional committees, requests an independent counsel to look into charges that he lined up clients among them the governments of Canada, South Korea and Puerto Rico before leaving the White House. Ed Meese announces that his "longtime a.s.sociation" with Deaver disqualifies him from any further involvement in the case.