The Climbers Part 16

BLANCHE. What did you get, Mr. Warden?

WARDEN. Three copies of "David Harum," two umbrellas, and a cigar case too short for my cigars.

MISS G.o.dESBY. Give it to me for cigarettes.

WARDEN. It's too long for cigarettes. Then I had something that's either a mouchoir or a handkerchief case, or for neckties, or shaving papers, or something or other.

TROTTER. Yes, I know, I got one of those, too.

DR. STEINHART. So did I!

BLANCHE. I must start the women; we are coming back here to arrange a surprise for you men.

[_She nods her head in signal to_ STERLING, _and rises. All rise._

STERLING. One moment please. One toast on Christmas night! Ned, give us a toast.

ALL THE WOMEN. [_But not in unison._] Oh, yes! A toast! [_Ad lib._]

WARDEN. [_Holding up his gla.s.s._]

Here's to those whom we love! And to those who love us! And to those who love those whom we love And to those who love those who love us!

ALL THE MEN. [_Not in unison._] Good! Bravo! Bully toast! [_Ad lib._]

[_Every one drinks._

BLANCHE. One more toast, d.i.c.k. [_To the others._] Christmas Day is our boy's birthday.

RUTH. Surely! a toast to Richard!

STERLING. Long life to Master Sterling, the best boy in the world, and to all his good friends at this table.

THE MEN. Hear! Hear!

[_All the women speak their next speeches at the same time._

BLANCHE. [_Laughing._] Of course! I've dropped my handkerchief.} } [NED _dives under the table for it._ } } MISS SILLERTON. O dear, my fan! } } MISS G.o.dESBY. What a bore! I've dropped a glove! } } [STEINHART _goes under the table for it._ } } CLARA. Both my gloves gone--I'm so sorry! } } [G.o.dESBY _goes under the table for them._ } } MRS. HUNTER. d.i.c.k, please, I've dropped my smelling bottle. } [ALL } _together_]

[TROTTER _and_ STERLING _go under the table for it._ } } RUTH. My gloves, please, I'm so sorry! } } [MASON _goes under the table for them._ } } [_The speeches of the women are simultaneous, followed } by the movements of the men also, all at the same time._ }

BLANCHE. Please don't bother; the servants--

LEONARD, JORDAN _and, two extra men start to hunt under the table, too._

MISS G.o.dESBY. Women ought to have everything they own fastened to them with rubberneck elastics.

[_The men, somewhat fl.u.s.tered, all rise with the various articles, and offer them to their respective owners._

[_All the women thank the men profusely, and apologize at the same time._ STERLING _takes_ MRS. HUNTER _out at back, followed by all the other couples, all talking._ RUTH _and_ MASON _lag behind._

RUTH. [_To_ BLANCHE, _who with_ WARDEN _waits for_ RUTH _and_ MASON _to pa.s.s._] I want just a minute with Mr. Mason, Blanche. [BLANCHE _and_ WARDEN _pa.s.s out before her._ RUTH _is alone with_ MASON. _She speaks as if she were carrying on a conversation that had been interrupted. She speaks in a lowered voice, indicating the private nature of what she has to say._] I sent him imperative word yesterday I must have the bonds. I told him I wanted one to give to his wife for Christmas. He pretends to-day he didn't receive this letter, but he must have.

MASON. This makes the third time there has been some excuse for not giving you the bonds?

RUTH. Yes, and this letter he says he didn't get was sent to his office by hand.

MASON. I'll speak to him before I leave.

[_They go out at back._

[_As they pa.s.s out,_ JORDAN _stands by the doorway holding the curtains back. The other three men stand stiffly at the Right. As_ MASON _and_ RUTH _go out, the_ SERVANTS _relax and exchange glances, each giving a little laugh out loud, except_ JORDAN. _During the following dialogue they empty the table preparatory to arranging the room for the Christmas tree._

JORDAN. Sh! A very dull dinner, not an interesting word spoke.

FIRST FOOTMAN. The widder seemed chipper like!

LEONARD. And did you get on to the old lady's rig-out; mourning don't hang very heavy on her shoulders.

[_One chair is moved back._

JORDAN. [_To_ FIRST FOOTMAN.] Get the coffee. [_He goes out Right. To_ LEONARD.] Get the smoking lay-out!

[LEONARD _goes out Right and brings back a silver tray laden with cigarettes, cigar boxes, and a burning alcohol lamp._

LEONARD. If you ask me, I think she's going to put a bit more on the matrimonial mare if she gets the chance.

JORDAN. It's none of your business. You're _Mrs. Sterling's_ servant now.

LEONARD. Good thing, too; it was a happy day for us when _they_ moved in.

FIRST FOOTMAN. [_Reenters with the coffee._] Say, did you see how that young feller over there [_Motioning to the lower right-hand corner of the table._] shovelled the food in?

LEONARD. And the way he poured down the liquid--regular hog! My arm's tired a-filling of his gla.s.s.

[_And he drinks a gla.s.s of champagne which has been left untouched by a guest._

JORDAN. He ain't n.o.body; he hasn't any money; he was just asked to fill up. He's one of these yere singing chaps what's asked to pa.s.s the time after dinner with a song or two _gratis_. This dinner'll last him for food for a week!

_Their manners suddenly change as the men reenter and take seats about the two ends of the table._ STERLING, MASON, _and_ DOCTOR _down Left form one group. The other men are in a group between the window and the other end. On entering_ STERLING _speaks._

STERLING. Jordan, for heaven's sake, give us something to see by! You can't tell which end of your cigar to light in this confounded woman's candle-light. If I had my way, I'd have candelabras made of Welsbachs!

TROTTER. Bright idea, Sterling.

[STERLING, _laughing, joins his group, who laugh gently with him._ JORDAN _turns on the electric light. The servants pa.s.s the coffee, liqueurs, and the cigars and cigarettes. Meanwhile the following dialogue takes place, the men beginning to talk at once on their entrance._

STERLING. Mr. Mason, I'd like to ask your honest opinion on something if you'll give it me.