The 'Burg: Hold On Part 9

"I can take care of myself," I snapped in another hiss.

His brows went up. "So you do got somethin' you gotta take care of."

s.h.i.t!

"Merry-"

I got no more out because his hand clamped on my upper arm and his head turned to the bar.

"Cher's on break," he growled.

"Uh...okay, dude," Morrie replied.

I got one look in to Morrie to see he looked as freaked as me, but for an entirely different reason, before Merry dragged me to the office.

Once he had us in, he slammed the door.

I yanked my arm from his hold, took two steps into the room, turned to him, and launched right in. "If it's okay with you, I'd actually like to use my break to eat something, Merry, not do whatever this s.h.i.t is with you."

Merry ignored me.

"Who was that woman?"

"Not your business."

"Who...was...that woman?"

I shook my head sharply once. "Not...your...business."

Merry kept at me. "Who's Trent?"

"Merry, Jesus." I planted my hands on my hips. "Let it go."

"What's in that envelope and why's she givin' it to you?"

I felt my eyes get squinty as the heat of shame and anger poured through me, not believing he'd think of me what it seemed he was thinking.

"You think I'm into bad s.h.i.t?"

"f.u.c.k no," he returned. "You're you, so that didn't cross my G.o.dd.a.m.ned mind. But also, that woman would cut off her own arm before she'd f.u.c.kin' jaywalk. That doesn't mean she didn't freak you out. So tell me what's goin' down with her."

I shook my head, trying to find control. "Seriously, Merry, I get why you're here. s.h.i.t happened with us-you'd sustained a blow, we got drunk, it got outta hand. I get where you were and where we now are. It's good. We're good. Leave this s.h.i.t alone, we'll stay good."

He crossed his arms on his chest. "Why won't you tell me?"

"Because it's not a big deal," I lied, not having a problem lying to Merry. I'd essentially been doing it, hiding my feelings for him, for years.

The anger seeped out of his features, gentle chasing in after it.

s.h.i.t, f.u.c.k.

G.o.d, he was so handsome, it hurt.

And that evidence right there, that he was a good man...

That...

It killed.

"Cher, babe, whatever's goin' down, you are not alone."

He meant to be nice. He meant to be cool.

But his words made the anger race right back because I wasn't; he was right.

And yet, I so was and I so would be, always and forever.

"You do not know what you're f.u.c.kin' talking about," I bit out.

"You got friends. You got people who'll look out for you," he returned. "Me bein' one of them."

"Yeah?" I asked sarcastically, and I was so angry, the wince of hurt that hit his face didn't touch me.

"f.u.c.k. Yeah, Cher. Absolutely," he said softly.

I nodded. "Right. Okay. Good to know. So..." I lifted the envelope. "This is three and a half grand from my recovering junkie ex, who took off the day after I told him he'd knocked me up with Ethan, stealing all the money I had with me. Didn't see his a.s.s again until he got clean and got himself a wife, Peg out there." I jerked my head to the door. "Now, you bein' a detective and all, you'd eventually put this together, but I'll save you the effort. See, Peg, she likes control. Peg, she likes to call the shots. Peg, she's a woman who knows how the world should be and how it shouldn't. So Peg's old man's got a kid from another b.i.t.c.h, a b.i.t.c.h who used to be a stripper and f.u.c.ked a serial killer, and Peg's decided that kid needs to be in a good home, that bein' hers."

"Holy f.u.c.k," he whispered.

"Yeah," I spat. "So she's settin' it all up." I waved the envelope in the air. "Settin' me up to take me down. Do whatever she can to take the only good thing I did in this life away from me."

He took a step toward me, murmuring a gentle, "Cher."

And, G.o.d, that hurt too, the sting so killer, it injected poison in my bloodstream, having his gentle Cher but knowing I'd never really have it.

I turned the envelope his way to ward him off and he stopped.

I spoke.

"To fight her, I'll need to call on Colt. Again. Feb. Again. Jack and Jackie. Again. I'll need to explain again why I was taken in by Lowe. More will go down, askin' good people who look out for me to keep doin' it, all this takin' money I can't afford to fight it. But the bottom line is, Ethan'll be dragged through it. The Denny Lowe s.h.i.t will resurface. Ethan might get it at school. He might lose friends. And straight up, my history is such a big pile of stinking c.r.a.p, Colt could convince the president to come and stand as a character witness to my mothering skills and I'd still lose my kid. So yeah, Merry, I know I got friends. I know people will look out for me. I know you're one of 'em. But that does not mean I am not still very, very alone."

"Come here, Cher," he whispered, and I could see it, hear it, G.o.dd.a.m.ned f.u.c.king feel it.

He wanted to comfort me. Put his arms around me and make it all better.

He had the power to do that.

He just would never use it because he didn't really want it.

"No," I said firmly, the poison activating, my insides melting, the pain extreme.

His head jerked and his gaze grew intense.

I continued talking.

"You don't get that," I told him. "You came here to get me to go to Frank's so you could tell me what went down with us was just a drunken f.u.c.k, no more. We don't change. Am I right?"

He didn't answer, so I answered for him.

"I'm right. So, you don't wanna be that to me, you don't get that." I nodded my head. "I understand, the woman I am. I get it, Merry. No harm, no foul. But you don't get to pick and choose how you are with me, who you are with me, what you get to give me. I do. So you don't get that."

He said nothing, just stared at me with an alertness that was a little hot but also a little freaky.

"Now, you tell anyone about this s.h.i.t, we're done," I told him, and his alert went into overdrive, charging the room.

I ignored it.

"I mean that, Garrett," I stated. "This is my business and I'll deal with it the way I see fit. If I gotta call folks in, I'll do it. You keep your mouth shut or what we got you wanna keep you'll lose. I'm not jokin' with you. I'm all kinds of serious."

Finally, he spoke.

"The woman you are."

"The woman I am," I confirmed.

"What woman is that, Cher?" he asked.

Was he serious?

He'd said it his d.a.m.ned self to Colt.

Woman she is, she knows...

"Don't pretend you don't know," I hissed.

"He played you," Merry declared. "A million other women would have bought his s.h.i.t the same as you."

We were not doing this.

"Stop it," I spat.

"G.o.dd.a.m.ned truth," he pushed. "I know, babe, I'm in the business. Women buy s.h.i.t like that all the time. The extremes may vary, but you are far from the only one."

I couldn't do this, and more, I wasn't about to.

So I put a hand to my hip, c.o.c.ked my head, and asked, "s.h.i.t, darlin', two-for-one special? You give me five o.r.g.a.s.ms and heal all my emotional wounds? Shoulda signed up for that plan years ago."

His mood deteriorated instantly.

"Don't be a b.i.t.c.h," he clipped.

"Don't pretend you know f.u.c.k all about what's goin' on in my head," I shot back.

"Maybe, you let the door to that fortress you built around you open an inch, I can get in and you'll find I do know f.u.c.k all about what's goin' on in your head, I give a s.h.i.t about you, and I wanna see you let it go and find yourself some happy."

"That doesn't happen for girls like me, Merry," I told him.

"That's bulls.h.i.t, Cher," he told me.

I jabbed my hand with the envelope at him. "You do not know what it's like to live my life."

"Open the door an inch, Cher. I get through, we'll sit down and you can tell me."

"f.u.c.k that," I snapped.

He rocked back on his heels, his eyes burning into mine, and murmured, "Right."

G.o.dd.a.m.n it!

It was time to end this, and at that moment, I didn't care how much I was ending.

"You know, straight up, baby, I got a choice between Garrett Merrick, the guy I shoot the s.h.i.t with, and Garrett Merrick, the man who gives phenomenal head, I pick door number two because you're good with your mouth, but you're better with your c.o.c.k."

No hesitation, he returned fire.

"You give it good too, sweetheart. Best I had in f.u.c.kin' years. You're ready to go again, you give me a call and I'm there."

"Ethan's next sleepover, or the next time I gotta eat s.h.i.t and send him to my ex and his b.i.t.c.h, you're on."

"Find out you held out on me, after shift you'll have a caller, and your mom can look after your boy while you're takin' my c.o.c.k in my bed."

"You're on for that too."

His eyes continued burning into mine as he rumbled, "I'm not f.u.c.kin' with you, Cher."

"Back at you, Garrett."

"Then it's on," he announced.

"Oh yeah, baby. It's on," I agreed with enticing acid.

He lifted a finger my way and declared, "Then we got a deal. And you know how I deal, Cher. You know the man I am." He dropped his hand. "You're officially takin' my c.o.c.k, I officially take your back. I won't say s.h.i.t to anyone, but one G.o.dd.a.m.ned thing happens with your ex and his b.i.t.c.h, you tell me. You don't, we got problems."

"Uh...think you forgot somethin', boss. I take your c.o.c.k 'cause I want to. That's it."

He shook his head, his eyes still scorching into mine. "Oh no," he whispered, a sound that crawled over my skin in a way I couldn't figure out if it was good or bad. "I'm seein' you think you know the man I am, but you don't f.u.c.kin' know. Only way with me is my way. We made our deal. You got no choice now but to do it my way."

"Don't hold your breath for that to happen, gorgeous," I returned.