The 'Burg: Hold On Part 66

There was also hope.

"Not totally," she whispered. "But it's just a sting, Merry. You get it. You feel it. The big thing is, you understand it. Just what it is. And since you do, you can move on."

"I'm fallin' in love with her, Rocky," he whispered back.

Slowly, his sister's lips curled up in a smile as her eyes got bright.

"I can't turn this to s.h.i.t," he told her.

"You won't," she replied.

"It's her. She deserves to be happy. She hasn't had that and she deserves it. I'm givin' that to her and it feels great. But it's also her kid. Ethan's f.u.c.kin' amazing, Raquel. He wants good for his mom, but he deserves good in his life too. For both of them...I cannot turn this to s.h.i.t."

"You won't," his sister repeated.

He looked back out the window.

CeeCee had the ball again. And again, she threw it right at her father's feet.

Blondie retrieved it.

Tanner took it and let it fly.

Blondie chased after it.

"How?" he asked.

"How what?" his sister asked back.

"How's it go away?"

She didn't answer, and he was about to look at her again when he felt her fingers sliding into his as she got close to his side.

She held his hand and they watched what was happening on the porch. Blondie in the yard, retrieving the ball. Tanner looking down at his baby girl. CeeCee's blue eyes tipped up to her daddy, her mouth moving. She had only a few words in her a.r.s.enal, so that meant she was mostly babbling at him. But it was clear Tanner didn't mind by the way he was smiling down at his little girl.

"I'm pregnant again, Merry."

Garrett's head snapped around as he looked to his sister.

"That..." She tipped her head to the window. "And this..." She put her hand to her belly. "That's how it works."

"Cher wants kids," he told her.

"You both get to that place, give them to her," she returned.

He shook his head as he looked back out the window and pulled his hand out of her hold. He lifted his arm, catching his sister around the neck and tugging her to his side.

He kept his eyes aimed out the window as he turned his head and kissed the top of her hair.

For Rocky's part, she'd wrapped both arms around his middle.

"Pleased as f.u.c.k for you, babe," he muttered.

"Me too," she replied.

They held on and watched the antidote to Raquel's poison hold his daughter and play with their dog.

"Falling in love should be good," she said gently. "It should make you happy. It should make you hopeful. It should make you look forward to the future and savor what's happening in the now. I want that for you, Garrett, but it's not only that. It's the way it should be."

"I hear that. But bein' f.u.c.ked up, destroying havin' that with Mia, on edge that I'll do that s.h.i.t again, that's just not where I can be with Cher."

She gave him a squeeze. "Nothing's going to happen to Layne. Nothing's going to happen to you. Nothing's going to happen to me." He looked down at her. "But even if it does, Merry, I have this. This moment with you. What's happening outside. The baby girl I gave my husband. The baby he gave me that's growing inside of me. We can't live crippled by what we're scared might happen. We have to live in the moment, happy with what we have."

"I hear that too," he told her. "I just got no clue how to get there."

"Your problem, honey," she started softly, "is that you aren't recognizing you're already there. You just won't let yourself be there."

Garrett stared down at his sister, his throat starting to burn.

"Jesus," he muttered.

Rocky smiled. "Be in the now, Merry. The now would make you happy if you just let it be."

He tightened his arm around her neck. "Sucks, but you were always smarter than me."

"Yes, but you were never afraid of spiders."

A sharp chuckle bolted out of him.

f.u.c.k, his sister was crazy.

"I see I got the upper hand here-you're smart as a whip, but I can kill spiders without freakin' out," he remarked.

"You live a life in Indiana terrified of daddy longlegs, then we'll discuss it."

He had to admit, she had a point there.

He grinned at her.

She gave him a squeeze.

They both looked back out the window.

Blondie was running.

CeeCee was babbling.

Tanner was smiling.

His sister was pregnant.

He felt it.

He held on to it.

Because, in the now, all was just as it should be.

It was happy.

Chapter Seventeen.

Tough Chick Cher Monday Evening Mom was in my house, kicked back and watching TV with Ethan.

I was in the Equinox, backing it out in order to head to work but wishing I was going to Merry's.

We'd had our awesome Sat.u.r.day night and Sunday morning, and Merry had hung with me and Ethan before he'd taken off to spend some time with his sister.

And as we'd rushed toasting some bagels before getting my kid, we'd agreed that we'd find time to meet for lunch that week and I'd arrange it so one of my nights off, it was just him and me; the other one it was family time.

Family time.

Merry hadn't used those words. I hadn't either.

But I liked thinking of it that way just as much as it freaked me out.

It was all going good.

No, it was going great.

I hadn't f.u.c.ked anything up yet, not a thing.

I was happy. Merry was happy. Ethan was happy.

It was a miracle.

That freaked me out too.

Even so, there were b.u.mmer parts to it.

Specifically not seeing Merry more often. A lunch here, a night there, lots of s.e.x when we could squeeze it in.

As great as it was, it wasn't working for me.

I wanted more.

There was no denying it.

I wanted more. And I didn't know how that had happened. How I went from being a woman who'd lived a life never having what she wanted, now having what I wanted, and still wanting more.

I should be happy with what I had.

Now I had the feeling that being happy just made you jones for more happy and that was where you f.u.c.ked up. A new kind of f.u.c.kup. Not being content with what you had.

I needed just to let myself be happy without freaking out about it and not f.u.c.k s.h.i.t up.

(I still wanted more.) I hit the street and shifted to drive. I started motoring when I caught something in the light of my headlights off to the left.

I kept driving but did it staring.

Then I did it glaring, anger flaring fast and rocketing straight to fury.

He gave me big eyes. Then he gave me hand gestures.

I ignored both, kept driving, stopped at the stop sign at the end of the road, made my turn when it was clear, and drove two blocks before I pulled over and yanked my phone out of my purse.

I jabbed at the screen and put it to my ear.

My friend Ryan, who right then was sitting in a car across the street from my d.i.c.khead neighbor's house, answered on one ring.

"Cher-"

"Do not speak," I hissed. "Meet me at the bar...now."

"I kinda can't leave my-"

"Ryan, what'd I say about speaking? Get your a.s.s to the bar."

"But the guy who hired me for this job is kinda scary."

Oh yeah.

I was ticked.

"Trust me, right now, Ryan, I'm scarier."

Ryan said nothing.

"You gonna meet me at the bar, like, in two seconds?"

"I'll meet you at the bar, Cher," he muttered.