The Broom Of The System Part 9

"Right away, sir!"

"Some breadsticks might have been nice, too, do you hear? What kind of place is this, anyway?"

"I insist that you tell me."

"Could you just possibly wait, for about nine tenths of a second, while I decide how to tell you?"

"What does deciding have to do with it? There's a thing, and here am I, tell me the thing, voila. voila. Clearly there's something bothering you." Clearly there's something bothering you."

"Look, I'm obviously going to tell you, OK? Don't have a spasm. It's just that the thing I have to tell is, a, unbelievably weird, and I don't even really understand it ..."

"So let's have both our powers of understanding leveled at the thing, together. Whose power of understanding and persuasion soothed a potentially disastrously p.i.s.sed-off Walinda for you, after all?"

"... and b, is something I was told not to tell, so I have to figure out a way to tell you in a way that's going to least compromise my promise not to tell, and least make anything bad happen to the person whom the thing concerns."

"Clear as a bell. As clear as this water gla.s.s, Lenore."

"Don't flick your water gla.s.s. Look, you said this place had really great steaks, and you said you were starving, so why don't you just concentrate on the impending arrival of your steak, which I sort of think is coming right now?"

"Looks super, thank you. Rick, would we care for wine?"

"Yes."

"What kind?"

"What kind?" kind?"

"We'll maybe just have a bottle of your house red, if that's OK.... You are a baby. You have the understanding and compa.s.sion of a very very small child, sometimes."

"Lenore, it's simply that I love you. You know that. Every fiber of your being is loved by every fiber of my being. The thought of things about you, concerning you, troubling you, that I don't know about, makes blood run from my eyes, on the inside."

"Interesting image. Look, try your steak. You said you were in a position to eat a horse."

"Does that hit the spot?"

"My spot is reeling under the force of the blow. Now I insist that you tell me."

"Does this have to do with your trying to call that Rummage person while I was busy keeping Walinda from forcing me to choose between her services and yours, even though she was hired by Frequent himself? Shall I simply get up and go call Rummage right now?"

"He's not there. He's not here."

"He's apparently out of the country, with my father."

"Doing what?"

"I can't tell you."

"Is this the same 'I can't tell you,' or a different one?"

"Different. "

"Deeply hurt and p.i.s.sed off, now."

"Look, can I just a.s.sure you that I'll tell you later, and not tell you now, and think, and eat my salad? Would that be OK? I'll stay at your place tonight, which I actually really want to do, even though I told Candy I'd be back home tonight, and we'll talk. I really do need your advice. Yours especially, Rick. I just have to figure out what's going on myself, first, for a second, OK?"

"It's really quite bad, and it has to do with the nursing home, and no one has pa.s.sed away."

"Eat your steak."

"I only-"

"Rick, who's that?"

"Where?"

"Over there, by himself, at that table?"

"You don't know who that is?"

"No."

"That's Norman Bombardini. Our landlord and Building-mate, of Bombardini Company and skeleton eye-socket fame."

"He's a large person."

"He is large."

"Gigantic, is more like it. Why's he snarling and gnawing on the edge of the table?"

"Good Lord. My understanding, which I get mostly from War-shaver over at the club, is that these are just not good times for Norman. Problems with his wife. Problems with his health."

"He looks like he really needs to lose some weight."

"I guess he's tried, off and on, for years. An interesting man. War-shaver hints around that his company is on the verge of a real-"

"Oh my G.o.d."

"What?"

"Look at what the waiter's bringing."

"Good Lord."

"There is just no way someone can eat all that."

"Poor Norman."

"Oh, that's sick. He could at least wait till the waiter put it on the table."

"Must be really hungry."

"n.o.body's that hungry. And did he just try to bite the waiter? Was that an attempted bite?"

"Must be the light in here."

"He's really making a mess."

"I've never seen him like this."

"He's getting juice on the people at the other tables. That lady just put her napkin on her head!"

"Is that a napkin? It's really quite fetching."

"You're horrible. Look, they're having to leave."

"Well, it looked like they were almost done, anyway."

"Well I'm not. I'm not going to look anymore."

"Probably wise."

"But I can't really help hearing, now, can I?"

"Unfortunately not."

"G.o.d, look at that, he's almost done with all that. He has eaten a literal mountain of food in about two minutes."

"Well, a lot of it's on the floor, too, after all."

"I think I'm going to be physically ill."

"I'm frankly worried. This has almost taken my mind off your present lack of trust in me. Norman is not right."

"How come I've never seen him? I see his car all the time, in that s.p.a.ce."

"I think there are size problems with the front door. He has a special entrance on the east side. Elevator. Reinforced cables."

"Wow."

"Did he finish all that? Is he finished?"

"He's certainly slowing down. I sense something missing, though. See the way he's looking around?"

"Dear G.o.d, Rick, look at the floor."

"Dessert. That's what's missing. And here comes the waiter."

"Laws of nature will be violated if he eats all that and doesn't die."

"Lenore, listen, I think we should go over and see if there's anything we can do."

"Are you joking? I think that's an insane person, over there. I don't think it was the light, I think he really tried to bite the waiter. See the way the waiter's just sort of tossing the desserts onto the table from a safe distance?"

"Norman's sated, though, you can tell. The desserts are going at a normal rate, more or less."

"You've still got a lot of your own steak left, you know."

"The steak will keep. I feel vicariously gorged, anyway." anyway."

"What are you doing? Are you kidding? You've got to be kidding."

"Come on."

"Big mistake, Rick. Not something I wish to do."

"Be a sport."

"How are we going to get over there?"

"Serpentine. Follow me. Watch the-"

"I see it."

"Norman?"

"Who's that?"

"Rick Vigorous, Norman."