The Brain in Love Part 2

WAYS TO BALANCE LOW PFC.

Organizational help, coaching Intense aerobic exercise (boosts blood flow) Goal-setting/planning exercises Neurofeedback to boost PFC activity Relationship counseling Stimulating or exciting activities Higher protein diet Developing a deep sense of personal meaning Stimulating supplements, to boost dopamine to the brain, such as L-tyrosine or SAMe Stimulating medications (if appropriate), such as Adderall, Dexedrine, Ritalin, Wellbutrin, Stratterra, or Provigil WAYS TO BALANCE HIGH PFC.

See prescriptions of the anterior cingulate gyrus (page 35) Anterior Cingulate Gyrus (ACG)-My Way

or the Highway

The ACG helps you feel settled, relaxed, and flexible. It runs lengthwise through the deep parts of the frontal lobes and is the brain's major switching station. I think of it as the brain's gear shifter, greasing human behavior, and allowing us to be flexible, adaptable, and to change as change is needed. This part of the brain is involved in helping shift attention from thing to thing, moving from idea to idea, and seeing the options in life. The term that best relates to the ACG is cognitive flexibility. Cooperation is also influenced by this part of the brain. When the ACG works in an effective manner, it is easy to shift into cooperative modes of behavior.

When there is too much activity in the ACG, usually due to lower serotonin levels, people become unable to shift their attention and become rigid, cognitively inflexible, overfocused, anxious, and oppositional. When it works too hard, people have difficulty shifting attention and get stuck in ineffective behavior patterns, where they may be uncooperative or difficult, trapped in their own mindset. When the ACG works too hard, people plan too much, worry too much about the future, and become too serious or obsessed. Difficulties in the ACG can cause a person to constantly expect negative events and feel very unsafe in the world. When the ACG is overactive, people have a tendency to get stuck or locked into negative thoughts or behaviors. They may become obsessive worriers or hold onto hurts or grudges from the past. They may also get stuck on negative behaviors, or develop compulsions such as hand-washing or excessively checking locks. One patient who had ACG problems described the phenomenon to me saying it was "like being on a rat's exercise wheel, where the thoughts just go over and over and over." Another patient told me, "It's like having a Reset b.u.t.ton in your head that is always on. Even though I don't want to have the thought anymore, it just keeps coming back."

The clinical problems a.s.sociated with excessive ACG activity include obsessive compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and addictive disorders. All of these disorders are a.s.sociated with problems shifting attention. Worrying, holding onto hurts from the past, cognitive inflexibility, automatically saying no, and being rigid, are symptoms of too much activity in the ACG. Increasing serotonin through supplements or medications is often helpful.

When the ACG is underactive, people have little motivation and get-up-and-go. They shift gears too easily and can be easily distracted and apathetic. Neurosurgeons at the University of California at Irvine School of Medicine described a set of symptoms a.s.sociated with damage to this part of the brain, from a stroke, tumor, or brain injury. They called the syndrome akinetic mutism, where patients tend to have little physical movement (akinetic) and produce little speech (mutism). They also noted indifference and lower levels of anxiety and worry in patients.

ACG in Relationships When the ACG functions properly, people are able to shift their attention easily. They tend to be flexible and adaptable. They are likely to see options in tough situations. They are usually able to forgive the mistakes of others and tend not to hold onto hurts from the past. They encourage others to help but do not rigidly control situations. They tend to have a positive outlook and see a hopeful future. Basically, they are able to roll with the ups and downs of relationships.

When the ACG is overactive, people have a tendency to get locked into thoughts, stuck on thoughts, and get the same thoughts in their head over and over. They tend to hold grudges, hold onto hurts from the past, and to be unforgiving of perceived wrongdoings. They tend to be inflexible, rigid, and unbending. They often want things done a certain way (their way) and they may get very upset when things do not go their way. They have difficulty dealing with a change. They tend to be argumentative and oppositional. When the ACG is underactive, people can act in apathetic, indifferent, or uncaring ways. Interestingly, one of the treatments for excessive activity in the ACG with disorders like obsessive-compulsive disorder is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitor (SSRI) medications such as Prozac or Lexapro. One of the side effects of these medications is apathy and lack of motivation when it suppresses the ACG too much.

POSITIVE ACG RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

It's okay.

I can roll with this situation.

How would you like to do this?

Let's collaborate.

Let's cooperate.

What would you like to do?

That was in the past.

NEGATIVE ACG RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

You hurt me years ago.

I won't forgive you.

It'll never be the same.

I'm always worried.

I get stuck on these bad thoughts.

Do it my way.

I can't change.

It's your fault.

I don't agree with you.

No. No. No.

I won't do it.

I don't want to do it.

I have a lot of complaints about you.

I've never hated anyone more than you.

This will never change.

STATEMENTS FROM PARTNERS OF PEOPLE WITH ACG PROBLEMS.

Nothing ever gets forgiven or let go.

She brings up issues from years and years ago.

Everything has to be the way he/she wants it.

He can't say he's sorry.

She holds onto grudges forever.

He never throws anything away.

She's rigid.

If things aren't perfect, he thinks they are no good at all.

I don't help her because I have to do it exactly her way or she goes ballistic.

He argues with everything I say.

She tends to be oppositional.

He doesn't like to try new things.

ANTERIOR CINGULATE GYRUS (ACG) SUMMARY (the brain's gear shifter) ACG Functions Excessive ACG Activity Problems Cognitive flexibility Gets stuck on negative thoughts or behaviors Transition from idea to idea Worries Cooperation Holds grudges Ability to see options Has obsessions/compulsions Goes with the flow Is inflexible, may appear selfish Is oppositional/argumentative Gets upset when things do not go his way Gets upset when things are out of place Has an intense dislike for change Tends to say no without thinking Low ACG Activity Problems Apathy or indifference Poor motivation Little speech production Decreased physical movement DIAGNOSTIC PROBLEMS a.s.sOCIATED WITH EXCESSIVE ACG ACTIVITY.

Obsessive compulsive disorder Addictions Eating disorders Premenstrual tension syndrome (some types) Chronic pain Posttraumatic stress disorder Oppositional defiant disorder Difficult temperaments Tourette's syndrome DIAGNOSTIC PROBLEMS a.s.sOCIATED WITH LOW ACG ACTIVITY.

Lowered motivation, little spontaneous movement or speech See problems of low PFC activity (see page 2930) WAYS TO CALM EXCESSIVE ACG ACTIVITY.

Neurofeedback to calm ACG activity (uses measuring instruments to give people information or feedback on the activity in this part of the brain so they can learn to calm it down) Intense aerobic exercise Relationship counseling, anger management Lower protein/complex carbohydrate diet ACG supplements, to boost serotonin to the brain, such 5-HTP, St. John's wort, or Inositol ACG medications (if appropriate), SSRIs (Paxil, Zoloft, Celexa, Prozac, Luvox, Lexapro), Effexor, atypical antipsychotics in refractory cases, such as Risperdal, Zyprexa, or Geodon WAYS TO BOOST LOW ACG ACTIVITY.

SEE PRESCRIPTIONS OF THE PFC (page 30) Use Practical Neuroscience to Enhance Love A friend of mine recently approached me at a seminar and told me this story. "Daniel, I am so grateful for everything you have taught me, especially about the anterior cingulate gyrus. I am married to a woman who has the anterior cingulate from h.e.l.l. No matter what I say, she says the opposite. It has been so frustrating. For years I just thought that she didn't love me. Now I know it has to do with how her brain works. If I asked her to go to the store with me, she would always say, 'I am too busy to go. It is so insensitive of you to ask me; don't you see everything I am doing.' Rebuffed, I stopped asking her to do things. Since I have listened to you talk about the anterior cingulate gyrus, I realize that her brain gets stuck and I need to ask the opposite of what I want. For example, if I want her to go to the store with me, I'll say, 'I am going to the store. You probably do not want to go with me.' Incensed, she says, 'Of course I want to go with you. What would ever give you that idea?' We are doing much better now. But I still have one problem. It's the s.e.x thing. It doesn't sound right to say, 'I am going to have s.e.x. You probably do not want to come with me?' Do you have any ideas on how to solve that problem?"

In response to my friend, I smiled and said, "I am very pleased you have learned practical neuroscience to improve your relationship with you wife. I have several ideas on how to get more s.e.x with people like your wife who have anterior cingulate gyrus problems. First, take her out for a pasta dinner. Simple carbohydrates boost serotonin levels in the brain and help people feel more relaxed and more flexible. Next, take her for a long walk. Exercise boosts blood flow to the brain and also increases serotonin levels as well. Next, when you get home, give her a small piece of G.o.diva chocolate, which increases a chemical called phenylethylamine (PEA), which boosts the brain's alerting system. Then rub her shoulders and never ask for anything directly. Odds are from day four to day twenty of her menstrual cycle you are likely to get lucky." Several weeks later I opened my e-mail and found a note from my friend with a string of hundreds of "thank you" phrases.

Understanding the different brain systems, such as the anterior cingulate gyrus, allows you to develop specific strategies to enhance your s.e.x life. When someone has low PFC activity, for example, they will need to be excited or turned on in order to be more interested in s.e.x. Taking them to a meditation session or a professional lecture is not likely to turn them on. They are more likely to need a scary movie or a ride on a motorcycle in order to get excited.

Deep Limbic System (DLS)-Pa.s.sion Fires Burning The DLS lies near the center of the brain. About the size of a walnut, this part of the brain is involved in setting a person's emotional tone. When the DLS is less active, there is generally a positive, more hopeful state of mind. When it is heated up, or overactive, negativity can take over. Due to this emotional shading, the DLS provides the filter through which you interpret the events of the day; it tags or colors events, depending on the emotional state of mind. The DLS, including structures called the hippocampus and amygdala, have also been reported to store highly charged emotional memories, both positive and negative. The total experience of our emotional memories is responsible, in part, for our emotional tone. Stable, positive experiences enhance how we feel. Trauma and negative experiences set our brain in a negative way.

The DLS controls the sleep and appet.i.te cycles of the body and is intimately involved with bonding and social connectedness. This capacity to bond plays a significant role in the tone and quality of our moods. The DLS also directly processes the sense of smell. Because your sense of smell goes directly to the deep limbic system, it is easy to see why smells can have such a powerful impact on our feeling states.

Too much activity in the DLS is a.s.sociated with depression; negativity; and low motivation, libido, and energy. Because sufferers feel hopeless about the outcome, they have little willpower to follow through with tasks. Since the sleep and appet.i.te centers are in the DLS, disruption can lead to changes in habits, which may mean an inclination to too much or too little of either. For example, in typical depressive episodes, people have been known to lose their appet.i.tes and to have trouble sleeping despite being chronically tired. High activity in the DLS may be due to deficiencies in the neurotransmitters norepinephrine, dopamine, or serotonin; increasing these chemicals through supplements or medications may be helpful. Low activity in the DLS has been a.s.sociated with lowered motivation, decreased reactiveness, and misreading incoming information.

DLS in Relationships When the limbic system functions properly, people tend to be more positive and more able to connec t with other people. They tend to filter information in an accurate light and they are more likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. They are able to be playful, s.e.xy, and s.e.xual, and they tend to maintain and have easy access to positive emotional memories. They tend to draw people toward them with their positive att.i.tude. When the limbic system is overactive, there is a tendency toward depression, negativity, and distance from others. They tend to focus on the most negative aspects of others, filter information through dark gla.s.ses, and see the gla.s.s as half empty. They tend not to be playful. They do not feel s.e.xy and they tend to shy away from s.e.xual activity due to a lack of interest. Most of their memories are negative and it is hard to access positive emotional memories or feelings. They tend to push people away with their negativity.

POSITIVE DLS RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

We have great memories.

Let's have friends over.

I accept your apology. I know you were just having a bad day.

Let's have fun.

I feel s.e.xy. Let's make love.

NEGATIVE DLS RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

Don't look at me in a negative way. All I can remember is the bad times. I'm too tired.

Leave me alone. I'm not interested in s.e.x.

You go to bed. I can't sleep.

I don't feel like being around other people.

I don't want to hear you're sorry. You meant to hurt me.

I'm not interested in doing anything.

STATEMENTS FROM PARTNERS OF PEOPLE WITH DLS PROBLEMS.

She's negative.

He's often depressed.

She looks on the negative side of things.

He doesn't want to be around other people.

She tends to take things the wrong way.

He's not interested in s.e.x.

She can't sleep.

There's little playfulness in our relationship.

DEEP LIMBIC SYSTEM (DLS) SUMMARY (the mood and bonding center) DLS Functions Excessive DLS Activity Problems Mood control Depression, sadness Memories Focus on the negative, irritability Degree of motivation Low motivation and energy Emotional tone Negativity, blame, guilt Appet.i.te/sleep cycles Poor sleep and appet.i.te Bonding Social disconnections/isolation Sense of smell Low self-esteem Libido Low libido Flight-or-fight response Hopelessness Decreased interest in things that are usually fun Feelings of worthlessness or helplessness Feeling dissatisfied or bored Crying spells Low DLS Activity Problems Decreased reactiveness Misreading incoming information DIAGNOSTIC PROBLEMS a.s.sOCIATED WITH HIGH DLS ACTIVITY.

Depression Cyclic mood disorders Pain syndromes DIAGNOSTIC PROBLEMS a.s.sOCIATED WITH LOW DLS ACTIVITY NONE.

WAYS TO CALM HIGH DLS.

ACTIVITY.

Biofeedback, increase left PFC activity (helps calm the DLS through its connections) Intense aerobic exercise Relationship counseling Therapy to correct and eliminate ANTs (automatic negative thoughts) Balanced diet, such as described by Barry Sears in The Zone Diet DLS supplements, such as DL phenylalanine, SAMe, L-tyrosine DLS medications (if appropriate), antidepressants such as Wellbutrin (bupropion), Effexor (venlafaxine), Norpramin (desipramine), Tofranil (imipramine), SSRIs (if ACG also present), anticonvulsants/Lithium to help with cyclic mood changes Basal Ganglia (BG)-You Make Me Nervous The basal ganglia are a set of large structures toward the center of the brain that surround the deep limbic system. The BG are involved with integrating feelings, thoughts, and movement, which is why you jump when you get excited or freeze when you are scared. In our clinic we have noticed that the basal ganglia are involved with setting the body's idle or anxiety level. When the BG work too hard, people tend to struggle with anxiety and physical stress symptoms, such as headaches, intestinal problems, and muscle tension. High BG activity is also a.s.sociated with conflict-avoidant behavior. Anything that reminds them of a worry (such as confronting an employee who is not doing a good job) produces anxiety; high BG people tend to avoid conflict, because it makes them feel uncomfortable. People with high BG activity also have trouble relaxing and tend to overwork. When the BG are low in activity, people tend to have problems with motivation and attention.

In addition, the BG are involved with feelings of pleasure and ecstasy. Cocaine works in this part of the brain. High activity in this part of the brain is often due to a deficiency in the neurotransmitter GABA; increasing it through supplements or medications is often helpful.

BG in Relationships When the basal ganglia system functions properly, people tend to be calm and relaxed. They tend to predict the best and, in general, see a positive future. Their bodies tend to feel good, and they are physically free to express their s.e.xuality. They are not plagued by multiple physical complaints. They tend to be relaxed enough to be playful, s.e.xy, and s.e.xual. They are able to deal with conflict in an effective way. When the basal ganglia is overactive, there is a tendency toward anxiety, panic, fear, and tension. They tend to focus on negative future events and what can go wrong in a situation. They filter information through fear and they are less likely to give others the benefit of the doubt. They tend to have headaches, backaches, and a variety of physical complaints. They have lowered s.e.xual interest because their physical bodies tend to be wrapped in tension. They often do not have the physical or emotional energy to feel s.e.xy or s.e.xual and they tend to shy away from s.e.xual activity. Most of their memories are filled with anxiety or fear. They tend to wear out people by the constant fear they project.

POSITIVE BG RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

I know things will work out.

I can speak out when I have a problem. I don't let problems fester.

I usually feel physically relaxed. I'm usually calm in new situations.

NEGATIVE BG RELATIONAL STATEMENTS.

I know this isn't going to work out.

I'm too tense.

I'm scared.

I'm too afraid to bring up problems. I tend to avoid them.