The Bores Part 7

ACT III.

SCENE I.--eRASTE, LA MONTAGNE.

ER. It is true that on the one hand my efforts have succeeded; the object of my love is at length appeased. But on the other hand I am wearied, and the cruel stars have persecuted my pa.s.sion with double fury. Yes, Damis, her guardian, the worst of bores, is again hostile to my tenderest desires, has forbidden me to see his lovely niece, and wishes to provide her to-morrow with another husband. Yet Orphise, in spite of his refusal, deigns to grant me this evening a favour; I have prevailed upon the fair one to suffer me to see her in her own house, in private. Love prefers above all secret favours; it finds a pleasure in the obstacle which it masters; the slightest conversation with the beloved beauty becomes, when it is forbidden, a supreme favour. I am going to the rendezvous; it is almost the hour; since I wish to be there rather before than after my time.

LA M. Shall I follow you?

ER. No. I fear least you should make me known to certain suspicious persons.

LA M. But ....

ER. I do not desire it.

LA M. I must obey you. But at least, if at a distance....

ER. For the twentieth time will you hold your tongue? And will you never give up this practice of perpetually making yourself a troublesome servant?

SCENE II.--CARITIDeS; eRASTE.

CAR. Sir, it is an unseasonable time to do myself the honour of waiting upon you; morning would be more fit for performing such a duty, but it is not very easy to meet you, for you are always asleep, or in town. At least your servants so a.s.sure me. I have chosen this opportunity to see you. And yet this is a great happiness with which fortune favours me, for a couple of moments later I should have missed you.

ER. Sir, do you desire something of me?

CAR. I acquit myself, sir, of what I owe you; and come to you ... Excuse the boldness which inspires me, if...

ER. Without so much ceremony, what have you to say to me?

CAR. As the rank, wit, and generosity which every one extols in you...

ER. Yes, I am very much extolled. Never mind that, sir.

CAR. Sir, it is a vast difficulty when a man has to introduce himself; we should always be presented to the great by people who commend us in words, whose voice, being listened to, delivers with authority what may cause our slender merit to be known. In short, I could have wished that some persons well-informed could have told you, sir, what I am...

ER. I see sufficiently, sir, what you are. Your manner of accosting me makes that clear.

CAR. Yes, I am a man of learning charmed by your worth; not one of those learned men whose name ends simply in _us_. Nothing is so common as a name with a Latin termination. Those we dress in Greek have a much superior look; and in order to have one ending in _es_, I call myself Mr. Caritides.

ER. Caritides be it. What have you to say?

CAR. I wish, sir, to read you a pet.i.tion, which I venture to beg of you to present to the King, as your position enables you to do.

ER. Why, sir, you can present it yourself! ...

CAR. It is true that the King grants that supreme favour; but, from the very excess of his rare kindness, so many villainous pet.i.tions, sir, are presented that they choke the good ones; the hope I entertain is that mine should be presented when his Majesty is alone.

ER. Well, you can do it, and choose your own time.

CAR. Ah, sir, the door-keepers are such terrible fellows! They treat men of learning like sn.o.bbs and b.u.t.ts; I can never get beyond the guard-room. The ill-treatment I am compelled to suffer would make me withdraw from court for ever, if I had not conceived the certain hope that you will be my Mecaeaenas with the King. Yes, your influence is to me a certain means ...

ER. Well, then, give it me; I will present it.

CAR. Here it is. But at least, hear it read.

ER. No ...

CAR. That you may be acquainted with it, sir, I beg.

"TO THE KING.

"_Sire,--Your most humble, most obedient, most faithful and most learned subject and servant, Caritides, a Frenchman by birth, a Greek_

[Footnote: The original has _Grec_, a Greek. Can Caritides have wished to allude to the _graeaca fides_? _Grec_ means also a cheat at cards, and is said to owe its name to a certain Apoulos, a knight of Greek origin, who was caught in the very act of cheating at play in the latter days of Louis XIV.'s reign, even in the palace of the _grand monarque_.]

_by profession, having considered the great and notable abuses which are perpetrated in the inscriptions on the signs of houses, shops, taverns, bowling-alleys, and other places in your good city of Paris; inasmuch as certain ignorant composers of the said inscriptions subvert, by a barbarous, pernicious and hateful spelling, every kind of sense and reason, without any regard for etymology, a.n.a.logy, energy or allegory whatsoever, to the great scandal of the republic of letters, and of the French nation, which is degraded and dishonoured, by the said abuses and gross faults, in the eyes of strangers, and notably of the Germans, curious readers and inspectors of the said inscriptions..."

[Footnote: This is an allusion either to the reputation of the Germans as great drinkers, or as learned decipherers of all kinds of inscriptions.]

ER. This pet.i.tion is very long, and may very likely weary...

CAR. Ah, sir, not a word could be cut out.

ER. Finish quickly.

CAR. (Continuing). "_Humbly pet.i.tions your Majesty to const.i.tute, for the good of his state and the glory of his realm, an office of controller, supervisor, corrector, reviser and restorer in general of the said inscriptions; and with this office to honour your suppliant, as well in consideration of his rare and eminent erudition, as of the great and signal services which he has rendered to the state and to your Majesty, by making the anagram of your said Majesty in French, Latin, Greek, Hebrew, Syriac, Chaldean, Arabic_..."

ER. (_Interrupting him_). Very good. Give it me quickly and retire: it shall be seen by the King; the thing is as good as done.

CAR. Alas! sir, to show my pet.i.tion is everything. If the King but see it, I am sure of my point; for as his justice is great in all things, he will never be able to refuse my prayer. For the rest, to raise your fame to the skies, give me your name and surname in writing, and I will make a poem, in which the first letters of your name shall appear at both ends of the lines, and in each half measure.

ER. Yes, you shall have it to-morrow, Mr. Caritides. (_Alone_).

Upon my word, such learned men are perfect a.s.ses. Another time I should have heartily laughed at his folly.

SCENE III.--ORMIN, eRASTE.