The Book of Gud Part 31

"Now," said the Devil, "we have seen the northern hemisphere, and the southern one is just like it."

"I am quite interested," admitted Gud.

"Then let us step up the side of this volcano where we can both be comfortable while we close our deal."

So they climbed the volcano and the Devil found a seat on a heap of freshly crusted lava, and Gud sat down on a nearby glacier.

"First," began the Devil, "I would ask you if they had any souls?"

"Not a soul," admitted Gud. "One could see it in their eyes."

"And what about evidence of proprietorship?"

Gud picked up a rock and examined it critically. "I see no evidence of design," he confessed.

"And how about their rationality?"

"That's what worries me. They are entirely too rational. If we try to give them souls they might reject them."

"I can solve that," laughed the Devil. "Give the souls to the females first."

"What!" exclaimed Gud, "that has never been heard of. To give them all souls at once is quite as radical a move as I could consider."

"Well, I won't quibble over details. How long will it take you to fix up your pace?"

"I should say it would take me an eon."

"Make it an epoch."

"Oh, very well."

"And how do you propose to divide the booty? Would you be satisfied with predestination on a fifty-fifty split?"

"I would not," returned Gud decisively. "I consider such collusion to suppress compet.i.tion most unprofessional. I will give them a revelation, you can plant seeds of doubt and temptation, and we will divide on the usual tests of faith."

"But what about those that pa.s.s over without hearing the revelation?"

"I get them on the mercy clause," said Gud.

"That's too liberal," replied the Devil, "and you know it; they belong to me by right of original sin. If you insist on taking them we will call the whole deal off."

"Let's compromise on transmigration and reincarnate them till they do hear my revelation. It will mean quite a saving in the stock of new souls, for we will have to buy them. I was never good at designing home-made souls; I could never get them of even size, and the big ones were always knocking the little ones about."

"Very well," agreed the Devil, who was anxious to get going. "Order the souls when you get ready."

Just then the volcano conveniently erupted and dematerialized the king in exile and the bricklayer on strike.

Chapter LXII

Once Gud sat all alone High on his shining throne.

The Devil had been driven Flaming out of heaven; And this was eons after Gud suddenly burst with laughter, Remembering with a shout A story the Devil told Before they drove him out-- (Though even then 'twas old)

Chapter LXIII

I. B. Devil paced restlessly about in his brand new h.e.l.l. Everything was running in apple pie order, but not a soul in torment. That fact worried him, for it had been nearly two generations since Gud had planted the souls. He had done it well, had plunged the busy sphere into a day of thick darkness. There had been a mad howling and babble among the conceited rationals until the whole race of them had tumbled in their tracks and fallen into a profound slumber. It was then that the souls were planted.

One of Gud's newly employed a.s.sistants had made the count of the mortals, and the Devil had marvelled at his accuracy, for there were only six souls left over. These Gud had laughingly handed to the Devil, who had given them to six of his firemen--appreciative chaps they were, and it hadn't spoiled them, this thing of having two souls.

After the soul planting was finished, the Devil and Gud had parted cordially enough. They had agreed it was best not to be seen together after that. By the agreement Gud was first to visit the sphere alone and give out his revelation, and the Devil was then to make one visit to sow doubts and temptations.

The Devil had glanced at Gud's revelation most casually; it seemed quite ordinary--old stuff, and he had been rather careless in planting his doubts and temptations. The compet.i.tion had looked easy. But now two generations had pa.s.sed on the sphere and not a soul had arrived for torment.

The Devil was profoundly puzzled. He wondered if Gud had been unethical and double-crossed him with a spurious revelation, getting out another one later with utterly different beliefs and morals, so that the doubts and temptations were thus all obsoleted. This possibility made the Devil furious, for it was plausible enough--yet that Gud chap had seemed such a fair and simple sort!

Half a dozen times the Devil started to go up and see about it--yet, had he not pledged his own incombustibility on his keeping away from the sphere after the first visit? He had been a simple fool, and here he was with a fully equipped h.e.l.l on his hands and a big payroll to meet and the best of his helpers deserting right and left, because they were bored with idleness. As good a h.e.l.l as ever burned brimstone and not a soul to roast!

Drearily enough, the Devil began his rounds again. He had to keep the boys cheered up. How he wished that he had not been so democratic and told them just when things had been started on the sphere. The best he could do now, was to lie out of that and claim that this was just a trial run. But he could see that many of his once loyal helpers had utterly lost faith in his leadership. He had been proud of those helpers, some of the brightest demons in the game. He had bid them off good jobs in older h.e.l.ls by promises of greater freedom to try out their own ideas. In that way he had obtained a superior set of tortures for special sins. But now no souls--and half his demons deserted and the cleverest of his torture machines rusting from lack of use.

At last he could stand it no longer, and he went back to his private chambers. Telling his valet that he was not to be disturbed, he locked the door and took a sleeping potion gauged for a century.

Boom! Boom! Boom!

I. B. Devil awoke and tried to stretch himself, but he was so stiff he could hardly move. Cold, icy cold penetrated his very bones. He managed at last to sit up on the edge of his couch, and then the chamber door fell in before the battering ram of the last of his faithful followers.

Six shivering demons piled into the chamber--the six grateful firemen to whom he had given the extra souls.

"The last of the fires are out, Your Majesty, and all the others have deserted."

"But why," demanded the Devil, "did you not keep my private furnace fired? We shall all freeze to death."

"But, Your Majesty, there is no one to work the mines. Do you not remember that you arranged for them to be worked by the souls of scabs who were to be killed by strikers?"

"Another blunder," sighed the Devil. "Well, there is a grate and in that case yonder is my private stock of smoking brimstone. Light it, for I must get thawed out so I can think."

The two-souled firemen hastened to obey and the seven of them were soon sitting around the spluttering blue flames and inhaling the delicious vapors.

The Devil got out a set of heavy, asbestos furs, smiling as he recalled for whom he had ordered them. He had intended to keep her in his private chamber to light his pipe and brew his tea--and he had chuckled many a time at the thought of her in summer furs.

He laid the furs on a chair and went to his desk and wrote busily for a few minutes.