The Book of Gud Part 10

"I am laughing at you two," said Gud, "because when you died you both came to h.e.l.l--whereas if neither of you had believed in immortality you would not have needed to have gone anywhere."

As Gud was pa.s.sing through a dismal swamp, he came to a certain cypress tree and sat down on a knee thereof. And presently she came also and sat down upon the other knee of the cypress tree, and they talked about the meeting of parallel lines.

But they could not agree so Gud proposed that they cut their initials on the bark of the cypress tree.

They did so, after which they parted. And Gud went on his way and so did she.

But when Gud had vanished into the depths of the dismal swamp, she turned and went back to the cypress tree and looked at the initials that they had carved thereon. Taking the knife that Gud had left sticking in the tree, she carved a word below the initials. Having finished the carving, she looked up into the branches above her and behold the foliage of the tree had withered. Then she repented for what she had done, and in great haste, took the knife and carved yet another word.

Whereupon the tree put out fresh buds and grew again--for such is the power of words for good or evil.

And she smiled contentedly, for hers was the last word.

Chapter XVIII

Lo, the north wind trembled and the sea of sorrow froze into beauteous frost forms that shimmered all lacy and green like ferns waving in an ancient breeze. And frozen frogs came out of the frost ferns, croaking and bellowing like mad, green bulls.

The Underdog whimpered because he was afraid. So Gud bade the frogs be quiet, and they were quiet with a great quietude, and peace reigned for a spell or two.

After which Gud traveled on until he met a rich merchant who was riding across an ice floe on a camel that was gaily caparisoned and had trappings of gold and was shod with silver shoes. And the rich merchant hailed Gud and said: "Whither goest thou on this sleek, icy desert?"

And Gud said: "I go my way rejoicing. But why is your eye so troubled?"

The merchant replied: "I go in search of a strawstack."

When his master said that, the camel stomped on the ice with his silver shod foot and cut a round hole in the ice and kneeled down and drank his fill of ice water.

While the camel was kneeling, the rich merchant invited Gud to mount upon the camel. Gud did so and the camel arose and lumbered on his slippery way.

The merchant and Gud sat in the howdah and smoked a hooka and told tales of barter and of gain. This is one of the tales they told, and it matters not which one told it, for it is a lie anyway.

Chapter XIX

It was a great occasion--every seat Was filled and jewels sparkled rich and bright-- One almost heard each throbbing heart that beat As the orchestra filed in that gala night.

The music flared in one triumphal blast, The leader swung his baton: the curtain rose: Then the soprano sang of bright skies overcast, And silence fell upon the watching rows.

Just at that moment, some one in the crowd Saw wisps of black smoke curl around a board.

He shouted "fire!" It was as though a shroud Was flung around them by a righteous Lord.

The crowd surged forth like streams that over-flow-- And ran amuck, insane with fear and rage....

Just then an unknown player of the piccolo Upclambered o'er the footlights to the stage:

"Hold! Hold!" he cried, and waved his piccolo; "Be calm! There is no danger, if you're quiet!"

Then through the Opera House there echoed low Such music as would calm the greatest riot.

They faltered, then they heeded his desire, Then paused to hearken with suspended breath, And spellbound listened through that awful fire Till every one of them was burned to death.

Chapter XX

And now the rich merchant pointed out upon the horizon a small speck which was no larger than a woman's honesty. As the camel journeyed on toward the horizon the speck grew in size until it was as large as the hope of inheritance. And when they finally came up to it, behold it was a strawstack!

The camel started to eat the straw, but the merchant jumped down and belabored the beast over the head with a marlin pin--whatever that is--and cried: "Cease, thou gluttonous, stupid beast; knowest thou not that thou wilt impale thy parched throat?"

"Why belaborest thou the camel?" asked Gud, solicitously.

"Because, there is a needle in this strawstack, and I came from the four corners of the earth to find it. Do you think I am going to let this fool beast devour it?"

So Gud offered to hold the camel's halter while the rich merchant searched the strawstack for the needle.

After the merchant had looked in all the straws but one he gave up in despair, for he had not found the needle.

"Perseverance, dear, my lord, keeps honor bright," quoth Gud.

Greatly encouraged, the rich merchant looked into the last straw and found the needle. In glee he shouted and held up the needle in one hand and the last straw in the other.

"I perceive," said Gud, "that you are a prince of industry. But you are also in a dilemma. If you try the last straw first and break the camel's back, then how can the poor beast go through the eye of the needle?"

Chapter XXI

"Who was that fellow," asked Fidu, "who pa.s.sed me just now with such a wild, wild look in his eye?"

"That fellow," replied Gud, "was an author who just spent a week-end with me."

"And what did you do to him?" asked Fidu. "He was as crazy as the nebular hypothesis."

"Upon his request I criticized his book, which he insisted on reading to me."

"But what did you say about it?" demanded Fidu, "he looked as locoed as a lop-eared logarithm."

"I made several criticisms. I told him that his plot was choppy, and that most of it was stale; that the work lacked sadly in originality and there was considerable repet.i.tion. I said it was very melodramatic in spots and that it had entirely too many murders, and that many of the biggest murderers seemed to escape without punishment. I also told him that it was full of sordid realism and most unhappy endings, that it was overloaded with action, and worst of all, it utterly lacked any evidence of a distinct moral purpose."

"Well no wonder," said Fidu, "that the poor fellow was raving; you made, if I may say so, quite a severe criticism."