The Birds And The Bees Part 22

'They cannae hear you!'

'No, but the voice comes free with the expression.' Honestly, what did he think? That she was actually trying to seduce him? She watched as Matthew followed Jo into the house and closed the door meekly behind him. Boy, what Stevie wouldn't give to be a fly with big ears on that wall.

'It looks to me as if my neighbours across the street might just have had a row. She's stomping about and he looks totally whitewashed,' reported Stevie.

'Guid. Wonder if it's anything to do with us?'

'No doubt we'll get to know in due course if it is.'

'Have you got your invite?'

'What invite?'

'For Will and Pam's barbecue.'

'No.'

'Well, it's on its way. You know what I'm going to say, don't ye?'

It wasn't hard to work out.

'What? You and me to go together?'

'Absolutely.'

'Colour co-ordinated?'

'As long as it's blue. No yellow or pink.'

'When is it though? It all depends if I can get a babysitter.'

'Sat.u.r.day. Apparently, the weather at the weekend is going to be gorgeous and the good news is that you don't need to find a babysitter because the kids are invited too. Pam's organized a Bouncy Castle and a magician and thousands of e-numbers-worth of sweets and pop. Will asked me if I minded him inviting Matthew and Jo and I said not at all. In fact, I positively encouraged him to do so.'

'I don't know if I dare.'

'Oh, you dare,' said Adam with a sort of jolly threat. 'And what's more, we'll take centre-stage on this one, lady. Just you wait and see.'

Jo had never really forgiven Matthew for carrying no cash with him at Will's wedding. She had got sick of dipping into her purse to pay for all the drinks at the reception that night, but she swallowed it because she thought it was a one-off genuine mistake on his part. But tonight was unforgivable! First she had to bear the embarra.s.sment when his card was declined, then she had to stand by as he looked hopelessly through a wallet he knew was empty, as if he was Paul Daniels and would suddenly shout, 'And that's magic!' and flourish up two fifty-pound notes. They were starting to attract attention for all the wrong reasons, and so she whipped out her Amex to reclaim some dignity, only to have to bear the in dignity when that too was declined. Luckily, she had her chequebook and in anger and embarra.s.sment, she had written out the wrong amount and had to do another. She would never go in that restaurant again, at least not with Matthew. How dare he treat her like that? Funny how he always had money on him when he went shopping for those poncey male moisturizers and face packs. Adam would not have been seen dead with a mudpack on. And he had paid her Amex bill every month. Foolishly, she had not considered that he might have cancelled his direct debit and that she would have to stump up for it from now on. She had taken his generosity for granted for so long. Not even the prospect of Matthew's half a million to come could salve the humiliation of this evening.

'Please, sweetie, I'm so sorry. I'm so stupid. Please, let me make it up to you,' Matthew pleaded in bed and started to smudge his mouth down her body, but she pushed him away and presented him with her back.

'Matthew, just go to sleep,' she said. s.e.x might have had a big place in Jo MacLean's life, but next to money, its importance was negligible.

Chapter 37.

'Have you got your invite?' said Catherine, with a just-dropped-the-kids-at-school Tuesday-morning phone call.

'It's just arrived now in the post.'

'And?'

'Yes, before you ask, I'm going with Adam MacLean.'

'Fandabidozy!'

'Is Matthew going?'

'They've been invited. Apparently, Will asked Adam first if he minded and he said no, and Pam asked me to ask you if it was okay.'

'Yes, it's fine.'

'I said that. In fact, I insisted she invite them because I just know that you two have a plan up your sleeves, don't you?' laughed Catherine.

'I wouldn't say it was a plan exactly. We just want them to see us together.'

'About time too,' giggled Catherine. 'Anyway, what are you going to wear?'

'I'm going shopping for something new.'

'When?'

'Towards the end of the week, probably.'

'Can I come?'

'Absolutely.'

They met for their shopping trip on Thursday, mainly because Stevie needed to get in a couple of days' hard writing on the story of Damme and Evie. Even with his (battle) scar, the big Scot was turning out to be an incredibly powerful characteragainst her will, it had to be said. He was evolving all on his own. Obviously, as a Midnight Moon hero, he had to be wonderful, but Damme MacQueen definitely had the McX factor. Evie presumed his roughness was not consigned to his exterior, and he thought her beauty was only skin deepit was s.e.xual Semtex. They were far too good for Crystal's conveyor-belt fiction and Stevie wished she had saved him for the long romantic novel she so wanted to write. She was having a great deal of fun writing the lovers' verbal battle scenes, each one of them misjudging the other totally.

Was that what she and Adam were doing? she had thought more than once recently. She had seen the scar on Jo's leg, witnessed her tears and fears but really, it was all circ.u.mstantial evidence, as they said on A Touch of Frost. Stevie had made herself a firm promise that she would b.u.t.t out of the Honeywell/MacLean alliance at the first sign of violence, but there had been not even a hint of it so far. Could Jo have been telling lies? Did women have the same capacity for deception that men had? Was there really that much smoke without fire? Not that it mattered really, since Stevie's involvement with Adam was merely a means to an end, as was his involvement with her. She couldn't give a d.a.m.n what happened to either him or Jo after she and Matthew got back together. Really.

Catherine picked out a very floaty summer blue dress from the rack. 'Try this on.'

'Wow, that's perfect,' Stevie said. Just the colour Adam had said he was going in tooalthough she would be dressing for Matthew, not Adam, a nudging thought reminded her.

'Go try.'

Stevie go-ed and tried. Then she came out of the changing rooms and gave her friend a modest twirl.

'That's the one,' said Catherine.

'Do you think?'

'Deffo.'

'Well, that's totally spoilt the morning then,' said Stevie.

'Nothing says you can't buy the first dress you see,' said Catherine. 'Anyway, now we'll have more time to accessorize and scoff buns.'

'Well done, that woman,' said Stevie, and went off to pay lots of money. She had so much spare this month. Even with the big wodge of rent money out of her account, life was infinitely cheaper living without Matthew than with him.

Salvation came for Matthew in the form of a letter from Goldfish, which arrived on the same day as his formal invite to Pam and Will's barbecue. They had upped his Visa limit by two grand, so he immediately took out a cash advance and paid the mortgage arrears off before the interest crippled him any further. It was no big deal, he told himself. Some people lived all their lives robbing Peter to pay Paul, although he wasn't sure how much longer he could do that because Peter hadn't anything left to rob and Paul was going to send some big mates round with knuckledusters on soon. He called the bank and made an appointment to see his account manager, in the hope of getting a consolidating loan. Then he planned, once and for all, how he was going to tell Jo the truth: that he wasn't just in that house as a stopgap until his 'family' investments matured and allowed him to buy a nice pile in the country. That he couldn't afford a fancy dancing wedding and the meals out every night would have to stop because he was poor, poor, poor. She would not be happy, but the scene at the restaurant had brought things to a bit of a head. He hadn't expected Jo to react quite as badly as she did, and it made him aware that he needed to tell her everything, now, whilst things were the worst financially that they could possibly be. She loved him, she would understand. Of that, at least, he was totally convinced.

Jo still wasn't talking to him. They hadn't had s.e.x since the weekend and nothing he did, or tried to do, had warmed up the frosty air between them. He saw her enter the office after her lunch-break, waved over and smiled, but she sailed past him, carrying a posh-looking carrier bag, and his expression dropped to that of a kicked puppy. He sighed and got out his Visa, then made a call to 118 118 to find out the number of an Interflora, then rang 'Floral Fixation' and ordered an extravagant bouquet to be sent to a Ms J. MacLean in Design. He did not notice that Colin Seed was well in earshot behind him.

Meeting up deliberately early so they could have a quick natter at the school gates, Stevie filled Catherine in on all the details since their last meet. She had, of course, rung to tell her that Matthew had seen them together, but trying to have a long intense conversation with children on both sides continually interrupting meant only the gossip skeleton was delivered, in preparation for the flesh to be put on now.

'You look better than you did,' said Catherine, adding cheekily, 'In fact, you looked b.l.o.o.d.y terrible at Josh Parker's party. Adam must have rejuvenating lips.'

'Don't be obscene!'

'Anyway, I'm glad he sorted d.i.c.khead and his balloons out for you.'

'Yes, he did,' said Stevie, not realizing she was smiling. She had played that little scene over and over again to herself on a continuous loopAdam MacLean coming around the corner just at the very moment when she felt at her most helpless. She had used it in her book where Damme arrived, just as the evil Richard had Evie pinned in a corner. The difference being that Evie's heart had started fluttering, whilst her own had...er...started fluttering actually. Stop that. That is a ridiculous thought, and not a true recollection, she mentally slapped herself. That was the trouble with having the imagination of a romantic novelist: the story world and the real world blurred and crossed over in some cases. She had ended up on more than one occasion seeing things as she wanted to see them and not as they really were. Men being the prime example.

'So as we were saying,' prompted Catherine, waving her hand in front of Stevie's face to check she was still with them, '...about Adam. How did it feel to snog him?'

'I didn't snog him, Cath. I just kissed him very lightly once, and then we both went inside and started wiping our mouths.'

She had only been so playground puerile because she saw his hand come up to his mouth first and therefore she needed to prove that kissing him was every bit and more disgusting than he seemed to find it. Although it hadn't been disgusting at all, she was forced to admit. He had very soft lips not that she wanted to dwell on that particular detail.

'Steve, is all this worth it?' Catherine asked suddenly. 'Kissing men you can't stand, buying expensive frocks...'

'Yes, Cath, it is,' Stevie said, picking up her carrier bag with the lovely blue dress in it. She had lost Mick to Linda, there was no way she would let history repeat itself by losing Matthew to Jo.

Chapter 38.

There was a slight panic on the Friday as unforecasted rains came: great heavy flash floods and sparking lightning that Sat.u.r.day brides and barbecuers alike stared out at in dismay. Stevie and Danny, walking home from an after-school visit to the park, were caught in a spectacular shower that drenched them totally, and they ran home half-laughing, half-screaming like mad things, then peeled off their saturated clothes and climbed straight into a big bubbly bath together.

Luckily, the clouds were gone the next day, except for a few wispy mares' tails and the air was already very warm and shimmery above the garden. By mid-morning, brides everywhere reached for their lipsticks with relieved smiles. Stevie had worked in the sunny garden all week, and a splash of freckles had appeared all over her nose and cheeks as if flicked there by a paintbrush. The light tanning of her skin made her eyes seem as blue as that day's skies and they shone with antic.i.p.ation and excitement. She toasted a little further as she and Danny spent most of the day in the garden weeding out the potatoes that plagued the flowerbeds and digging out the dandelions, and the physical work took her mind nicely off the nervous antic.i.p.ations of the evening to come. Then Danny fell asleep under the umbrella whilst she was mowing the gra.s.s, and as it was probably going to be a late evening for him, she let him sleep on until it was time to get his bath and then his party shirt on. Catherine had arranged for Eddie to pick him up and take him to the Flanagans' house so he could go along with the rest of the children.

'That'll give you another two hours to make yourself beautiful,' she had said with a wink, and Stevie had retorted, 'I'll need more than that!'

'Not in that frock you won't,' said Catherine. 'All the work's done for you.'

And so, as soon as Danny ran joyfully down the lane in his red dragon party shirt to Uncle Eddie and Gareth awaiting in the car, Stevie jumped in a bath armed with exfoliators, hair treatments and her trusty razor bladea woman with a mission.

Apart from the fact that her hand was shaking when she put her eyeliner on and she had to redo one total socket, Stevie was quite pleased with her self-treatment, although she knew she couldn't compete with Jo's salon-perfection. Catherine was right, the dress was beautiful and fitted as if it had been made for her. She had dropped over a stone and a half in weight since all this business had started and the nipped-in waist only served to accentuate the curves below and above it. The dress pointed out the best bits even further, and teamed up with some strappy gold sandals that would probably cripple her in an hour, and a blue flower holding back her hair at one side, she looked fresh and rather lovely.

She had met Adam briefly at the gym the previous day. He was zipping about busily but found her at the weight bench to say that he would pick her and Danny up at seven-thirty. He was going to drive, because he didn't want to drink enough to put himself over the limit, and he wanted his head clear. When Stevie told him that Danny was going on ahead, she thought he had looked slightly disappointed. But then again, Adam MacLean, Family Man, would have shoved Matthew's nose a little further out of joint, she thought cynically. She hoped Danny wouldn't be upset by seeing Jo and Matthew together but, as Catherine had said, she couldn't hide it from him forever that life moved on.

At seven she heard a taxi beep and peeped through the upstairs window to see Matthew and Jo climbing into it. He was wearing a loud Hawaiian shirt that would have looked ridiculous on anyone else but on him, it looked fun and summery and his shoulders looked big and broad in it. She had on a white strappy sundress with incredibly high black sandals. The whole ensemble looked very simple, but stunning, and Stevie's nerve took a bit of a nosedive. Then again, she knew there was nothing she could have done to look better than she did with what she had available. Stevie felt right. Right shade of lipstick, right shoes, right hairstyle. This was it: s.h.i.t or bust, as her Auntie Rita used to say, pre-posh husband.

She spent the last half an hour trying to keep her fingernails out of her mouth. She had French manicured them herself and they looked quite nice, although they weren't long talons like Jo's because she had to keep them short for typing. She was so nervous that when Adam was thirty seconds late she was all for ringing him to say she wasn't goingbut just as she was doing the five-billionth check that there was no lipstick on her teeth, she heard a car pull up outside. Her legs wouldn't move. She heard the car door shut, she heard his steps, she heard his heavy rap on the door. Maybe if she pretended she wasn't in...

Telling herself off for being so pathetic, Stevie got up, went out into the hall and opened the door. Adam was wearing the same colour shirt as her dress. He looked big and blue and a bit handsome, and she found that her breath got all snagged up in her throat and she gave a little involuntary gasp.

He, meanwhile, gave her a discreet look up and down, then said quietly and as if surprised, 'You look nice.'

'Oh...er...thanks,' coughed Stevie, who was quite thrown, seeing as she hadn't expected a compliment from him, not in a million years. She thought it only polite to give one back. 'So do you, actually.'

'Aye, well, enough of the Mutual Appreciation Society annual day oot, let's get tae the party,' he grumbled, suddenly impatient. Stevie, who found she was a lot more comfortable with Adam MacLean in hostile mode than being a pretend nice-person, took a deep breath and climbed into the pa.s.senger seat.

The journey to Will and Pam's house was too short. They had to park up at the end of the street as there were so many cars. Stevie's heart was boom-booming and she was trembling with tension. When Adam turned off the ignition, he didn't look too keen to get out of the car himself.

'You okay?' he asked.

'No,' said Stevie.

'You...we'll be fine.' Sounds of laughter and music filtered into the ensuing silence that hung between them. 'I'm a wee bit scared myself for the record,' he added eventually.

'Are you?'

'Aye.'

And scared as she was, it was Stevie who said, 'Well, come on, we know what we're doing. Let's get on with it,' and with that she opened the car door.

Contrary to what she thought might happen i.e. that the world would stop revolving and there would be a silence so profound that if a pin dropped it would deafen everyone within a forty-mile radius, what actually transpired was that Adam rang Pam's doorbell, Pam answered, kissed and hugged them both and shoved them out into the back garden. There, they fell straight into the welcoming company of Catherine and Eddie, who were halfway down their first lagers. Adam, with his advantage of height, did a quick sweep of the merrily drinking crowds, but there was no sign of the lovebirds. He shook his head and Stevie was a paradoxical mix of relieved and disappointed.

'They're just around the corner to the left,' said Catherine in a low whisper. Then she started doing an odd eye-blinking thing to Stevie, as if trying to deliver a message in Morse code. Bizarre as it was, Stevie understood it. But then they had been friends for four thousand years.

'Oh...er...Adam, I know you've seen Catherine but you haven't really said a proper h.e.l.lo yet so, anyway...erm...this is Catherine and Eddie, my best friends. Cath, Eddiethis is Adam.' Hands were shaken and smiles exchanged. He had quite a nice smile, Stevie noticed, as he flashed it at Catherine. Modest, warm and genuine.

'Can I get you a drink, mate?' said Eddie.

'Naw, thanks. I think we'll head awf and get one ourselves in a wee minute,' said Adam, taking another look around and waving at someone.

'You look b.l.o.o.d.y lovely,' whispered Catherine to Stevie.

'Do I? I could be sick with nerves!'

'You look like a proper couple. You're both glowing. Interesting, that.'

'Oh shut up. I just wish they'd see us and be done with it. Where's Danny?'

Catherine pointed over to the Bouncy Castle. He was with Catherine's brood and having the time of his life.