The Birds Part 12

f(1) Thales was no less famous as a geometrician than he was as a sage.

METON What d'you want with me?

PISTHETAERUS I want to give you a proof of my friendship. Use your legs.

METON Why, what have I to fear?

PISTHETAERUS 'Tis the same here as in Sparta. Strangers are driven away, and blows rain down as thick as hail.

METON Is there sedition in your city?

PISTHETAERUS No, certainly not.

METON What's wrong then?

PISTHETAERUS We are agreed to sweep all quacks and impostors far from our borders.

METON Then I'm off.

PISTHETAERUS I fear 'tis too late. The thunder growls already. (BEATS HIM.)

METON Oh, woe! oh, woe!

PISTHETAERUS I warned you. Now, be off, and do your surveying somewhere else. (METON TAKES TO HIS HEELS.)

AN INSPECTOR Where are the Proxeni?(1)

f(1) Officers of Athens, whose duty was to protect strangers who came on political or other business, and see to their interests generally.

PISTHETAERUS Who is this Sardanapalus?(1)

f(1) He addresses the inspector thus because of the royal and magnificent manners he a.s.sumes.

INSPECTOR I have been appointed by lot to come to Nephelococcygia as inspector.(1)

f(1) Magistrates appointed to inspect the tributary towns.

PISTHETAERUS An inspector! and who sends you here, you rascal?

INSPECTOR A decree of T(e)leas.(1)

f(1) A much-despised citizen, already mentioned. He ironically supposes him invested with the powers of an Archon, which ordinarily were entrusted only to men of good repute.

PISTHETAERUS Will you just pocket your salary, do nothing, and be off?

INSPECTOR I' faith! that I will; I am urgently needed to be at Athens to attend the a.s.sembly; for I am charged with the interests of Pharnaces.(1)

f(1) A Persian satrap.--An allusion to certain orators, who, bribed with Asiatic gold, had often defended the interests of the foe in the Public a.s.sembly.

PISTHETAERUS Take it then, and be off. See, here is your salary. (BEATS HIM.)

INSPECTOR What does this mean?

PISTHETAERUS 'Tis the a.s.sembly where you have to defend Pharnaces.

INSPECTOR You shall testify that they dare to strike me, the inspector.

PISTHETAERUS Are you not going to clear out with your urns? 'Tis not to be believed; they send us inspectors before we have so much as paid sacrifice to the G.o.ds.

A DEALER IN DECREES "If the Nephelococcygian does wrong to the Athenian..."

PISTHETAERUS Now whatever are these cursed parchments?

DEALER IN DECREES I am a dealer in decrees, and I have come here to sell you the new laws.

PISTHETAERUS Which?

DEALER IN DECREES "The Nephelococcygians shall adopt the same weights, measures and decrees as the Olophyxians."(1)

f(1) A Macedonian people in the peninsula of Chalcidice. This name is chosen because of its similarity to the Greek word (for) 'to groan.' It is from another verb, meaning the same thing, that Pisthetaerus coins the name of Ototyxians, i.e. groaners, because he is about to beat the dealer.--The mother-country had the right to impose any law it chose upon its colonies.

PISTHETAERUS And you shall soon be imitating the Ototyxians. (BEATS HIM.)

DEALER IN DECREES Hullo! what are you doing?

PISTHETAERUS Now will you be off with your decrees? For I am going to let YOU see some severe ones.

INSPECTOR (RETURNING) I summon Pisthetaerus for outrage for the month of Munychion.(1)

f(1) Corresponding to our month of April.

PISTHETAERUS Ha! my friend! are you still there?

DEALER IN DECREES "Should anyone drive away the magistrates and not receive them, according to the decree duly posted..."

PISTHETAERUS What! rascal! you are there too?

INSPECTOR Woe to you! I'll have you condemned to a fine of ten thousand drachmae.

PISTHETAERUS And I'll smash your urns.(1)