Ten Years Among the Mail Bags Part 39

"My dear Harmon," said he, blandly, "I see you don't fully understand this business."

"I'm sure I don't," cried John Harmon; "and I'd like to find the honest man who does! Didn't you pledge yourself to use your influence, if elected, to have Blake removed?"

"Don't speak so loud!" whispered the Honorable member, who didn't at all fancy the humorous smile on the a.s.sistant's face. "It's all right, I a.s.sure you. But this isn't exactly the place to talk over the affair. Come with me to my lodgings, and we'll discuss the matter."

Not averse to discussion, John Harmon consented to the proposal.

"I beg your pardon," said the a.s.sistant Post Master General, "but that paper,--I cannot suffer that to be removed."

It was the fatal letter. John Harmon wanted it; the Honorable member wanted it still more; but the a.s.sistant insisted, and the doc.u.ment was left behind.

Now, the Honorable member was in what is commonly termed a "fix." Like too many such politicians, who, nevertheless, as Mark Antony says, are "all honorable men," he had found it convenient to adopt the "good Lord, good devil" policy, using two oars to row his boat into the comfortable haven of public office.

Accordingly, while gently drawing figmative wool over the visual organs of the radical temperance people, he had managed, at the same time, by private pledges, to conciliate Atkins, Blake & Company, and secure the silence of the Goblet. Once elected, he did not fail to look forward to a future election, in view of which he considered it expedient to smile upon one faction with one side of his face, and grin upon the opposition with the other.

For this double-dealing, honest, honest Iago,--we mean honest John Harmon--called the member to account.

How the affair was settled is not generally known. But one thing is positive. The Honorable member and the delegate from Harrowfork suddenly blossomed into excellent and enduring friends; and not long after, Mr. John Harmon became the occupant of a snug berth at the seat of Government, supposed to have been obtained through the influence of the Honorable member from his District.

"How about Blake and the post-office?" inquired Mr. Forrester Wilc.o.x, the morning he left Washington.

"I've concluded," replied John Harmon, candidly, "that the post-office is well enough as it is. Blake turns out to be a pa.s.sable kind of post master after all, and I don't really think 'twill be worth while to make any change for the present."

And this was the answer the worthy delegate made to all persons, who, from that time forward, interrogated him on the subject.

Shortly after, his very Honorable friend, the member from his District, being now decidedly averse to political letter-writing, went home on a flying visit, and pa.s.sing through Harrowfork, took pains to make himself agreeable to all parties. Among other nice and prudent acts, he privately consulted Blake. The post master listened to his advice, and immediately on the member's return to Washington, appointed as an a.s.sistant in his office, a young man of strict temperance principles, who was quite popular with the opposition, and who had for some time acted as Secretary of the "County a.s.sociation for the Suppression of Intemperance."

This appointment seemed to cast oil upon the troubled waters. And so the matter rests at the present date.

Ames is still in Congress; John Harmon continues to enjoy his comfortable quarters at the seat of Government. Tim Blake remains the efficient post master of Harrowfork, with the young man of strict temperance principles for his a.s.sistant; and Atkins still edits the Goblet.

This powerful organ has of late regained something of its former popularity and patronage; but whether it will support Ames at the next Congressional election, depends upon Blake; whether Blake retains his office, depends upon Ames; whether Ames maintains his position and influence at home, depends in a very great measure upon honest John Harmon, who, like the Ghost in Hamlet,

"Could a tale unfold, whose lightest word would harrow up"

the political soil of Harrowfork, in a manner dangerous to the Const.i.tution and the Union.

CHAPTER XXI

UNJUST COMPLAINTS

Infallibility not claimed--"Scape-Goats"--The Man of Business Habits--Home Scrutiny.

A Lady in Trouble--A bold Charge--A wronged Husband--Precipitate Retreat.

Complaints of a Lawyer--Careless Swearing--Wrong Address--No Retraction.

A careless Broker--The Charge repulsed--The Apology--Mistake repeated--The Affair explained--A comprehensive Toast.

Infallibility is not claimed by those connected with the Post-Office Department, and it cannot be denied that mistakes sometimes occur through the carelessness or incompetency of some clerk or other official. But if there is a body of men who perform the duties of scape-goats more frequently than any other, those men are post masters, and post-office clerks.

Whoever takes this responsible station with the expectation that a faithful discharge of his duty will protect him from all suspicion and blame, cherishes a pleasing dream that may at any moment be dispelled by the stupidity, or carelessness, or rascality of any one among the many-headed public, whose servant he is.

When it is considered that in the selection of persons to fill the important office of post master, the Department makes every effort to secure the services of competent and honest men, and that they, in the appointment of their clerks, generally endeavor to obtain those of a like character, it may reasonably be supposed that at least as high a degree of accuracy and integrity can usually be found inside of post-office walls, as without its boundaries.

I cannot, indeed, claim for this corps of officials entire immaculacy.

Could I justly do so, they would be vastly superior in this respect to mankind at large. But without setting up any such high pretensions, I would suggest that those connected with the post-office receive a greater share of blame for failures in the transmission of letters than justly belongs to them. Many people seem to think that n.o.body can commit a blunder, or be guilty of dishonesty in matters connected with the mails, but post masters or their employes.

Acting on this impression, such persons, when anything goes wrong in their correspondence, do not stop to ascertain whether the fault may not be nearer home, but at once make an onslaught upon the luckless post-office functionary who is supposed to be the guilty one.

The investigation of some such unfounded charges, resulting in placing the fault where it belonged, has brought to light curious and surprising facts, respecting the atrocious blunders sometimes committed by the most accurate and methodical business men. Such men have been known to send off letters with no address, or a wrong one; and even (as in one case which will be found in this chapter) to persist in attempting to send a letter wrongly directed. They have been known to mislay letters, and then to be ready to swear that they had been mailed. The blame of these and similar inadvertencies has been laid, of course, upon somebody connected with the post-office.

Mr. A. is a man of business habits; _he_ never makes such mistakes, and indignantly repudiates the idea that any one in his employ could be thus delinquent. So the weight of his censure falls on the much-enduring shoulders of a post-office clerk.

Besides the cla.s.s of cases to which I have alluded, which arise from nothing worse than carelessness or stupidity, many instances occur in which the attempt is made by dishonest persons to escape detection, by throwing the blame of their villany upon post-office employes. Cases like the following are not uncommon.

A merchant sends his clerk or errand-boy to mail a letter containing money. This messenger rifles it, reseals it, and deposits it in the letter box. On the receipt of the letter by the person to whom it is addressed, the robbery comes to light; and, as the merchant is naturally slow to believe in the dishonesty of his messenger, he at once jumps at the conclusion that the theft was committed after the letter entered the post-office. In such cases, and in those of which I have been speaking, it would be well to establish the rule that scrutiny, like charity, should "begin at home."

Letters are sometimes mailed purporting to contain money for the payment of debts--when in fact they contain none--with the intention of making it appear that they have been robbed in their pa.s.sage through the mails. In short, the cases are numberless in which, through inadvertence or design, censure is unjustly thrown upon the employes of the post-office; and the investigations of this cla.s.s of cases forms no unimportant branch of the duties of a Special Agent.

It has been the pleasing duty of the author, in not a few instances, to relieve an honest and capable official from the load of suspicion with which he was burdened, by discovering, often in an unexpected quarter, where the guilt lay.

THE BITER BIT.

The following case, which might properly be ent.i.tled "The Biter Bit,"

displays still another phase of the subject in hand.

A lady of a very genteel and respectable appearance, called one day on a prominent New England post master, with a letter in her hand, which she insisted had been broken open and resealed. She handed the letter to the post master, who examined it, and appearances certainly seemed to justify her a.s.sertion. She further declared that she well knew which clerk in the office had broken it open, and that he had previously served several of her letters in the same way. Upon hearing this, the post master requested her to walk inside the office, and point out the person whom she suspected.

Such an unusual phenomenon as the appearance of a lady inside the office, produced, as may be supposed, a decided sensation among the clerks there a.s.sembled. Nor was the sensation diminished in intensity when the post master informed them, that the lady was there for the purpose of identifying the person who had been guilty of breaking open her letters!

This announcement at once excited the liveliest feelings of curiosity and solicitude in the mind of almost every one present, and each one, conscious of innocence, indulged in conjectures as to who that somebody else might be, whom the accusing Angel (?) was to fix upon as the culprit.

All their conjectures fell wide of the mark. After looking about for a moment, the lady pointed out the last man whom any one in the office would have suspected of such an offence--one of the oldest and most reliable of their number.

"That is the person," said she, indicating him by a slight nod of the head; "and if he persists in making so free with my letters, I will certainly have him arrested. Why my letters should always be selected for this purpose, I cannot imagine; but if any more of them are touched, he will wish he had let them alone."

This direct charge, and these threats, produced a greater commotion among his fellow clerks, than in the mind of the gentleman accused.

Waiting for a moment after she had spoken, he broke the breathless silence that followed her words, by saying calmly,--"Mrs.----, I believe?"

"That is my name, sir."