Ten Thousand a-Year Volume Ii Part 32

"T. t.i.tMOUSE.

"Yatton, 3d December, 18--."

"Upon my soul, if that don't carry the election hollow," said Mr.

O'Doodle, laying down his pen, and mixing himself a fresh tumbler of half-and-half brandy and water, "you may call me bog-trotter to the end of my days, and be ---- to me!"!!!

"Why--a--ya--as! 'pon my life it's quite a superior article, and no mistake"--quoth t.i.tmouse; "but--eh? d'ye think they'll ever believe I writ it all? Egad, my fine fellow, to compose a piece of composition like that, by Jove!--requires--and besides, suppose those dem fellows begin asking me all sorts of questions and thingembobs, eh? You _couldn't_ stay and go about with one a bit? Eh, Phelim?"

"Fait, t.i.tty, an' it's mighty little awake to the way of _doing business_, that ye are! ah, ha! Murder and thieves! what does it signify what you choose to say or write to them? they're only _pisintry_: and--the real point to be looked at is this--all those that you can _command_--d'ye see--of course you will, or send 'em to the right about; and those that you can't--that's the _new_ blackguards round about--_buy_, if it's necessary, fait!"

"Oh, that's _done_!--It _is_, 'pon my soul!" whispered t.i.tmouse.

"Oh? Is it in earnest you are? Then you're M. P. for the borough; and on the strength of it, I'll replenish!" and so he did, t.i.tmouse following his example; and in a pretty state were they, some hour or two afterwards, conducted to their apartments.

It is difficult to describe the rage of Gammon on seeing the Address which had been subst.i.tuted for that which he had prepared, with so much caution and tact: but the thing was done, and he was obliged to submit.

The Address duly appeared in the _Yorkshire Stingo_. It was also placarded liberally all over the borough, and distributed about, exciting a good deal of interest, and also much approbation among the new electors. It was thought, however, that it was a piece of supererogation, inasmuch as there could be no possible doubt that Mr.

t.i.tmouse would _walk over the course_.

In this, however, it presently proved that the _quidnuncs_ of Yatton were terribly mistaken. A copy of the _Yorkshire Stingo_, containing the foregoing "Address," was sent, on the day of its publication, by Dr.

Tatham to Mr. Aubrey, who had read it aloud, with feelings of mingled sorrow and contempt, on the evening of its arrival, in the presence of Mrs. Aubrey, Miss Aubrey, and also of one who was by no means an unfrequent visitor, Mr. Delamere. The Aubreys were sad enough; and he endeavored to dissipate the gloom which hung over them, by ridiculing, very bitterly and humorously, the pretensions of the would-be member for Yatton--the presumed writer (who, however, Kate protested, without giving her reasons, could never have been Mr. t.i.tmouse) of the precious "Address." He partially succeeded. Both Aubrey and he laughed heartily as they went more deliberately over it; but Kate and Mrs. Aubrey spoke very gravely and indignantly about that part of it which related to the Established Church and the Protestant Religion.

"Oh dear, dear!" quoth Kate at length, with a sudden burst of impetuosity, after a considerable and rather melancholy pause in the conversation; "only to think that such an odious little wretch is to represent the dear old----What would I not give to see him defeated!"

"Pho, Kate," replied her brother, rather sadly, "who is there to oppose him? Pickering told me, you know, that he should not go into the House again; and even if he felt disposed to contest Yatton, what chance could he have against Mr. t.i.tmouse's influence?"

"Oh, I'm sure all the old tenants hate the little monkey, to a man--and that _you_ know, Charles, right well!"

"That may be, Kate, but they must vote for him, or be turned out of"----

"Oh, I've no _patience_, Charles, to hear of such things!" interrupted his sister, with not a little petulance in her manner.

"Do you mean to say, that you should like to see a rival start to contest your dear old borough with Mr. t.i.tmouse?" inquired Mr. Delamere, who had been listening to the foregoing brief colloquy in silence, his eyes fixed with eager delight on the animated and beautiful countenance of Miss Aubrey.

"_Indeed_ I should, Mr. Delamere," cried Kate, eagerly--"I would give five guineas, if I had it"--adding, however, with a sudden sigh, looking at her brother; "but--heigh-ho!--as Charles says, how absurd it is to fret one's self about it--about a thing we can't help--and--a place one has no longer--alas!--any concern with!" As she said this, her voice fell a little, and her eyes filled with tears. But her little sally had been attended with consequences she never could have dreamed of.

Mr. Delamere took leave of them shortly afterwards, without communicating a word of any intentions he might have conceived upon the subject to any of them. But the first place he went to, in the morning, was a great banker's, who had been appointed the princ.i.p.al acting executor of the Marquis of Fallowfield, a very recently deceased uncle of Delamere's, to whom his Lordship had left a legacy of 3,000; and 'twas to get at this same legacy that was the object of Delamere's visit to Sir Omnium Bullion's. For some time the worthy baronet--who had not then even proved the will--would not listen to the entreaties of the eager young legatee: but the moment that he heard of the purpose for which it was wanted, Sir Omnium being a very fierce Tory, and who had _lost_ his own snug borough by the Bill for _Giving Everybody Everything_, instantly relented. "There, my fine fellow, that's a piece of pluck I vastly admire! Sign _that_," said Sir Omnium, tossing to him an "I. O. U. 3,000," and drawing him a check for the amount: wishing him, with all imaginable zeal and energy, good speed. Delamere's excitement would not allow him to wait till the evening, for the mail; so, within a couple of hours' time of effecting this delightful arrangement with Sir Omnium, he was seated in a post-chaise and four, rattling at top-speed on his way to Yorkshire.

Sufficiently astonished were Lord and Lady De la Zouch, when he presented himself to them at Fotheringham; but infinitely more so, when he named the object of his coming down, and with desperate entreaties besought his father's sanction for the enterprise. 'Twas very hard for Lord De la Zouch to deny anything to one on whom he doted as he did upon this, his only child. His Lordship, moreover, was one of the keenest politicians living; and as for elections, he was an old campaigner, and had stood several desperate contests, and spent immense sums upon them.

And here was his son, to use a well-known phrase, indeed a _chip of the old block_!--Lord De la Zouch, in short, really felt a secret pleasure in contemplating the resemblance to his early self--and after a little demur he began to give way. He shook his head, however, discouragingly; spoke of Delamere's youth--barely two-and-twenty; the certainty of defeat, and the annoyance of being beaten by such a creature as t.i.tmouse; the suddenness and lateness of the move--and so forth.

More and more impetuous, however, became his son.

"I'll tell you what, sir," said Lord De la Zouch, scarce able to speak with the gravity he wished, "it strikes me that this extraordinary, expensive, absurd, and hopeless scheme of yours, is all the result of--eh? I see--I understand! It's done to please--Come, now, be frank, sir! how long, before you left town, had you seen Miss"----

"I pledge my word, sir," replied Delamere, emphatically, "that neither Miss Aubrey, nor Mr. nor Mrs. Aubrey--whom, however, I certainly saw the very night before I quitted town, and even conversed with on the subject of Mr. t.i.tmouse's Address--has interchanged one syllable with me on the subject of my starting for the borough; and I believe them to be at this moment as ignorant of what I am about as you, sir, were, the moment before you saw me here."

"It is enough," said his father, seriously, who knew that his son, equally with himself, had a rigorous regard for truth on all occasions, great and small--"and had it even been otherwise, I--I--eh? I don't think there's anything _very_ monstrous in it!" He paused, and smiled kindly at his son--and added, "Well--I--I--we certainly shall be laughed at for our pains; it's really a madcap sort of business, Geoffrey; but"--Lord De la Zouch had given way--"I own that I should not like to have been thwarted by _my_ father on an occasion like the present; so, let it be done, as you've set your heart upon it. And," he added with a smile, "pray, Mr. Delamere, have you considered what I shall have to pay for your sport?"

"Not one penny, sir!" replied his son, with a certain swell of manner.

"Ay, ay!" exclaimed his Lordship, briskly--"How's that, sir?"

Then Delamere told him of what he had done; at which Lord De la Zouch first looked serious, and then burst into laughter at the eagerness of old Sir Omnium to aid the affair. Lord De la Zouch well knew that the old baronet was infinitely exasperated against those who had robbed him of his borough! Never was "_Schedule A_" mentioned in his presence without a kind of spasm pa.s.sing over his features! as though it were the burial-ground where lay one long and fondly loved! "No, no," said his Lordship, "that must not stand; I won't have _any_ risk of Sir Omnium's getting into a sc.r.a.pe, and shall write off to request him to annul the transaction--with many thanks for what he has done--and I'll try whether I have credit enough with my bankers--eh, Geoffrey?"

"You are very kind to me, sir, but really I would rather"----

"Pho, pho--let it be as I say; and now, go and dress for dinner, and, after that, the sooner you get about _your_ 'Address,' the better. Let me see a draft of it as soon as it is finished. Let Mr. Parkinson be sent for immediately from Grilston, to see how the land lies; and, in short, if we _do_ go into the thing, let us dash into it with spirit--I'll write off and have down from town--a-hem!" his Lordship suddenly paused--and then added--"And hark 'ee, sir--as to that Address of yours, I'll have no despicable tr.i.m.m.i.n.g, and trying to catch votes by vague and flattering"----

"Trust me, sir!" said Delamere, with a proud smile, "mine shall be, at all events, a contrast to that of my '_honorable opponent_.'"

"Go straight a-head, sir," continued Lord De la Zouch, with a lofty and determined air; "nail your colors to the mast. Speak out in a plain, manly way, so that no one can misunderstand you. I'd rather a thousand times over see you beaten out of the field--lose the election like a gentleman--than win it by any sort of _trickery_, especially as far as the profession of your political sentiments and opinions is concerned.

Bear yourself so, Geoffrey, in this your maiden struggle, that when it is over, you may be able to lay your hand on your heart, and say, 'I have _won_ honorably'--or 'I have _lost_ honorably.' So long as you can feel and say _this_, laugh at election bills--at the long faces of your friends--the exulting faces of your enemies.--Will you bear all this in mind, Geoffrey?"

"I will, I will, sir," replied his eager son; and added, with an excited air, "won't it come on them like"----

"Do you hear that bell, sir?" said Lord De la Zouch, laughing, and moving away. Delamere bowed, and with a brisk step, a flushed cheek, and an elated air, betook himself to his dressing-room, to prepare for dinner.

Shortly afterwards, Mr. Parkinson made his appearance, and to his infinite amazement was invested instantly with the character of agent for Mr. Delamere, as candidate for the borough! After he and the earl had heard the following Address read by Delamere, they very heartily approved of it. Mr. Parkinson took it home with him; it was in the printer's hands that very night, and by seven o'clock in the morning, was being stuck up plentifully on all the walls in Grilston, and in fact, all over the borough:--

"_To the Independent Electors of the Borough of Yatton._

"GENTLEMEN--I hope you will not consider me presumptuous, in venturing to offer myself to your notice as a candidate for the honor of representing you in Parliament. In point of years, I am, I have reason to believe, even younger than the gentleman whom I have come forward to oppose. But, indeed, for the fact of his being personally a comparative stranger to you, I should have paused long before contesting with him the representation of a borough on which he has unquestionably certain legitimate claims. The moment, however, that I had read his Address, I resolved to come forward and oppose him. Gentlemen, the chief ground on which I am induced to take this step, is, that I disapprove of the tone and spirit of that Address, and hold opinions entirely opposed to all those which it expresses, and which I have no hesitation in saying I consider to be unworthy of any one seeking so grave a trust as that of representing you in Parliament. As for my own opinions, they are in all essential respects identical with those of the gentlemen who have, during a long series of years, represented you, and especially with those of my highly honored and gifted friend, Mr.

Aubrey. Gentlemen, my own family is not unknown to you, nor are the opinions and principles which for centuries they have consistently supported, and which are also mine.

"I am an affectionate and uncompromising friend of our glorious and venerable Established Church, and of its union with the State; which it is my inflexible determination to support by every means in my power, as the most effectual mode of securing civil and religious liberty. I am disposed to resist any further concessions either to Roman Catholics or Dissenters, because I think that they cannot be made safely or advantageously. Gentlemen, there _is_ a point at which toleration becomes anarchy; and I am desirous to keep as far from that point as possible.

"I earnestly deprecate putting our Agricultural or Commercial and Manufacturing interests into _compet.i.tion_ with each other, as needless and mischievous. Both are essential elements in the national welfare; both should be upheld to the utmost: but if circ.u.mstances _should_ unhappily bring them into inevitable conflict, I avow myself heart and soul a friend to the Agricultural interest.

"Gentlemen, I know not whether it would be more derogatory to your character, or to mine, to exact or give _pledges_ as to my conduct on any particular measure, great or small, which may come before Parliament. It appears to me both absurd and ignominious, and inconsistent with every true principle of representation. One, however, I willingly give you--that I will endeavor to do my duty, by consulting your interests as a part of the general interests of the nation. I trust that I shall never be found uncourteous or inaccessible; and I am confident that none of you will entertain unreasonable expectations concerning my power to serve you individually or collectively.

"Gentlemen, having entered into this contest, I pledge myself to fight it out to the last; and, if I fail, to retire with good humor. My friends and I will keep a vigilant eye on any attempts which may be made to resort to undue influence or coercion; which, however, I cannot suppose will be the case.

"Gentlemen, this is the best account I can give you, within the limits of such an Address as the present, of my political opinions, and of the motives which have induced me to come forward; and I shall, within a day or two, proceed to call upon you personally. In the mean while I remain, Gentlemen, your faithful servant,

"GEOFFREY LOVEL DELAMERE.

"_Fotheringham Castle, 7th Dec. 18--._"

Two or three days afterwards there arrived at Mr. Aubrey's, in Vivian Street, two large packets, franked "DE LA ZOUCH," and addressed to Mr.

Aubrey, containing four copies of the foregoing "Address," accompanied by the following hurried note:--

"_Fotheringham, 8th Dec. 18--._

"MY DEAR AUBREY--What think you of this sudden and somewhat Quixotic enterprise of my son? I fear it is quite hopeless--but there was no resisting his importunities. I must say he is going into the affair (which has already made a prodigious stir down here) in a very fine spirit. His _Address_ is good, is it not? The only thing I regret is, his entering the lists with such a creature as that fellow t.i.tmouse--and, moreover, being _beaten_ by him.--Yours ever faithfully and affectionately,

"DE LA ZOUCH.

"P. S.--You should only see little Dr. Tatham since he has heard of it. He spins about the village like a humming-top! I hope that, as far as his worldly interests are concerned, he is not acting imprudently: but _I_ will take care of that, for I love and reverence the little doctor. Our dear love to the ladies. (In great haste.)"