Ten Thousand a-Year Volume Ii Part 24

While t.i.tmouse was making this splendid figure in the upper regions of society, and forming there every hour new and brilliant connections and a.s.sociations--in a perfect whirl of pleasure from morning to night--he did not ungratefully manifest a total forgetfulness of the amiable persons with whom he had been so familiar, and from whom he had received so many good offices, in his earlier days and humbler circ.u.mstances. Had it not, however--to give the devil his due--been for Gammon, (who was ever beside him, like a mysterious pilot, secretly steering his little bark amid the strange, splendid, but dangerous seas which it had now to navigate,) I fear that, with t.i.tmouse, it would have been--out of sight out of mind. But Gammon, ever watchful over the real interests of his charge, and also delighted, through the native goodness of his heart, to become the medium of conferring favors upon others, conveyed from time to time, to the interesting family of the Tag-rags, special marks of Mr.

t.i.tmouse's courtesy and grat.i.tude. At one time, a haunch of _doe_ venison would find its way to Mr. Tag-rag, to whom Gammon justly considered that the distinction between buck and doe was unknown; at another, a fine work-box and a beautifully bound Bible found its way to good Mrs. Tag-rag; and lastly, a gay guitar to Miss Tag-rag, who forthwith began tw.a.n.g-tw.a.n.g, tang-a-tang-tanging it, from morning to night, thinking with ecstasy of its dear distinguished donor; who, together with Mr. Gammon, had, some time afterwards, the unspeakable gratification, on the occasion of their being invited to dine at Satin Lodge, of hearing her accompany herself with her beautiful instrument while singing the following exquisite composition, for both the words and air of which she had been indebted to her music-master, a youth with black mustaches, long dark hair parted on his head, shirt-collars a-la-Byron, and eyes full of inspiration!

TO HIM I LOVE.

1.

Ah me! I feel the smart _Affettuosamente._ Of Cupid's cruel dart Quivering in my heart, Heigho, ah! whew!

2.

With him I love Swiftly time would move; _Allegro._ With his cigar, And my guitar, We'd smoke and play The livelong day, Merrily, merrily!

Puff--puff--puff, Tang-a-tang, tang-a-tang?

3.

When he's not near me, _Adagio, et O! of life I'm weary-- con molto The world is dreary-- espressione._ Mystic spirits of song, Wreathed with cypress, come along!

And hear me! hear me!

Singing, Heigho, heigho-- _Teneramente._ Tootle, tootle, too, A--lackaday!

Such were the tender and melting strains which this fair creature (her voice a _little_ reedy and squeaking, it must be owned) poured into the sensitive ear of t.i.tmouse; and such are the strains by means of which, many and many a Miss Tag-rag has captivated many and many a t.i.tmouse; so that sentimental compositions of this sort have become deservedly popular, and do honor to our musical and poetical character as a nation.

I said that it was on the occasion of a dinner at Satin Lodge, that Mr.

t.i.tmouse and Mr. Gammon were favored by hearing Miss Tag-rag's voice, accompanying her guitar; for when Mr. Tag-rag had sounded Mr. Gammon, and found that both he and t.i.tmouse would be only too proud and happy to partake of his hospitality, they were invited. A very crack affair it was, (though I have not time to describe it)--given on a far more splendid scale than Mr. Tag-rag had ever ventured upon before. He brought a bottle of _champagne_ all the way from town with his own hands, and kept it nice and cool in the kitchen cistern for three days beforehand; and there was fish, soup, roast mutton, and roast ducks, roast fowls, peas, cabbage, cauliflowers, potatoes, vegetable marrows; there was an apple-pie, a plum-pudding, custards, creams, jelly, and a man to wait, hired from the tavern at the corner of the hill. It had not occurred to them to provide themselves with champagne gla.s.ses, so they managed as well as they could with the common ones--all but t.i.tmouse, who with a sort of fashionable recklessness, to show how little he thought of champagne, poured it out into his _tumbler_, which he two-thirds filled, and then drank off its contents at a draught! Mr.

Tag-rag trying to disguise the inward spasm it occasioned him, by a very grievous smile. He and Mrs. Tag-rag exchanged anxious looks; the whole of their sole bottle of champagne was gone already--almost as soon as it had been opened!

"I always drink this sort of stuff out of a tumbler; I do--'pon my life," said t.i.tmouse, carelessly; "it's a devilish deal more pleasant than sipping it out of wine gla.s.ses!"

"Ye-e-s--of course it is, sir," said Mr. Tag-rag, rather faintly.

Shortly afterwards, t.i.tmouse offered to take a gla.s.s of champagne with Miss Tag-rag!--Her father's face flushed; and at length, with a bold effort, "Why, Mr. t.i.tmouse," said he, trying desperately to look unconcerned--"the--the fact is, I never keep more than a dozen or so in my cellar--and most unfortunately I found this afternoon that six bottles had--burst--I a.s.sure you."

"'Pon my soul, sorry to hear it," quoth t.i.tmouse, in a patronizing way; "must send you a dozen of my own--I always keep about fifty or a hundred dozen. Oh, I'll send you half a dozen!"

Tag-rag scarcely knew, for a moment, whether he felt pleased or mortified at this stroke of delicate generosity. Thus it was that t.i.tmouse evinced a disposition to shower marks of his favor and attachment upon the Tag-rags, in obedience to the injunctions of Gammon, who a.s.sured him that it continued to be of very great importance for him to secure the good graces of Mr. Tag-rag. So Mr. t.i.tmouse now drove up to Satin Lodge in his cab, and then rode thither, followed by his stylish groom; and on one occasion, artful little scamp! happening to find no one at home but Miss Tag-rag, he nevertheless alighted, and stayed for nearly ten minutes, behaving precisely in the manner of an accepted suitor, aware that he might do so with impunity since there was no witness present; a little matter which had been suggested to him by Mr. Gammon. Poor Miss Tag-rag's cheek he kissed with every appearance of ardor, protesting that she was a monstrous lovely creature; and he left her in a state of delighted excitement, imagining herself the destined mistress of ten thousand a-year--the blooming bride of the gay and fashionable Mr. t.i.tmouse. When her excellent parents heard of what had that day occurred between Mr. t.i.tmouse and their daughter, they also looked upon the thing as quite settled, and were eager in their expressions of grat.i.tude to Providence. In the mean while, the stream of prosperity flowed steadily in upon Mr. Tag-rag, his shop continuing crowded; his shopmen doubled in number:--in fact, he at length actually received, instead of giving payment, for allowing young men to serve a short time in so celebrated an establishment, in order that they might learn the first-rate style of doing business, and when established on their own account, write up over their doors--"Timothy Tape, _late from Tag-rag & Co., Oxford Street_."

Determined to make hay while the sun shone, he resorted to several little devices for that purpose, such as a shirt-front with frills in the shape of a capital "T," and of which, under the name of "_t.i.tties_,"

he sold immense numbers among the Eastern _swells_ of London. At length it occurred to Gammon to suggest to t.i.tmouse a mode of conferring upon his old friend and master a mark of permanent, public, and substantial distinction; and this was, the obtaining for him, through the Earl of Dreddlington, an appointment as one of the _royal tradesmen_--namely, draper and hosier to the king. When Mr. Tag-rag's disinterested and indefatigable benefactor, Gammon, called one day in Oxford Street, and, motioning him for a moment out of the bustle of his crowded shop, mentioned the honor which Mr. t.i.tmouse was bent upon doing his utmost, at Mr. Gammon's instance, to procure for Mr. Tag-rag, that respectable person was quite at a loss for terms in which adequately to express his grat.i.tude. t.i.tmouse readily consented to name the thing to the great man, and urge it in the best way he could; and he performed his promise.

The earl listened to his application with an air of anxiety. "Sir," said he, "the world is acquainted with my reluctance to ask favors of those in office. When I was in office myself, I felt the inconvenience of such applications abundantly. Besides, the appointment you have named, happens to be one of considerable importance, and requiring great influence to procure it. Consider, sir, the immense number of tradesmen there are of every description, of whom drapers and hosiers (according to the last returns laid before Parliament at the instance of my friend Lord Goose) are by far the most numerous. All of them are naturally ambitious of so high a distinction: yet, sir, observe, that there is only one king and one royal family to serve. My Lord Chamberlain is, I have no doubt, hara.s.sed by applicants for such honors as you have mentioned."

Hereat t.i.tmouse got startled at the unexpected magnitude of the favor he had applied for; and, declaring that he did not care a curse for Tag-rag, begged to withdraw his application. But the earl, with a mighty fine air, interrupted him--"Sir, you are not in the least presuming upon your relationship with me, nor do I think you overrate the influence I may happen--in short, sir, I will make it my business to see my Lord KO-TOO this very day, and sound him upon the subject."

That same afternoon an interview took place between the two distinguished n.o.blemen, Lord Dreddlington and Lord Ko-too. Each approached the other upon stilts. After a display of the most delicate tact on the part of Lord Dreddlington, Lord Ko-too, who made a mighty piece of work of it, promised to consider the application.

CHAPTER X.

Within a day or two afterwards, Mr. Tag-rag received a letter from the Lord Chamberlain's office, notifying him that his Majesty had been graciously pleased to appoint him draper and hosier to his Majesty! It occasioned him feelings of tumultuous pride and pleasure, similar to those with which the Earl of Dreddlington would have received tidings of his long-coveted marquisate having been conferred upon him. He started off, within a quarter of an hour after the receipt of the letter, to a carver and gilder a few doors off, and gave orders for the immediate preparation of a first-rate cast, gilded, of the royal arms; which, in about a week's time, might be seen, a truly resplendent object, dazzlingly conspicuous over the central door of Mr. Tag-rag's establishment, inspiring awe into the minds of pa.s.sers-by, and envy into Mr. Tag-rag's neighbors and rivals. He immediately sent off letters of grat.i.tude to Mr. t.i.tmouse, and to "the Right Honorable, the Most n.o.ble the Earl of Dreddlington;" to the latter personage, at the same time, forwarding a most splendid crimson satin flowered dressing-gown, as "an humble token of his grat.i.tude for his Lordship's mark of particular condescension."

Both the letter and the dressing-gown gave great satisfaction to the earl's valet, (than whom they never got any farther,) and who, having tried on the glistening addition to his wardrobe, forthwith sat down and wrote a very fine reply, in his Lordship's name, to the note which had accompanied it, taking an opportunity to satisfy his conscience, by stating to the earl the next morning that a Mr. Tag-rag had "_called_"

to express his humble thanks for his Lordship's goodness. He was, moreover, so well satisfied with this specimen of Mr. Tag-rag's articles, that he forthwith opened an account with him, and sent a very liberal order to start with. The same thing occurred with several of the subordinate functionaries at the palace; and--to let my reader, a little prematurely, however, into a secret--this was the extent of the additional custom which Mr. Tag-rag's appointment secured him; and, even for these supplies, I never heard of his getting paid. But it did wonders with him in the estimation of the world. 'Twas evident that he was in a fair way of becoming the head house in the trade. His appointment caused no little ferment in that nook of the city with which he was connected. The worshipful Company of Squirt-Makers elected him a member; and on a vacancy suddenly occurring in the ward to which he belonged, for he had a considerable shop in the city also, he was made a common council-man. Mr. Tag-rag soon made a great stir as a champion of civil and religious liberty. As for church and county rates, in particular, he demonstrated the gross injustice and absurdity of calling upon one who had no _personal_ occasion for the use of a church, of a county bridge, a county jail, or a lunatic asylum, to be called upon to contribute to the support of them. A few speeches in this strain attracted so much attention to him, that several leading men in the ward (a very "liberal" one) intimated to him that he stood the best chance of succeeding to the honor of alderman on the next vacancy; and when he and Mrs. Tag-rag were alone together, he would start the subject of the expenses of the mayoralty with no little anxiety. He went to the chapel no longer on foot, but in a stylish sort of covered gig, with a kind of coal-scuttle shaped box screwed on behind, into which was squeezed his footboy, (who, by the way, had a thin stripe of crimson let into each leg of his trousers, upon Mr. Tag-rag's appointment to an office under the Crown;) he was, also, always a trifle later in arriving at the chapel, than he had been accustomed to be. He had a crimson velvet cushion running along the front of his pew, and the Bibles and hymn-books very smartly gilded. He was presently advanced to the honored post of chief deacon; and on one occasion, in the unexpected absence of the central luminary of the system, was asked to occupy the chair at a "great meeting" of the SOCIETY FOR THE PROMOTION OF CIVIL AND RELIGIOUS DISCORD; when he took the opportunity of declaring his opinion, which was enthusiastically cheered, that the principles of free trade ought to be applied to religion; and that the voluntary system was that which was designed by G.o.d to secure the free blessings of compet.i.tion in spiritual teaching. As for Satin Lodge, he stuck two little wings to it; and had one of the portraits of t.i.ttlebat t.i.tmouse (as Tippetiwink) hung over his drawing-room mantel-piece, splendidly framed and glazed.

Some little time after Tag-rag had obtained the royal appointment, which I have been so particular in recording, Gammon, _happening_ to be pa.s.sing his shop, stepped in, and observing Mr. Tag-rag, very cordially greeted him; and then, as if it had been a thought of the moment only, without taking him from the shop, intimated that he had been westward, engaged in completing the formal details of a rearrangement of the greater portion of Mr. t.i.tmouse's extensive estates, upon which that gentleman had recently determined, and the sight of Mr. Tag-rag's establishment had suggested to Mr. Gammon, that possibly Mr. Tag-rag would feel gratified at being made a party--for form's sake--to the transaction; as Mr. Gammon was sure that Mr. t.i.tmouse would feel delighted at having a.s.sociated with the Earl of Dreddlington, and one or two other persons of distinction, in the meditated arrangement, the name of so early and sincere a friend as Mr. Tag-rag; "one who, moreover"--here Gammon paused, and gave a smile of inexpressible significance, "but it was not for _him_ to hint his suspicions"----

"Sir--I--I--_will_ you come into my room?" interrupted Tag-rag, rather eagerly, anxious to have a more definite indication of Mr. Gammon's opinion; but that gentleman, looking at his watch, pleaded want of time, and suddenly shaking Mr. Tag-rag by the hand, moved towards the door.

"You were talking of signing, sir--Have you got with you what you want signed? I'll sign anything!--anything for Mr. t.i.tmouse; only too proud--it's quite an honor to be in any way connected with him!" Gammon, on hearing this, felt in his pockets, as if he supposed that he should find there what he perfectly well knew had been lying ready, cut and dried, in his safe at Saffron Hill for months.

"I find I have not got the little doc.u.ment with me," said he, carelessly; "I suppose it's lying about, with other loose papers, at the office, or I may have left it at the earl's"--[though Gammon's objects required him here to allude to the Earl of Dreddlington, I think it only fair to say that he had never been, for one instant in his life, in that great man's company.]

"I'll tell you what, Mr. Gammon." said Tag-rag, considering--"Your office is at Saffron Hill? Well, I shall be pa.s.sing in your direction to-morrow, on my way to my city establishment, about noon, and will look in and do all you wish."

"Could you arrange to meet the earl there?--or, as his Lordship's movements are--ah, ha!--not very"----

"Should be most proud to meet his Lordship, sir, to express my personal grat.i.tude"----

"Oh, the earl never likes to be reminded, Mr. Tag-rag, of any little courtesy or kindness he may have conferred! But if you will be with us about twelve, we can wait a little while; and if his Lordship should not be punctual, we must even let you sign first, ah, ha!--and explain it to his Lordship on his arrival, for I know your time is very precious, Mr.

Tag-rag! Gracious! Mr. Tag-rag, what a constant stream of customers you have!--I heard it said, the other day, that you were rapidly absorbing all the leading business in your line in Oxford Street."

"You're very polite, Mr. Gammon! Certainly, I've no reason to complain.

I always keep the best of everything, both here and in the city, and sell at the lowest prices, and spare no pains to please; and it's hard if"----

"Ah, how do you do?" quoth Gammon, suddenly starting, and bowing to some one on the other side of the way, whom he did _not_ see. "Well, good-day, Mr. Tag-rag--good-day! To-morrow at twelve, by the way?"

"I'm yours to command, Mr. Gammon," replied Tag-rag; and so they parted.

Just about twelve o'clock the next day, the latter, in a great bustle, saying he had fifty places to call at in the city, made his appearance at Saffron Hill.

"His Lordship a'n't here, I suppose?" quoth he, after shaking hands with Mr. Quirk and Mr. Gammon. The latter gentleman pulled out his watch, and, shrugging his shoulders, said with a smile, "No--we'll give him half an hour's grace."

"Half an hour, my dear sir!" exclaimed Tag-rag, "I couldn't stay so long, even for the high honor of meeting his Lordship. I am a man of business, he isn't; first come first served, you know, eh? All fair that!" There were a good many recently engrossed parchments and writings scattered over the table, and from among them Gammon, after tossing them about for some time, at length drew out a sheet of foolscap. It was stamped, and there was writing upon the first and second pages.

"Now, gentlemen, quick's the word--time's precious!" said Tag-rag, taking up a pen and dipping it into the inkstand. Gammon, with an unconcerned air, placed before him the doc.u.ment he had been looking for.

"Ah, how well I know the handwriting! That flourish of his--a sort of boldness about it, a'n't there?" said Tag-rag, observing the signature of t.i.tmouse immediately above the spot on which he was going to place his own; there being written in pencil, underneath, the word "Dreddlington," evidently for the intended signature of the earl. "I'm between two good ones, at any rate, eh?" said Tag-rag. Gammon or Quirk said something about a "term to attend the inheritance"--"trustee of an outstanding term"--"legal estate vested in the trustees"--"too great power to be put in the hands of any but those of the highest honor."

"Stay!" quoth Gammon, ringing his little hand-bell--"nothing like regularity, even in trifles." He was answered by one of the clerks, a very dashing person--"We only wish you to witness a signature," said Gammon. "Now, we shall release you, Mr. Tag-rag, in a moment. Say 'I deliver this as my act and deed'--putting your finger on the little wafer there."

So said and so did Mr. Tag-rag as he had been directed; the clerk wrote his name under the witnessing clause, "Abominable Amminadab;" and from that moment Mr. Tag-rag had unconsciously acquired an interest in the future stability of Mr. t.i.tmouse's fortunes, to the extent of some FORTY THOUSAND POUNDS.

"_Now_, gentlemen, you'll make my compliments to his Lordship, and if he asks how I came to sign before him, explain the hurry I was in. Time and tide wait for no man. Good-morning, gentlemen; good-morning; best regards to our friend, Mr. t.i.tmouse." Gammon attended him to the door, cordially shaking him by the hand, and presently returned to the room he had just quitted, where he found Mr. Quirk holding in his hand the doc.u.ment just signed by Tag-rag; which was, in fact, a joint and several bond, conditioned in a penalty of forty thousand pounds, for the due repayment, by t.i.tmouse, of twenty thousand pounds, and interest at five per cent, about to be advanced to him on mortgage of a portion of the Yatton property. Gammon, sitting down, gently took the instrument from Mr. Quirk, and with a bit of India-rubber calmly effaced the pencilled signature of "_Dreddlington_."

"You're a ve--ry clever fellow, Gammon!" exclaimed Mr. Quirk, presently, with a sort of sigh, and after, as it were, holding his breath for some time. Gammon made no reply. His face was slightly pale, and wore an anxious expression. "It will do _now_," continued Mr. Quirk, rubbing his hands, and with a gleeful expression of countenance.

"That remains to be seen," replied Gammon, in a low tone.

"Eh? What? Does anything occur--eh? By Jove, no screw loose, I hope?"