Ten Thousand a-Year Volume I Part 24

"What a charming change, Mr. t.i.tmouse!" exclaimed Gammon, with a watchful eye and anxious smile.

"Most delightful, 'pon my soul!"

"Rather sudden, too!--eh?--Mr. t.i.tmouse?"

"Why--no--no; I should say, 'pon my life, certainly not. The fact is, we've long misunderstood each other. He's had an uncommon good opinion of me all the while--people _have_ tried to set him against me; but it's no use, he's found them out--he told me so! And he's not only said, but _done_ the handsome thing! He's turned up, by Jove, a trump all of a sudden--though it's long looked an ugly card, to be sure!"

"Ha, ha, ha!--very!--how curious!" exclaimed Mr. Gammon, mechanically; revolving several important matters in his mind.

"I'm going, too, to dine at Satin Lodge, Mr. Tag-rag's country house, next Sunday."

"Indeed! It will be quite a change for you, Mr. t.i.tmouse!"

"Yes, it will, by Jove; and--a--a--what's more--there's--hem!--you understand?"

"Go on, I beg, my dear Mr. t.i.tmouse"----

"There's a lady in the case--not that she's _said_ anything; but a nod's as good as a wink to a blind horse--eh? Mr. Gammon?"

"I should think so--Miss Tag-rag will have money, of course?"

"You've hit it! Lots! But I've not made up my mind."

[I'd better undeceive this poor devil at once, as to this sordid wretch Tag-rag, (thought Gammon,) otherwise the cunning old rogue may get a very mischievous hold upon him! And a _lady in the case_! The old scamp has a daughter! Whew! this will never do! The sooner I enlighten my young friend the better--though at a little risk.]

"It's very important to be able to tell who are real and who false friends, as I was saying just now, my dear t.i.tmouse," said Gammon, seriously.

"I think so. Now look for instance, there's that fellow Huckaback. I should say _he_"----

"Pho! pho! my dear sir, a mere beetle--he's not worth thinking of, one way or the other. But can't you guess another sham friend, who has changed so suddenly?"

"Do you mean Mr. Tag-rag--eh?"

"I mention no names; but it's rather odd, that when I am speaking of hollow-hearted friends, _you_ should at once name Mr. Tag-rag--ah, ha, Mr. t.i.tmouse!"

"The proof of the pudding--handsome is that handsome does; and I've got 5 of his money, at any rate."

"Of course he took no _security_ for such a trifle, between such _very_ close friends?"

"Oh--why--now you mention it--But 'twas only a line--one line--a mere _mem._ betwixt two gents--and I noticed it had no stamp!"

"I guessed as much, my dear sir," interrupted Gammon, calmly, with a significant smile--"Tag-rag and Huckaback are quite on a par--a brace of worthies--ah, ha, ha! My dear t.i.tmouse, you are too honest and confiding!"

"What keen eyes you lawyers have to be sure! Well--I never"--said t.i.tmouse, looking very grave--for he was evidently somewhat staggered.

"I--I--must say," he presently added, looking gratefully at Gammon, "I think I _do_ now know of a true friend, that sent me two five-pound notes, and never asked for any security."

"My dear sir, you really pain me by alluding to such a matter!"

[Oh, Gammon, is not this too bad? What are the papers which you know are now in your pocket, signed only this very evening by t.i.tmouse?]

"You are not a match for Tag-rag, Mr. t.i.tmouse; because he was _made_ for a tradesman--you are not. Do you think he would have parted with his 5 but for value received? Oh, Tag-rag! Tag-rag!"

"I--I really begin to think, Mr. Gammon--'pon my soul, I do think you're right."

"Think!--why--for a man of your acuteness--how could he imagine you could forget the long course of insult and tyranny which you have endured under him: that he should change all of a sudden--just now, when"----

"Ay, by Jove! just when I'm coming into my property," interrupted t.i.tmouse, quickly.

"To be sure--to be sure! just now, I say, to make this sudden change!

Bah! bah!"

"I hate Tag-rag, and always did. Now he's trying to take me in, just as he does everybody; but I've found him out; I won't lay out a penny with him!"

"Would you, do you think, ever have seen the inside of Satin Lodge, if you hadn't"----

"Why, I don't know; I really think--hem!"

"_Would_ you, my dear sir?--But now a scheme occurs to me--a very amusing idea indeed! Ah, ha, ha!--Shall I tell you a way of proving to his own face how insincere and interested he is towards you? Go to dinner by all means, eat his good things, hear all that the whole set of them have to say, and just before you go, (it will require you to have your wits about you,) pretend, with a long face, that our affair is all a bottle of smoke: say that Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap have told you the day before that they had made a horrid mistake, and you were the wrong man"----

"'Pon my life, I--I--really," stammered t.i.tmouse "daren't--I couldn't--I couldn't keep it up--he'd half kill me. Besides, there will be Miss Tag-rag--it would be the death of her, I know."

"Miss Tag-rag! Gracious Heavens! What on earth can you have to do with _her_? _You_--why, if you really succeed in getting this fine property, she might make a very suitable wife for one of your grooms--ah, ha!--But for _you_--absurd!"

"Ah! I don't know--she may be a devilish fine girl, and the old fellow will have a tolerable penny to leave her--and a bird in the hand--eh?

Besides, I know what she's all along thought--hem!--but that doesn't signify."

"Pho! pho! Ridiculous! Ha, ha, ha! Fancy Miss Tag-rag Mrs. t.i.tmouse!

Your eldest son--ah, ha, ha! Tag-rag t.i.tmouse, Esq. Delightful! Your honored father a draper in Oxford Street!" All this might be very clever, but it did not seem to _tell_ upon t.i.tmouse, whose little heart had been reached by a cunning hint of Tag-rag's concerning his daughter's flattering estimate of t.i.tmouse's personal appearance. The reason why Gammon attacked so seriously a matter which appeared so chimerical and preposterous, was this--that according to his present plan, t.i.tmouse was to remain for some considerable while at Tag-rag's, and might, with his utter weakness of character, be worked upon by Tag-rag and his daughter, and get inveigled into an engagement which might be productive hereafter of no little embarra.s.sment. Gammon succeeded, however, at length, in obtaining t.i.tmouse's promise to adopt his suggestion, and thereby discover the true nature of the feelings entertained towards him at Satin Lodge. He shook t.i.tmouse energetically by the hand, and left him perfectly certain that if there was one person in the world worthy of his esteem, and even reverence, that person was OILY GAMMON, ESQ.

As he bent his steps towards Saffron Hill, he reflected rather anxiously on several matters which had occurred to him during the interview which I have just described. On reaching the office, he was presently closeted with Mr. Quirk, to whom, first and foremost, he exhibited and delivered the doc.u.ments to which he had obtained t.i.tmouse's signature, and which, the reader will allow me to a.s.sure him, were of a somewhat different texture from a certain legal instrument or security which I laid before him some little time ago.

"Now, Gammon," said the old gentleman, as soon as he had locked up in his safe the above-mentioned doc.u.ments--"Now, Gammon, I think we may be up and at 'em; load our guns, and blaze away," and he rubbed his hands.

"Perhaps so, Mr. Quirk," replied Gammon; "but we must, for no earthly consideration, be premature in our operations! Let me, by the way, tell you one or two little matters that have just happened to t.i.tmouse!"--Then he told Mr. Quirk of the effects which had followed the use of the potent Cyanochaitanthropopoion, at which old Quirk almost laughed himself into fits. When, however, Gammon, with a serious air, mentioned the name of Miss Tag-rag, and his grave suspicions concerning her, Quirk bounced up out of his chair, almost startling Gammon out of _his_. If Mr. Quirk had just been told that his banker had broken, he could scarce have shown more emotion.

The fact was, that he, too, had a DAUGHTER--an only child--Miss Quirk--whom he had destined to become Mrs. t.i.tmouse.

"A designing old villain!" he exclaimed at length, and Gammon agreed with him; but strange to say, with all his acuteness, never adverted to the real cause of Quirk's sudden and vehement exclamation. When Gammon told him of the manner in which he had opened t.i.tmouse's eyes to the knavery of Tag-rag, and the expedient he had suggested for its complete demonstration to t.i.tmouse, Quirk could have worshipped Gammon, and could not help rising and shaking him very energetically by the hand, much to his astonishment. After a long consultation, they determined to look out fresh lodgings for t.i.tmouse, and remove him presently altogether from the company and influence of Tag-rag. Some time after they had parted, Mr. Quirk came with an eager air into Mr. Gammon's room, with a most important suggestion; viz. whether it would not be possible for them to get Tag-rag to _become a surety_ to them, by and by, on behalf of t.i.tmouse? Gammon was delighted!--He heartily commended Mr. Quirk's sagacity, and promised to turn it about in his thoughts very carefully.

Not having been let entirely into Quirk's policy, (of which the reader has, however, just had a glimpse,) Mr. Gammon did not see the difficulties which kept Quirk awake almost all that night; viz. how to protect t.i.tmouse from the machinations of Tag-rag and his daughter, and yet keep Tag-rag sufficiently interested in, and intimate with, t.i.tmouse, to entertain, by and by, the idea of becoming surety for him to them, the said Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap; and--withal--how to manage t.i.tmouse all the while, so as to forward their objects, and also that of turning his attention towards Miss Quirk; all this formed really rather a difficult problem!--Quirk looked down on Tag-rag with honest indignation, as a mean and mercenary fellow, whose unprincipled schemes, thank Heaven! he already saw through, and from which he resolved to rescue his innocent and confiding client, who was made for better things--_to wit, Miss Quirk_.

When t.i.tmouse rose the next morning, (Sat.u.r.day,) behold--he found his hair had become of a variously shaded purple or violet color!

Astonishment and apprehension by turns possessed him, as he stared into the gla.s.s, at this unlooked-for change of color; and hastily dressing himself, after swallowing a very slight breakfast, off he went once more to the scientific establishment in Bond Street, to which he had been indebted for his recent delightful experiences. The distinguished inventor and proprietor of the Cyanochaitanthropopoion was behind the counter as usual--calm and confident as ever.

"Ah! I see--as I said! as I said!" quoth he, with a sort of glee in his manner. "Isn't it?--coming round quicker than usual--Really, I'm selling more of the article than I can possibly make."

"Well,"--at length said t.i.tmouse, as soon as he had recovered from the surprise occasioned by the sudden volubility with which he had been a.s.sailed on entering--"then _is_ it really going on tolerable well?"

taking off his hat, and looking anxiously into a gla.s.s that hung close by.

"_Tolerable_ well, my dear sir! Delightful! Perfect! Couldn't be better!