Ten Thousand a-Year Volume I Part 2

"What! in a newspaper? Lord, Hucky! how many t.i.tmouses would start up on all sides, if there isn't some already indeed! I wonder what '_greatest possible importance_' can mean, now!"

"Some one's left you an awful lot of money, of course"----

"It's too good to be true"----

"Or you may have made a _smite_; you a'n't such a bad-looking fellow, when you're dressed as you are now--you a'n't indeed, t.i.tty!" Mr.

t.i.tmouse was quite fl.u.s.tered with the mere supposition, and also looked as sheepish as his features would admit of.

"E-e-e-eh, Hucky! how ve-ry silly you are!" he simpered.

"Or you may be found out heir to some great property, and all that kind of thing.--But when do you intend to go to Messrs. What's-their-name? I should say, the sooner the better. Come, you've st.i.tched them trousers well enough, now; they'll hold you till you get home, (you do brace up uncommon tight!) and I'd take off my straps, if I was you. Why shouldn't we go to these gents now? Ah, here they are--Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap, solicitors."

"I wonder if they're great men? Did you ever hear of them before?"

"Haven't I! Their names is always in this same paper; they are every day getting people off out of all kinds of sc.r.a.pes--they're the chaps _I_ should nat'rally go to if I anyhow got wrong--ahem!"

"But, my dear fellow--_Saffron Hill!_--Low that--devilish low, 'pon my soul! Never was near it in my life."

"But they live there to be near the thieves. Lud, the thieves couldn't do without 'em! But what's that to you! You know 'a very dirty ugly toad has often got a jewel in his belly,' so Shakspeare or some one says.

Isn't it enough for _you_, t.i.t, if they can make good their advertis.e.m.e.nt? Let's off, t.i.t--let's off, I say; for you mayn't be able to get there to-morrow--your employers!"----

"My employers! Do you think, Hucky, I'm going back to business after this?"

"Come, come, t.i.tty--not so fast--suppose it all turns out moonshine, after all"--quoth Huckaback, seriously.

"Lord, but I _won't_ suppose anything of the sort! It makes me sick to think of nothing coming of it!--Let's go off at once, and see what's to be done!"

So Huckaback put the newspaper into his pocket, blew out the candle, and the two started on their important errand. It was well that their means had been too limited to allow of their indulging to a greater extent than a gla.s.s of port-wine negus (that was the name under which they had drunk the "_publican's_ port"--_i. e._ a warm sweetened decoction of oak bark, logwood shavings, and a little brandy) between them; otherwise, excited as were the feelings of each of them by the discovery of the evening, they must in all probability have been guilty of some piece of extravagance in the streets. As it was, they talked very loudly as they went along, and in a tone of conversation pitched perhaps a little too high for their present circ.u.mstances, however in unison it might be with the expected circ.u.mstances of _one_ of them.

In due time they reached the residence of which they were in search. It was a large house, greatly superior to all its dingy neighbors; and on a bright bra.s.s plate, a yard long at least, and a foot wide, stood the awe-inspiring words, "QUIRK, GAMMON, & SNAP, SOLICITORS."

"Now, t.i.t," whispered Huckaback, after they had paused for a second or two--"now for it--pluck up a sperrit--ring!"

"I--I--'pon my life--I feel all of a sudden uncommon funky--I think that last cigar of yours wasn't"----

"Stuff, t.i.t--ring! ring away! Faint heart never wins!"

"Well, it _must_ be done: so--here goes at any rate!" he replied; and with a short nervous jerk, he caused a startling clatter within, which was so distinctly audible without, that both of them instinctively _hemmed_, as if to drown the noise which was so much greater than they had expected. In a very few moments they heard some one undoing the fastenings of the door, and the gentlemen looked at one another with an expression of mingled expectation and apprehension. A little old woman at length, with a candle in her hand, retaining the heavy door-chain in its fastening, peered round the edge of the door at them.

"Who are you?" she exclaimed crustily.

"Is this Messrs.--What is it, Huck?--Oh! Messrs. Quirk & Co.'s?"

inquired t.i.tmouse, tapping the end of his cane against his chin, with a desperate effort to appear at his ease.

"Why, where's your eyes?" she replied angrily, "I should think you might have seen what was wrote on this here plate--it's large enough, one should have thought, to be read by them as _can_ read--Is your's Newgate business? Because if----"

"We want--Give us the paper, Hucky"--he added, addressing his companion, who produced it in a moment; and t.i.tmouse would have proceeded to possess the old lady of all his little heart, when she cut him short by saying snappishly--"They aren't none on 'em in; nor never is on Sundays--so you'll just call to-morrow if you wants 'em. What's your names?"

"Mr. t.i.ttlebat t.i.tmouse," answered that gentleman, with a very particular emphasis on every syllable.

"Mr. _who_?" exclaimed the old woman, opening her eyes very wide, and raising her hand to the back of her ear. Mr. t.i.tmouse repeated his name more loudly and distinctly.

"Tippetytippety--what's that?"

"No, no!" exclaimed t.i.tmouse, peevishly; "I said, Mr. t.i.t-el-bat t.i.t-mouse!--will that suit you?"

"Tick-a-tick-a-tick?--Well, gracious! if ever I heard such a name.

Oh!--I see!--you're making a fool of me! Get off, or I'll call a constable in!--Get along with you, you couple of jail-birds! Is this the way"----

"I tell you," interposed Mr. Huckaback, angrily, "that this gentleman's name is Mr. t.i.ttlebat t.i.tmouse; and you'd better take care what you're at, old woman, for we've come on business of _wital consequence_!"

"I dare say it'll keep, then, till to-morrow," tartly added the old woman.

The friends consulted for a moment, and then t.i.tmouse asked if he might come in and write a letter to Messrs. Quirk and Co.

"No indeed!" said she; "how do I know who you are? There's a public-house close by, where you may write what you like, and bring it here, and they'll get it the first thing in the morning. So that's what you may take away with you!"--with which the complaisant old janitrix shut the door in their faces.

"Huck, 'pon my life, I am afraid there's nothing in it," said t.i.tmouse, despondingly, to his friend--both of them remaining rooted to the spot.

"Oudacious old toad!" muttered Huckaback, very indignantly.

"Hucky--I'm _sure_ there's nothing in it!" exclaimed t.i.tmouse, after a long pause, looking earnestly at his friend, hoping to draw from him a contrary opinion.

"I--I own I don't half like the looks of it," replied Huckaback, putting his newspaper into his pocket again; "but we'll try if we can't write a letter to sound 'em, and so far take the old creature's advice. Here's the public-house she told us of. Come, let's see what's to be done!"

t.i.tmouse, greatly depressed, followed his friend; and they soon provided themselves with two gla.s.ses of stout, and after a little difficulty, with implements for writing. That they made good use of their time and materials, let the following epistle prove. It was their joint composition, and here is an exact copy of it:--

"_To Messrs._ QUIRK, GAMMON _and_ SNAP.

"SIR,

"Your Names being Put In an Advertis.e.m.e.nt in This present _Sunday Flash_, Newspaper of To Day's Date, Mr. T. T. Begs To inform Your respectable House I feel Uncommon anxious To speak with them On This _truly interesting subject_, seeing It mentions The Name Of Gabriel t.i.ttlebat t.i.tmouse, which Two last Names Of That Deceased Person _my Own Name Is_, which can _Any_ Day (As soon As Possible) call and _prove_ To you, By telling you The Same, _truly_. He being Engaged in Business During the week Very close, (for The Present,) I hope that If they Have Anything particular To say To Him, they will write To me without The least Delay, and please address T. T., At Tag-rag and Co.'s, No. 375, Oxford Street, Post-Paid, which will ensure Its Being duly Taken In By my Employers, and am,

"Gents, "Your's to Command, "t.i.tTLEBAT t.i.tMOUSE.

"P. S.--My Friend, which Is With me writing This, (Mr. Robert Huckaback,) can prove who I am If necessiated so to do.

"N. B.--Shall have no objections to do the Liberal Thing if anything suitable Turns Up Of It.

"T. T.

"(_Sunday Evening, 9/7/18--._

"Forgot to Say, am The only Child of my Honored Parents, one of which (my Mother) Died; before I knew them In Lawful Wedloc, and Was 27 last Birth Day, Never having Seen your Advertis.e.m.e.nt Till This Night, w^h, if Necessary _can Prove_.)"

This perspicuous and truly elegant performance having been thrice subjected to the critical examination of the friends, (the paragraph concerning Huckaback having been inserted at the instance of that gentleman, who wished to be mixed up from the beginning with so promising an affair,) was then folded up, and directed to "Messrs. Quirk and Co.," a great straggling wet wafer having been first put upon it. It was safely deposited, a few minutes afterwards, with the old lady at Messrs. Quirk, Gammon, and Snap's; and then the two West-End gentlemen hastened away from that truly plebeian part of the town! Under three different gas-lights did they stop, take out the newspaper, and spell over the advertis.e.m.e.nt; by which ingenious processes they at length succeeded in satisfying themselves that there _was_ something in it--a fact of which, upon the old woman shutting the door in their faces, it may be recollected they had had grievous misgivings. They parted, however, with a considerable abatement of the excitement with which they had set out on their voyage of discovery.

Mr. t.i.tmouse did not, on reaching his room, take off and lay aside his precious Sunday apparel with his accustomed care and deliberation. On the contrary, he peeled it off, as it were, and threw himself on the bed as quickly as possible, in order that he might calmly revolve the immense event of the day in his little mind, which it had agitated like a stone thrown into a stagnant pool by the roadside. Oh, how restless was he!--not more so could he have been had he lain between horse-hair sheets. He repeatedly got up and walked about two or three little steps, which were all that his room admitted of. At the very first peep of daylight he started out of bed, got out of his pocket the newspaper which Huckaback had lent him, strove to decipher the advertis.e.m.e.nt, and then sank into bed again--but not to sleep, till four or five o'clock; having nevertheless to rise at half-past six, to resume his detested duties at Tag-rag and Co.'s, whose shop he a.s.sisted in opening at seven o'clock, as usual. When he and his shopmates were sitting together at breakfast, he could not for the life of him help letting out a little, vaguely and mysteriously, about "something that _might_ happen in the course of the day;" and thereby succeeded in satisfying his experienced companions that he expected the visit of a policeman, for some _row_ he had been concerned in over-night.--Well:--eight, nine, ten o'clock wore away heavily, and nothing transpired, alas! to vary the monotonous duties in which Mr. t.i.tmouse was engaged; bale after bale, and package after package, he took down and put up again, at the bidding of pretty, capricious customers; silk, satin, bombazines, c.r.a.pes, muslins, ribbons, gloves, he a.s.sisted in displaying, disposing of, or replacing as usual; but it was clear that his powerful understanding could no longer settle itself, as before, upon his responsible and arduous duties. Every other minute he cast a feverish furtive glance towards the door. He almost dropped, at one time, as a postman crossed from the opposite side of the street, as if to enter their shop--then pa.s.sing on immediately, however, to the next door. Not a person, in short, entered the premises, whom he did not scrutinize narrowly and anxiously, but in vain. No--buying and selling was the order of the day, as usual!--Eleven o'clock struck, and he sighed. "You don't seem well," said a pretty young woman, to whom, in a somewhat absent manner, he was exhibiting and describing the qualities of some cambric. "Oh--ye--es, uncommon!" he replied; "never better, ma'am, than when so well employed!" accompanying the latter words with what he conceived to be a very arch, but which was in fact a very impudent, look at his fair customer. At that moment a voice called out to him from the farther end of the shop, near the door--"t.i.tmouse!

Wanted!"