Heavenly Soul 84 Betrayal And Trus

Before sitting down, Qinghe cleared the area with a swipe of his hand. After all, a sharp rock poking him in the b.u.t.t would hardly be conducive to the profound contemplation he was planning to do.

Finally sitting down on the bank and leaning back on his arms with his palms flat on the ground, Qinghe distractedly splashed his feet in the stream as his mind sank into thoughts.

For some reason, he seemed to have a lot of sealed or forgotten memories, mostly hidden away due to them being unpleasant and devastating. But till now, Qinghe had honestly thought that the only reason he couldn't remember anything before the orphanage was because of the physical trauma of his fall.

But thinking back on the incomplete dreams he'd been having recently, he realized that it might not be so simple.

Feeling a vague ache due to the emotions he was suppressing, Qinghe absentmindedly raised a hand and rubbed it over his chest as he recalled his dreams.

While Qinghe pondered over his own forgotten past, in the meantime, within the bedroom, Wei Xiang slowly awoke after feeling his beloved's absence.

Sensing Qinghe's presence by the stream, Wei Xiang unhurriedly straightened and stood up from the bed before walking towards his sleepless little lover. Stopping a bit further away, he leisurely drank in the tantalizing view of his beloved's bared body.

Seeing how Qinghe looked so completely unselfconscious and self-a.s.sured despite his utter lack of attire, Wei Xiang felt something itch in his heart. He couldn't help but walk over with silent footsteps and settle himself behind his lover, his hands reaching around to touch and slide lovingly over Qinghe's chest and belly, his fingers careful as he fondled his beloved's body.

Qinghe had already sensed his lover's presence long ago and remained unalarmed. He simply closed his eyes and sank into the sensations, not wanting to stop his Xiang from having his fill.

As those strong and skillful fingers began kneading and rolling the little points on his chest, Qinghe let out a soft groan, his cheeks turning pink. But though his body melted back into his beloved's embrace and began shifting restlessly with need, Qinghe's mind was still burdened with too many thoughts to enjoy his lover's attention.

Biting his lip, he hesitantly spoke out, "Xiang, I…I'm not feeling like it right now."

Qinghe felt immensely guilty for refusing his lover both before sleeping yesterday and now once more. He felt bad that he was leaving his beloved's desire unfulfilled.

Would his Xiang blame him for this? After all, Qinghe could clearly sense how his own body had reacted with enthusiasm. Wouldn't his beloved feel that he was holding out on him for no reason?

But hearing that Qinghe didn't want to continue, Wei Xiang immediately halted without questioning. "Alright, let's stop here then."

Wei Xiang wrapped Qinghe in his arms and merely held him in an embrace, not attempting to do anything more.

Though there was no blame in his beloved's tone, Qinghe still bowed his head and apologized, "…I'm sorry."

Wei Xiang simply chuckled, not sounding put out in the least as he explained kindly, "It's alright. Love, you don't have to apologize for saying no. It's your right and I definitely don't take any offense. Whether your body is aroused or not, if you're not in the mood, then there's no helping it. Please don't feel guilty about asking for what you want. I'll have plenty of opportunities later when you're willing."

Qinghe felt a small smile curving his lips. His Xiang was really too good to him. This was why Qinghe believed in him so much, trusting him with his entire being.

"Why did you come here in the middle of the night? Were you not able to sleep?" Wei Xiang's concerned voice sounded from above.

Lifting his hands, Qinghe clutched at the firm arms wrapped around him as he replied, "I've been dreaming about that time I fell from the sky. I thought I'd forgotten all those memories because of the impact, but I'm beginning to remember some things that make me realize that…I might have suppressed them on my own."

Wei Xiang frowned, but kept his voice light as he asked, "Do you want to talk about it?"

Qinghe hesitated, then nodded. He wanted his Xiang to know, and telling him would also lighten his own burden somewhat.

And so, Qinghe began speaking, "I don't remember how I came to fall, only that I was already falling for a long time. I remember the wind whistling past my ears and I remember that the air felt very rough and painful for some reason. When I crashed into the ground, my limbs were torn off from the impact, scattering in different directions. My bones were crushed and my organs became squashed or prolapsed. I even remember the taste of a lung that had pushed up through my throat and out of my mouth. It felt very spongy on my tongue."

Wei Xiang felt horror welling up within him. His lover had only been four or five at that time! The amount of psychological shock and physical pain a child of that age would face due to such an ordeal was bound to be devastating. After all, something like this was enough to drive even fully grown adults insane.

His voice hazy with remembrance, Qinghe continued, "The pain was too much and what was left of my nervous system also shut down. I was unable to move and I blacked out a lot while my body regenerated. I clearly recall feeling that the air was wrong. It felt like the more of this air I breathed in, the weaker I became and the more vitality I lost. It was…very unpleasant."

Unpleasant was an understatement. Wei Xiang held on tighter to his reminiscing lover, pushing down the pain in his heart and trying to concentrate solely on listening to his beloved recounting all the terrible things he remembered of that time.

"After the fall, one of my eyeb.a.l.l.s had popped out and the other had turned to pulp, but after they grew back, all I could use them for was to see the gra.s.s and weeds growing around me, the shadows of clouds pa.s.sing by, and the worms and insects crawling along. It was very lonely. The whole time, my mind was only filled with the hope that my parents would come and get me.

"I remembered that my mother and father promised that they would never let anything hurt me, and yet I was hurt. They promised to never leave me, and yet they did. And they promised that whenever I needed them, they would always be there. But this time they weren't. They left me alone and I suffered so much. I remembered my hopes turning to worry and fear. Every night I dream of this terrible feeling of betrayal filling up my chest."

Gritting his teeth, Wei Xiang wished he could go back in time and help his lover, holding him as he was now and give him all the care and comfort he needed.

But Qinghe was not yet done. His tone grew dull as he went on, "When all that was left to regenerate were my bones and a few organs, the people from the orphanage found me. They were a group of rough men and they hauled me off. I was so scared of those people that I kept calling out for my mother and father to come and save me. Of course, no one came. Those men laughed and one of them told me that my parents abandoned me and that's why I was stuck in such a situation.

"Maybe if I had been clearheaded, I wouldn't have put any worth in those words. But I had been in constant pain for many days and my mind was far from sane at that point. I…believed them. I truly started thinking that…that my parents didn't want me anymore, and th-that's why they didn't come to get me. M-Maybe they really dumped me there b-because they h-hated…"

"Qinghe, enough," Wei Xiang stopped him, unable to bear hearing his lover's voice cracking with heartrending pain as he struggled to keep speaking. What his beloved had said till now was more than enough for Wei Xiang to understand.

This was why Qinghe had gotten so uncharacteristically riled up when Elder Yue had mentioned his parents. Though Qinghe might not remember his mother and father, he clearly remembered the pain the thought of them had caused his childhood self. As the silver-haired Elder kept digging into that sore spot, it had been enough to make him lose his cool.

Shaking his head, Qinghe chose to keep speaking, "No. I― There's still more that I have to tell."

Though Wei Xiang felt helpless at seeing his beloved being torn up like this from within, he still decided to let Qinghe get it all over with in one breath rather than prolonging his misery.

"Okay, I'm still listening," Wei Xiang urged his lover, his expression pained.

Taking a deep, shuddering breath, Qinghe drew strength from his beloved's warmth and scent enveloping him as he began once again in a steady voice, "Even after they took me away to the orphanage, putting a collar on me after my wounds healed and shoving me into that cramped room with the other kids, a small part of me still hoped that my parents would come for me.

"I would sometimes escape and run back to that place where I fell, hoping against hope that my father or mother would be there waiting, or that they'd somehow trace my location to that place and come searching. But of course, that didn't happen.

"And every time the people of the orphanage caught me after I escaped, I would always get a beating. Slowly, the pain of waiting for something I knew would never happen ate me up. The despair and that feeling of betrayal were too much. So I chose to forget them and cast away the memories of the life I'd lived before. I knew that I could at least adapt much easier to my situation that way."

Qinghe paused, his face strangely blank. Then a hoa.r.s.e, broken laugh suddenly burst out of him. After remembering the agony of his childhood self, Qinghe constantly felt as if something jagged and sharp was sc.r.a.ping inside him. It felt so raw and painful that he didn't know how to process it.

Feeling that something was wrong, Wei Xiang started to ask, "Qinghe, what―"

But not giving his lover time to finish, Qinghe had already begun talking again.

"I-I know that they loved me and I feel like I was a spoiled and sheltered child before I fell. Maybe that was why what happened later hit me so hard. But Xiang, even now, even though my current self knows that I'm being unreasonable, this feeling of betrayal is still entrenched too deep."

Qinghe suddenly clutched his head with both bands, his fingers gripping his hair as he spoke through gritted teeth. "But still, I-I can't get those feelings out. I d-don't want to remember. Even if I meet my parents later, maybe it would be better if I can just forget it all once more and treat them as strangers. I just― I can't―"

Qinghe's voice grew thick as if he were being choked before cutting off mid-sentence, unable to continue any longer.

Wei Xiang grew increasingly alarmed at how tortured Qinghe seemed to grow with each word. With gentle hands, he slowly loosened his beloved's fingers that were tightly clenched in his hair. Pulling Qinghe's hands down from his head, Wei Xiang hugged him close again.

Qinghe stared blankly, and though his eyes had grown red at the edges, there were no tears.

Then sighing, Qinghe slumped into Wei Xiang limply. "I'm sorry, I lost control over myself for a moment. I just don't know what to do. Xiang…can you tell me? What do I do? I-I don't know how to deal with this type of pain that's not physical."

After a stretch of silence, Wei Xiang finally responded, "Qinghe, you just remembered all this. So first of all, you should give yourself time to digest everything. I know that adjusting to this extra bit from your past will not be easy, but do not rush to make any hasty decisions because of that. If you think you can't deal with all of this alone, then I'll always be here to discuss it with you. I will try my best to make processing this easier in any way I can. And if you ever meet your parents, remember that you are not alone. I will be beside you and I will always be on your side."

Closing his eyes, Qinghe listened to his lover's low and measured voice reverberating through the chest pressed up against him. The soothing comfort and rea.s.surance in his words were exactly what Qinghe needed right now.

Sensing that his beloved was finally calming down, Wei Xiang continued, "Nevertheless, if you find that your parents deeply and sincerely care about you, then you should try to give them your acceptance, or at least, you shouldn't reject them outright. But if you truly find them unpleasant and don't like them for any reason, then I'll help you keep them away."

With a thoughtful expression, Qinghe listened carefully to everything his beloved said. Yes, it all sounded very sensible. And yet, a little doubt niggled at the back of his mind.

In a hesitant voice, Qinghe asked, "Xiang, you said you'd help me keep them away, but…will it hold true even if one of my parents is that person?"

Qinghe didn't want to say that person's ident.i.ty out loud yet. It was still unconfirmed anyway.

Wei Xiang smiled and spoke, "Yes, my love, even if it's him."

Startling, Qinghe twisted back in his lover's embrace and peered up. Wei Xiang gazed at him with affectionate eyes, a look of resolution firming his gaze.

Seeing this, Qinghe finally felt a.s.sured as he relaxed back into his beloved's arms.

Feeling his cheer slowly returning, Qinghe spoke, "As long I have my Xiang by my side, I don't need to think so much about others, do I?" Then looking up, he playfully batted his eyes, "Xiang, won't you protect your weak and delicate little lover?"

Hearing his beloved's lively tone, Wei Xiang finally felt his worry abating. It seemed that his lover had quickly bounced back as usual.

Showing a wry yet loving smile, he teased back, "Love, if that's what you think of yourself, then I'm afraid I'm just as weak and delicate as you are."

Inwardly, Wei Xiang felt both amused and complicated.

Who was his lover trying to kid? No matter how much of his weakness or softness his beloved showed him, Wei Xiang never forgot that Feng Qinghe was a fearsome existence who was as powerful as he was competent. Wei Xiang would never do his beloved the dishonor of underestimating him. He had more sense than that.

However, Wei Xiang also felt worried at how much unconditional trust Qinghe placed in him. Because though Wei Xiang knew that he would never consciously betray this faith, he was still unsure about how much trust he deserved in the first place, because after all, everyone made mistakes. But when it came to Qinghe and his unreserved belief in him, Wei Xiang was afraid that the weight of any mistakes he might make would turn out to be very heavy.

He still keenly remembered the first time he ever lost control, how his beast instincts had taken over after sensing danger back when he was in the clan, going berserk and annihilating the entire race of heavenly wyverns in one night. Wei Xiang clearly remembered the look of betrayal his clan members had given him as he had killed them all one by one.

After that, Wei Xiang had lost trust in himself. Who knew when he'd lose control and go berserk like that again?

And so, he'd thrown himself into his rigorous Sentinel training in order to learn to maintain rigid self-discipline, all so that he would never lose control like that ever again.

Nevertheless, his clan members' eyes from that day, filled with fierce resentment and betrayal, still haunted him.

Wei Xiang never wanted his Qinghe to ever direct such a look towards him.

But how could he convince Qinghe to keep his guard up against him and make his little lover understand that he couldn't completely trust him like this?

His expression turning sharper, Wei Xiang suddenly moved, and before Qinghe could process what was happening, he already felt his back pressed against the rough sand of the stream bank, caged between his Xiang's arms as his vision was dominated by his lover's stern face.

But rather than growing cautious or alarmed, Qinghe only looked befuddled. His unguarded posture and the faint confusion in his eyes indicated his absolute trust in his beloved.

"Xiang?" he asked while looking up uncertainly.

In an attempt to make him understand, Wei Xiang decided to unreservedly confess his deepest, darkest thoughts that were borne out of his beast instincts that he kept trying so hard to bury even now.

In a dark tone, he spoke, "Qinghe, if I told you that I wanted to capture you and put you in a cage so that no one else except me can see or touch you, so that I can make sure that no one can hurt you ever again, so that your entire world will be composed of only me and no one else, with you always being at my mercy…would you agree?"

Qinghe blinked at Wei Xiang as if not understanding why he was asking, but he still unhesitatingly nodded. "Yes, of course."

Hearing such a prompt reply, a complicated expression spread over Wei Xiang's features.

Wei Xiang sighed, then lifted a hand to ma.s.sage his temple as he said, "Qinghe, that's not a good thing. But that's just like you. Though you remain vigilant and aware when you are facing others, when it comes to the people dear to you, you have no sense of self-preservation at all."

Though he heard the helplessness and exasperation tingeing his beloved's voice, Qinghe didn't understand why his lover was worrying over this. "But isn't it okay? Because Xiang, you would never hurt me. You won't even let me hurt myself."

Seeing the implicit trust in his little lover's eyes, Wei Xiang's worry only increased. If he ever lost control even once, especially during his next heat period… No, he didn't want to think of what would happen.

After all, now that Qinghe's existence was very firmly lodged into Wei Xiang's heart as his one and only mate, even his beast self would acknowledge this fact and try to spend the entirety of his heat period with his little lover.

But since it would be Wei Xiang's first heat period with his mate, it might be a bit too…fierce for Qinghe to handle. As powerful as he was, Wei Xiang didn't think that even Qinghe could bear all of his beast's aggressive mating focused on him alone. His lover's young body might just be torn apart by his impa.s.sioned self.

That was why Wei Xiang needed his lover to stay vigilant against him, because he felt the time for his next heat period fast approaching. There was only around a year left now, and Wei Xiang worried that he might unexpectedly go into heat one day and hurt his beloved.

Just thinking about it was unbearable.

Wei Xiang leaned down and touched his forehead to his lover's, saying in an exhausted voice, "Qinghe, I hope we find your parents soon and that they care for you a lot, and I also hope that they are more powerful than me."

"Eh? Why?" Qinghe asked, blinking confusedly.

With a grim expression, Wei Xiang replied, "That way, if I ever lose control and do something to you that I shouldn't, they can restrain and punish me."

Qinghe immediately burst out, "No! I-I don't like that. I don't like the thought of anyone hurting you!" His voice was both frantic and angry. No matter what, he would never allow anyone to hurt his lover!

Hearing his beloved's immediate reply, Wei Xiang chuckled helplessly, unable to hide the melancholy tenderness in his eyes. "Well, I don't like the thought of me hurting you either, that's why I need someone to restrain me."

But Qinghe only grew more panicked as he pleaded, "Xiang, even if you break my body, it can be fixed, so please don't be sad about it. No matter what you do to me, I won't get angry with you, I promise!"

Seeing Qinghe getting so agitated at the thought of Wei Xiang beating himself up over hurting his lover, Wei Xiang could only let out another heavy sigh.

Trying to soothe his beloved, Wei Xiang placed a light kiss on Qinghe's forehead. "Love, don't say that. If I do something bad to you, you have every right to be angry. And don't worry, I'm not sad. For now, it's all only a hypothetical situation anyway. I'll do my best to make sure it never happens."

Qinghe visibly relaxed, taken in by this rea.s.surance.

Wei Xiang continued in a more subdued voice, "But Qinghe…you really place too much undeserved trust in me. I don't want to make you feel like I betrayed you if I ever make a mistake."

Hearing this, Qinghe peered up at his lover with an unfathomable gaze.

So this was what his Xiang had been worried about all this time?

Turning his head away, Qinghe scoffed at how much of a worrywart his beloved was being. Then with puffed cheeks, he began admonishing, "Do you think I'm stupid? I know that the responsibility of never betraying my trust must be heavy on you. But Xiang, you don't need to worry about it. I truly will not feel betrayed by you, because I can already gauge both our limits and act accordingly.

"I will always keep doing my best so that you will never have to be put in such a situation where you fear losing my trust. I'm not pa.s.sive enough to defenselessly place the entire weight of my belief on you alone or let myself be hurt because of this. Trusting you completely is after all my prerogative, I will not let it be a burden on you. And my belief in you is certainly not so fragile that I'd lose my trust just because you make a few mistakes. Shame on you for even thinking that!"

For a second, Wei Xiang could only look at Qinghe with a stunned expression. Then relief surged through him, along with a thread of amus.e.m.e.nt.

His little lover was really too much, seemingly reading all his thoughts and a.s.suaging all his worries so easily.

"Yes, you're right. You won't let me go that easily, will you?" Wei Xiang spoke, his voice slightly hoa.r.s.e.

Qinghe proudly declared, "Of course I won't! I have such a good lover, why would I let him go just like that? Hmph, I'm not that stupid."

Unable to help himself, Wei Xiang laughed.

Sitting back up, he lifted Qinghe along and hugged him as he happily sighed, "I love you."

Blinking in surprise, Qinghe returned, "I love you too." Then with a thoughtful expression, he continued, "Xiang, now that we've resolved all that, I think I'm feeling ready now. So let's go to bed, but…not to sleep."

Despite the abruptness of this proposition, Wei Xiang was only too eager to agree.

And so, within moments, the couple quickly relocated to the bed, brushing the dust from the stream bank off of themselves and quickly undressing.

Laying his little loved on the bed, Wei Xiang settled atop him, pressing their bodies together as he bent down and nuzzled the crook between Qinghe's shoulder and neck. Wei Xiang luxuriated in the scent of mint and his lover's arousal filling his nose, so familiar and tempting.

With his beloved so close, his warmth spreading through from everywhere their skin touched, his lover's breath brushing over him, Qinghe felt his desire rising further. He felt himself getting harder due to the increasingly insistent burn of arousal. His body unconsciously softened, as if readying to mold itself against a firmer, more muscular one.

Qinghe's lids lowered and his eyes turned dewy. A red tongue peeked out, swishing against and moistening his parted lips. His inner muscles automatically relaxed seemingly in a conditioned response resultant of their many previous couplings, antic.i.p.ating the moment when he would accept his lover into his body, receiving that thick member as it parted his inner walls and sunk into his soft and tender pa.s.sage.

As l.u.s.t languorously flowed through him, gradually filling him up, Qinghe's whole being exuded a sensual allure that could not be ignored.

Charmed beyond compare by his enticing little lover, Wei Xiang drew closer, and this time, Qinghe welcomed him with his body wholeheartedly.