Taquisara Part 16

"But I should certainly forgive you, if you offended me unintentionally.

Besides, there is no reason in the world why you should not come here to see Bianca whenever you like, if she will receive you. She goes out very little. She is glad to see people."

He was a man born to throw away opportunities, an older woman would have thought; but Veronica grew impatient at his insistence upon useless things, and his thin, nervous hands irritated her vaguely as, looking down, or in front of her, she could not help seeing them clasped upon his knee. Once, too, she was aware that Bianca leaned to one side and looked towards her, round the side of the sheet of music, as though to see how matters were progressing. Veronica began to feel that she was in a ridiculous position. The hesitation and pauses and silences had made the brief conversation already last nearly a quarter of an hour. In that time Taquisara had said all he had to say. Veronica made a little movement, a very slight indication that she would presently leave her seat. Gianluca started and suddenly gazed earnestly into her face, so that she turned her head and met his eyes.

"Please do not go yet!" he cried in a low and earnest voice that had real entreaty in it.

"No," she answered quickly. "I am not going. But I must go soon. I cannot stay long, for I must go home to luncheon, and I have not talked with Bianca at all yet."

"Yes--I know--and I must be going too," he said nervously. "But if you knew what it is to me to sit here beside you for a few minutes--" He stopped suddenly, and the colour rushed to his face.

"In what way?" asked Veronica, with an impatient, womanly impulse to make him speak and have done with it, in order that there might be no more misunderstanding.

"Because--because I love you, Donna Veronica!" He turned quite white as he found words at last. "I must say it this once, even if you never forgive me. This is the first happy moment I have had since I saw you the last time. I love you--let me tell you so before I die, and I shall die happy if you will forgive me, for I have dreamed of saying it, and longed to say it, so often. You are my whole life, and my days and nights only have the hours of my thoughts of you to mark them."

His words came confusedly and uncontrolled, but his voice had a longing pathetic ring in it, as of a very hopeless appeal. Veronica had been startled at first, and her eyes were wide and girlish as she looked at him. It was the first time that any man had ever told her that he loved her, and for that reason it was to be memorable; but it did not seem to be the first time. Taquisara's manly pleading and fervent voice when he had spoken yesterday had left her ears dull to this real first time of hearing love speeches, so that this seemed the second, and the words she heard, after the first little shock of realizing what they were, touched no chord that would respond.

She did not answer at first, but half unconsciously she shook her head, as she turned from him and looked away once more. Perhaps that was the most unkind thing she could have done; for it was so natural, and simple, and unaffected a refusal, that he could hardly be mistaken as to her meaning; and, after all, she had led him on to speak. She herself was shocked at her own heartlessness a moment later, and in one of those absurd concatenations of ideas which run through the mind at important moments, she felt as though she had been giving a merchant an infinity of trouble to show his wares, only to buy nothing and go away. Then, the brutality of the involuntary simile distressed her, too, and she felt that she ought to say something to destroy the effect of it on her own mind, as well as to comfort Gianluca. But she could not find much to say. Very young women rarely do, under the circ.u.mstances.

"I am very sorry," she said gently.

She felt that he might have a right to reproach her for coming there, and she was grateful to him for not doing so, having really very little idea of the nature of the over-submissive and humble love which sapped his manliness instead of rousing his courage.

"Ah, I knew it!" he almost moaned, and resting his elbows upon his knees he covered his face with his delicate, white hands, that trembled spasmodically now and then. "I knew it," he repeated in his broken voice. "You were kind to let me speak--I kiss your hands--for your kindness--I thank you--"

His voice broke altogether. Veronica heard a smothered sob, and glancing at him nervously, saw the tears trickling down between his fingers. She looked up quickly to see whether Bianca had noticed anything, but the sweet, deep voice was singing softly to the subdued chords of the piano, and Veronica sat quite still, waiting for Gianluca to recover his self-control.

She felt that she pitied him, but at the same time considered him in some way an inferior being; and as the idea of marrying him crossed her mind again, her heart started in repugnance at the mere thought.

CHAPTER X.

Veronica left Bianca Corleone's house with a very painful sense of disappointment, and as she drove homeward through the wet streets, she could not get rid of Gianluca's tearful blue eyes, which seemed to follow her into the carriage; and in the rattling and jolting, she heard again and again that one weak sob which had so disturbed her. At that moment she would rather have gone directly back to the convent in Rome, to stay there for the rest of her life, than have married such an unmanly man as she believed him to be. His words had left her cold, his face had frozen her, his tears had disgusted her. She pitied him for his weakness, not for his love of her, and she hoped that she might never again hear any man speak to her as he had spoken. Nevertheless there had been in his tone, at the last, the doubt-splitting accent of a sharp truth that hurt him to tears. She wondered why he had not moved her at all. The day seemed more grey and wet and desolate than ever. She thought that everybody in the street looked draggled and disappointed.

Near Santa Lucia she pa.s.sed a wretched vender of strung filberts and doubtful cakes, mounting guard over his poor little handcart with a dilapidated umbrella, under the half-shelter of a projecting balcony. A couple of barefooted boys crouched on the wet pavement by the sea-stairs, with a piece of sacking drawn over both their heads together, gnawing hard-tack, and as the rain struck the stones, it splashed up in their faces under their sack. On the left, the coral shops showed their brilliant wares dimly through the rain-streaks, with closed gla.s.s doors through which here and there the disconsolate face of the shopkeeper was visible, as he stood gazing out upon the dismal, dripping scene. A sailor man came out of the marine headquarters at the turning of the Strada dei Giganti, bending his flat cap against the rain and burying his ears in the blue linen collar of his shirt, which was turned back over his thick jacket. The water splashed out from under his heavy shoes, to the right and left, as he walked quickly up the hill.

Beyond that, the Piazza San Ferdinando was deserted, and the broad wet pavement lay flat and darkly gleaming upward to the broad, watery sky that stretched grey and even, without shading, like a sheet of wet india-rubber over all the city. Then the Toledo, where the gutters could not swallow the deluge, but sent their overflow in dark yellow streams down each side of the street--then the narrower, darker ways and lanes between the high houses and the low, black doorways, through the heart of old Naples, home at last to the Palazzo Macomer.

Veronica was glad to get back to the fire in her own room, and to feel dry again--for seeing so much water had given her the sensation of being drenched. And she sat down to think over what had happened in the morning, trying to understand her own disappointment, because she believed that she had expected nothing, and therefore that she could not be disappointed. She was very glad to get back to her own room. So far as she at all knew what a home meant, the Palazzo Macomer was home to her, and she had no distinct recollection of any other. Gregorio and Matilde and Bosio were her own family, so far as she had ever known what to understand by the word. They were more familiar to her than any other people in the world possibly could be, and if she felt that she had little affection for her aunt and uncle, yet she knew that there was a bond; and she was sincerely attached to Bosio for his own sake.

She had photographs of all three on the mantelpiece, in silver frames,--that of her aunt standing in the middle, and one of the men on either side. She looked at Bosio's, taking it down from its place. She looked at it critically, and seeing a speck of dust on the gla.s.s, just over the face, she pa.s.sed her handkerchief over it, polishing the surface, and looking at it again. From the photograph any one would have said that Bosio was a handsome man, for he photographed well, as the phrase goes. His clear, pale complexion, his well-cut, refined features, his smooth, thick, silky hair looked singularly well against the smoked background, and had at once the strength and the transparency which make a good photograph by adding an illusion of relief to the flatness of mere outline and light and shade. Probably the likeness was flattered. But Veronica did not think so just then, coming as she did from a disillusionment which had affected her more strongly than she knew. She compared Bosio with Gianluca, in appearance, and Gianluca lacked almost everything which could bear comparison. She compared Bosio with Taquisara, and she preferred the quiet refinement of the one to the bold eyes and high aquiline features of the other. At least, she thought so. But she also preferred Taquisara to Gianluca, by many degrees of preference. Yet both these men were commonly spoken of as handsome.

She thought of another point, too, and with her blood it was natural that she should think of it. If she married Bosio, he would take her name and t.i.tles; not she, his. She would rule the house and be independent--not of him, exactly, for she was fond of him and had no desire to be despotic over him, but of parents and elders and relations who would think it their right to advise and guide. All this would be different with Gianluca for her husband. The Della Spina were proud of their name and would expect her to bear it. They were numerous, too; the old father and mother would oppress and burden her life, and the brothers and sisters of Gianluca would grow up to be more or less of a perpetual annoyance to their elder brother's wife. Of that side of life her aunt had given her more than one picture, intentionally exaggerating a little, perhaps, for her own purposes. And from Bianca she had heard many things of the same kind. Married to Bosio, she would be free altogether from any one's interference in her household.

She met them all at luncheon, and was struck by the fact that both men, as well as Matilde, looked pale and hara.s.sed, as though they had slept little. For there was little sleep or rest, except for Veronica, during those days of gnawing anxiety. She was struck, too, and startled, by Gregorio's hideous laugh, which broke out twice during the meal without any apparent reason. Even the servants seemed to shudder at it and looked at him anxiously, and Matilde's dark eyes tried to control him.

Indeed, when she looked at him, he seemed docile enough, except that his face twitched very strangely as he nodded to her.

But they all talked, with the evident intention of seeming at their ease; and in a measure they succeeded, for they were not weaklings like Gianluca. Bosio was by far the least strong in character, but his very remarkable self-possession made him their equal in the present case. On the previous evening, when Veronica had not been present, they had scarcely made an effort; but now that she was seated at table with them, they performed their parts conscientiously and not without success.

They were encouraged, too, by Veronica's manner to Bosio. After her experience in the morning it was a distinct pleasure to be again in his society, and she talked enthusiastically to him of the Bride of Lammermoor--the book he had given her and which she had begun to read during her solitary dinner on the previous evening. She was sure of the response to what she said, before she said it, and it came surely enough. She felt that he understood her, and that she should be glad to talk with him every day. Several days had pa.s.sed since they had been alone together for half an hour.

She compared him with the photograph of him, too, and she came to the conclusion that the likeness was not so much flattered, after all. His unusual pallor to-day had something luminous in it, and the features, in two days of suffering, had grown thinner with a sort of finely chiselled accentuation of their natural refinement. To-day, he reminded her of certain portraits of Van Dyck. But when luncheon was over, she avoided being alone with him, for she had not yet come to any decision. It would be more true, perhaps, to say that she distrusted herself in the decision she now seemed to have reached too suddenly. For in the expansion of sympathy she enjoyed so much it all at once seemed to her that she could never marry any one but Bosio, who understood her so well, who antic.i.p.ated what she was going to say, and knew beforehand what she thought upon almost any subject of conversation.

She had never been exactly opposed to the idea, from the first; but now it took possession of her strongly, as it had never done before, and she might almost have taken her genuine affection for the man for love, if she had ever been taught to suppose that love was necessary before marriage. She had been far too carefully brought up in Italian ideas of the old school, however, to make any such self-examination necessary.

She had been told that it was important that she should like and respect the man she was to marry. She had no reason for not respecting Bosio, so far as she knew, and she certainly liked him very much indeed.

But she meant to wait until the evening, and give herself a chance to change her mind once more. After luncheon there was the usual adjournment to another room for coffee, over which the two men smoked cigarettes. Veronica expected that Matilde would ask her by a gesture, or a word in a low tone, whether she were any nearer to a conclusion than before, but the countess did nothing of the sort, for she was far too wise; and Veronica was grateful for being left entirely to her own thoughts in the matter. Nor did Bos...o...b..stow upon her any questioning glance, nor betray his anxiety in any way except by his pallor, which he could not help, of course. Veronica thought that once or twice his eyes brightened unnaturally, in the course of conversation; and in his manner towards her she might have fancied that there was a shade more than usual of that sort of affectionate deference which all women love, though they love it most in the strong, and it sometimes irritates them a little in the weak, for a pa.s.sing moment, when their caprice would rather be ruled than flattered. Bosio made no attempt to be alone with her, and at the end of half an hour both he and his brother departed to their own quarters.

Even then, when she was alone with Veronica, Matilde did not return to the subject which was uppermost and above all important in her mind.

With amazing tact and self-control she talked pleasantly enough, though she managed to place herself with her back to the light, so that Veronica could not see her expression clearly. At last she rose and said that she must go out. The weather had improved a little, and she asked Veronica to go with her. But the young girl had no desire to be driven through Naples in a closed carriage a second time that day, and she went away to her own room, with the intention of spending a quiet afternoon by the fire with her novel.

On the previous evening she had read a little over her dinner, and from time to time during the short evening she had returned to the book, feeling that it was easier to read than to think, and much more satisfactory. She took the volume now, but she could not read at all.

She was overcome by a wish which seemed wholly unaccountable, to send for Bosio to meet her in the drawing-room, and to tell him outright that she was willing to marry him. Nothing but maidenly self-respect prevented her from doing so at once, and the hours seemed very long before dinner. Many times she rose from her seat by the fire and moved about her room in an objectless way, touching things uselessly and looking for things which were not lost, which she did not want, but which she could not find. She wished that she had her great jewels. She would have tried them on before the mirror--anything to pa.s.s the time.

But they were all safely stored in one of the safest banks.

She grew more and more restless as the minutes pa.s.sed and the dinner hour approached. Looking at herself in the gla.s.s, she said that her cheeks were no longer sallow, as they had seemed to be in the morning.

There was a fresh colour in them, and it was becoming to her and pleased her. Her soft hair had fallen a little upon each side of her brows, and her eyes were brilliantly bright. She looked at them when the twilight was coming on, and they seemed to shine, with wide pupils, having a light of their own.

At last the time came. Before she rang for her maid, who had brought lights and had gone away again, she stood a moment before the fire and looked once more at Bosio's photograph, asking herself seriously for the last time whether she should marry him or not. But the answer was there before the question, and she had made up her mind.

At the last minute, she had forgotten the flower she had promised to wear, and she sent her maid in haste to see whether she could find one of any sort in the house. It was the middle of December, and it was not probable that such a thing could be found in the Palazzo Macomer. The maid came back empty-handed. Veronica told her to find an artificial one, and Elettra, after some searching, produced a very beautiful artificial gardenia, which Veronica pinned in her white bodice, with a smile. She glanced at herself once more, and saw that the colour was still in her cheeks, and she was satisfied with herself.

When she entered the drawing-room, the other three were already there, and she saw the faces of Matilde and Bosio change as they caught sight of the flower. Gregorio apparently knew nothing of the arrangement--another instance of Matilde's tact which pleased Veronica. Matilde herself was no longer pale. She had seen how desperate she looked and had put a little rouge upon her cheeks so deftly and artistically that the young girl did not at first detect the deception. But her features had still been drawn and weary. They relaxed suddenly in a genuine smile when she saw the gardenia. But Bosio grew paler, Veronica thought, and looked very nervous. At table, he was opposite Veronica, and he reminded her more than ever of Van Dyck's portraits, so that she wondered why she had never before thought of the general resemblance. He talked less than at luncheon, and sometimes his eyes rested on hers with an expression which she could not understand. But there was admiration in it, as well as something else. Veronica herself was animated, and had never looked so well before, in the recollection of the other three.

After dinner Gregorio disappeared almost immediately, and at the end of a quarter of an hour Matilde left the room, merely observing that she was going to write letters and would come back when she had finished.

Bosio and Veronica were alone.

To her, it seemed to have come suddenly at the end, and she did not quite realize how it was that she found herself standing on one side of the fireplace, while he stood on the other.

They looked at each other a moment. Then Veronica smiled faintly, and drew herself up--or lengthened herself--as slight young girls have a way of doing when they are pleased, and she turned a little in the movement, and glanced at the clock, still faintly smiling.

Bosio was watching her, and he could not help admiring her lithe figure and small, well-poised head, that had a sort of girlish royalty of carriage not at all connected with beauty; for she was not beautiful, and she herself knew that there were times when she was almost ugly. He saw and admired, and he cursed himself for what he meant to do. He was not sure, even now, that he could do it.

There was no awkwardness in the silence, Veronica thought, for it seemed to her that he understood, and that words were hardly necessary. If she had meant to refuse him, she would have done so through Matilde. She smiled, looking at the clock, and thinking about it all. Then she realized that no word had been spoken on either side, and she turned her head a little shyly, till she could just see his face, while the smile still lingered on her lips. One hand rested on the mantelpiece, with the other she touched the artificial gardenia in her bodice.

"That is my answer, you know," she said quietly, and her eyes waited for his.

But he only glanced at her face, and for a moment he did not move. Then, with a graceful inclination he took her hand and raised it to his lips.

She noticed even then that his own hand was dry and burning. He did not trust himself to speak. When he looked up, the room whirled with him, and he saw strange colours. He thought his teeth were chattering.

"Are you glad?" she asked, wondering a little at his silence now, and the room seemed strangely still all at once.

"Is it quite of your own free will?" he asked, as though it cost him an effort to say anything.

"Yes--quite. Of course!" Her face grew bright as though she were happy in removing the one doubt he had.

"I am very glad of that," he said quietly.