Take Two Part 23

"Maybe you've been stuck in your faith, unable to hear G.o.d or feel His strength in your life. If that's you, then this is your day, your moment. Come and give Him your situation. Feel His loving arms holding you up, leading you to the front of the room where people can pray for you."

There was no one holding onto her, no one pulling her to her feet, and no one keeping her stuck to her chair. But Kelly felt the struggle as surely as she felt her next heartbeat. A tug-of-war was going on between the life she'd been living and the life G.o.d was calling her to. A tug-of-war where she, Kelly Ryan, was the rope. She watched as one woman and then another, and then dozens of women made their way to the front. Emotions and heartache flowed freely and the floor of the HP Pavilion became wet with the tears of the women strong enough to accept the call.

But still Kelly sat. She hadn't come here to make a decision or find renewal in her walk with Christ. She was simply taking a break for herself, spending time with Laurie. She needed more time before making a decision like the one the women around her were making. If she went up front, that meant she was willing to give up her resentment of Chase's determination to make movies and find strength in Scripture - the way she used to find it.

Maybe tomorrow or next week, but not now. She remained seated, watching countless women find freedom. Next to her, Laurie leaned close and patted her knee. "Like I said, G.o.d's doing something here today."

No question. But it would take longer for Him to do something with Kelly. No amount of emotion or tears could change her life or the facts as they were. Chase had no patience for her concerns and he seemed to rush to get out the door and back to LA. She was overwhelmed most of the time and she would most likely remain so - even with the Prozac. If she went forward here and now, then what? That wouldn't make her into the nice, supportive wife or clear away the work she had in running their home by herself.

Not now, G.o.d. I can't surrender now ... I'm not sure about anything. The pressure on the rope grew greater. She could feel it, feel the battle raging. But still she sat.

During lunch, Kelly excused herself to the restroom. But afterward, she stepped outside and sat on the edge of a cement block wall under an overhang, one of the few places outdoors that was still dry. She didn't care about eating; a boxed lunch wasn't interesting to her on a day like this, and there was no candy for sale inside - she'd checked.

"Okay, G.o.d ... What are You doing?"

She'd had her phone off all morning, but now she turned it on. She felt a sudden urge to talk to Chase. Even for a few minutes. She clicked his name and immediately the phone began to ring. She waited - two rings, three, but on the fourth the call went to his voicemail. Her mouth opened to leave him a message, an apology or a plea that he call her later so they could talk. But nothing seemed right, and she hung up. Better to talk to him in person.

The rain had let up, but still the sky remained a dark gray. In a moment like this it was hard to believe the sky would ever clear again, same as it was hard to believe that for her life.

Why, G.o.d? Why am I fighting You?

She pictured the prayer lifting all the way to heaven, but there was no answer. No sign that G.o.d cared about her sitting here, lost in her own little world of ashes and self-pity.

Inside the music started up again. Laurie would wonder where she'd gone and how come she'd pa.s.sed on lunch. Kelly pulled herself up and worked her way through the crowd back to her seat. The song was another Hillsong number, "From the Inside Out," and they were halfway through the first verse when Kelly took her seat.

"Everything okay?" Laurie looked into her eyes, clearly trying to see the truth.

"Fine." Kelly covered with a quick smile. "I went out to call Chase."

"Oh." Her friend nodded. "Good."

She turned her attention to the praise band. No point telling Laurie she hadn't even gotten through to her husband. She'd needed time alone - even in this ma.s.sive crowd. The music filled the air around them. "Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades ... never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame ..."

The line seemed custom-made for Kelly. No matter what lay ahead, Christ's light would remain, beyond the darkness and valleys, beyond the deserts and wilderness. Beyond any fame - whether their future involved a movie deal with Brandon Paul or not. G.o.d was King of all, Lord of all.

Kelly could still feel something holding her back from breaking completely, from giving in to the Lord's calling. But the wall was crumbling.

Each word of the song seemed written for her, and she stood with the other women, joining her voice with the throng.

She wanted to believe the lyrics, wanted to let G.o.d have His way with her, but her shame and guilt were too great. What reason would the Lord have for wanting her? How many times had she given G.o.d control only to take it back the next morning - overwhelmed by worry and discouragement? She was stuck, but still she sang, and as she did she could feel her vision growing clearer, feel the Lord's love nearer than before.

Finally, at the end of the day, came a concert by Nicole C. Mullen. Back in the days when Kelly listened to Christian music morning to night, Nicole had been one of her favorites. Her songs "Redeemer" and "Call on Jesus" were songs that marked eras in her life, times when she was a new mom and doubting her ability to stay strong for everyone who needed her. Kelly hadn't known Nicole was closing out the day, and now her time here seemed ordained from G.o.d. As if the Lord Himself had arranged for this performance.

"I need a brainwash from my head to my soul ... I need a brainwash, bring it down to my toes ..." Nicole's voice rang out across the auditorium. She was young and fit, and she easily danced as well as any of the teenage dancers behind her on the stage, including her fourteen-year-old daughter. The audience was on its feet singing along, enjoying the call to be of pure mind. Kelly swayed to the music, startled by the message.

The battle she was losing was in her mind. Each day she woke up overwhelmed only to wallow in self-pity the whole day - feeding the emptiness in her soul with comfort food. Only if she changed her mind, only if she gave G.o.d control over her thoughts, would she find freedom from her depression and mindless eating.

Nicole moved on to her hit songs, and all around her Kelly could hear the sniffling of women giving in to G.o.d's gentle prodding. "I know ... my Redeemer lives ... I know, my Redeemer lives ..." Kelly sang along, and for the first time that day she felt herself meaning every word. She was a failure, yes, and a sinner at the worst level. She'd ignored G.o.d and walked purposefully in a direction opposite the one He called her to. But still He lived, and He was hers. Her very own Redeemer. Even if she were the only one left on the face of earth.

The concert flew by, and toward the end, Kelly could feel tears on her cheeks again. She couldn't fight G.o.d much longer. It was a losing battle. No matter how much she'd let Him down, He wasn't giving up on her. She could feel the rope of her soul sliding in His direction.

Nicole ended her performance by introducing her last song with a brief story. "There was a woman in the Bible, desperate for healing. A woman who had been suffering for more than a decade. No one and nothing could heal her, but Jesus was pa.s.sing by that day. There would be crowds of people, and hundreds more worthy of His attention than she could ever be." Nicole walked slowly to the edge of the stage. "But she knew. She absolutely knew that if she could only reach out and touch the hem of His garment, she would be healed. Her belief in Him and His power was that strong." She paused, letting the truth of the story sink in around the enormous room. "This song is called 'One Touch.'"

The music was pretty and lyrical, and Nicole started in with the first verse.

Then, as she sang, something dramatic began to happen. First her daughter, and then the other dancers moved stealthily out onto the stage. The girls wore flowing white dresses and black sweatshirts. On the back of each sweatshirt was a single, simple word: Shame ... Guilt ... Loneliness ... Doubt ... Addiction.

Nicole reached the chorus as her dancers formed an ominous half circle around her. Then with every bit of her energy, she clutched desperately at the air in front of her. "If I could just touch the hem of His garment, I know I'd be made whole." But as she reached out, the girls with Shame and Guilt and Addiction on their sweatshirts used all their energy to hold her back.

Nicole pushed against them.

The harder Nicole tried to press forward toward Jesus, the more Shame and Guilt, Loneliness and Doubt and Addiction held her back. The image was overwhelming and for the first time - the very first time - Kelly could see an actual picture of her life, the way Jesus saw her. She could try to touch the hem of His garment, she could beg Him for the sc.r.a.ps of His kindness, but something was holding her back. Something she had felt deep inside her for all these months.

Shame, guilt, loneliness, doubt, addiction.

The second verse began, and the story followed the one in the Bible. A crowd of people, a desperate attempt to press through to Jesus. Nicole's clear voice rang out. As she reached that part where Jesus looked back, every obstacle fighting for her soul stopped and stared.

Kelly began to cry, struck by the picture. That was how the battle went, wasn't it? If she would only get close enough to Jesus to touch the hem of His garment, she could hear His voice, and the things holding her back would hear it too.

One by one, the dancers representing Shame and Guilt and Loneliness and the rest fell in a heap to the floor. The message was as clear as it was powerful. No barrier could stand in the presence of Christ. "If I could just touch the hem of His garment, I know I'd be made whole."

As the song built, Kelly's tears came harder. That was her, reaching out to Jesus and letting her shame and addiction hold her back. But not anymore. "Somehow He pressed His way through my madness," Nicole sang out, "and His love has healed my soul."

That was it, Kelly understood now. She needed to get close enough to Jesus to hear His voice, to touch the hem of His garment so she could be made whole again.

Laurie seemed to understand that something was happening with Kelly. She put her hand on Kelly's shoulder. "It's okay," she whispered. "Let G.o.d have His way."

Kelly nodded as the tears ran down her face and into her mouth. Salty and hot. I'm sorry, Jesus. I don't want to fight anymore. I surrender. I surrender completely. She didn't need more convincing. The picture of Nicole straining for Jesus and being held back was one that would stay with her forever. A picture of the battle. But the victory would also stay with her. She didn't need to fight against shame and guilt and depression. She only needed to stay close to Jesus, where the things that warred against her soul didn't stand a chance. Close enough to touch the hem of His garment.

The way she was standing now.

A NOTE FROM KAREN.

Dear Reader Friends, More than any other book I've written, I was amazed at how life imitated art while I was writing Take Two. Midway through the book, and even after I'd written my outline, I had the privilege of attending the Palm Springs Film Festival, where my movie Like Dandelion Dust was one of the featured films. Like Dandelion Dust was selected as Best of the Festival and received much praise from local news and even a stunning review in Variety. In addition, it won Best Picture at a number of other film festivals.

But that is pretty much where the similarities ended.

The brothers who produced Like Dandelion Dust experienced some of the logistical distractions detailed in Take One, but here in Take Two fiction took over. There was no Kendall Adams or Ben Adams in the lives of the real producers. Even so, I believe the storyline of the fictional producers represents an important truth. In today's market, there is a great hunger for Christian films, for movies with a message and not merely a couple hours of mindless entertainment. That said, the struggle remains. The task of putting a movie onto the big screen is still daunting. I encourage you to pray for the many real-life producers like Chase Ryan and Keith Ellison who sacrifice much for the sake of changing the world with the power of film.

Also, I love that this series gives me the chance to follow Bailey and Cody and their group of friends. College life is very difficult for today's young people, with many distractions to faith and family and all that is right. It's important to see how differently a young Christian girl can meet those challenges and tests. Certainly as Andi goes her own way, the consequences will become clear. Likewise, as Bailey chooses G.o.d's will, though she may have heart-ache at times, she will find the plans G.o.d has for her.

In the books ahead Tim and Bailey and Cody, Andi and her parents, Chase and Kelly, and Kendall Adams all will face great temptations and trials, and at the same time brilliant, tearful triumphs. As always, I'm grateful you're continuing this new journey with me, and I look forward to hearing your feedback.

Take a minute and visit my website at www.KarenKingsbury.com, where you can get to know other readers and become part of a community that agrees there is life-changing power in something as simple as a story. On my website you can post prayer requests or pray for those in need. You can send in a photo of your loved one serving our country or let us know of a fallen soldier we can honor on our Fallen Heroes page.

My website will also tell you about my ongoing contests, including "Shared a Book," which encourages you to let me know when you've shared one of my books with someone in your life. Each time you let me know, you're entered for the chance to spend a summer weekend with my family. In addition, everyone signed up for my monthly newsletter is automatically entered into an ongoing once-a-month drawing for a free, signed copy of my latest novel.

Also on my website you can find out which women's conferences I'll speak at next and whether you might live close enough so we'll have the chance to meet, to share a hug, or take a picture together. In addition there are links that will help you with matters that are important to you - faith and family, adoption, and ways to help others.

Of course, on my site you can find out a little more about me and my family, my Facebook and YouTube channel, and my Karen's Movie Monday - where I release a YouTube clip each Monday dealing with some aspect of my family and faith and the wonderful world of Life-Changing Fiction.

Finally, if you gave your life over to G.o.d during the reading of this book, or if you found your way back to a faith you'd let grow cold, send me a letter at and write "New Life" in the subject line. I would encourage you to connect with a Bible-believing church in your area, and to get hold of a Bible. If you can't afford a Bible - include your address in your e-mail and I'll send you one.

One more thing: I've started a program where I will donate a book to any high school or middle school librarian who makes a request. Check out my website for details.

Again, thanks for traveling with me through the pages of this book. I can't wait to see you next time. My next book will be a stand-alone called Shades of Blue. It's a book I've been longing to write for three years. After that, look for Take Three!

Until then, keep reaching for the hem of His garment.

In His light and love,

Karen Kingsbury

www.KarenKingsbury.com READER STUDY GUIDE.

Please use the following questions for your book club, small group, or for personal reflection.

1. The editing process was long and tedious for Keith and Chase. What do you think drove them to put in such long hours? What have you been a part of in the past that required an amazing effort? What drove you in that effort?

2. What led to Kelly's discouragement and depression? Share about a time when you or someone you know was taken into a dark time because of a series of events.

3. Kelly struggled with mindless eating. Discuss what you know about this type of problem. What do you think led Kelly to struggle with this?

4. Thanksgiving Day at Katy and Dayne's was a chance for the Baxter family to be back together again. Tell about the times during the year when you and your family get together. What made this time special for the Baxters? What makes these times special for you and your family?

5. Discuss the importance of being thankful. What were the things Keith and Chase and their wives were thankful for? What are ten things you are thankful for?

6. What led Andi to be interested in the offer from the student filmmaker - Taz? Why is flattery from worldly sources such a dangerous thing in our walk with the Lord? Talk about a time when flattery led you to make a decision you regret.

7. Bailey felt a strain in her friendship with Cody through much of this story. What caused this strain? Share about a time when you experienced a strain with a close friend. What caused the strain, and what brought the friendship back around again?

8. For Keith and Chase, the first part of Take Two has them at a time in their professional careers when everything seems to be going right. What did the producers learn during this time? Have you learned more about your faith in good times, or in difficult times? Explain.

9. Cody wants desperately to help his mom stay on the right path, but still he worries about her. What does Cody do to show his mother he's there for her? What have you done to be supportive of someone you love? How has that support made a difference?

10. Explain Andi's series of compromises where Taz's movie was concerned. How did Taz convince her that these compromises were acceptable?

11. Talk about a time when you or someone you know made a series of compromises. How were those compromises justified?

12. Midway through the book, Keith began to experience red flags where the smooth and easy details of movie-making were concerned. Why is it important to look closer when the details of life seem too easy? Talk about a time when the easy life suddenly became very difficult.

13. Bailey found much strength in her involvement with Campus Crusade. Why is it important for youth to be involved in a faith group of some kind? Why is it important for all Christians to belong to some sort of group of believers?

14. In what ways did Kelly make things worse in her relationship with her husband? What about her relationship with G.o.d? Talk about a time when you or someone you know made choices that harmed their relationships.

15. How could Kelly have helped her situation? Talk about how you or someone you know might find help in a troubling situation.

16. Kelly had the chance to attend a women's conference. Talk about a Christian conference you attended. Did you come away stronger because of it? Why or why not?

17. In what ways did G.o.d soften Kelly's heart during her day at the women's conference? Why was she reluctant to allow herself to be changed? Discuss Kelly's emotions that day.

18. Discuss how Nicole C. Mullen's song "One Touch" made a difference for Kelly. Explain how the visual ill.u.s.tration of the song connected with Kelly.

19. Have you ever imagined a spiritual battle as a literal force holding you back from Jesus? Talk about a time like that.

20. Cody and Taz are very different college guys. Talk about the differences, and what motivates each of these young men.

READ AN EXCERPT FROM THE NEXT BOOK IN THE ABOVE THE LINE SERIES: TAKE THREE.

BAILEY ARRIVED AT THE LAKE MONROE retreat center lost in thoughts about her roommate. Their recent conversation had been good - for the first time in awhile. Maybe if they had more time together, Taz wouldn't be such an obsession in Andi's life. No matter what Andi thought about him, he was trouble. Bailey could feel it in her spirit. G.o.d didn't want Andi anywhere near the guy.

Still, convincing her would take a miracle at this point.

Bailey climbed out of her car and was met by a group of her Cru Bible study girls. Tim had had to cancel at the last minute - a case of strep throat - and Cody was spending the weekend with his mom, because of her birthday. At least that was the plan. But when she and the girls walked with their sleeping bags and pillows to their cabin, she heard Cody's voice.

She waited until she had her bed made before finding him with a few other guys near the fire pit. She caught his attention and he smiled. "I didn't think you were coming."

This wasn't the time for a serious conversation. But she had to know what had changed his mind.

"My mom had other plans." He grabbed an armful of wood and stacked it near the pit. "I'll tell you later."

While they ate, she could feel Cody's presence the way she could feel the presence of her family when they were in a crowd. A couple times she looked over her shoulder at him, and once she caught him looking too. He still hadn't explained what had happened with his mother, but there would be time for that later. Right now she needed to give her attention to the girls in her cabin. She'd asked G.o.d for closer friendships with them as a result of this retreat.

So far He was answering her prayers beyond anything she could've dreamed.

One of the guy cabins had cleanup that night, and Daniel dismissed the rest of the group for an hour of free time. A few of the girls wanted to make calls home, just to check in. Bailey waited until she was sure none of them were looking to talk to her, and then she wandered out the door and down the path toward Cody's cabin. She saw him long before she reached it, sitting outside on a tree stump, staring at the lake.

She stopped and watched him, the familiar way he held his head, the way the fading sun cast light over his shoulders. What was he thinking, sitting there like that? Was he worried about his mom, or a new girl in his life? Or maybe he was taking in G.o.d's beauty. She almost didn't want to disturb him, but then - as if he could read her mind - he looked her way and smiled. "Hey."

The path was smooth, but she watched her step anyway. Just in case some critter crossed in front of her. She was much more of a hotel girl, more comfortable at the Doubletree with samples of lotion and shampoo, than here in the woods. But she could appreciate both, and she was glad to be here. Especially now, with Cody a part of the retreat.

She reached him and grinned. "You looked lost in thought. I didn't want to interrupt."

For a second she thought he might tell her what he was thinking, but then he set his jaw, his smile guarded. "I'm glad you did."

He pointed at a path that led closer to the lake. "Wanna take a walk?"

"Sure." They set out side by side, and suddenly Bailey laughed out loud. "I just remembered something funny."

He slipped his hands into the pockets of his jeans and laughed a little too. The way he always did around her. "Which thing? There's lots to laugh at with you around."