Take Me for a Ride Part 36

"I'm doing okay on my own," I reminded myself. "I don't need to see Rama."

"Rama said it's going to be our last meeting together," she added.

I nearly laughed. He had been holding "last meetings" for years.

I wondered if he were trying to suck me back into his organization.

I thought about the disciples and about my brother. I had not seen them in weeks. "I'll be there," I told her.

Late the following night I rode my three-speed toward Needham.

Rama typically conducted business between two and four a.m.

because "the world's psychic energy was calm" and, perhaps, because disciples at that time tended to be tired and off balance.

Yet as I pedaled through the dark and empty streets, blood pulsed quickly through my veins. I felt alert. I wore all black.

Black for me was a symbol of power. I wore around my neck a string with a bicycle lock key. I had worn such a string during bike trips of my youth, before locking on to Rama's path. The key was a reminder that waiting just outside Rama's door was the trusted three-speed.

I entered the house. The disciples seemed friendly toward me.

Rama approached. He said, "You look much better, Agni."

I offered him a cla.s.sical music tape. This was my way of saying that I harbored no ill feelings.

He accepted.

It was well past midnight and the twelve had arrived. Actually there were only ten but we counted Tom's spirit. We also counted Lakshmi, the Centre's patron G.o.ddess.

Rama served a red wine which he said was expensive. I recalled that weeks before, he had counseled disciples to avoid alcohol.

He showed us a cake decorated with the image of a frog. "You will get some cake after the meeting," he said, as though addressing a group of children. The decoration reminded me of Kermit. I wondered if he had reincarnated the symbol as part of a spiritual lesson, or if it was just icing on the cake.

A few minutes later Rama put on electronic music, picked up the original Bliss puppet, and started to dance.

The disciples watched, their faces aglow with adoration. I wondered if I used to look like that. "Don't watch," I thought and walked away.

In a corner of the room, I quietly danced with a Bliss of my own.

The music stopped. Rama instructed us to sit in a circle in the living room.

I hesitated. "Something about this doesn't feel right," I thought.

I sat down, nonetheless, and meditated with the group.

Roughly forty-five minutes later, Rama began to speak about the rapid deterioration of the earth's psychic energy field. His language sounded strange to me. Terms such as "Ent.i.ties" and "occult attack"

no longer seemed natural.

Several minutes after that Rama's bright, friendly eyes suddenly hardened. "Instead of aspiring to the higher worlds,"

he accused, "you are evolving into a horde of angry sorcerers."

"What am I doing here?" I wondered. "I don't have to listen to this."

"You are trying to increase your personal power by attacking each other-- and me--in the Dream Plane," he charged. "I have no choice but to disband your Circle Of Power."

"This is why he called us here?" I thought. The tension in the room felt like nails in my stomach. I glanced at the door.

Rama explained that our final task, before he disbanded the Circle, was to take turns confronting one another. "It is very important for each of you to voice what is *really* going down," he said.

The people in the orginal inner circle had been through a lot together.

The first few seemed reluctant to adopt his suggested role as angry, finger-pointing sorcerers. They said things like, "I think you may be sending me some bad vibrations in the inner worlds."

Rama frowned. "You think you are acting like Warriors, but you are really acting like wimps. If you don't *'fess up* now, it will be extremely difficult for you to continue making spiritual progress later on."

"You've been attacking me in the Dream Plane!" my brother accused me and several others.

"You've been trying to steal my power for years!" countered Sal when it came his turn.

"Yes," approved Rama.

Instead of listening and preparing for my turn, I recalled the way Big Nurse inspired patients to rat on each other. "Rama is manipulating us,"

I thought. "He's getting us to turn on one another. He's dividing us.

Divide and conquer."

Suddenly it was my turn. I did not know what to say. I stood up.

The others had remained seated. I turned to Rachel. ("I have always liked you," I thought.) I said, "We have gotten along well.

I don't see any problems between us."

Rama looked surprised. This was not the kind of response he had in mind.

Rachel smiled at me.

I turned to Suzanne. ("You say that I suffer from delusions that I'm Luke Skywalker. Perhaps.") I said, "I hardly even know you."

I turned to Dana. ("I've had a crush on you since the time in the San Diego airport, under the palms.") I said, "I don't know if you've been sending me s.e.xual energy or what, but for years I've been very attracted to you."

She raised her eyebrows. So did Rama. So did the others.

I had broken a taboo. s.e.xual attraction was not something we were supposed to discuss, particularly in a group, particularly with Rama, particularly regarding one of Rama's women, and *particularly*

regarding Dana who, along with Anne, was Rama's closest disciple.

I turned to Anne. ("If only I were older.") I said, "I feel the same way about you."

More looks of surprise.

I felt exhilarated. I was not accustomed to voicing my gut feelings.

I turned to Sal. ("No, old friend, I'm not trying to steal your power.") I said, "You have gotten a little paranoid over the past few years.

I hope you can work it out."

He frowned.

I turned to Donna. ("Are you still planning to marry Rama?") I said, "I have no problem with you."

She nodded.

I turned to Paul. ("What's the penguin doing on the tehlee?") I said, "We are friends."

He grinned.