Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs Part 6

"And then--" said Mrs. Lathrop, sympathetically.

"Yes, 'n' then come the roof-mendin'. I never can feel to blame myself there because I did n't want to pay no carpenter, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, as it looked just as easy to get up on that roof as to fall off any other. I hung the shingles around my neck 'n' put the nails in my mouth 'n' the hammer down my back, 'n' then I went up the lattice 'n' got over the little window on to the ridge-pole. You know, Mrs.

Lathrop, how simple it all seemed from the ground, 'n' I was to just sit edgeways from the end of the peak right along up to the hole, but you 've heard me remark afore 'n' I will now remark again as no one on the ground has any notion of ridge-poles as they really are. A ridge-pole from the ground, Mrs. Lathrop, looks like it could n't be fell off, but from itself it feels like it could n't be stuck on to, 'n' I thought I 'd swallow the last one of them nails gaspin' afore I got to the hole.

You saw me tryin' to get to the hole, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' then you saw me tryin' to get the hammer. I thought I 'd go somer-settin' head over heels afore I got it fished out 'n' then there was n't no place to lay it down!

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I never shall be able to look back on that day and hour without a cold conscience. It was certainly a awful time. I took a nail out of my mouth 'n' a shingle off my neck 'n' made ready to begin.

I took the hammer 'n'--just then--I looked down--'n' if there was n't the minister 'n' his wife just turnin' in my gate!

"Well, of course, that came nigh to endin' me ever 'n' ever! No Christian would ever dream of answering her front-door bell from her back ridge-pole, 'n' I never was one to do nothin' as folks could talk of. I see it was do or die right then or there 'n' I made a quick slide for the porch roof. You know what happened, 'n' I never have felt to forgive the minister, even if it was n't him as drove that unexpected nail in my roof. Mrs. Lathrop, we 've spoke of this afore, 'n' I 've said then, 'n' I 'll say now, that in spite of my likin' for you, _no_ one as rocks forever on a cushion can be able to even surmise what it is to slide quick over a unexpected nail, 'n' so it was only natural that even in the first hour I never looked for anything from you but Pond's Extract. But I may remark further--for it 's right you should know--that nothin' in my whole life ever rasped me worse the wrong way of my hair than to watch you rockin' that fortnight that I had my choice to stand up or go to bed, 'n' even in bed I had to get up 'n' get out if I wanted to turn over. Mr. Sh.o.r.es told Mrs. Macy as probably it was the sun as had drawed that nail, 'n' all I can say is that I hope if it was the sun 'n' he ever takes it into his head to draw another of my nails, that he 'll either draw it completely out or leave it completely in, for I know as I never want to come down from another ridge-pole by way of another nail--not while I 'm alive anyhow."

A short pause and a long sigh. Mrs. Lathrop sighed, too.

"Then come the bill from the carpenter 'n' from young Doctor Brown, 'n'

for raisin' the anvil, 'n' I was hardly onto _my_ legs before Mr. Dill's horse quit his hind ones. Mr. Weskin was up 'n' doin' as usual 'n'

advised bringin' a joint suit with the blacksmith for the anvil 'n' me for the crick, but even if I was helpless the blacksmith wa' n't goin'

to be sued if he could do anything else, 'n' he brung Mr. Dill up to see if we could n't arbitrate ourselves. Mr. Dill 's always been very nice to me, but that wheat-fly made him so mad to be paid something by somebody that it took the blacksmith 'n' me and four gla.s.ses of root beer to bring him to reason. In the end he said if the blacksmith would shoe everything he owned till it died 'n' if I would put up Lucy's currants till I died that he 'd call them two legs straight. We wrote a paper 'n' signed it 'n' I went to bed, 'n' seemed like my trials were certainly more than any mortal could stand under, particularly when you consider that a good deal of the time I had n't been able to sit down.

"I don't see why any one should be surprised over me lookin' worried. It says in the Bible that if you 'n' Mohamet ain't on the mountain you 're bound to have the mountain 'n' Mohamet both on you, 'n' I must say I believe it's true. I 've had to take the ten dollars as I never touch, 'n' the ten as I never will touch, 'n' the ten as I never will touch so help me Heaven--'n' spend 'em all. 'N' I don't know what I am goin' to do now, I 'm sure. Bein' yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, you can't in reason be expected to understand what it is to me to have no one but you to turn to. You 've got your good points, but you ain't no hand to have ideas nor yet to advise. I 've been slow in comin' to that view of you, but I 've got to it at last, 'n' got over it, 'n' I 'm walkin' alone now on the further side."

Mrs. Lathrop looked apologetic, but remained tritely silent. Susan backed away from the fence.

"It 's gettin' damp," she said; "you 've got rheumatism anyway, so you don't care if you take cold, but I ain't very anxious to, 'n' so I think we 'd ought to go in."

Mrs. Lathrop nodded, and turned to go.

"I hope I have n't made you feel uneasy, Mrs. Lathrop," Susan said, as she also turned; "you know me well enough to know as if I come to starvation it would never be nothin' but a joy to me to see you starve with me."

Mrs. Lathrop nodded.

Susan nodded.

And thus they parted for the night.

PART SECOND

GRAN'MA MULLINS'S WOE

It was some days later--a summer afternoon. The setting sun was brightening the western sky, and Susan, with her bonnet on and her sun-shade leaning beside her, sat on Mrs. Lathrop's porch and discoursed in a fashion that partook alternately of the lively and of the dejected.

Mrs. Lathrop rocked calmly and listened yet more so.

"Things is goin' worse 'n' worse," said the caller; "I 've had to bring myself down to doin' my own weedin', so as to save that ten cents a week I give Augustus, 'n' Lord knows I 'd gladly put up anything for anybody, but everybody in this town puts up themselves. I don't know how I will get along if suthin' don't turn up, 'n' I can't see what can turn up with every one head over ears deep in the weddin's 'n' young Doctor Brown settin' the whole town mad over the crick. That 's a very strange thing about the crick, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' it seems to be pretty generally admitted now that inside or out the crick 's good for most anything in anybody, but this new idea as it 's a sure cure for asthma is just doin'

folks up alive. Young Doctor Brown says he's been investigatin' under his own microscope, 'n' he says there ain't a doubt but the crick polliwogs can eat up the asthma polliwogs as fast as you can shake 'em together in a bottle. He 's goin' to Meadville 'n' shake 'em up for old Doctor Carter, 'n' then he 's goin' to send to the city for a pint of typhoid fever 'n' a half-pint of diphtheria 'n' let 'em loose on that.

Mr. Kimball asked him if he was positive which side was doin' the swallowin' 'n' if he had the crick ones wear a band on their left arms when they went into battle, but young Doctor Brown explained as there could n't be no mistake, for asthma has got four claws in its tail and the crick has horns all over. Mrs. Macy says, under them circ.u.mstances she shall make her tea with boiled rain-water hereafter, 'n' she says she ain't sure as she 's got enough faith left in the crick to even scrub with it."

"If I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Gran'ma Mullins is a good deal upset," said Susan; "she don't like the notion of young Doctor Brown's bringin' so much typhoid and diphtheria into town just as Hiram 's goin' to get married a _tall_. She says she 's got enough to worry over about Hiram without that. She says she 's feelin' worse over him every day. She can't talk about it without chokin'. She says she 's got his rattle and his first sock pinned up by the clock, so every time she looks up at the time she can see 'em 'n'

cry again. She says it ain't in reason as Lucy 'll ever understand Hiram. She says Hiram 's a very singular disposition, but if you always ask him to do what you don't want done 'n' to never do what 's got to be done right off he 's one of the handiest men around the house as she ever see. She says he eats a lot of sugar 'n' you must n't notice it, 'cause he always says as he never does; and he most never goes to church, but you must n't tell him so, 'cause he says he goes regular, 'n' she says as he likes to keep mola.s.ses candy in his pockets 'n' under his pillow, 'n' heaven knows, likin' mola.s.ses candy ain't no crime, and yet she 's almost sure Lucy 's goin' to make his life miserable over it.

She says her cup was full enough without no pint of diphtheria added, 'n' I d'n know as I ever see any one more downhearted. Mrs. Macy 'n' me stayed and shook our heads with her for a while 'n' then we went on t Mrs. Allen's to look at Polly's weddin' things. Every one in town is goin' to look at Polly's weddin' things, 'n' you 'd really suppose as the deacon was any one in the world but the deacon to see how they 've fixed Polly up to marry him. Four of everythin' 'n' six o' some. Only not a ap.r.o.n in the whole,--the deacon would n't have it. He said right out as he wa'n't marryin' Polly to work her to skin 'n' bone, and he knows how he wants his house kept 'n' his cookin' done, so he 'll just keep on keepin' 'n' cookin' as usual. He 's fixed up a good deal; the canary bird 's got a bra.s.s hook after all these years o' wooden-peggin', 'n' he 's bought one o' them new style doormats made out o' wire with 'Welcome P. W.' let into it in green marbles. 'P. W.' stands for 'Polly White,' 'n' Mr. Kimball told Mr. Macy they had a awful time over sticking the marbles in 'n' a awful time gettin' the letters to suit.

The deacon was for 'P. W.' all along 'n' Polly was for the deacon, but Mrs. Allen was for Polly's name, because Polly ain't married yet, 'n'

they got P. A. stuck in afore any one knowed how it'd look, 'n' then they tried to patch it up with a 'W' added 'n' that seemed like it was a new way to say to be sure 'n' wipe your feet. Mr. Kimball told Mrs. Macy he nigh to died laughin', 'n' he did n't mind how he broke his nails pickin' marbles in 'n' out when he could have so much fun. So they settled for 'P. W.,' 'n' Mrs. Macy 's more than a little bitter over it all, for she says the deacon 'll soon come to his senses 'n' then it'll be too late to get that 'P. W.' off of his door-mat again. But the deacon ain't carin'. He's friskin' around like a colt, 'n' they say he 's got two new suits of clothes 'n' a new hat for the goin' away. He was always that way though--I recolleck Mr. Kimball's sayin' when Mrs. White died that the deacon had been dyein' his hair 'n' bein' patient for over fifteen years.

"Well--about them weddin' things of Polly's!--Mrs. Allen took me upstairs 'n' I saw 'em all. The weddin' veil is looped along the lamberquin with a glove pinned to each curtain, the dress hangs on a frame between against the window shade, 'n' the under things is folded on a table at one side with the stockin's tied together in a true lovers'-knot. I must say they 've done it all real tasty, with the deacon's picture in the middle leanin' up against her shoes. It 's a open question about the shoes still, 'cause if Polly wears any shoes a _tall_ it only makes her that much more higher than the deacon, but Mrs.

Allen says, seein' as it 's as it is, she hopes Polly 'll only think o'

how the higher her heels is the more room it 'll give her train to spread. It 's a very handsome train 'n' they 've measured so 's it 'll make the next set o' parlor curtains at the Whites'.

"I declare, Mrs. Lathrop, I can't tell you how all these weddin's 'n'

talkin's do blue me up! To see every one spendin' money 'n' me without any even to save. Mr. Dill asked me yesterday if I did n't want to take Gran'ma Mullins to board for the honeymoon, an' I suppose I could maybe do it, but oh my! I can't say as I take to that idea much. I 'm fond o'

Gran'ma Mullins, but these days Hiram is nothin' but a bottomless pit when she gets at him, 'n' a honeymoon is a long time to hear one person talk about one person. I can 't say as I ever had anythin' again Hiram except that time 't he did n't catch Jathrop to lynch him, but all the same I ain't over fond o' any one as goes around with their mouth half-open the year through. Mr. Kimball said once as Hiram Mullins was the best design for a penny bank as he ever saw, 'n' Polly Allen says she 's more 'n sorry for Lucy, 'cause no matter how hard Lucy was to try, Polly says it stands to reason as she could n't get more 'n half a kiss at once. Mrs. Allen giggled, 'n' we all did, too, 'cause the deacon carries his mouth so tight shut that it's a question if Polly ever gets a kiss a _tall_.

"Mrs. Brown says Doctor Brown is gettin' surer 'n' surer about the crick. He 's been paintin' the cat with asthma 'n' then washin' him in crick water, 'n' Mrs. Brown says he wa'n't dead up to the time he run away anyhow."

"That big--" queried Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, with the yellow eyes. He 's been gone a week, but they don't care.

Mrs. Brown says that cat was so everlastin'ly around that he made her feel like she was married again, 'n' she was glad to have him light out.

She says he was so like a man it was awful,--wantin' to sit by the fire 'n' think till you was dyin' to empty the tea-kettle over his head, 'n'

forever placidly yawnin' when you was turned a hundred ends at once.

Mrs. Brown says Amelia 's goin' to give a wash-cloth shower for Polly and Lucy day after to-morrow. She says young Doctor Brown says if he comes out on top about that crick-cure for asthma Amelia can do anythin'

she pleases. He says this town 'll be a real cure then, 'n' we 'll see no end of money flow into us,--she says he says we can all take boarders at fancy prices 'n' serve 'em to the crick at a penny a gla.s.s. I don't know but what I might take a few quiet boarders myself that way. They 'd be quiet because they could n't be lively, 'n' the asthma 'd choke 'em to where they could n't eat much."

"I--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"I could have 'Liza Em'ly to help me, I presume. I could advertise 'n'

when they answered I could go in town 'n' look at them and take my pick.

I 'd want to be sure as they were quiet, 'n' I 'd want to be sure as they were sick--I would n't take no chances at havin' one o' these merry-go-round summer families land on me, I know. Like as not there 'd be a boy, 'n' you know yourself, Mrs. Lathrop, that while a boy may perhaps accidentally happen to be a comfort he 's very much more likely just to be a boy."

"Yes," said Mrs. Lathrop--"I--"

"Yes, o' course," said Susan, "'n' look where he come out! If Jathrop had been a girl how different everything would have been for him--not to speak o' the rest of us. You can't deny that, Mrs. Lathrop, 'n' you can't deny either as Jathrop would have been better off himself if he 'd been any other thing as G.o.d ever made."

"He--" said the mother.

"You thought so," said Susan, "but n.o.body else ever did. Mothers is always mothers 'n' the best will in the world don't seem able to help 'em out o' the sc.r.a.pe. There's Gran'ma Mullins just cryin' her eyes out these days over Hiram, 'n' you 'd think Lucy was a sea-serpent and Hiram was chained to a rock to hear her go on. She says she 's raised Hiram so careful to be a comfort to her all these years 'n' she says he promised her when he was only two 'n' a half years old that he 'd never smoke nor drink nor get married. She says she 's trusted him all his life 'n' this is the first time as he ever broke his word to her. She says all his little ways is just so sweet, but she feels sure Lucy won't never let him dip his bread in the platter-gravy 'n' Hiram 's so _awful_ fond of platter-gravy. She says he likes to have the potato-smasher right by his place at the table 'n' pound the meat to make more juice come out, 'n'

she says it 's been nothin' but a joy to her always to let him, 'cause his father died when he wa'n't but eleven months old. But she says she just knows Lucy 'll be death on Hiram's potato-smasher, 'n' she says she most feels as if Lucy was goin' to be death on Hiram, too. She says she can't look at Hiram these days without chokin' over thinkin' how Lucy 's goin' to look at him inside o' three months. She says Hiram 's a very tender nature, he can't be hurried awake mornin's, 'n' if he wakes up in the night he _has_ to have gingerbread 'n' whistle till he drops off to sleep again. She says no one as really loved Hiram would mind such little trifles as that, but she says she has her doubts as to Lucy's really lovin' Hiram, 'n' even if she does really love him now, she says it ain't no reason as she 'll keep on lovin' him long. She says time alone 'll tell what the end 'll be, 'n' she only hopes 'n' prays that whatever Lucy does or does n't do, that she 'll never forget as she was well 'n' richly warned beforehand, for she says she went herself in streamin' tears 'n' begged her not to marry Hiram, an' she 's kept straight on till now she 's almost done it."

Susan ceased speaking and took up her parasol.

"Are--" remonstrated Mrs. Lathrop.

"I must," said her neighbor; "I 'm hungry 'n' I want time to beat up some soda-biscuit. It 's no use your askin' me to stay to supper, because my heart is set on soda-biscuit 'n' I like my own better than any one could ever like yours. I don't say that unkindly, Mrs. Lathrop, for I ain't got a unkind thing about me, 'n' I could n't lay anything up against you even if I wanted to. Even when I get all at outs with you over your rockin' I never lay it up against you--we 've been friends too many years. If you can be happy rockin' through life till some fine day you rock over backward into your coffin, all I can say is that it won't be my funeral, 'n' bein' as it will be yours, I shall be too busy that day to fuss over ifs 'n' ands. I 'm keepin' the board 'n' saw-horses as father had for you, 'n' the black bow from his door-bell, too, 'n' after you 're done with them I 'm intendin' to give them to the first needy 'n' deservin' person as comes along in need of 'em."

Susan started down the steps.

"But--" protested Mrs. Lathrop.