Susan Clegg and Her Neighbors' Affairs Part 2

"'N' then, all of a sudden, he come out with wantin' you!

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, I jumped--I really did. Him so tidy 'n' goin' out on the porch half a dozen times a day to brush up the seeds under the bird-cage--'n' wantin' _you_! I couldn't believe my ears at first, 'n'

he talked quite a while, 'n' I did n't hear a word he said. 'N' then, when I did find my tongue, I jus' sat right down 'n' did my duty by him.

Mrs. Lathrop, you know 's well 's I do how fond I am o' you; but you know, too, 's well 's I do 't no woman 's calls herself a Christian c'd sit silent an' let a man keep on supposin' 't he c'd be happy with you.

I talked kind, but I took no fish-bones out 'o the truth. I give him jus' my own observation, 'n' no more. I told him 't it was n't in me to try to fool even a deacon; an' so when I said frank and free 't even your very cats soon give up washin' their faces, he c'd depend upon its bein' so. I says to him, I says: 'Deacon White, there's lots o' worse things 'n bein' unmarried, 'n' if you marry Mrs. Lathrop you 'll learn every last one of 'em. Your first wife was deaf,' I says, ''n' Mrs.

Lathrop c'n hear. She 's a very good hearer, too,' I says (for you know 's I'd never be one to run you down, Mrs. Lathrop); 'but anythin' 's is more of a' effort than listenin' never gets done in her house. You 're tidy in your ways, Deacon White,' I says; 'any one as's ever pa.s.sed when you was hangin' out your dish-towels 'd swear to that; an' such bein'

the case, how c'd you ever be happy with them 's spreads their wash on the currant-bushes or lets it blow to the dogs?' Maybe I was a little hard on him, but I felt 's it was then or never, 'n' I tried my best to save him. It ain't in nature for them 's goes unhooked to ever realize what their unhookedness is to them 's hooks, an' so it 'd be hopeless to try to let you see why my sympathies was so with the deacon; but, to make a long tale short, he jus' hung on like grim death, 'n' in the end I had to give up. He said I was your friend, an' he wanted 's I sh'd explain everythin' to you; an' to-morrow, when he gets back from Meadville, he 'll come up an' get his answer. He did n't ask 'f I thought you 'd have him, 'cause o' course he knowed you 'd have him 's well 's I did. He said 's he sh'd mention it about town to keep any women from takin' the same train with him. He says he has n't been anywhere by himself for ever so long. He says jus' as soon 's he 's married he 's goin' off for a good long trip, all alone."

Susan ceased speaking for a little; Mrs. Lathrop looked dazed and dubious.

"It's so unex--" she said slowly.

"The beginnin' o' gettin' married always is," said her friend; "but it 's all there is about it 's is even unexpected. It's all cut an' dried from there on. Once you take a man, nothin' 's ever sudden no more.

Folks expects all sorts o' pleasant surprises; everybody seems to get married for better, an' then get along for worse. They begin by imaginin' a lot 'n' then lookin' for the thing to be 'way beyond the imaginin'; it ain't long afore they see 't their imaginin' was 'way beyond the thing, 'n' after that they soon have it all on top o' them to carry till they die."

"I never was no great hand at marryin'," said Mrs. Lathrop, faintly. "I was propelled into it the first--"

"Well, n.o.body ain't propellin' you this time," said Miss Clegg. "I 'm hangin' back on your skirts, with my heels stuck in 's far 's they 'll go." She rose as she spoke.

"I don 't know what I shall--" began the older woman, looking up at the younger.

"You 've got all to-morrow to decide. He won't be back till five o'clock. I should n't worry, 'f I was you. O' course, it 's your last love affair, probably, 'n' you want to get 's much 's you can out of it; but I don't see no call to fret any. He ain't frettin'. He 's jus' in a hurry to get married, 'n' get rid o' Gran'ma Mullins 'n' Mrs. Macy an'

Polly Ann an' 'Liza Em'ly, 'n' get started on that nice long trip he 's goin' on alone."

"I shall think--" murmured Mrs. Lathrop.

Susan was decking herself for going home.

"I won't be over in the mornin'," she said as she tied on her cap; "I 've got errands down-town; but I 'll come over after dinner."

"Good-by," said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Good-by," said her friend.

It was somewhat warmer the next morning. Mrs. Lathrop began the day on a cup of extra-strong coffee, and continued it in an unusual mood of clearing up. Her kitchen was really very close to exemplary when two o'clock arrived, and she took up her knitting to wait for the promised visitation.

It matured about half-past the hour. The visitor brought her knitting, too.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop," she said pleasantly on entering, "if it was n't for the automobile, you 'n' the deacon 'd surely be the talk o' the town this day."

"Whose aut--?"

"n.o.body 's; jus' two men's. One steers in goggles, 'n' the other jumps in 'n' out 'n' settles for the damages. I see it first on my way down-town this morning; only, as a matter of fact, I did n't see it, 'n'

it was nigh to tootin' right over me, only I jumped in the nick o' time, 'n' it went over my over-shoe an' split the heel open. I c'n a.s.sure you I was glad I was wearin' father's over-shoes, as c'n come off so easy, when I saw the split heel; an' them men was as polite 's could be, churned backward right off, 'n' settled with me for a quarter. I can easy sew up the heel myself, so I went on down-town feelin' pretty good.

There ain't many things about me 't I can sew up as I would n't split for a quarter any day. The automobile went on ahead, 'n' by the time I got to the square it had had time to run down the minister.

"He was crossin' from Mr. Kimball's to Mr. Dill's, an' stopped short for fear it 'd run over him. Not knowin' the minister's make-up, they 'd calc'lated on his goin' on when he see a' automobile comin'; an' so it was all over him in a jiffy. I don' know what his wife'll ever say, f'r his hat is completely bu'st. However, they settled with him--hat, feelin's, an' all--for ten dollars, an' he went on over to Mr. Dill's. I said 't if I was his wife I 'd anchor him in the middle o' the square 'n' let automobiles run up 'n' down him all day long at that price. I said it to Mrs. Craig; she come up to ask me 'f it was really true about you an' the deacon. She says no one can believe it o' the deacon. She says Mr. Jilkins was in town last night, 'n' he was very mad when he heard of it. He thinks it's a reflection. He says folks 'll say it looks like his sister was n't wife enough for one man. I told her n.o.body could n't say nothin' about it 't I would n't agree to, considerin' your age an' his ears. I told her 't it did n't seem to me 's marryin' was anyways necessary to the business o' the world. If mother 'd never married, neither she nor me 'd ever of had all them years o' work with father. She says this about you 'n' the deacon was stirrin' up the town a lot. She says there's a good deal o' bitter feelin'. Seems Mrs. Allen never charged him nothin' for his meals on account o' Polly, an' Gran'ma Mullins made him a whole set o' shirts for nothin' on account o' the nut 'n' the daguerre'type, 'n' Mrs. Macy did up all his currants fer nothin'

on account o' herself. She says Mr. Kimball says he wonders what the deacon 's a-expectin' to get out o' you.

"We went across to look at the automobile together. It was standin'

still in front o' the drug-store, 'n' the men was in buyin' cigarettes an' gettin' their bottles filled. I guess half the community was standin' round lookin' at it an' discussin' it. It's a brand-new one, for the price-tag 's still hangin' on the back. Billy said it was a bargain, but it struck me 's pretty high. They had a wheel 's 'd come off hung on behind, 'n' n.o.body could n't see where it 'd come off of.

Mr. Fisher got down an' crawled in underneath, an' while he was under there the men come out. They asked what Mr. Fisher was tryin' to do, an'

when Billy told 'em, they laughed.

"They said that wheel was in case o' accidents. John Bunyan spoke right up an' said, 'Why, does the accidents ever happen to the _automobile_?'

'N' the men laughed some more. Then they got in 'n' started to start, 'n' it would n' start. It snuffed 'n' chuffed to beat the band, but it would n't budge for love nor money nor the man in goggles. He jerked 'n'

twisted, 'n' then all of a sudden it run backward, 'n' went over Mr.

Dill's dog 's was asleep in the way, 'n' into the lamp-post, 'n' bu'st the post off short. Well, you never see the beat! They wanted to settle the dog for the same 's the minister, but Mr. Dill would n't hear to it for a minute, 'cause he said his dog was worth suthin'. Judge Fitch come up 'n' said the town 'd want three dollars for the lamp-post, 'n' they paid that, 'n' then they tried to arbitrate the dog; 'n' in the end Mr.

Dill took eleven dollars an' fifteen cents, 'cause his collar 's still good. Then they got into the automobile again an' twisted the crank the other way, an' it kited across the square an' right over Gran'ma Mullins. She was on her way to ask if it was true about you 'n' the deacon, an' it was plain 's she wa'n't in no disposition to enjoy bein'

run over by nothin'. I never see her so nigh to bein' real put out; 'n'

even after they 'd settled with her for five dollars, she still did n't look a bit pleased or happy. Mrs. Craig 'n' me went with her into Mr.

Sh.o.r.es' 'n' helped her straighten her bonnet 'n' take a drink o' water, 'n' then she said she s'posed it was true about you an' the deacon, 'n'

't, so help her Heaven, she never would 'a' believed 's either o' you had so little sense. She said to tell you 't all she 's got to say is 't if he deceives you like he 's deceived her, you 'll know how it feels to have him deceive you 's well 's she knows how it feels to of had him deceive her. She says she's goin' to take a hammer an' smash that nut 'n' that daguerre'type into a thousand smithereens this very afternoon."

"I 'm sorry 's--" said Mrs. Lathrop, regretfully.

"While we was sittin' there talkin', in come Mrs. Macy, with her cat over her arm, to ask if there was enough of it left to make a m.u.f.f.

Seems 't when the automobile headed out o' town they come on the cat crossin' the road, 'n' afore she knew 's there was a death in the family they was tryin' to settle the cat at a dollar. Said she never see the beat o' the way the cat was ironed flat; she jus' stood 'n' stared, 'n'

then they offered her two dollars. She took the two dollars an' come to town, 'n' 'f there ain't enough for a m.u.f.f, she 'll have a cap with the tail over her ear. She wanted to know if it was true about you 'n' the deacon, an' she tried to swing the cat around 's if she did n't care, but it was easy seen she did. She said she would n't have the deacon for a gift, 'n' I told her 's there was others havin' to admit the same thing. I says to her, I says: 'There's a good many in this town 's won't have the deacon, but it ain't for lack o' tryin' to get him, Lord knows.' Jus' then we see the man with the cap 's does the settlin' for damages tearin' by the window afoot. We run to the door an' sec him grab Mr. Sweet's bicycle 'n' ride away on it; 'n' it did n't take no great brains to guess 's suthin' fresh had happened under the automobile. A little while after the man with goggles an' Mr. Jilkins come walkin'

into the square, a-leadin' Mr. Jilkins's horse. The horse was pretty well splintered up, 'n' the harness was hangin' all out o' tune; the man with goggles looked to be upset, 'n' Mr. Jilkins looked like he 'd been upset 'n' was awful mad over it. Every one went to know what it was; an'

I will say, Mrs. Lathrop, 's I never hear such a story o' unforeseen miseries pilin' up. Seems 't when Mr. Jilkins went home las' night 'n'

told his wife about you 'n' the deacon, they decided to come to town right off to-day 'n' try to argue common sense into him. Mr. Jilkins said 't he was n't afraid o' the property goin' out o' the family, 'cause you 'n' the deacon could n't naturally expect nothin' but grandchildren at your age; but he said they jus' did n't want him married, 'n' they was goin' to see 't he did n't get drug into it. So they took the horse 'n' the colt an' the democrat 'n' started up to town this mornin', 'n' jus' beyond the bridge they met the automobile warmin'

up from Mrs. Macy 'n' her cat. Mr. Jilkins says his horse ain't afraid o' nothin' on earth only threshin'-machines, men asleep, 'n' bicycles; but it never 'd seen a' automobile afore, 'n' it jumped right into it.

Well, him in goggles 'n' his friend in damages jumped right out, 'n' the automobile run into the fence an' run over the colt, 'n' spilled Mr. and Mrs. Jilkins 'n' the horse all out. The horse fell down 'n' Mrs. Jilkins could n't get up, 'n' the man in the cap wanted to settle for five hundred dollars right on the spot. Then they went to work an' got the tool-box, 'n' got the horse up, 'n' he seemed to be all right, only pretty badly marred; an' they backed the automobile out o' the fence an'

give Mrs. Jilkins a drink out o' their bottle, 'n' tucked her up warm in the seat, an' then set to work on the democrat. They was gettin'

everythin' all straightened out neat 's a pin when, all of a sudden, Mrs. Jilkins give a yell, an' they looked up to see the automobile kitin' off up the hill, 'n' her screamin' an' wavin' her hands; 'n' the next thing they see, she went over the top o' the hill 'n' out o'

sight."

Miss Clegg stopped; Mrs. Lathrop drew in her breath.

"Well, Mrs. Lathrop, seems to me I never hear nothin' to equal that in all my born days. Mrs. Jilkins off in a' automobile alone! 'N' the man in the cap see it jus' 's I did, for he wanted to settle for a thousand, spot cash, then 'n' there. But Mr. Jilkins would n't settle; there's no denyin' Mr. Jilkins saw what a good thing he 'd got when his wife went off in that automobile; so then the man in the cap hustled in town, got a bicycle, 'n' scurried after her 's fast 's he could paddle."

"Did they find--?" inquired Mrs. Lathrop.

"Not when I come home they had n't. The man in goggles had took Mr.

Jilkins to the hotel for dinner, 'n' Mr. Jilkins was tickled to death, for he never eat in a hotel in his life before. If he goes off, he always gets back, or else takes a lunch."

"Are you goin'?" Mrs. Lathrop asked.

"Yes; I 'm goin' down-town again. I 'm goin' right now. I want to know the end 's Mrs. Jilkins made. 'N' there 's lots o' people 's ain't had no chance yet to ask me if it's true about you 'n' the deacon."

"When's he a-com--?" Mrs. Lathrop asked.

"On the five-o'clock; 'n' he said 's he sh'd come straight up here to settle it all. I s'pose you 've turned the subjeck round an' round 'n'

upside down till you 've come out jus' where I said you would at first."