Susan Clegg and Her Friend Mrs. Lathrop Part 14

"That reminds me 't I am," rejoined she of the black mitts; and so saying, she quitted the window and was presently seen departing down her front walk,--a pleasing object in a bonnet of the jetted era and a shawl of no date whatever.

Mrs. Lathrop divided her afternoon between active service over the vinegar kettle and long rests of delicious unconsciousness in the kitchen rocker. Her temperament was not one which wore itself out in vain regrets over what might have been, and then too she knew that Susan was at the meeting and from Susan she would learn all that might there transpire. About half-past five she began to glance out of the window which looked furthest down the street, and some ten minutes later her watching was rewarded by the sight of Miss Clegg and another lady approaching slowly. An animated conversation appeared to be in progress between the two, and at the gate of Mrs. Lathrop's dearest friend they made a long halt while the latter appeared to be laying down some form of law with uncommon vigor and pointing its points off with her knitting, which she waved about in a manner unwontedly reckless.

Mrs. Lathrop--having not only spilt more during the afternoon, but also been twice the victim of what is technically known as "boiling over"--felt quite unable to make a third at the gate party, and so was forced to masticate her impatience and hover in the window until Susan turned at last and came up her walk.

"Can you come--" then called the eager waiter.

"Not till after I get my supper," the other replied.

Mrs. Lathrop sighed, and forced herself to further patience. It was all of seven when Miss Clegg finally came over.

"I'll sit on the steps," she announced. "Bein' 's we're such friends, Mrs. Lathrop, I may 's well say right here 'n' now 't I would n't sit down in your kitchen this night for no money. I'd carry the spots till I died most likely 'n' have no one but myself to blame f'r it. You may not thank me f'r sayin' it to your face, but it isn't in me to deceive so much 's a water-bug, 'n' 'f I live to be a hunderd I c'd never forget seein' you make a chocolate cake once. I c'd make a chocolate cake 'n' a king might eat off o' my cuffs 'n' collar when I was through, but what surprised me about your chocolate cake, Mrs.

Lathrop, was 't you did n't get into the oven with it in the end, for I'll take my Bible oath 's you had 's much on you 's on any pan."

"We c'n sit on the--" said Mrs. Lathrop pleasantly.

"I 'm sittin' there already," said the caller, "'n' whenever you get ready to listen I 'll tell you about this afternoon, for it was the most interestin' meetin' 't we've had since Mrs. Jewett's leg come off to her chair 'n' she run the crochet-hook so far in--you recollec'?--'n' the doctors didn't know which way to pull it out.

Young Dr. Brown was for pushin' it on through 'cause the hook would catch 'f he drawed it out on the crochet principle, 'n' old Dr. Carter said it wouldn't do to put it through 'cause it was a fancy Chinese thing 't old Captain Jewett's father brought from China 'n' there was a man's head on the other end with his mustache makin' two crochet-hooks, one each side."

"What did--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Don't you remember?--Mrs. Jewett come to 'n' told 'em 't the middle was for needles 'n' 't all they had to do was to unscrew it 'n' take it out opposite ways, 'n' then she fainted, 'n' then they did, 'n' no one thought of there bein' needles in it, 'n' they fell out 'n' she had shootin' pains from havin' 'em in her for ever so long. Mrs. Macy was sayin' only the other day 't to her order o' thinkin' Mrs. Jewett died o' the darnin'-needles. She says she was forever grabbin' herself somewhere with a sudden yell, 'n' no matter what the doctors said it was jus' them needles, 'n' no sensible person 's saw her actions could doubt it. Mrs. Macy says it was a awful lesson to her against keepin'

loose needles in screw things,--she says 't her son sent her a egg from the World's Fair with every kind of needle in it, but she wasn't takin' no chances, 'n' she took them needles right out 'n' put b.u.t.tons in instead."

"I remember she died," said Mrs. Lathrop thoughtfully, "but I--"

"It don't matter," said Susan. "My, but it's hot! It's been awful hot this week, 'n' this afternoon it was all but bilin' down there in that little parlor o' Mrs. Craig's. I was f'r sittin' on the porch, but Gran'ma Mullins rocked off a porch once 'n' she was f'r sittin' where she couldn't rock off nothin'. I said she could sit on the gra.s.s, but she was fussy about that too--said a poison-spider bit her foot once 'n' she had it come on reg'lar every year f'r seven years after. I come nigh to feelin' put out, but Mrs. Sperrit spoke up just then 'n'

asked 'f we'd any of us noticed how terrible worn the minister's wife was lookin' 'n' didn't we think 't he'd ought to have a vacation? It was that 't made the meetin' so interesting f'r in all the years 't we've had the minister no one ever thought o' givin' him a vacation afore, 'n' when you think how long we've had him 'n' how steady we've gone to church as a consequence, I must say 't I think 't it's more 'n surprisin' 't we didn't give him a vacation long ago. I must say, though, 't my first idea was 't it was a curious thing to give the minister a vacation so as to rest his wife, although I d'n' know 's we could do any thin' kinder for her 'n to get rid of him f'r a spell.

Then too, to my order o' thinkin', our minister ain't really ever in need o' no rest, and 'f he needs a change my say would be 'Set him to work.' I said all that to 'em all down there, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit went on then 'n' said 't her idea was f'r 'em both to go, so 's we could all sort o' take a breathin' s.p.a.ce together. I agreed with her about the breathin,' f'r I don't believe no other minister 'n ours ever had thirteen children born in the same house, 'n' I'm free to remark 't if a new minister did n't always sit so solid for new wall-paper 'n' the cistern cleaned out, I'm pretty sure 't the last half-dozen childern 'n' his second wife would certainly have found themselves bein' born elsewhere. 'N', such bein' the case, I don't blame no man f'r wantin'

a little free time, 'n' so I joined in, 'n' Mrs. Allen moved 't we all unb.u.t.ton our collars 'n' discuss the matter, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins took off her cap 'n' we begun right then 'n' there. Mrs. Brown said 't if they was a-goin' now was a very good time 'cause the baby was a year old, 'n' I said 't I c'd agree with her there 'cause if we waited till next summer the baby might be only a month old or maybe only a week old--f'r I must say 't so far 's my observation 's extended there never is no countin' on how old a minister's baby 's goin' be 't any given time. Gran'ma Mullins interrupted me 'n' said 't if we'd excuse her she'd go below her collar 'n' unb.u.t.ton her top b.u.t.ton 'cause her cousin bought it ready-made 'n' all she could tell the clerk was 't she was seventy-three years old 'n' so perhaps it was only natural 't it should bind a little in the neck. 'N' so she did, 'n' then she moved her head around till she was sure she was all free 'n' then she said, ''N' now as to them childern?' It was kind of a shock, for no one had thought about the childern 'n' Mrs. Craig said pretty feeble-like 't it wouldn't be no rest to send the minister's wife off with thirteen childern, 'n' I spoke up pretty sharp 'n' asked what kind of a rest the town 'd get if them thirteen childern was left behind. I c'd see 't I'd hit the nail on the head _then_, jus' by the way 't they all waited to get a drink afore going any further."

Miss Clegg stopped and drew a deep breath.

Mrs. Lathrop looked anxious, not to say fearful.

"It was Mrs. Sperrit as begun again," the narrator continued presently. "Mrs. Sperrit said why not divide the children up among us all 'n' each take one, 'n' she looked to be talkin' sense till they started dividin', 'n' then it turned out 't naturally every one wanted the big easy ones 'n' no one wanted Augustus. I was dreadful uneasy myself for fear 't I'd be 'xpected to take Brunhilde Susan on account o' her hind half bein' named for me, but I didn't have to worry long, for Mrs. Allen said 't she'd take Brunhilde Susan 'cause Polly's tended Brunhilde Susan so much 't she knows just what Brunhilde Susan 'll stand 'n' Brunhilde Susan knows just what Polly 'll stand. So Brunhilde Susan was fixed, but every one else was all upset 'n'

undecided, 'n' it was plain 't nothin' wouldn't work, so Mrs. Macy up 'n' proposed 't they put all but the baby in a sugar-bowl 'n' shake 'em up 'n' draw.

"Well, we did, 'n' it was 'xcitin', I c'n tell you, 'n' I wish you'd been there to see their faces. Mrs. Macy drew first, seein' 't it was her plan, 'n' she was awful put out over gettin' Henry Ward Beecher.

Seems she was countin' on using her trundle-bed, 'n' she said right flat out 't she _must_ use her trundle-bed, 'n' so she jus' up 'n' put Henry Ward Beecher right straight back in the sugar-bowl. Mrs. Sweet drew next, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher too, 'n' she was madder yet 'cause she was intendin' to have her child sleep with Emma, 'n' she said 't her child had jus' _got_ to sleep with Emma, so she up 'n' stuffed Henry Ward Beecher back into the sugar-bowl too. Then Mrs.

Brown wanted to draw, 'n' so they put on the cover 'n' shook 'em up hard, 'n' I couldn't but be a little took with how anxious they was to draw when there was only twelve childern 'n' sixteen women, so 't stood to reason 't there was four as couldn't get no child to save their necks. I didn't try to draw none myself--I hauled out a lot of st.i.tches 'n' sat back'n' said when they was all through I'd come 'n'

draw for you and me too, 'n' then I watched 'em all hurryin' Mrs.

Brown, 'n' 'f _she_ didn't get Henry Ward Beecher same 's all the rest! But she was perfectly satisfied,--she said 't she was lonesome now young Dr. Brown's gone 'n' married and 't Henry Ward Beecher c'd have his room. So Henry Ward Beecher was out o' the sugar-bowl at last, 'n' I must say 't it was a great relief to see him settled."

"Who drew--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Mrs. Sweet drew next. 'N' she drew Augustus, 'n' when she see 't she'd got Augustus she didn't mince matters none,--she jus' said she'd never have no Augustus in her house, not now 'n' not never, 'n' she put him right back, 'n' some one said 't it wasn't fair. But they shook the bowl up good, 'n' Gran'ma Mullins 'd been tryin' so hard to get a chance at it 't they let her come next, 'n' she drew, 'n'--my Lord!--she let off a scream like she'd draw'd a snake 'n' it seemed 't it was Bobby she'd got, 'n' she said, fair or not, she couldn't abide no small boy since she G.o.d-mothered Sam Duruy, 'n' so we must excuse her puttin' Bobby back into the sugar-bowl, and so back into the sugar-bowl Bobby got put. Then every one begin sayin' 't it wasn't fair, 'n' Mrs. Sperrit stood up 'n' said she knowed a good way. We'd put sixteen numbers in the sugar-bowl 'n' all draw numbers 'n' then choose from the childern in accordance with our numbers, No. 1 gettin'

first pick 'n' No. 2 second 'n' so on. So we did it, 'n' I drew with a pretty heavy heart, I c'n a.s.sure you, Mrs. Lathrop, for Lord knows what I'd 'a' done if--"

"I c'd 'a' taken--" interposed the friend.

"Yes, 'n' you'd 'a' had to too," rejoined the other. "I thought o'

that as I was feelin' 'round, prayin' Heaven to guide me; 'n' it did too, for I got 14, 'n' after that the rest o' the meetin' was nothin'

but sheer circus for me. That was what you missed, Mrs. Lathrop, f'r I don't believe there ever was or ever will be such a Sewin' Society again. Every one quit sewin' in the first place, 'n' Mrs. Duruy, who 'd got No. 1, reflected some 'n' then said she 'd take Felicia Hemans 'cause Felicia c'd help her with her sewin'. Mrs. Sweet was No. 2, 'n'

she took Rachel Rebecca to sleep with Emma. Then come Gran'ma Mullins, 'n' she studied a long while 'n' then at last she decided on little Jane 'cause little Jane sucks her thumb 'n' that's the sign of a good child. Then Mrs. Sperrit came next, 'n' she said she'd take Bobby 'cause he couldn't do no mischief out on the farm. Gran'ma Mullins shook her head 'n' said them laughs best as laughs last, but Mrs.

Sperrit stuck to Bobby 'n' didn't pay no attention to Gran'ma Mullins.

Well--then Mrs. Brown took Henry Ward Beecher, 'n' Mrs. Kimball took Billy 'cause he's in the store anyhow, 'n' Mrs. Maxwell took 'Liza Em'ly to rip, 'n' Mrs. Fisher took John Bunyan for weeds. 'N' then Mrs. Macy just pounced on the last girl for her trundle-bed, 'n' Mrs.

Jilkins was pretty mad at there bein' no more girls after the last one 'n' she give a sort o' flounce 'n' said 'Josephus,' 'n' Miss White give a sort o' groan 'n' said 'Fox' in a voice like death. 'N' _then_ come _the_ time!--Mrs. Davison was No. 12, 'n' every one knew it, 'n'

every one 'd been lookin' at her from time to time 'n' she hadn't been lookin' at no one, only jus' at her number, 'n' when the time come f'r her to say who she'd got (for naturally she didn't have no choice) she didn't say nothin' at all, only just begun to pick up all her work things 'n' stuff 'em in that little black bead bag o' hers, 'n' there was a meanin' way about her stuffin' 't said more 'n was necessary.--But o' course some one had to speak, so Mrs. Sweet begun to smile 'n' say, ''N' Mrs. Davison gets Augustus!' 'n' at that Mrs.

Davison come up out o' her chair like it was a live coal, 'n' shook all over 'n' glared right in front of her, 'n' said, 'Ladies, this may appear as a joke to you, but it's far from seemin' funny to the one as gets Augustus. I decline Augustus right square 'n' sharp 'n' flat 'n'

now, 'n' if I ever hear another word on the subjeck I shall cease to ever again play the organ in church on Sunday!'"

Miss Clegg paused dramatically.

Mrs. Lathrop opened her mouth in awe at the climax.

"Well, you c'd 'a' heard the dust settle for a minute or two! No one couldn't think o' nothin' to say, f'r the only thing to say was suthin' 't no one in their senses would think o' sayin', but o' course some one had to say it, 'n' Mrs. Craig got up at last 'n' with the tears standin' in her eyes 'n' a kind o' sad look all around her nice tidy house, she sort o' sighed out, 'We must have the organ Sundays, 'n' I'll take Augustus.' There was a air o' bein' sorry for her all over, but every one was so glad it was her 'n' not them 't they couldn't help bein' more relieved 'n anythin' else, 'n' then we all remembered 't we was hot, 'n' hungry too, so we made short work o'

app'intin' Mrs. Allen to go 'n' tell the minister how everythin' was arranged for his vacation, 'n' 't it'd be a favor to us all if he could get away pretty prompt to-morrow so 's we could be all settled down for Sunday. Mrs. Sperrit says she'll take the bird right along with Bobby, 'n' Mrs. Allen says 't if they have Brunhilde Susan they can just as well fuss with the cow too, so 's far as I c'n see there'll be no church Sunday, 'n' I certainly am grateful, for all the time 't I was in church last Sunday I was wishin' 't I was in the crick instid, 'n' I don't consider such thoughts upliftin'."

Mrs. Lathrop slapped at a mosquito.

"They say it's better to be born lucky 'n rich," said Susan, getting up to go, "'n' what you said jus' now, Mrs. Lathrop, proves 't it's true in your case. For if I _had_ been obliged to take Brunhilde Susan or any other of 'em, it'd surely 'a' been a awful care to you just now, what with your picklin' 'n' your not bein' no great hand at childern anyhow."

Mrs. Lathrop a.s.sented with two slow nods.

"Mrs. Brown 'n' me walked home together," said Susan, as she slowly turned her steps in the direction of her own house. "Mrs. Brown thinks she's got the flower o' the flock in gettin' Henry Ward Beecher. She says he's so big he'll be no care a _tall_, except to fill his pitcher once in a while."

"It's Mrs. Craig as has--" said Mrs. Lathrop.

"Yes, I sh'd say so," a.s.sented Susan.

And then they spoke no more.

The minister, on the receipt of his parishioners' ultimatum, tarried not upon the order of his going, but went almost at once. Indeed he and his wife packed with such alacrity that at ten o'clock upon the following day (which was Sat.u.r.day) they were both gone, and the thirteen children, the bird, and the cow had all been distributed according to the Sewing Society's programme.

The day was intensely hot, and in spite of the deep interest which both felt in the wide-spread situation, neither Susan nor Mrs. Lathrop heard any news from the thirteen seats of war until late in the afternoon. At that hour Mrs. Macy called on Miss Clegg, and after the call the latter walked "as far as the square" with her friend. Mrs.

Lathrop saw them go out together from her kitchen window, and when Susan failed to return, she possessed her soul with all the unlimited resignation which was her strong point.

Susan did not return until seven o'clock.

"I ain't comin' over," she called from the back stoop, before Mrs.

Lathrop could get to the fence; "there ain't nothin' particular to tell 'n' under them circ.u.mstances I ain't one to bother to tell it.

Every one 't I see was out runnin' about 'n' recountin' how much better they're doin' than might 'a' been expected. Mrs. Craig's awful pleased over Augustus, says it was all clean slander the talk about him, for he's 's good 's gold, jus' lays on his back on the floor 'n'

says, 'Wash zhat? Is zhat a fly? Zhi a fly? Zhu a fly?' or 'Wash zhat?

Zhat dinner? Zhi dinner? Zhu dinner?' 'n' all you have to say is 'Yes--No--No--No' pretty prompt. She says she don't consider him no care a _tall_ 'n' she's glad to have the chance to say so right out.--Mrs. Fisher was into the store while Mrs. Craig was talkin', 'n'

she says she's 'mused to death over John Bunyan. Seems she was never in favor o' Mr. Fisher's havin' a garden, 'n' now John Bunyan 's gone 'n' pulled up all the beets 'n' five rows of little radishes. She was buyin' him a ball an' laughin' to tears over how mad Mr. Fisher was.