Studies in the Psychology of Sex Volume Iii Part 20

Heard, Journal of the Anthropological Inst.i.tute, Jan.-June, 1911, p. 210. The same rule is also observed by the Christians of this district.

[223]

Haddon and Stubbs, Councils and Ecclesiastical Doc.u.ments, vol. iii, p. 423.

[224]

Jeremy Taylor, The Rule of Conscience, bk. iii, ch. iv, rule xx.

III.

Thus it would seem probable that, contrary to a belief once widely prevalent, the s.e.xual instinct has increased rather than diminished with the growth of civilization. This fact was clear to the insight of Lucretius, though it has often been lost sight of since.[225] Yet even observation of animals might have suggested the real bearing of the facts. The higher breeds of cattle, it is said, require the male more often than the inferior breeds.[226] Thorough-bred horses soon reach s.e.xual maturity, and I understand that since pains have been taken to improve cart-horses the s.e.xual instincts of the mares have become less trustworthy. There is certainly no doubt that in our domestic animals generally, which live under what may be called civilized conditions, the s.e.xual system and the s.e.xual needs are more developed than in the wild species most closely related to them.[227] All observers seem to agree on this point, and it is sufficient to refer to the excellent summary of the question furnished by Heape in the study of "The 's.e.xual Season' of Mammals," to which reference has already been made. He remarks, moreover, that, "while the s.e.xual activity of domestic animals and of wild animals in captivity may be more frequently exhibited, it is not so violent as is shown by animals in the wild state."[228] So that, it would seem, the greater periodicity of the instinct in the wild state, alike in animals and in man, is a.s.sociated with greater violence of the manifestations when they do appear. Certain rodents, such as the rat and the mouse, are well known to possess both great reproductive power and marked s.e.xual proclivities. Heape suggests that this also is "due to the advantages derived from their intimate relations with the luxuries of civilization." Heape recognizes that, as regards reproductive power, the same development may be traced in man: "It would seem highly probable that the reproductive power of man has increased with civilization, precisely as it may be increased in the lower animals by domestication; that the effect of a regular supply of good food, together with all the other stimulating factors available and exercised in modern civilized communities, has resulted in such great activity of the generative organs, and so great an increase in the supply of the reproductive elements, that conception in the healthy human female may be said to be possible almost at any time during the reproductive period."

"People of sense and reflection are most apt to have violent and constant pa.s.sions," wrote Mary Wollstonecraft, "and to be preyed on by them."[229] It is that fact which leads to the greater importance of s.e.xual phenomena among the civilized as compared to savages. The conditions of civilization increase the s.e.xual instinct, which consequently tends to be more intimately connected with moral feelings. Morality is bound up with the development of the s.e.xual instinct. The more casual and periodic character of the impulse in animals, since it involves greater s.e.xual indifference, tends to favor a loose tie between the s.e.xes, and hence is not favorable to the development of morals as we understand morals. In man the ever-present impulse of s.e.x, idealizing each s.e.x to the other s.e.x, draws men and women together and holds them together. Foolish and ignorant persons may deplore the full development which the s.e.xual instinct has reached in civilized man; to a finer insight that development is seen to be indissolubly linked with all that is most poignant and most difficult, indeed, but also all that is best, in human life as we know it.

[225]

De Rerum Natura, v, 1016.

[226]

Raciborski (Traite de la Menstruation, p. 43) quotes the observation of an experienced breeder of choice cattle to this effect.

[227]

"The organs which in the feral state," as Adlerz remarks (Biologisches Centralblatt, No. 4, 1902; quoted in Science, May 16, 1902), "are continually exercised in a severe struggle for existence, do not under domestication compete so closely with one another for the less needed nutriment. Hence, organs like the reproductive glands, which are not so directly implicated in self-preservation, are able to avail themselves of more food."

[228]

Quarterly Journal of Microscopical Science, vol. xliv, 1900, p. 12, 31, 39.

[229]

"Love," in Thoughts on the Education of Daughters.

APPENDIX B.

THE DEVELOPMENT OF THE s.e.xUAL INSTINCT.

It is a very remarkable fact that, although for many years past serious attempts have been made to elucidate the psychology of s.e.xual perversions, little or no endeavor has been made to study the development of the normal s.e.xual emotions. Nearly every writer seems either to take for granted that he and his readers are so familiar with all the facts of normal s.e.x psychology that any detailed statement is altogether uncalled for, or else he is content to write a few fragmentary remarks, mostly made up of miscellaneous extracts from anatomical, philosophical, and historical works.

Yet it is as unreasonable to take normal phenomena for granted here as in any other region of science. A knowledge of such phenomena is as necessary here as physiology is to pathology or anatomy to surgery. So far from the facts of normal s.e.x development, s.e.x emotions, and s.e.x needs being uniform and constant, as is a.s.sumed by those who consider their discussion unnecessary, the range of variation within fairly normal limits is immense, and it is impossible to meet with two individuals whose records are nearly identical.

There are two fundamental reasons why the endeavor should be made to obtain a broad basis of clear information on the subject. In the first place, the normal phenomena give the key to the abnormal phenomena, and the majority of s.e.xual perversions, including even those that are most repulsive, are but exaggerations of instincts and emotions that are germinal in normal human beings. In the second place, we cannot even know what is normal until we are acquainted with the s.e.xual life of a large number of healthy individuals. And until we know the limits of normal s.e.xuality we are not in position to lay down any reasonable rules of s.e.xual hygiene.

On these grounds I have for some time sought to obtain the s.e.xual histories, and more especially the early histories, of men and women who, on prima facie grounds, may fairly be considered, or are at all events by themselves and others considered, ordinarily healthy and normal.

There are many difficulties about such a task, difficulties which are sufficiently obvious. There is, first of all, the natural reticence to reveal facts of so intimately personal a character. There is the prevailing ignorance and unintelligence which leads to the phenomena being obscure to the subject himself. When the first difficulty has been overcome, and the second is non-existent, there is still a lack of sufficiently strong motive to undertake the record, as well as a failure to realize the value of such records. I have, however, received a large number of such histories, for the most part offered spontaneously with permission to make such further inquiries as I thought desirable. Some of these histories are extremely interesting and instructive. In the present Appendix, and in a corresponding Appendix to the two following volumes of these Studies, I bring forward a varied selection of these narratives. In a few cases, it will be seen, the subjects are, to say the least, on the borderland of the abnormal, but they do not come before us as patients desiring treatment. They are playing their, usually active, sometimes even distinguished, part in the world, which knows nothing of their intimate histories.

HISTORY I.-E. T. (I reproduce this history, written in the third person, as it reached my hands.) T.'s earliest recollections of ideas of a s.e.xual character are vaguely a.s.sociated with thoughts upon whipping inflicted on companions by their parents, and sometimes upon his own person. About the age of 7 T. occasionally depicted to himself the appearance of the bare nates and genitalia of boys during flagellation. Reflection upon whipping gave rise to slight curious sensations at the base of the abdomen and in the nerves of the s.e.xual system. The sight of a boy being whipped upon the bare nates caused erection before the age of 9. He cannot account for these excitations, as at the time he had not learned the most rudimentary facts of s.e.x. The spectacle of the boy's nudity had no attraction for him, while the beating aroused his indignation against the person who administered it. T. knew a boy and girl of about his own age whose imaginations dwelt somewhat morbidly upon whipping. The three used to talk together about such chastis.e.m.e.nt, and the little girl liked to read "stories that had whippings in them." None of these children delighted in cruelty; the fascination in the theme of castigation seemed to be in imagining the spectacle of the exposed nates, though actual witnessing of the whipping made them angry at the time.

Accustomed to watch a young sister being bathed, T. had no distinct curiosity concerning the differences in s.e.x until the age of 9. About this time he asked his father where babies came from, and was told to be quiet. When he persisted in the inquiry his father threatened to box his ears. His mother told him subsequently that doctors brought babies to mothers. He credited the story so far as to carefully watch the doctor who came when his mother "was going to have a new baby," in the hope of seeing a bundle in his arm. T. was 9 when he interrogated a servant-girl of 16 about babies and their origin. She laughed and said that one day she would tell him how children came. One Sunday this servant took T. for a country walk and initiated him in s.e.xual intercourse, telling him he was too young to be a father, but that was the way babies were made. The girl took him into a field, saying she would show him how to do something which would make him "feel as though he was in heaven," informing him that she had often done this with young men. She then succeeded in causing erection and instructed him how to act. His feeling at the time was one of disgust; the appearance and odor of the female genitalia repelled him. Afterward, however, he wished to repeat the experience with girls of his own age. Finding the boy unresponsive, the girl took the masculine position and embraced him with great pa.s.sion. T. can recall the expression of the girl's face, the perspiration on her forehead, and the whispered query whether it pleased him. The embrace lasted for about ten minutes, when the girl said it had "done her good." Later the same day they met a girl cousin of this servant about 10 or 12 years old. The three went to a lonely part of the seash.o.r.e. The servant there suggested that T. should repeat the act with the little girl. T. was too shy, though the girl seemed quite willing and experienced. The older girl told the younger to keep watch a few yards away, while she again brought about intercourse in the same way. The servant told T. not to tell anyone. Intercourse with the servant was never repeated after that day; from shame he kept the promise for many years.

After this episode T. began to speculate about s.e.xual matters and to observe the coupling of dogs with newly acquired interest. At 10 years he often lay awake, listening to a woman of 25 singing to a piano accompaniment. The woman's voice seemed very beautiful, and so strongly impressed him that he fell in love with her and longed to embrace her s.e.xually. This secret attachment was much more romantic than sensual, though the idea of embracing the woman seemed to T. a natural part of the romance. He was beginning to invest the s.e.x with angelic qualities. The thought of his adventure with the servant no longer caused repulsion, but rather pleasure. He reflected that if he could meet the girl now he could be very fond of her and understand things better. At this time he had not m.a.s.t.u.r.b.a.t.ed, nor even heard of the practice. One day, while playing with a girl of his own age, he succeeded in overcoming her shyness and induced her to expose herself, at the same time uncovering his own s.e.xual parts. On this occasion and once afterward he succeeded in penetrating the v.u.l.v.a. Both he and the girl experienced imperfect enjoyment.

At boarding-school, where he was sent at 10, T. learned the vulgar phrases for s.e.xual organs and s.e.xual acts, and acquired the habit of moderate masturbation. Coa.r.s.e talk and indecent jests about the opposite s.e.x were common amus.e.m.e.nts of the playroom and dormitories. At first the obscene conversation was very distasteful; later he became more used to it, but thought it strange that s.e.x intimacy should be a subject for ridicule and jest.

He began to read love-stories and think much about girls. At the same time he learned the nature of "the sin of fornication," and wondered why it should be considered so heinous. Parts of the Bible condemning intercourse between the unmarried alarmed him. Being of a serious as well as emotional and amorous nature, he became converted to evangelic belief. His mother warned him to beware of unclean companions at school. He tried to act as a Christian and think only pure thoughts about women. The talk, however, was always of girls and of being in love. His mind was often engrossed with amatory ideas of a poetic, sensuous nature, his s.e.xual experiences having a firm hold on his imagination, while they gave him gratifying a.s.surance of actual knowledge concerning things merely imagined by most of his companions.

His health was vigorous and he keenly enjoyed all outdoor games and excelled in daring and schoolboy mischief.

At 12 he fell deeply in love with a girl of corresponding age. He never felt any powerful s.e.xual desire for his sweetheart, and never attempted anything but kissing and decorous caresses. He liked to walk and sit with the girl, to hold her hand, and stroke her soft hair. He felt real grief when separated from her. His thoughts of her were seldom sensual. A year or so afterward he had a temporary pa.s.sion for a woman of 30, who used to flirt with him and allow kissing. T. thought her queen-like and very lovely, and wished to be her knight.

One day he saw, for a moment, in a friend's house, a dark, earnest-looking girl of 13, who made a very deep impression upon him, and, though he did not exchange a word with her, he often thought about her afterward. Five years later he met the dark girl again, and the pair were mutually drawn to one another. He proposed marriage and avowed a most desperate pa.s.sion. A refusal on the plea of youth caused him the deepest misery. About eight years thereafter T. married the girl, and the marriage proved a very happy one for both.

When he was 15 T. made the acquaintance of a pretty blonde of the same age. She was a high-spirited hoiden. They were soon close friends and later lovers. They wrote a number of letters to each other and exchanged locks of hair and presents. Their talk about love was unreserved. One day she told T. that she had been s.e.xually embraced by a former lover, a boy of 16, hinting very plainly that she would like T. to embrace her. This amour lasted for about six months. The lovers had many opportunities for clandestine intercourse. They used to consummate their pa.s.sion in a part of a wood they called "the bower." Now and then one or the other would experience a p.r.i.c.king of conscience, but they were too pa.s.sionately attached to each other to sever the intimacy. At length the girl began to dread the risk of conception and the intercourse ceased. Looking back upon this episode T. avers that the attachment and its physical expression seemed quite natural, poetic, and beautiful, though at times his religious principles condemned his conduct. He now thinks that the experience is by no means to be regretted either by the girl or himself. It was a wholesome youthful pa.s.sion, as innocent as the mating of birds, and the insight which it gave to both of the hidden emotions of human nature was morally advantageous in after-life.

T. believes that his amative precocity was due to the early awakening of s.e.x feeling by the servant-girl. But he also believes that the love pa.s.sion would have a.s.serted itself early in any case, since he inherits a warm temperament, had erectile power long before p.u.b.erty, and has considerable seminal capacity. Having closely watched the effects of suppressed normal emotions and desires in youth at the time of p.u.b.escence, he maintains that such suppression is disastrous, causing unhealthy thoughts and leading to the formation of a habit of masturbation which may persist throughout life. He believes that temporary s.e.xual intimacies between boys and girls under 20 from the period of p.u.b.erty would be far less harmful than separation of the s.e.xes until marriage, with its resultants: masturbation, hysteria, repressed and disordered functions in young women, seduction, prost.i.tution, venereal affections, and many other evils.

HISTORY II.-The following narrative was written by a married lady: "My mother (herself a very pa.s.sionate and attractive woman) recognized the difficulty for English girls of getting satisfactorily married, and determined, if possible, to shield us from disappointment by turning our thoughts in a different direction. Theoretically the idea was perhaps good, but in practice it proved useless. The natural desires were there. Disappointment and disillusion followed their repression none the less surely for having altered their natural shape. I think the love I had for my mother was almost s.e.xual, as to be with her was a keen pleasure, and to be long away from her an almost unendurable pain. She used to talk to us a good deal on all sorts of subjects, but she never troubled about education in the ordinary sense. When 9 years old I had been taught nothing except to read and write. She never forbade us to read anything, but if by accident we got hold of a book of which she did not approve she used to say: 'I think that is rather a silly story, don't you?' We were so eager to come up to her standard of taste that we at once imagined we thought it silly, too. In the same way she discouraged ideas about love or marriage, not by suggesting there was anything wrong or improper about them, but by implying great contempt for girls who thought about lovers, etc. Up to the age of about 20 I had a vague general impression that love was very well for ordinary women, but far beneath the dignity of a somewhat superior person like myself. To show how little it entered my thoughts I may add that, up to 17, I fancied a woman got a child by being kissed on the lips by a man. Hence all the fuss in novels about the kiss on the mouth.

"When I was 9 years old I began to feel a great craving for scientific knowledge. A Child's Guide to Science, which I discovered at a second-hand book-stall (and which, by the way, informed me that heat is due to a substance called caloric), became a constant companion. In order to learn about light and gravitation, I saved up my money and ordered (of all books) Newton's Principia, shedding bitter tears when I found I could not understand a word of it. At the same time I was horribly ashamed of this desire for knowledge. I got such books as I could surrept.i.tiously and hid them in odd corners. Why, I cannot imagine, as no one would have objected, but, on the contrary, I should have been helped to suitable books.

"My sisters and I were all violently argumentative, but our quarrels were all on abstract subjects. We saw little of other children and made no friendships, preferring each other's society to that of outsiders. When I was about 10 a girl of the same age came to stay with us for a few days. When we went to bed the first night she asked me if I ever played with myself, whereupon I took a great dislike to her. No s.e.xual ideas or feelings were excited. When still quite a child, however, I had feelings of excitement which I now recognize as s.e.xual. Such feelings always came to me in bed (at least I cannot remember them at any other time) and were generally accompanied by a gradually increasing desire to make water. For a long time I would not dare to get out of bed for fear of being scolded for staying awake, and only did so at last when actually compelled. In the mean time the s.e.xual excitement increased also, and I believe I thought the latter was the result of the former, or, perhaps, rather, that both were the same thing. (This was when I was about 7 or 8 years old.) So far as I can recollect, the excitement did not recur when the desire to make water had been gratified. I seemed to remember wondering why thinking of certain things (I can't remember what these were) should make one want to urinate. (In later life I have found that, if the bladder is not emptied before coitus, pleasure is often more intense.) There were also feelings, which I now recognize as s.e.xual, in connection with ideas of whipping.

"As a child and girl I had very strong religious feelings (I should have now if I could believe in the reality of religion), which were absent in my sisters. These feelings were much the same as I experienced later s.e.xually; I felt toward G.o.d what I imagined I should like to feel to my husband if I married. This, I fancy, is what usually occurs. At 14 I went to a boarding-school where there were seventy girls between 7 and 19. I think it goes to show that there is but very little s.e.xual precocity among English girls that during the three years I stayed there I never heard a word the strictest mother would have objected to. One or two of the older girls were occasionally a little sentimental, but on no occasion did I hear the physical side of things touched upon. I think this is partly due to the amount of exercise we took. When picturing my childhood I always see myself racing about, jumping walls, climbing trees. In France and Italy I have been struck by the greater sedateness of Continental children. Our idea of naughtiness consisted chiefly in having suppers in our bedrooms and sliding down the banisters after being sent to bed. The first gratified our natural appet.i.te, while the second supplied the necessary thrill in the fear of being caught.

"I made no violent friendships with the other girls, but I became much attached to the French governess. She was 30, and a born teacher, very strict with all of us, and doubly so with me for fear of showing favoritism. But she was never unjust, and I was rather proud of her severity and took a certain pleasure in being punished by her, the punishment always taking the form of learning by heart, which I rather liked doing. So I had my thrill, excitement, I don't quite know what to call it, without any very great inconvenience to myself. Just before we left school the s.e.xual instinct began to show itself in enthusiasm for art with a capital A, Ouida's novels being mainly responsible. My sister and I agreed that we would spend our lives traveling about France, Italy, and the Continent, generally a la Tricotrin, with a violin in one pocket and an Atravante Dante in the other. To do this satisfactorily to ourselves we must be artists, and I resolved to go in for music and become a second Liszt. When my father offered to take us to Italy, the artist's Mecca, for a couple of years, we were wild with delight. We went, and disillusionment began. It may perhaps seem absurd, but we suffered acutely that first summer. Our villa was quite on the beach, the lowest of its flight of steps being washed by the Mediterranean. At the back were grounds which seemed a paradise. Long alleys covered over with vines and carpeted with long gra.s.s and poppies, gra.s.sy slopes dotted with olives and ilex, roses everywhere, and almost every flower in profusion, with, at night, the fireflies and the heavy scents of syringa and orange blossoms. In the midst of every possible excitement to the senses there was one thing wanting, and we did not know what that was.

"We attributed our restlessness and dissatisfaction to the slow progress in our artistic education, and consoled ourselves by thinking when once we had mastered the technical difficulties we should feel all right. And of course we did derive a very real pleasure from all the beauties of art and nature with which Italy abounds.

"It seems to me, however, that the art craze is one of the modern phases of woman's s.e.xual life. When we were in Italy the great centers of the country were simply overrun with girls studying art, most of whom had very little talent, but who had mistaken the restlessness due to the first awakening of the s.e.xual instinct for the divine flame of genius. In our case it did not matter, as we were not dependent upon our own exertions. But it must have been terribly hard for girls who had burned their boats and chosen art as a career, to have added to the repression of their natural desires the bitterness of knowing that in their chosen walk of life they were failures. The results as far as work goes might not be so bad if the pa.s.sions, as in men, were occasionally gratified. It is the constant drudgery combined with the disappointment and finding that art alone does not satisfy which is so paralyzing. Besides, s.e.xual gratification is always followed by exaltation of the mental faculties, with, in my experience, no depressing reaction such as follows pleasure excited by mental causes alone.

"At one time when living at the villa I met a man about 45, who took rather a fancy to me. I mention this because it woke me up; no emotion was excited, but I realized for the first time (I must have been nearly 20) that I was no longer a child, and that a man could think of me in connection with love. It was only after this, and not immediately after, either, that men's society began to have an interest for me, and that I began to think a man's love would be a pleasant thing to possess, after all.

"The s.e.xual instinct, at any rate as regards consciousness, thus developed slowly and in what I believe to be a very usual sequence: religion, admiration for an older woman, and art. I am not sure that I have made quite enough of the first, yet I do not know that there is any more to say. There were very strong physical feelings connected with all these which were identical with those now connected with pa.s.sion, but they were completely satisfied by the mental idea which excited them.

"The first time I can remember feeling keen physical pleasure was when I was between 7 and 8 years old. I can't recollect the cause, but I remember lying quite still in my little cot clasping the iron rails at the top. It may be said that this is hardly slow development, but I mean slow as regards (1) any connection of the idea with a man or (2) any physical means of excitation.

"I have laid stress on my desire for knowledge, as I think my s.e.xual feelings were affected by it. A great part of my feeling for my mother was due to the stores of information she appeared to possess. The omniscience of G.o.d was to me his most striking attribute. My French teacher's capacity was her chief attraction. When, as a girl, I thought of marriage, I desired a man who 'could explain things to me.' One learns later to live one's mental and s.e.xual life separately to a great extent. But at 20 I could not have done so; given the opportunity, I should have made the mistake of Dorothea in Middlemarch.

"I have spoken of the depressing after-effects of pleasure brought about by a purely mental cause, but I do not think this is the case in childhood and early youth. (Perhaps some women feel no such depression afterward, and this may account for their coldness in regard to men.) This may perhaps be accounted for by the fact that it occurs much more rarely, and also it is perhaps a natural process before the s.e.xual organs fully develop, and so not harmful.

"I always find it difficult in expressing the different degrees of physical excitement even to myself, though I know exactly what I felt. As a child, from the time of the early experience already mentioned (about the age of 7 or 8), and as a young girl, the second stage (secretion of mucus) was always reached. The amount of secretion has always been excessive, but at first secretion only lasted a short time; later it began to last for several hours, or even sometimes the whole night, if the natural gratification has been withheld for a long time (say, three months). I do not remember ever feeling the third stage (complete o.r.g.a.s.m) until I saw the first man I fancied I cared for. I do not think that mental causes alone have ever produced more than the first two stages (general diffuse excitement and secretion). I have sometimes wondered whether I could produce the third mechanically, but I have a curious unreasonable repugnance to trying the experiment; it would seem to materialize it too much. As a child and a girl I was contented to arrive at the second stage, possibly because I did not realize that there was any other, and perhaps this is why I have experienced no evil results.

"In dreams the third stage seems to come suddenly without any leading up to it, either mental or physical, of which I am conscious. I do not, however, remember having any such dreams before I was engaged. They came at a later period; even then, when great pleasure was experienced, it came, as a rule, suddenly and sharply, with no dreams leading up to it. The dreams generally take a sad form (an Evangeline and Gabriel business), where one vainly seeks the person who eludes one. I have, however, sometimes had pleasurable dreams of men who were quite indifferent to me and of whom I never thought when awake. The impression on waking is so strong one could almost fancy one's self really in love with them. I can quite understand falling in love with a person by dreaming of him in this way.

"The first time I remember experiencing the third stage in waking moments was at a picnic, when the man, to whom I have before referred as the first that I fancied I cared for, leaned against me accidentally in pa.s.sing a plate or dish; but I was already in a violent state of excitement at being with him. There was no possibility of anything between us, as he was married. If he guessed my feelings, they were never admitted, as I did my best to hide them. I never experienced this, except at the touch of some one I loved. (I think the saying about the woman 'desiring the desire of the man' is just about as true as most epigrams. It is the man's personality alone which affects me. His feelings toward me are of-I was going to say-indifference, but at any rate quite secondary importance, and the gratification of my own vanity counts as nothing in such relations.)

"As a rule, to reach even the second stage the exciting ideas must be a.s.sociated with some particular person, except in the case of a story, where one identifies one's self with one of the characters. In childhood and early youth it was, in the case of religion, the idea of G.o.d and the presence and the personality of G.o.d which aroused my feelings and always seemed very vivid to me. In the case of my governess, my feelings were aroused in exactly the same way as later they would be by one's lover. In the art craze I am rather vague as to how it came about, but I think, as a rule, there was rather a craving for pleasure than pleasure itself. I do not remember ever thinking much about the physical feeling. It seemed as natural that a pleasant emotion should produce pleasant physical effects as that a painful one should cause tears. As a child, one takes so much for granted, and later on my mind was so much occupied with worrying about the truth of religion that I hardly thought enough about anything else to a.n.a.lyze it carefully.

"I may summarize my own feelings thus: First, exciting ideas alone produce, as a rule, merely the first stage of s.e.xual excitement. Second, the same ideas connected with a particular person will produce the second stage. Third, the same may be said of the presence of the beloved person. Fourth, actual contact appears necessary for the third stage. If the first stage only be reached, the sensation is not pleasurable in reality, or would not be but for its a.s.sociation. If produced, as I have sometimes found it to be, by a sense of mental incapacity, it is distinctly disagreeable, especially if one feels that the energy which might have been used in coping with the difficulty is being thus dissipated. If it be produced, as it may be, as the result of physical or mental restraint, it is also unpleasant unless the restraint were put upon one by a person one loves. Then, however, the second stage would probably be reached, but this would depend a good deal on one's mood. If the first stage only were reached, I think it would be disagreeable; it would mean a conflict between one's will and s.e.xual feeling. Perhaps women who feel actual repugnance to the s.e.xual act with a man they love have never gone beyond the first stage, when their dislike to it would be quite intelligible to me.