Struck By Lightning: Slow Satisfaction Part 9

Then he sobered as he watched me getting dressed.

"Karina," he said in a soft voice. "Are you satisfied? I mean, information-wise."

"For now," I said, squeezing his shoulder as I pulled on my sandals. "I should get back."

"Stefan will follow you and check out the neighborhood." He pushed a b.u.t.ton on his phone, and I realized he must've had Stefan on some kind of speed-dial. Speed text? "With any luck, your mother's con man will have moved on to another target, but better to be safe."

"All right." I wished Stefan could drive me so we could continue to catch up, but I had a car of my own to drive. We could talk on the phone, but it was nicer to sit in the front seat with him. "My sister's leaving tomorrow."

"To go back to the restaurant?"

"Yes."

"They must really be missing her there," he said, rubbing his chin thoughtfully.

Something about the way he said it caught my attention. "That's right," I said with a frown. "Do you know why?" I didn't remember telling him this.

"Yes. They're launching the new menu on Thursday," he said, looking at me quizzically, then with alarm as my frown turned to an angry glare. "Karina, what's wrong?"

"How did you know about the restaurant changing?"

"Shouldn't I know about it?"

I yanked the phone out of my purse and shook it at him. "Do you have some kind of tap on my phone? Some other kind of spy c.r.a.p? Didn't you just get through saying you should have trusted me? What the h.e.l.l, James!"

He had his hands up as if I were shaking a gun at him, not a smartphone, and tried to defend himself verbally. "No! Nothing like that! Karina, don't jump to hasty conclusions!"

"What the h.e.l.l kind of conclusion am I supposed to make, then? How do you know about the restaurant?"

"I'm Xavier's angel investor," he said.

"How the f.u.c.k do you know Xavier!" I shouted.

The alarm on his face only grew. "Karina, it's not what it looks like..."

"A patent attempt to own all the people around me so you control everything?" I spat.

A soft knock came at the door. Stefan, most likely.

"No, Karina. It's nothing like that."

"The h.e.l.l it's not," I said, and yanked open the door. Stefan was standing there looking sheepish. "Come on. Let's go."

I marched into the hallway as Stefan looked back and forth between us before hurrying after me, catching up after a few steps.

"Everything all right?" he asked hesitantly.

"Argh! Your boss is the freakiest control freak who ever lived!" I said, jabbing the elevator b.u.t.ton.

We stepped in. After the door closed, Stefan said, "I cannot dispute that, though I have very few points of comparison." He looked quite distressed.

"Don't give me that look."

"I'm upset that you're upset. That's all, Karina."

"I thought it was going to work. I thought we could get past the bulls.h.i.t. But now I'm not so sure."

"Give him a chance, Karina, please."

"Why? Why should I give him a chance?"

The elevator doors opened, but Stefan stood blocking them, his hands pressed together like he was praying. "Because he loves you so very very much. And I have never seen him in this much pain."

"Not even with Lucinda?"

"Not even close. Karina, please. Because I care about him and you as well-"

I pushed past him into the lobby and headed for my car. For a moment, though, I couldn't remember which one it was, and he caught up while I was staring at three or four rentals that were all almost the same.

"I'll give him one more chance tomorrow," I said. "One more." I pushed the key fob and one of the cars in front of me flashed its lights. "Do you know my address?"

"I do," Stefan admitted. "It wasn't hard to find."

"Fine." If I had been smart, I would have told him the make and model of Phil's car. But I couldn't remember. I'd only gotten a glimpse of the car and had been too focused on Phil himself, and getting rid of him, to think about it. "Let's go."

I fumed the whole way home. Stefan followed at a discreet distance, as if giving me s.p.a.ce to vent.

When I got home, I saw the limo circle the block at least once, and then I stopped paying attention. I sat down with Jill to watch the late news.

She took one look at me, though, and said, "You don't look so happy."

I shook my head. "One step forward, two steps back," I said. I really didn't want to say anything about the restaurant, though. The last thing I wanted to do was throw a monkey wrench into Jill's dreams.

"What happened?"

"Oh, we talked a lot. He answered all my questions. I really thought everything was going great. But then... right at the end he let something slip that made me stop trusting him all over again."

"That sucks," Jill said.

And then a third voice I didn't expect, added, "Trust is hard."

I looked to see my mother standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Oh, Mom, did we wake you?"

She shook her head and came to sit on the couch next to me. She took the remote off the coffee table and turned down the volume partway. "The medicine wore off is all," she said with a shrug. "I think I'm going to try to switch to ibuprofen."

"Okay, if you're sure."

"There's no pill for a broken heart, though, dear." She patted me on the knee. "All we can give you is sympathy."

"Thanks."

"Well, and ice cream," Jill said. "Who wants some?"

I raised my hand weakly and my mother nodded her agreement.

"I'll go dish it. I'll heat up hot fudge, too." Jill hurried into the kitchen.

"Mom," I said, putting my hand over hers. "You were saying something about trust."

"It's difficult, I know, because you can't read people's minds. Men, you think you can tell what they're thinking, but if they are really in it for something else? What can you do?"

"Are all relationships doomed to fail?"

"No, dear, but it takes either a lot of love or a lot of compromise. And sometimes, when you have a man who dotes on you, who provides, for some people, that's enough."

"But if I don't trust him, it doesn't matter how much he loves me or how much money he has," I said.

"Isn't that what I just said?" She blinked at me and then turned the TV down even lower, though not off. "Well, perhaps I didn't quite finish my thought. As you get older your priorities might change. But since you can never be sure, since trust always has an element of faith to it since you can't read their minds, then love is the only worthwhile reason to put yourself in someone's hands."

She had never talked to me like this before. Her previous relationship advice had always been about how to be attractive to a man, or how to keep his interest.

"His love or mine?" I asked, feeling bewildered.

"Both, dear, both. He loves you, you love him... If you're sure about that, then you have to figure the rest out somehow. If it turns out you really can't trust him, then maybe he doesn't love you after all. Or he doesn't love you enough to change."

Did you think you could change Phil? I wondered. Or did you settle for a guy you didn't trust because he gave you attention and you needed that more than actual love?

"I've made some terrible choices in men, Karina," my mother finally said. "I don't want to see you repeat the same mistakes. Don't settle for the 'safe' choice over love. It's not worth it. Especially when they're not as safe as you think."

"Oh, Mom." I wondered if I was any better at picking men than she was. Then again, safe wasn't exactly a word I'd use for James. "We've all made bad choices. Well, except Jill."

I could hear my sister getting the bowls out of the cabinet, and the microwave humming as she heated up the fudge sauce. I got a sudden idea.

"You know, Mom, she and Pauline have been going steady for almost three years."

"Oh, I know," she said, as if to make it clear she hadn't lost her memory of that.

I leaned close. "They're thinking about making it... permanent."

I didn't use the word "marriage" on purpose. With my mother, I figured, if she wanted to pretend the possibility of gay marriage didn't exist, she'd play dumb, but if she was open to the idea...

I nearly panicked as I saw her eyes well with tears and she sucked a breath in through her nose to steel herself. But then she said, "Oh, if only I still had my engagement ring. I always..." She paused to compose herself again. "I always wanted one of you girls to have it."

I took her hand. "Maybe it'll turn up."

She shook her head. "I think you're right. I think that creep made off with it. Phil. Fool, more like."

I squeezed her hand. "Your blessing would mean a lot more to Jill than the ring would." I could see Jill emerging from the kitchen with the bowls in her hands. "She wasn't sure you'd be... okay with the whole concept."

"Karina. If there's one thing I've learned, it's that if someone finds the right person, they should hang on with all they've got. And everyone deserves someone right for them."

When she said that, I got a little misty-eyed.

Jill raised an eyebrow as she took her seat again, setting the bowls onto the coffee table. Each one had a spoon tucked under the scoop of ice cream. "You gals okay out here?"

"Have you set a date yet?" Mom asked. "For you and Pauline?"

"Oh! Jeez, not yet. Haven't even popped the question, Mom!" Jill eyed me with a surprised look. I grinned. "Um, horse and carriage. Central Park." Apparently my mother's sudden, enthusiastic embrace of her plans knocked loose Jill's ability to form full sentences.

"Sounds lovely! That is really the right way to do it." She picked up her ice cream and toasted Jill with her spoon. "I knew I raised you right."

I took up my own bowl and ate quietly, happy for Jill, and happy that our mother approved of her choice. Would she be as enthusiastic about mine? Or as supportive if I decided to break it off with him?

I didn't want to think about James even if only for a little while. Instead I distracted Jill into discussing what she and Pauline were going to do if they bought their condo, and talked a little about what I had done to help Paulina and Michel renovate the ArtiWorks in London. We had a laugh about the similarity between Paulina and Pauline and how I might end up doing demolition for both.

Taking a wrecking ball to something right then would have felt really good.

Six.

Like Blackened Sunshine The next morning, before I awoke, Jill had called to cheek on mom's car at the shop and then she took Mom to get her hair done. While I was eating breakfast the shop called back to say the car needed new spark plugs. When I asked for more details, they explained the thing that was wrong with the old plugs was that they were... missing. Jill had told them about the cut battery cable she had found so they were on the lookout for anything more. Thankfully it looked like nothing major beyond that. The mechanic a.s.sured me they would check everything and test-drive it, too.

Hey, I wanted to say. Great. What can you do for a sabotaged relationship? I hadn't called James yet. I wasn't ready to. Sitting here in the kitchen where I'd grown up, his dom aura seemed very far away. What kind of a controlling b.a.s.t.a.r.d was he, really?

Jill brought Mom back shortly after, then started packing her bag to try to get on that afternoon flight.

"Oh, Jill, honey, I have some clothes you might want," my mother said. "Karina, come help me dig in the closet. With this wrist it's tricky."

"Okay." We went up to Mom's bedroom, and the next thing I knew, I was pulling nearly everything out of a whole section of the closet and spreading it out on the bed.

"Here's a skirt that would be great for you, Karina. I bought it on sale and I don't think I've ever worn it." She handed me a sort of Gypsy-dancer skirt, long, loose, and colorful. To humor her I put it on and was surprised it fit. "Jill, come look. There must be something for you, too."

Jill shook her head. "We're really not built the same, Mom. I'm much bigger than you are."

"Oh, but I have these sweaters that are too big for me. And these necklaces. If you're going to be playing hostess in a white-tablecloth restaurant now, you'll need some cla.s.sy looks."

"I..." Jill started, then shared a look with me as she decided not to argue.

Mom pulled open the same jewelry box they had been looking through yesterday when they had been arguing. "Here. What about these?"

"The one with the sh.e.l.l, that one I like," Jill said, and took it from her. "It'll make people think of seafood."