Still Thinking Of You Part 5

'Oh, no problem,' Tash rea.s.sured with a grin. She had been delighted when Kate called to ask if the 'wayward little sister could join the party'. Tash was certain that a wayward little sister was exactly what the party needed. She'd agreed immediately, without checking with Rich. To Tash's surprise, Rich had been a bit sulky about it. He'd said it was bad-mannered of Jayne to invite herself along, and pointed out that their original idea was to have a very private ceremony. Tash had pointed out that one more person would not make a difference.

'I couldn't possibly have faced another night alone. Can I call you Tash?'

'Well, my friends do,' smiled Tash, delighted that she'd clearly made the right call. Jayne was so warm.

'And we are going to be such friends. Now tell me, I want to know all about your plans for the wedding. I love a wedding. Can't get enough of them, darling. And snow, I love snow. And handsome men,' she turned and smiled flirtatiously at Rich, Jase and Lloyd. 'If there's one thing I love more than weddings or snow, it is a handsome man,' she laughed, then in a fake stage whisper added, 'although I couldn't eat a whole one, darling.' Jayne grinned, and Tash giggled.

Jayne was a delight and a relief. It had taken her just four sentences to adopt Tash's true nickname and insist that Tash would be her friend. Tash gratefully surrendered to Jayne's gushing and merriment, and she happily followed her towards the magazine rack.

'Have you got lots of these bridal magazines, Tash darling?' asked Jayne, pointing to the row of mags that showed blushing, demure, seductive and girlie brides by turn beaming from the covers.

'Err, no. We're not having that sort of wedding.'

'What sort?'

'Well, big. White. I just mean that I won't be needing advice on seating plans.'

'Darling, you are having a white wedding. There'll be snow everywhere. It's the ultimate in romantic,' said Jayne, as she reached for a clutch of the mags and headed off to the till.

'I mean, I'm getting married in waterproofs, not organza,' Tash pointed out.

'Well, I'll buy these mags for me, then. I love them. My wedding is all planned. Even the groom. Although he hasn't actually agreed to it.' Jayne beamed, but Tash noticed her eyes were watering.

The poor girl! Tash hadn't realized that Jayne had been engaged to her ex, or if not actually engaged they must have had an understanding if Jayne had started to plan the wedding. G.o.d, how awful. No wonder she was devastated. Tash wondered whether coming on holiday with a bridal party was the best idea for someone who had recently been jilted. Looking through bridal magazines seemed positively m.a.s.o.c.h.i.s.tic.

'I'm not sure we really need those mags,' said Tash. 'I don't think they are relevant.'

'Darling Tash, don't underplay it too much. It is your big day.' Jayne suddenly turned to Tash and stared at her with fierce intent. 'You are thrilled to be getting married, aren't you? Ecstatic?'

'Of course,' Tash a.s.sured her. 'Ecstatic. Obviously.'

'Of course you are thrilled to be marrying Rich. He's absolutely darling.'

Tash grinned. After knowing Jayne all of about ten minutes, already she could guess that Jayne described everyone as 'absolutely darling'.

'And the word on the street is that he's scalding in the sack,' whispered Jayne.

Tash laughed. She was pleased that was just the kind of comment her mates would make. Jayne would make an excellent surrogate best friend, in the absence of her real ones.

The women, although both attractive, looked nothing alike and so provided a complementary contrast to one another. Tash was tall, willowy and blonde; Jayne was slight, curvy and dark. They both wore their hair long, the ends of which swayed and brushed up against one another as they walked jauntily towards the till.

Mia watched as Lloyd and Jason circled Jayne and Tash. Jayne had certainly changed since the first time the gang had met her when she came up to uni to visit Ted. She hadn't even taken her GCSEs at the time, that put her at about fifteen, or sixteen at the oldest, when the rest of them were nineteen. Just three years and yet it had seemed such a huge age gap at the time. The undergraduates had thought they were so worldly-wise and sophisticated, and that Jayne was just a child. They'd been wrong on both counts.

Back then, she'd been gauche and, not quite ugly, but certainly plain. Chubby, bad skin, that sort of thing. Now Jayne wore her chestnut brown hair way past her shoulders. It was cut into layers and had auburn highlights subtly threaded throughout. When the light caught her hair she was swathed in a red halo, more devilish than angelic. She had huge, brown eyes that took up most of her face. They were framed by thick, long lashes, which Jayne liked to look from under. There were no signs of her former chubbiness. although she did have large b.r.e.a.s.t.s. Her body was trim and toned it was clear that she was a regular gym visitor. No one could miss the fact that she had full, red lips and dazzlingly white teeth, as she had this little habit of nibbling her lower lip, which somehow drew attention to both attributes. She was tiny, probably only five foot one or two; Mia knew she was the type of woman that made men wish they had a coat of armour and a charging white steed.

'I knew that Jayne worked with you, but I hadn't realized that she was a particular friend of yours,' Mia said to Rich, with ill-disguised bad humour.

'She's not,' admitted Rich uncomfortably. 'Peterson Windlooper is ma.s.sive. I think I've only come across her once or twice. Obviously, I've met her a couple of times socially through Ted, over the years just like the rest of you guys.' He drew Mia close to him and away from Kate and Ted, whispering, 'They begged an invite on her behalf. Apparently she's just split up from her boyfriend and she was inconsolable, desperate. Very awkward, obviously. Tash said yes out of politeness. I am as surprised as you are to have her here, believe me.' He shrugged.

Lloyd said something, and Jayne threw her head back and let loose squeals of laughter. Mia couldn't believe that Lloyd had ever said anything funny enough to warrant such amused appreciation.

'Yeah, she certainly looks depressed,' she sniped.

'Jealous, are we?' he teased.

'No. Why should I be jealous?'

'Well, if Jayne hadn't come on the trip, the women were in a minority against the men. And you, my dear Mia, were in a minority of one, as the only single woman here.'

'Don't be ridiculous. You guys are all ancient history. This is hardly the type of holiday that I'm intending to pull on,' lied Mia. In fact, Rich was absolutely correct in his diagnosis as to why she was irritated by Jayne's presence. That was the problem with old mates, they knew you too well. Mia, however, was not going to admit as much. 'I think Jayne is a great girl. I'm pleased she's come along. The more the merrier.'

'Right,' said Rich, but he raised his eyebrows and grinned, making it clear that he didn't believe her, not for a second.

13. Jayne's Pain.

Despite her forced gaiety, Jayne was frantic. Devastated. Bewildered. How could he have dumped her so completely, so unceremoniously, so stupidly? They made such a great couple. They were so entirely right for each other. She knew that her sister-in-law dismissed her love life as trivial, but Kate didn't have a clue. Kate was so smug; everything was so easy for her. She had no idea what it was like out there.

But it was tough. Very tough. Jayne was sick of sleeping with dead-eyed strangers, hoping that they could offer her some consolation, a spark of intimacy.

Everyone was always looking for the One. But that was not Jayne's problem. She'd found her One, her man. She knew who she should be with, to whom she belonged, who belonged to her. They had so much in common. They were both into the same type of music, they liked playing the same sports, they both hated period dramas and loved action movies, and they even supported the same football team, for G.o.d's sake. Her friends liked him. His friends adored her. They were sizzling in the sack. They were a perfect match.

But he would not commit.

This constant breaking up and making up was beginning to wear pretty thin. At first it was very romantic. The kiss-and-make-up bit was so much fun that Jayne had sometimes provoked a row on purpose, but she hadn't risked that strategy for a long time now. When they were together they had the best times. It was so obvious. So why weren't they together more often?

Jayne had done everything she could think of to try to get some kind of clear commitment out of him. It didn't necessarily have to be a princess-cut diamond, but she was hoping that he'd find room in his chest of drawers for her to keep her scanty panties. She'd played best friend and s.e.x siren. She'd pleaded; she'd sulked; she'd ignored him. She'd hung on his every word. Her friends kept pointing out his lack of response to all forms of cajoling did not bode well. Gently, at first, they'd dropped hints that there were plenty more fish in the sea and that maybe he wasn't the One. They'd pointed out that the other fish were already hooked, and all she had to do was reel one of them in. This was true. But what a depressing fact. Why was it that she never wanted the ones that were besotted with her? Later her friends' hints had become more robust as they insisted that she couldn't hold a gun to his head.

Thank G.o.d for this holiday. If she hadn't... Oh f.u.c.k, it didn't bear thinking about. Her life would have been over. Thank G.o.d, Kate finally came through and asked for the invite. She wouldn't have liked to do it herself, and she could hardly just turn up, but a holiday was just what she needed. And what he needed. This break would do them good. Then he'd see. After a week, he'd see that she was his girl, the one for him. After the week's holiday, well, then they'd start again. She was sure of it.

'I love airports, don't you?' asked Tash, interrupting Jayne's thoughts. Tash beamed. 'They are such romantic places.'

'Darling, they are awful places; full of tense parents, screaming children, petulant staff and terrorists.'

Tash laughed, 'Look around you. Airports are full of poignant goodbyes and joyful h.e.l.los. And shops, really good shops.'

Tash was clearly a very happy woman. Her excitement at being a bride-to-be only served to emphasize Jayne's misery. Still, Jayne knew it would not do to wallow. She had too much pride to let her brother's friends know just how completely alone and totally, utterly distraught she really felt. Showing her hand, let alone her heart, was not her style.

Jayne smiled, 'I guess I'm spoilt because I travel such a lot with work. I've stopped noticing airports.'

'G.o.d, I can't imagine stopping noticing the caviar house, although I never buy anything there or any of the other luxury goods stores, come to think of it. But I just love browsing. Most of all I love the general sense of antic.i.p.ation that hangs in the air. The fact that everyone is going somewhere, doing something important with their day, do you know what I mean?'

Jayne forced a smile and nodded. She did. Her heart was splintered. Ruptured. But putting some distance between herself and London might be the answer. This flight might be the most important one of her life.

'I do know what you mean, darling, but you've run out of time for window shopping. That was our flight they called. Come on, and don't forget your beanie.' Jayne handed Tash her hat. She'd left it on a chair and probably would have lost it.

14. Up, Up and Away.

Ted noted that Jayne's presence was clearly a welcome one, which was in equal parts a relief and a concern to him. With the exception of Mia, everyone had a soft spot for his baby sister. Mia didn't count. As far as Ted could make out, Mia didn't actively like anyone much these days.

There had been a time when she'd been much more gentle and kind. He remembered it. A time when she was young and naive, and had slept with all her friends because it was fun and because she was careless. Ted still smiled at the memory. He'd only slept with Mia once, the same as Rich. It had been when Mia adamantly believed that every woman was ent.i.tled to explore her s.e.xuality and that it was a crime that s.e.xually active women were seen as s.l.u.ts, or needy, or hard. That's what she'd said. And the boys weren't going to object as she moved from flirtation to flirtation. Things had changed, of course, when she fell in love with Jason. And changed even more when they fell out of love. Not that she'd ever admit as much.

Jason was clearly Mia's One. And at the time it had seemed that Mia was Jason's. But it was difficult to know what either of them were really thinking nowadays. Now that Mia did sarcasm and Jason did anyone.

Ted remembered that Jason and Mia had fallen in love about the same time as he and Kate had finally found the courage to make public their commitment to each other. Mia had been horrified that Kate and Ted had become engaged so young. She'd yelled at them both that by marrying they were conforming to outmoded standards and that they'd regret it. She'd said that they'd grow up and hate each other, resenting the lost opportunities that each would embody for the other.

But she'd been wrong.

He and Kate were very happy together. He loved Kate and the children so much. It was Mia that was unhappy. Mia and Jason who had decided that they had to split up even though they loved each other, just in case there was someone out there that they'd love more. Of course, there hadn't been. Mia had started on a life of serial monogamy and went out with a string of young hopefuls that she'd found hopeless. When she hit her late twenties she gave up dating altogether. She married her work and, from time to time, according to Kate, Mia slept with younger men who didn't ask questions and didn't want to stay for breakfast. Proving to everyone else just how alike they were, Jason did the same. He slept with young beauties who hoped he could enhance their career or at least their street cred. And when firm b.r.e.a.s.t.s lost their thrill, he started to buy an obscene amount of electrical goods. Jason had two plasma TVs.

Both were as stubborn as each other.

And now it seemed that this holiday was going to cause Mia more pain. It was clear that Ted's fear was founded; Jason saw Jayne as holiday totty and would be making his move on her. His tongue had almost hit the floor when he first caught sight of her. Although he'd never admit as much, Jason liked to think of himself as cool as far as women were concerned. He was used to being pursued. After all, he lived in London, was in his thirties, single, straight and, while he wasn't particularly good-looking, he was tremendously rich. A veritable catch. Lloyd hadn't been much more discreet. It was clear that he found Jayne's presence a bonus because she evened up the numbers, saving him from the humiliation of always being the spare part. Goodness knows why he hadn't brought Greta along. It was well past the time that they should have been introduced. Ted watched, and sighed as both Jason and Lloyd scrambled to sit next to Jayne. Lloyd was the lucky one. He was in seat A1, Jayne in A2. Jason had to content himself with being separated by an aisle. This was somewhat of a relief. At least Lloyd wouldn't have any serious intention to pull Jayne, not with Greta at home.

Kate and Ted sat in silence. Kate peered over the row of seats in front of her.

'Jayne's fine,' Kate reported. 'She seems to be getting on very well with Lloyd. I'm sure Natasha and Rich don't mind her joining us. Natasha looked particularly delighted.'

'Jolly good,' replied Ted.

He knew he was a concern to Kate. She thought he was worrying about Jayne and so had taken it upon herself to worry about Jayne for him. He didn't want to be a worry to her. Oh G.o.d, how could he be anything other now? He watched as she knotted her brow into anxious lines that reminded him of an ordnance survey map. Sharing a problem with Kate did not halve it, it spread it. More like double the trouble. And he'd never wanted to cause her any trouble. It had been his ambition to protect her for a lifetime. To swaddle her. That's why it was so difficult to confide in her about his... issue. He turned his head away from his wife. He wanted to pretend that he was trying to read over the shoulder of the pa.s.senger sat across the aisle from him. Unfortunately that pa.s.senger was reading the blurb on the sick bag. He hoped Kate wouldn't notice.

'She really is fine. You have no need to worry about her,' insisted Kate. There was just a smidgen of impatience in her voice, barely detectable.

'I'm not worrying about her,' replied Ted.

Ted half hoped that Kate would push for more. That she'd ask him if he were worrying about anything else. If she did ask outright, he wouldn't lie to her. But she didn't push. Instead she said, 'Did I tell Mother that the cat needs worming?' She didn't wait for an answer, but added, 'I'm fraught about Fleur's grade I piano exam on Tuesday. Do you think she'll pa.s.s?'

Ted knew Kate thought that this was a terrible time to come away. The kids had just started a new school term. She thought that she should have stayed at home and supported them. It was out of the question that the children take more time off, just after the Christmas holidays, but Ted had firmly believed that they had to accept Rich's invite. They couldn't refuse to come to Rich's wedding, whatever was going on in the real world.

The real world. Oh G.o.d, oh G.o.d. Ted tried not to think about it. He had become expert in ignoring the burning issue. Instead he picked up Kate's hand, squeezed it hard and then kissed it.

She gave him a broad smile, and leant over to kiss him on the lips. She was randy. She'd interpreted his gesture as an indication that he was, too.

Well, it wasn't an unreasonable thought. They'd have a nice meal together one Kate didn't have to cook and a couple of gla.s.ses of wine. Maybe they'd even get in the hot tub together. Maybe it would lead to s.e.x. He owed her that much. The real luxury of this holiday would be that they'd have time to relax. And talk. Ted knew that relaxing and talking were one and the same thing to Kate. Even if she was reading a book she would have to look up from it and tell whomever was in the room what was happening. His idea of relaxation was usually silence. He never said a word when he was reading. Even when he'd finished an article or report he wasn't one for novels and Kate asked him what he thought of it, all he would say was 'Not bad' or 'Quite good.' He might suggest that she should read it herself.

But they did need to talk. He knew that. He just didn't know how or where to start. He was expecting a demand from her soon. He was hoping for it. If she insisted they 'had a talk', it would make things easier for him. Recently she'd often found him in the study or in the garden shed. She'd realized that he wasn't planting or mulching fertilizer, or even reading the newspaper. She'd caught him sitting doing absolutely nothing.

'You have to open it to get anything from it,' she'd gently scolded, pointing to the copy of the Financial Times lying unopened on his lap. 'What are you doing? Dreaming how to make our next million?' And then she'd kiss him on the forehead and ask if he wanted a cup of tea. He'd always agreed to tea so that he hadn't had to answer her more difficult question.

Ted pinched the top of his nose and rubbed his eyes. He'd looked pale when he'd looked in the mirror today. And he knew he looked tired. It was only a matter of time before Kate noticed this, too, and then she'd demand to know why.

He was terrified that she would ask for an explanation and terrified that she wouldn't, in equal proportions. What would he tell her? That he was a coward? A failure? A liar?

There was a time, before the children had been born, when they didn't even need to talk; they had known each other intimately. It used to be unimaginable that Kate wouldn't know what was on her husband's mind or that he would be reticent to tell her anything, everything. When they'd been younger, they used to lie awake all night, too desperate about each other to want to waste time sleeping. In those days they'd known every one of each other's hopes and successes. Odd, then, that now so many years on, when they had realized their hopes of a three-storey house in Holland Park, when they had brought three children into the world children in good health and in good schools it was so much harder to even hint at fears and failures. Indeed, it was the fact that their hopes were realized and their successes were abundant that made talking impossible. Ted noticed dandruff on his shoulder. He must ask Kate to buy a bottle of that T-Gel shampoo that he'd seen advertised. There was something about dandruff that made one appear vulnerable. Ted wondered if he could start talking now. Here in the comfy leather seats, where there were no kids to interrupt, no phones, no door bells. No escape routes.

'I hope your mother can find Elliot's riding hat and crop. I didn't leave a note to say which wardrobe it's in,' said Kate.

'I'm sure they'll manage,' replied Ted. He then accepted the hot towel from the air stewardess, closed his eyes and pretended to fall asleep.

15. Flying High.

Lloyd searched for something to say to Jayne. In the departure lounge she had seemed to find him especially amusing, which he found disconcerting. He knew he wasn't especially amusing; in fact, he rather suspected that he wasn't very good at small talk. His mother and father were both accountants, and he'd always thought that was explanation enough. Besides, he was one of four boys, and so he had grown up in an environment where the standard of conversation rarely reached above grunts. He was particularly bad at talking to attractive girls. Thinking about it, he was an unlikely adulterer. Sophie had made all the moves in their courtship, and indeed Greta had thrown herself at him, too. She'd made her intentions so transparent and laid herself so completely on the line that he'd believed it would be rude to turn her down. He wasn't complaining, and he wasn't trying to duck the responsibility. The truth was he'd hardly believed his luck.

'How did you manage to get a ticket at such late notice?' Lloyd asked Jayne.

'I bought one at the desk,' smiled Jayne.

'Isn't that a really expensive way of doing it?'

Jayne shrugged, and grinned. Both were utterly charming gestures and had the effect of making Lloyd feel silly for having brought up the subject of cost. Lloyd flushed. He didn't want to appear to be a cheapskate, yet it fascinated him how wealthy his friends were. Lloyd calculated that Jayne's disposable income was undoubtedly double his own, and she didn't have child maintenance to pay.

Lloyd was feeling more than slightly self-conscious because he could feel the first quiver of an erection as he watched Jayne bend forwards to rummage in the bag at her feet. Her clingy, cropped top rose slightly at the back, her trousers were hipsters and the Calvin Klein tag of her underwear was clearly visible. Lloyd picked up his copy of Private Eye and decided to concentrate on the satirical wit, rather than Jayne's a.r.s.e and t.i.ts. Such thoughts about Ted's younger sister seemed indecent, an offence against Ted. Not to mention Greta. Oh G.o.d, what would Greta say when she found out that Ted's sister had w.a.n.gled an invite just because Kate and Ted had asked for one?

Greta had been extremely hurt that she hadn't been invited to the wedding. She'd seen the NFI as a slight and carped on and on that his friends didn't like her and didn't respect her. She'd complained that they blamed her for the break-up of his marriage and moaned that she didn't like being seen as the scarlet woman. Lloyd hadn't pointed out that, technically, she had been the other woman, so his friends' coolness was perhaps understandable. He liked a quiet life. He didn't like to rock the boat. He'd upturned one family home already; he had no intention of doing so again.

Greta had said that he ought to decline the invitation or that he should call Rich and get him to extend it to include Greta. And maybe Greta had a point. He could see it after all, she was his girlfriend officially now. Maybe, well, yes, definitely, that's what he ought to have done. But Lloyd hadn't wanted to cause unnecessary problems now that he was finally being included in the old gang again. He knew that Greta would eventually drop the subject, so instead of calling Rich he'd pointed out that Mia and Jason weren't bringing dates. Greta in turn pointed out that Mia and Jason were once a couple and that if they took a trip down memory lane he was going to feel like a huge gooseberry. Lloyd had laughed, and commented that he had more chance of getting off with Mia than Jase which, in retrospect, wasn't a very clever thing to say to a disgruntled girlfriend. But that was his point, he wasn't very good at talking to women. Lloyd had spent an entire evening a.s.suring Greta that he did not want to get off with Mia, or anyone else for that matter, and that he didn't even find Mia attractive.

Oh G.o.d, Greta would be livid if she knew he was sitting on a plane trying to restrain an erection because Jayne was sitting next to him. Jayne was certainly attractive. Yes, Greta would be furious to discover that Tash and Rich had been welcoming and would undoubtedly have agreed to her joining the party. She would jump to the conclusion that the only reason she wasn't at the wedding was because Lloyd hadn't wanted it enough. Was she right?

A solution popped into his mind almost as quickly as the problem had. Greta didn't have to know that Jayne had joined the party. He'd be careful when taking photos and talking about the trip. He didn't have to lie to Greta, exactly. He could simply avoid talking about the situation. That seemed like a good idea. And right now, he'd have a drink. A whisky. A double, in fact. That seemed like another good idea.

16. Touchdown.

They arrived at Geneva airport, collected their baggage and found their way through the elaborate border control. Swapping from Switzerland to France by walking a few metres. Kate wanted to telephone home, something about a riding crop.

'Well, old buddy, I never thought you were the bondage type. Forgotten your crop, hey?' said Jason, laughing. He was addressing his comment to Ted, but he managed to take in Jayne at the same time. He winked at her and was delighted that she faced his innuendo full on, without blushing or turning away. Was she flirting with him? At the very least she knew he was flirting with her. Ted ignored him and walked towards the car rental desk.

Jason didn't care. He felt strangely high, genuinely excited. Avoriaz was a beautiful place. Skiing was his favourite pastime. He was on holiday with all his mates. He enjoyed a good wedding because deep down and he meant very deep he was a big softie. And to top it all, while holidays always guaranteed a number of opportunities to flirt, it was an added bonus that there was new, remarkably hot skirt available in their group.

Life didn't get any better than this.

'Jason, did you see that pretty blonde in the row behind yours?' Kate asked, teasing him.